Razard86

I struggle to get over my judgment of inflicting pain on others

80 posts in this topic

11 hours ago, Razard86 said:

Can I get my ego to stop hating lies so much...and to see no difference between a lie and the truth. Because there is no difference....

We are all making shit up my dude.

Think of it like how many people wear different outfits depending on the context. At a bar, you’ll more likely dress more provocatively. At work, you dress professionally (unless you work for a tech company). At church you dress like private school kid.

Which outfit is the truth and which outfit is a lie?


I AM itching for the truth 

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24 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

If you want me to tell you the truth, you seem quite unbalanced  with a great need to be "awake", which makes you see yourself as very special and great, very inconsistent in your speech, self-deceived into thinking that you have directly realized truths. that you have heard from Leo, with some sparks of true wisdom and rivers of narcissistic need of self-approval and standing out

Mm, i would agree with this aswell to some extent. But to convey this in a convincing manner is probably not going to happen soon.


I simply am. You simply are. We are The Same One forever. Let us join in Glory. 

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I am all of you. 

Ta-Da!


I AM itching for the truth 

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2 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

If you want me to tell you the truth, you seem quite unbalanced  with a great need to be "awake", which makes you see yourself as very special and great, very inconsistent in your speech, self-deceived into thinking that you have directly realized truths. that you have heard from Leo, with some sparks of true wisdom and rivers of narcissistic need of self-approval and standing out

Projection. I'm already awake I don't need to be awake. I live in a non-dual state. But non-duality isn't what many of you imagine it to be. Also every point of view is self-deceived that's the point. God has to self-deceive itself to have a point of view. Without self-deception there is no point of view. After God is awakened the self-deception isn't really there anymore so I know what is stopping this dream from collapsing, if I wanted to I could collapse this entire dream since I have become Conscious of what holds it together. 

But the thing is I don't want to collapse the whole thing because I enjoy being human, so I will live the rest of this dream as human. But you are too full of fear to understand anything I say and that is why you waste your words saying things. Everything you say you can never explain in detail, you just make unjustifiable claims. What's worse is you claim to have taken 5-Meo DMT but still don't know what Love is. So who is the one who is unbalanced? 


You are a selfless LACK OF APPEARANCE, that CONSTRUCTS AN APPEARANCE. But that appearance can disappear and reappear and we call that change, we call it time, we call it space, we call it distance, we call distinctness, we call it other. But notice...this appearance, is a SELF. A SELF IS A CONSTRUCTION!!! 

So if you want to know the TRUTH OF THE CONSTRUCTION. Just deconstruct the construction!!!! No point in playing these mind games!!! No point in creating needless complexity!!! The truth of what you are is a BLANK!!!! A selfless awareness....then that means there is NO OTHER, and everything you have ever perceived was JUST AN APPEARANCE, A MIRAGE, AN ILLUSION, IMAGINARY. 

Everything that appears....appears out of a lack of appearance/void/no-thing, non-sense (can't be sensed because there is nothing to sense). That is what you are, and what arises...is made of that. So nonexistence, arises/creates existence. And thus everything is solved.

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2 hours ago, Yimpa said:

We are all making shit up my dude.

Think of it like how many people wear different outfits depending on the context. At a bar, you’ll more likely dress more provocatively. At work, you dress professionally (unless you work for a tech company). At church you dress like private school kid.

Which outfit is the truth and which outfit is a lie?

If I went to your job and told everybody you were a serial killer who rapes little children, and then used my skills in technology to DeepFake a video confirming this and you got arrested....could you still love the lie? LOL. I know its extreme but I'm just saying something about lies just irks me. 


You are a selfless LACK OF APPEARANCE, that CONSTRUCTS AN APPEARANCE. But that appearance can disappear and reappear and we call that change, we call it time, we call it space, we call it distance, we call distinctness, we call it other. But notice...this appearance, is a SELF. A SELF IS A CONSTRUCTION!!! 

So if you want to know the TRUTH OF THE CONSTRUCTION. Just deconstruct the construction!!!! No point in playing these mind games!!! No point in creating needless complexity!!! The truth of what you are is a BLANK!!!! A selfless awareness....then that means there is NO OTHER, and everything you have ever perceived was JUST AN APPEARANCE, A MIRAGE, AN ILLUSION, IMAGINARY. 

