Crunch time, looking for some advice :)

[Tboy]

Hey guys,

 

A few nights ago on a coaching call I had with my dating/life coach, he and another coach gave me some pretty anxiety-inducing life purpose advice. For context, I work a fairly standard 9-5 in the day and am working on my life purpose on the side of that with my intention of being able to eventually transition into doing that as my full-time career, been doing that for a few years now. My purpose is based around expressing myself through music and making people laugh/entertaining people but it also seems to be as much to do with connecting with others because I want to enjoy creating music and entertainment in collaboration. 

I am about to turn 28 years old and they told me that I should quit my job, move back in with my parents or try and survive on a part-time job (in London) and pursue my purpose for 6 months with the intention of starting to make money off of it by the end of it. They said that if I fail at that then I should just give it up and have it as a hobby. The point they were stressing is that if I am spending 8 hours a day at a 9-5 then I am heading towards getting complacent and not living my life purpose because I will eventually be promoted at my 9-5 and then in my dating pursuits (I go on a lot of dates) I will likely meet someone I really like in the next few years and will get more complacent because of them. 

 

My feeling is that while I do know that I really need to focus on one thing to actually be successful at it and I'll probably never feel 'fully ready' to make the switch, this is way too risky and is actually unnecessary. I don't ever want to give up on pursuing/doing my life purpose so I don't understand the idea that I should quit if I don't make it after 6 months… My parents are also not supportive of my life purpose stuff and living on a part-time job in London would be very challenging, almost unmanageable. 

 

With music particularly, you can make really good art but if your marketing isn't on point then you likely will have 0 success. My approach right now is focusing on healing trauma so that I am, crucially, much better at connecting with others and expressing myself authentically/creatively and just mastering guitar/bass and music production, as well as learning marketing. I want to get clearer on what my product actually is and then work on getting a lot of views for it on social media.

 

I also think a lot of work can be done while having a job and many, many artists have made it on the back of working an 8-hour-a-day job. I don't plan to ever quit working on healing myself from trauma and achieving mastery of my music skills. I rarely hear about creatives going hard for 6 months on their dreams and then blowing up.

 

What do you think of this? Do you think their suggestion is a good move? I'm having a lot of trouble with it. @Leo Gura and/or anyone else currently living their life purpose on here?

[universe]

How much time are you dedicating to your life purpose right now?

And what was the threshold (£) for you to make in those 6 month with it?

[Sandhu]

I feel their advice have weight. Challenging yourself will make the learning process faster. I'd have implemented the advice.

[Tboy]

1 hour ago, universe said:

How much time are you dedicating to your life purpose right now?

And what was the threshold (£) for you to make in those 6 month with it?

they didn't say but just to be starting to make money from it I think. The beginnings of being able to live off it.

[Tboy]

16 hours ago, universe said:

How much time are you dedicating to your life purpose right now?

And what was the threshold (£) for you to make in those 6 month with it?

for how much I'm working on it right now, most days but more working on my trauma and connecting with people in general because this appears to be what I need to work on the most for my purpose

[universe]

Sounds good.

Just some tips. Think about yourself as if you already are an entertaining musician. The belief that you are is one of the biggest difference between someone who always wants to be an entertaining musician and someone who already does this for a living.

Now in order for you to make money from it there is a kind of market dynamic at play here. For your life purpose (or anyone else's actually) there is not a perfect match for what the market wants and what you want to do.

It's like a Venn diagram. Where the market needs and your Life Purpose overlap is your income zone.

For example - You are an actor and you want to express yourself in a certain way and always play and experience different roles. But the big bucks lie in getting in and practicing one popular theater show and playing it over and over for over a year.

You see where I'm going with this?

There is always the balance between following my Life Purpose to the T, or do I pick one aspect of my Life Purpose that is the most valuable for others right now and make a living with it.

And this applies in the earlier phase more than later.

 

You picked a good industry. Entertainment is always in demand. Maybe you can find a pub where you can play music and entertain the guests. And you could also organise some events yourself. Then prepare a show and iterate until something works.

[flowboy]

Your dating coach is right.

You're already procrastinating by telling yourself you need to heal all your trauma first, before you can focus fully on music.

It's BS.

I'm a trauma healing coach, and I'm telling you, you're using trauma healing as procrastinating on your purpose.

Taking 6 months off work to do it full time will be a good test for you.

Do you really want it?

 

Why am I saying this? Because I know how hard it is to get anything off the ground and making money, next to a 9 to 5.

You need ALL the free time you can reasonably invest, and more.

Doing other stuff as well in your free time, is completely insane.

