I don't think I have a life purpose (and that's scary)

[BojackHorseman]

Maybe it's because I'm old and my spirit, motivation, or just my body, call if however you want has lost the spark.

But I don't think it's possible for me to be what I once think I would love to be.

These days, when I try to draw, or make music, I still enjoy it, but if I listen to myself, I certainly do not have the will to work 24/7 on it for other people.

And, maybe due to ADHD (not sure if it's linked, but some people seem to think it can be), I admitted to myself that I don't have any imagination, so I can't really transfer anything interesting into art that would not be requests.

It seems like I am slowly admitting that maybe this is just a pastime. But it hurts so much. I'm going around in circles wondering what I should do with my life.
I don't want to die being so angry and regretful. I also don't want a child (I think...I mean, they don't appeal to me, and clearly my anxiety, bipolarity and other problems would not allow me to do a good job anyway), so, if I do not put my energy into art of raising a child, what's left?

It's egotistical, but I also don't believe I'm made for helping others.

There doesn't seem to be any path left.

I tried to "just have fun", but even it I'm still kind of passionate about movies, music, reading, etc, it seems like even my interest about those is going down for the first time in my life. I can't connect as deep as I used to, I see the patterns too clearly (even when consuming more challenging stuff), and they bore me. Humans kind of bore me.

 

Sorry, this kinda went into venting, but originally I really was planning to talk about life purpose. Lately I've heard Teal Swan say something like "imagine someone told you that you will never find your purpose in life. Then, what do you chose to do? Your purpose will then come naturally"
And I see how strong the idea can be and should generate something, but it just don't.
 

[mr_engineer]

The first thing I will tell you is that most people don't live a life of purpose. There is nothing abnormal about you if you feel like you don't have a purpose. Most people don't even get to this point, where they see the meaninglessness of life. They think they have a purpose, but this purpose is defined for them externally. It's, say, getting good grades, or getting a promotion in their corporation, or getting married and having kids. 

Secondly, I remember feeling like this at the end of my second year of engineering, where I went for an internship at Honda motors. It was very shitty, in terms of lifestyle. It was an hour-long commute, the environment was really dead and boring, it was a manufacturing-line. I didn't see human beings there, I saw robots. I saw that if I don't change my trajectory in life, I will end up working at this big corporation, where, my observation about them was 'they are wasting their life for money'. And, this is the best-case scenario. Up until this point, I was a total square on the career-front, I had never tried anything new, I had never even entertained the thought of 'what is it like to be an entrepreneur' or 'what is it like to be an artist'. Mentally, it was too far outside the box for me. 

I basically had two options, practically speaking. Either I continue down this path, or I get into research and prepare for grad-school. I chose the latter option and I started putting in some serious work to make it happen. And I made it happen. I didn't particularly find my purpose there either, but this was the start of the process of finding it. 

Consider what you're experiencing a 'call to a Hero's journey' so to speak. And this Hero's journey, is finding your purpose. If making music or drawing is too far outside the box for you, just focus on transitioning your niche in your job for now, into something that aligns more with your personality. That will give you an idea as to what value you (by 'you', I mean, who you really are, not what the system says you are) are capable of offering to the world. That will also probably be scary, you will probably have naysayers even on that front. 

[txs]

A life purpose doesn't have to be something that is given to you by an external or greater entity. You came to earth for a reason. Maybe it is just to live, have experiences, to just be. And that is totally fine! If you are living in a more "western" society, this may be why you feel that discord of not having a purpose. In other societies, there isn't this fascination with finding what it is. You  just focus on doing what is in front of you. If you are a child or student, your purpose is to focus on your studies. If you are a father or mother, your purpose is to be a good parent and provider. If you are a wife or husband, your purpose is to be a good partner. It is not egotistical to say you are not here to help others. That's totally fine, there are others who do want to do that. It takes all kinds to make the world go around, and your existence is enough! If you weren't meant to be here and just be YOU, you wouldn't be. So just being you is more than enough. 

[vibv]

I read only the title so far, but you create your Life Purpose!

Just ask yourself what would be the most amazing to do in this life, even if it seems completely unrealistic, and then think about and strategize how you can go one step in that direction.

Did you do the Life Purpose Course? There are a lot of techniques like that.

[vibv]

On 10.10.2023 at 1:33 AM, BojackHorseman said:

Maybe it's because I'm old and my spirit, motivation, or just my body, call if however you want has lost the spark.

But I don't think it's possible for me to be what I once think I would love to be.

These days, when I try to draw, or make music, I still enjoy it, but if I listen to myself, I certainly do not have the will to work 24/7 on it for other people.
 

You don't have to do it for other people in that way you think you would, that's a limiting belief.

Quote

And, maybe due to ADHD (not sure if it's linked, but some people seem to think it can be), I admitted to myself that I don't have any imagination, so I can't really transfer anything interesting into art that would not be requests.

You don't have any imagination? Come on! Of course you do, I promise. Go search for it inside you.

Quote

I tried to "just have fun", but even it I'm still kind of passionate about movies, music, reading, etc, it seems like even my interest about those is going down for the first time in my life. I can't connect as deep as I used to, I see the patterns too clearly (even when consuming more challenging stuff), and they bore me. Humans kind of bore me.

Great! Build something better. I'm on that boat, too.

Edited October 13, 2023 by vibv