Everything that appears....appears out of a lack of appearance/void/no-thing, non-sense (can't be sensed because there is nothing to sense). That is what you are, and what arises...is made of that. So nonexistence, arises/creates existence. And thus everything is solved.

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1 minute ago, Razard86 said:

I'm just saying something about lies just irks me. 

There’s different degrees of lies. Does it mean you find all lies to be a problem across the board?


I AM itching for the truth 

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4 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

There’s different degrees of lies. Does it mean you find all lies to be a problem across the board?

Nah comedy is a lie, video games are a lie, etc. I don't have problems with those. The lies I have a problem with are the ones that cause people to hurt to sabotage themselves or others. It irks me. For example let's say a guy is trying to solve a math problem, but his bias stops him. So somebody points it out and he argues and resists and keeps doing his Science with his bias stopping him it pisses me off. It's like man they are trying to help you but your too arrogant to listen and now you are blocking yourself from your goal.

Basically I have a bias in favor of people getting what they want and not sabotaging themselves or others from getting it. 


You are a selfless LACK OF APPEARANCE, that CONSTRUCTS AN APPEARANCE. But that appearance can disappear and reappear and we call that change, we call it time, we call it space, we call it distance, we call distinctness, we call it other. But notice...this appearance, is a SELF. A SELF IS A CONSTRUCTION!!! 

So if you want to know the TRUTH OF THE CONSTRUCTION. Just deconstruct the construction!!!! No point in playing these mind games!!! No point in creating needless complexity!!! The truth of what you are is a BLANK!!!! A selfless awareness....then that means there is NO OTHER, and everything you have ever perceived was JUST AN APPEARANCE, A MIRAGE, AN ILLUSION, IMAGINARY. 

Everything that appears....appears out of a lack of appearance/void/no-thing, non-sense (can't be sensed because there is nothing to sense). That is what you are, and what arises...is made of that. So nonexistence, arises/creates existence. And thus everything is solved.

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49 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

But you are too full of fear to understand anything I say and that is why you waste your words saying things. Everything you say you can never explain in detail, you just make unjustifiable claims. What's worse is you claim to have taken 5-Meo DMT but still don't know what Love is. So who is the one who is unbalanced? 

?? You want to hurt me? ?. Don't fight back, didn't you want the truth? That is the truth that I see. Since in your thread you talk about being sincere, I thought You might take that they talk to you sincerely. or did you mean that just the others should take it?

Btw, That thing that you could collapse reality sounds very delusional. When I read you I see a very important dose of self-deception, of borrowed ideas, and very little, or rather none, humility. In true mysticism you have to bow your head, you cannot be open to infinity and at the same time go through life sticking out your chest like a teenager. To go through what they call the door without a door, something that you will never do with a 95% probability, or at least not for now, you have to be humble. humble enough to give up all the mental garbage you cling to like a desperate castaway, terrified of not being enough...whatever. you must be empty like a baby, not full of ideas about god, and all this religion that you drink from Leo. 

Btw, In deep, I like you, I see through you and I see like nobility, but you are too scared to be humble and drop you ego to the void

Edited by Breakingthewall

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31 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

?? You want to hurt me? ?. Don't fight back, didn't you want the truth? That is the truth that I see. Since in your thread you talk about being sincere, I thought You might take that they talk to you sincerely. or did you mean that just the others should take it?

Btw, That thing that you could collapse reality sounds very delusional. When I read you I see a very important dose of self-deception, of borrowed ideas, and very little, or rather none, humility. In true mysticism you have to bow your head, you cannot be open to infinity and at the same time go through life sticking out your chest like a teenager. To go through what they call the door without a door, something that you will never do with a 95% probability, or at least not for now, you have to be humble. humble enough to give up all the mental garbage you cling to like a desperate castaway, terrified of not being enough...whatever. you must be empty like a baby, not full of ideas about god, and all this religion that you drink from Leo. 