If you are actually going for music while doing a 9 to 5, you are:

• Thinking about music all the time
• Playing riffs in your head on the job
• Not hanging out and drinking with friends, unless it is in a band practice context
• Not spending time dating, except for letting girls watch you perform
• Not going out and socializing, unless in the context of gigs
• Not doing any other hobbies, not even sports above the necessary 4-6 hours a week

But instead you are on this healing journey which seems to be more supportive of your pickup journey than anything else.

You don't need to be untraumatized to play good music, you can be completely fucked up, as the great musicians of our history attest. Connection through music bypasses all layers of trauma and conditioning. That's why everyone loves music. Because it allows you to feel connection without being a healed and open-hearted person in general.

So stop telling yourself this is a prerequisite for your music career.

I'm not critical of doing trauma healing, I am of course a proponent of it and support people doing it every week in group calls and forums etc. Trauma healing is my life purpose.

I'm accusing you of putting "getting laid" above your life purpose.

That is an offense that will cost you exponentially.

Maybe because of that, your music/entertainment career won't take off at all.

Because you don't have your priorities straight in your twenties.

And it's sad, because if you achieve any degree of success in music or comedy, you wouldn't have to do pickup anymore.

Women will just come to you once you are successful and standing on a stage.

 

Just go for it man!

Edited October 6, 2023 by flowboy

[Tboy]

Thank you so much for your responses guys, I will keep this all in mind

[jdc7733]

The creative process has to happen naturally. I guess more time spent playing would increase the chance of more songs written. I had 2 jobs, one in the morning and one in the evening, so, I had plenty of time to write songs but rarely did. I think collaborating might help write better songs. I would advise that you write songs for the sake of writing them, rather than for a career, since you don’t want to end up writing songs you don’t like for some money, then, end up unhappy because you’ve got loads of money and don’t know what to do with it.

[jdc7733]

Maybe you could just go busking and get a part time job.

[Fountainbleu]

On 10/4/2023 at 3:55 PM, Tboy said:

The beginnings of being able to live off it.

Just hearing that feels good. 

[leebus99]

If a life coach just tells you what to do, they are a shit coach. /thread

[Tboy]

On 06/10/2023 at 9:31 AM, flowboy said:

Your dating coach is right.

You're already procrastinating by telling yourself you need to heal all your trauma first, before you can focus fully on music.

It's BS.

I'm a trauma healing coach, and I'm telling you, you're using trauma healing as procrastinating on your purpose.

Taking 6 months off work to do it full time will be a good test for you.

Do you really want it?

 

Why am I saying this? Because I know how hard it is to get anything off the ground and making money, next to a 9 to 5.

You need ALL the free time you can reasonably invest, and more.

Doing other stuff as well in your free time, is completely insane.

If you are actually going for music while doing a 9 to 5, you are:

• Thinking about music all the time
• Playing riffs in your head on the job
• Not hanging out and drinking with friends, unless it is in a band practice context
• Not spending time dating, except for letting girls watch you perform
• Not going out and socializing, unless in the context of gigs
• Not doing any other hobbies, not even sports above the necessary 4-6 hours a week

But instead you are on this healing journey which seems to be more supportive of your pickup journey than anything else.

You don't need to be untraumatized to play good music, you can be completely fucked up, as the great musicians of our history attest. Connection through music bypasses all layers of trauma and conditioning. That's why everyone loves music. Because it allows you to feel connection without being a healed and open-hearted person in general.

So stop telling yourself this is a prerequisite for your music career.

I'm not critical of doing trauma healing, I am of course a proponent of it and support people doing it every week in group calls and forums etc. Trauma healing is my life purpose.

I'm accusing you of putting "getting laid" above your life purpose.

That is an offense that will cost you exponentially.

Maybe because of that, your music/entertainment career won't take off at all.

Because you don't have your priorities straight in your twenties.

And it's sad, because if you achieve any degree of success in music or comedy, you wouldn't have to do pickup anymore.

Women will just come to you once you are successful and standing on a stage.

 

Just go for it man!

I agree with a lot of your points, I am happy to switch my focus to my purpose and work on that every night after work instead of going on dates, even to take 6 months off work to live with my parents to focus on it but I don't understand this idea that if I fail after 6 months I should give up completely and just have it as a hobby, never living my life purpose. The approach that seems more sensible is to focus on executing small bet after small bet while still having an income and come to understand what my purpose tangibly is that way, keep trying new 1 month - 2 month projects until I find what I am truly passionate about and am able to make it into a product or service. 

[flowboy]

On 11/10/2023 at 7:49 PM, Tboy said:

but I don't understand this idea that if I fail after 6 months I should give up completely and just have it as a hobby

Yeah that part is nonsense… such a deadline is unrealistic in the entertainment business. It can take comedians and musicians 5-10 years to make a good living.