Btw, In deep, I like you, I see through you and I see like nobility, but you are too scared to be humble and drop you ego to the void

1. My issue with you is you make baseless assertions. You will say oh you are this oh you are this with NO EXPLAINATION. The first rule of critiquing is to be able to explain your critique. Otherwise it has no BASIS.

2. What you don't understand is making baseless critiques is a waste, the person who receives it can do nothing with it and all it comes across as you engaging in one of the ego's favorite past times which is criticism. Egos love to criticize, everybody has some complaint, some issue, some judgment, or joke about somebody LOL. But just because you have one doesn't mean it has merit.

3. I'm not scared I literally told you I LIVE IN A SOLIPSISTIC NON-DUAL WORLD. I awakened to SOLIPSISM, there is no seperation between me and anybody. I experience all others as myself, there body as my body, etc. I have deconstructed the boundary of time and space, so I am not limited to that either. Now for you, this is just fantasy, but for me it is reality. Why? Because I didn't allow fear to stop me. You literally had the privilege to use something like 5-MEO and still live in duality and talk about fear to me? Are you kidding me? Do you not understand that the ONLY reason you returned to duality after 5-MEO is because your ego mind rejected it. But I'm the one that needs to be humble? LOL

4. Humbleness is not superior to arrogance or confidence, and secret humbleness can be a form of arrogance. What you don't realize is whether someone is humble or arrogant is open to interpretation which is why I said you need to actually EXPLAIN why you think someone is whatever you say they are. If not then all you are revealing to people is you shoot from the hip which is what most people do. Discernment is a SKILL!!! If you are not high in discernment then you will not be able to deconstruct your mind and as thus you will stay in duality. I have over and over presented you and many with avenues to do this process and all you do is push yourself away further.

I mean you literally deny yourself from what you want the most and then deny that you are doing it. I have exhausted the many explanations I can give you. Also if you really do not believe you can collapse this reality....then you REALLY are asleep. YOU ARE GOD!!! NOTHING CAN STOP YOU FROM COLLAPSING THIS DREAM BUT YOU!!! In fact the irony is, you deny you have this ability, because you are afraid if you admitted you could do this that you might do it. That is how much fear you have. 

If you want proof of people who have collapsed the dream go to Insane Asylums. There are people there who are living in completely alternate realties. 


You are a selfless LACK OF APPEARANCE, that CONSTRUCTS AN APPEARANCE. But that appearance can disappear and reappear and we call that change, we call it time, we call it space, we call it distance, we call distinctness, we call it other. But notice...this appearance, is a SELF. A SELF IS A CONSTRUCTION!!! 

So if you want to know the TRUTH OF THE CONSTRUCTION. Just deconstruct the construction!!!! No point in playing these mind games!!! No point in creating needless complexity!!! The truth of what you are is a BLANK!!!! A selfless awareness....then that means there is NO OTHER, and everything you have ever perceived was JUST AN APPEARANCE, A MIRAGE, AN ILLUSION, IMAGINARY. 

Everything that appears....appears out of a lack of appearance/void/no-thing, non-sense (can't be sensed because there is nothing to sense). That is what you are, and what arises...is made of that. So nonexistence, arises/creates existence. And thus everything is solved.

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1 hour ago, Razard86 said:

ONLY reason you returned to duality after 5-MEO

5 meo is just a substance, Things are a little more complicated in my opinion. In fact, they are so complicated that my understanding of them is bug shit. I don't understand reality at all. so are the things. What I don't do is tell myself the story that I do understand it to get a sense of false balance, greatness, superiority or whatever. I more or less understand the mechanisms of the ego, but to say that you understand reality... well, allow me to doubt it.  

What I am trying, with enormous effort, is to understand the deception of the mind that keeps me in a state, let's say, crazy, at a false temporal linear level. Getting out of there is a challenge for me. Every time I achieve it I applaud myself. Lately I can do it without psychedelics and my applause has no limits. I enter the limitless depth of existence. But from there to say that I understand something... I understand what a 2-year-old child does about the functioning of the adult world. But when I see another 1.5 year old child saying: this is like this and like that... I can't help but think: are you kidding? Yes, I guess so

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11 hours ago, Yimpa said:

Think of it like how many people wear different outfits depending on the context. At a bar, you’ll more likely dress more provocatively. At work, you dress professionally (unless you work for a tech company). At church you dress like private school kid.

Which outfit is the truth and which outfit is a lie?

In my room, I can be without any outfit anytime I want. That's why you should spend more time in your own room. You can do that outside as well, but your mind has to be ready to face the repercussions.

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11 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

5 meo is just a substance, Things are a little more complicated in my opinion. In fact, they are so complicated that my understanding of them is bug shit. I don't understand reality at all. so are the things. What I don't do is tell myself the story that I do understand it to get a sense of false balance, greatness, superiority or whatever. I more or less understand the mechanisms of the ego, but to say that you understand reality... well, allow me to doubt it.  

What I am trying, with enormous effort, is to understand the deception of the mind that keeps me in a state, let's say, crazy, at a false temporal linear level. Getting out of there is a challenge for me. Every time I achieve it I applaud myself. Lately I can do it without psychedelics and my applause has no limits. I enter the limitless depth of existence. But from there to say that I understand something... I understand what a 2-year-old child does about the functioning of the adult world. But when I see another 1.5 year old child saying: this is like this and like that... I can't help but think: are you kidding? Yes, I guess so

What I understand about reality. 

1. I am love. How do I feel the love? I feel it because I have unblocked the blockage between my crown chakra, third eye chakra, and throat chakra so my energy flows smoothly. I changed my profile picture as a hint to people. Work on smoothing out the knots of your energy. Any hatred, judgment, trauma, etc becomes tangled up, distorted energy and it blocks your ability to experience the love that you are.

2. What 5 MEO does for you for FREE!!! Is it takes the ego offline because it hits it with a force that is so powerful that it cannot hold together. The ego is an energetic pattern that holds the memory of your personality and all your physical sensations when that goes offline your ability to feel the love that is you is no longer filtered. Through this process it will naturally start to move to remove blockages. Now I have never taken 5 MEO I only know this through Martin Ball....but here is something I discovered...you can do it without 5-MEO which I have.

3. How do you do it? You put out the intention daily that you want to know what Love is. That you want to grow in Love. Daily put that intention out there and meditate and eventually it will start to happen. Also deconstruct all of your beliefs as well if you are still mentally conditioned. The goal is to empty the mind so it can connect to your heart. Once that happens then your ability to love and connect to the love around you AWAKENS. 

All of this I have verified in my direct experience. I can make requests all the time and get shown many things. I recently was taught how to be even more disciplined and I laughed at the simple answer I was given. I tested it out and it worked. I'm not some person who fakes who he is, wisdom, knowledge comes from honesty. The reason I can say what I say, is because I can back it up.

If you notice...you still have the same questions from 2 years ago. This means you are not searching hard enough, there is resistance in you. One of your issues is when someone brings up a possibility that you disagree with, you don't realize that you disagree out of principle. For example when we tell you that reality is love, you call it a concept. I've told you over and over....TEST IT. You claim you don't know what reality is, but then claim that you KNOW that it isn't love. Do you see how you fool yourself? That is a statement of knowledge!!! How can you say you don't know reality but you KNOW it isn't love? The answer is because you DON'T KNOW what love is!!! You haven't received it or given it enough to know that YOU ARE LOVE!!!

To know reality is to KNOW YOURSELF!!! This is why I said HOW YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE is =to HOW YOU DISCOVER GOD!!! To know God is to BE LOVE!!! To LIVE LOVINGLY!! I don't mean just doing kind acts, because anybody can do kind acts. So how do you discover God? Through authenticity, through honesty with self and other!!! Think about it? The ego is always filtering you!!! So it can keep up appearances!!! Now think about this for a second.....God is NOT an appearance. God is no appearance....that appears to experience itself. 

Because God is not an appearance it is consistent. It is the most consistent thing that can ever be. That is why God is pure honesty. That is why we call God true. God is unconditional, which means God is unwavering. So how do you as an inconsistent appearance which means you are dishonest in comparison to God, and mortal which means you are less true than God.....discover you are God? By BEING GOD.

When you tell the truth regardless of the consequences. When you help another or yourself not to gain something, but because you have pure desire to enjoy the activity or to provide for another. When you consistently desire to be loving and to love more of yourself and what you call life....when you choose to drop your judgments....then you will realize you and God as one.

How do I know this? Because it is what I did. So purify your heart chakra, clear out all your energy distortions and you will know that you are unconditional love that hid yourself in plain sight using a conditional, logical, personality structure called the ego.


You are a selfless LACK OF APPEARANCE, that CONSTRUCTS AN APPEARANCE. But that appearance can disappear and reappear and we call that change, we call it time, we call it space, we call it distance, we call distinctness, we call it other. But notice...this appearance, is a SELF. A SELF IS A CONSTRUCTION!!! 

So if you want to know the TRUTH OF THE CONSTRUCTION. Just deconstruct the construction!!!! No point in playing these mind games!!! No point in creating needless complexity!!! The truth of what you are is a BLANK!!!! A selfless awareness....then that means there is NO OTHER, and everything you have ever perceived was JUST AN APPEARANCE, A MIRAGE, AN ILLUSION, IMAGINARY. 

Everything that appears....appears out of a lack of appearance/void/no-thing, non-sense (can't be sensed because there is nothing to sense). That is what you are, and what arises...is made of that. So nonexistence, arises/creates existence. And thus everything is solved.

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Can you prove you're love without saying you're love?

You say you're love but what you demonstrate is defensiveness, bragging, restlessness, need for approval, complaining, you tend to get heated, etc. Many qualities of ego you display. 

It's something you can genuinely allow yourself to reflect on, sincerely, silently without any rush. Or you can give it no thought at all and hastly begin to defend the "I'm enlightened" narrative that you're so attached to (another quality of the ego btw)

P.s. normally I wouldn't get involved in this. But it seems the stars have been aligning themselves for this moment to happen :D

Edited by Salvijus

I simply am. You simply are. We are The Same One forever. Let us join in Glory. 

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24 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

P.s. normally I wouldn't get involved in this. But it seems the stars have been aligning themselves for this moment to happen :D

War does tend to bring people closer together, doesn’t it?


I AM itching for the truth 

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1 hour ago, Razard86 said:

Because God is not an appearance it is consistent. It is the most consistent thing that can ever be. That is why God is pure honesty. That is why we call God true. God is unconditional, which means God is unwavering. So how do you as an inconsistent appearance which means you are dishonest in comparison to God, and mortal which means you are less true than God.....discover you are God? By BEING GOD.

none of that makes any sense to me. For me all of those are ideas. 

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4 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

none of that makes any sense to me. For me all of those are ideas. 

What is your qualms with ideas?


I AM itching for the truth 

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8 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

War does tend to bring people closer together, doesn’t it?

Somehow I doubt I'll receive a warm and friendly response :D


I simply am. You simply are. We are The Same One forever. Let us join in Glory. 

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10 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

What is your qualms with ideas?

They are simply ideas. mental flow bubble. None of that interests me in the least. mysticism is real, it is a fact, it is the openness to the now. Ideas are the bubble in which you are curled up in the fetal position in terror. The funniest thing is that it doesn't protect you from anything. It's like a child who hides behind his hand so as not to be seen.

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3 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

Ideas are the bubble in which you are curled up in the fetal position in terror. The funniest thing is that it doesn't protect you from anything. It's like a child who hides behind his hand so as not to be seen.

I literally read all this while in this position, haha.


I AM itching for the truth 

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48 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

You say you're love but what you demonstrate is defensiveness, bragging, restlessness, need for approval, complaining, you tend to get heated, etc. Many qualities of ego you display. 

It's something you can genuinely allow yourself to reflect on, sincerely, silently without any rush. Or you can give it no thought at all and hastly begin to defend the "I'm enlightened" narrative that you're so attached to (another quality of the ego btw)

Trying to communicate with Razard is like running into a concrete wall over and over again. You feel pretty stupid. You know what's going to happen, and again running towards the wall. His defensive mechanisms prevent any penetration. Everything you say will receive a countermeasure. The thing is that since he starts a thread about sincerity, I couldn't avoid a little race to the wall

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