If you don't have a woman... you kind of forget that you're a man

[ivankiss]

19 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

You forget if you were never one to begin with

You forget this is not the nonduality godhead section of the forum

[Raze]

Feeling like you need a girl is the fastest way to repel her 

[Sugarcoat]

9 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

You forget this is not the nonduality godhead section of the forum

I don’t mean in non dual way hahah 

[ivankiss]

1 minute ago, Sugarcoat said:

I don’t mean in non dual way hahah 

What then? 

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

What then? 

As I said it came to me very spontaneously so haven’t thought it through but something about how a “real man” doesn’t need a woman to sense himself 

[ivankiss]

@Sugarcoat You would think that if you were not secure in your masculinity and you had an issue with the opposite sex. Most hyper masculine guys are actually super afraid of real commitment and they absolutely suck at being in a relationship. 

You don't need a woman in a desperate, codependent way. You need a woman in a balanced, co and pro creating way. The journey is far more exciting if you have someone to share it with too. But that does not mean that solitude does not have its benefits and is not beautiful in its own way.

We need the opposite sex. In many ways. And like it or not, we do depend on each-other on all kinds of levels.

Edited October 3, 2023 by ivankiss

[Ajax]

2 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Life is fair precisely because it is unfair. The Universe is neutral and impersonal. Interpret it as you wish.

 

Life's rules are tied with your willingness to have.  Your willingness to face something without having to do anything but be there.  The willingness to win and lose with the same level of enthusiasm. The willingness to embrace the mundane and tedious. The willingness to face up to the impossible. The willingness to face problems. The willingness to die. The willingness to wallow in shit. The willingness to embrace the "unbearable". The willingness to have unbearable pain and suffering with enthusiasm. The willingness to communicate with those you wish not to communicate the most. The willingness to build infinite relationships with others, money, time and everything.  The willingness to handle your past. The willingness to be degraded, abused, insulted, rejected. The willingness to love despite everything...the entire physical universe telling you no!

The rules are simple. Be willing to create despite any interference that you may face.  Be willing to have anything happen to you or to experience anything. Be willing to assume any and every viewpoint. Be willing to generate ideas with no limitations, restrictions or confirmations. Be willing to take any actions that will produce expected results. Be willing to face and handle any resistance. Be willing to constantly improve many times every day. Be willing to be/demonstrate causative effect. The willingness to DECIDE. 

Just be willing to demonstrate unlimited willingness. That is all "free" will is.  The willingness to demonstrate/have willingness.

lol from this viewpoint... I see that people say life is unfair because they are demonstrating excellent "unwillingness" on some critical part of their life that needs to be handled. 

And I smile at the musical recital they, decide to create... to dream up. 

LOVE Total Willingness to admit cause. LOVE

Edited October 3, 2023 by Ajax

[Sugarcoat]

16 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

@Sugarcoat You would think that if you were not secure in your masculinity and you had an issue with the opposite sex. Most hyper masculine guys are actually super afraid of real commitment and they absolutely suck at being in a relationship. 

You don't need a woman in a desperate, codependent way. You need a woman in a balanced, co and pro creating way. The journey is far more exciting if you have someone to share it with too. But that does not mean that solitude does not have its benefits and is not beautiful in its own way.

We need the opposite sex. In many ways. And like it or not, we do depend on each-other on all kinds of levels.

I don’t necessarily disagree with what you say here because there is indeed a lot of men that applies to I bet 

but I’m not referring to those type of men

I agree that ultimately we desire to be with someone sooner or later ,But doesn’t have to necessarily come from place of dependence, but something else that draws two people together. The type pf man I was referring to was something along the lines of someone with sense of self not dependent on others .

 

 

 

 

Edited October 3, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Applegarden8]

4 hours ago, ivankiss said:

If you, however, swing too hard in the other direction, and get a bit too comfortable in your solitude and become one of those super annoying, hyper independent individuals that are terrified of losing control and cannot be reasoned or negotiated with... then yeah, you're also fucked. You're gonna grow into this old, bitter, lonely ghost, that knows not of its own existence and fears the closeness of another soul. 

You want to be good at all that relationship biz. You want to be a good partner, deep down, trust me. Even if you don't think you do.

You need a partner. You crave a good partner that meets your criteria and is compatible with you and has similar values and standards, and is available and willing to do what has to be done, etc. Preferably one that you also find very sexually attractive and all that jazz.

You are not really a man without a woman by your side. You know that's true. And the other way around. Women need men by their side. It's simply how we as a species are wired.

Be careful out there, it's rather wild. 

I cannot say I am objectively right, but my worldview is as valid as yours.

I don't need to be a man. I need to survive, find the truth on the way and to have some fun. There are limited resources to your desires. If I have a relationship, I will have to give up something like time, focus and my very valuable time to think about my life and sit in sielence. So this giving up something maybe is potent time for solitude and inner growth, maybe creativity, maybe that extra time to check myself twice at work to make sure I don't make a disaster.

Maybe I want a partner, but I also want many other things, therefore I don't know what I really want and my survival determines what I want. So I want what is approachable and in a sense comfortable yet what I authentically desire sometimes and I really break some fears with this desire.

About this old, lonely ghost I disagree. I can die tomorrow or even today. I understand I am not the body, this is somewhat a reality for me, and I can go only deeper in it. I may crave a lot of things, but even if I crave, the Truth shines trough either in self-reflection or more suffering. I think the older the better in this situation.

Yes, relationships are a problem for me. So I just avoid them in general, keep only a few. Yes, I can't really authentically engage with people, I can't be honest. I don't feel like I can be me, because I will say something too direct that you maybe not be ready to hear. People usually come to me to vent, not to look for a solution for example. But my deepest worries, fears, existential problems I can't really talk with anyone I know, and I guess there is no need to, I just keep using the tools to reflect them in solitude, but I will gather another layer of insights I can't share.

Yes, I am unexperienced with women, sex bla, bla. But I don't care, really. My mom and dad had sex made me and then... divorced. My grandfather and grandmother also did the same, did not divorce, but lived a terrible life together, insulting each other every day, for both, mother and father sides, one just ended quicker. My family is like an anti-family. Very neutral, but I like it. I need to make my living anyway, need to find out what I need to find out anyway. OK, I will not have a woman's touch for the rest of my life but I have a chance to experience that my body is not me as a living experience, so then, why do I need that?

[Chives99]

lol why do you need a woman to  validate you, no womans going to do that lol. You are perfect just as you are, no ifs no butts

Edited October 3, 2023 by Chives99

[ivankiss]

@Applegarden8 You don't really know what you're missing if you never had it. Like me not knowing what it's like to have a dad lol. 

Again, nothing wrong with being alone. In fact, you should be alone for quite some time. But I would argue that in the long run, if you want to be a healthy and balanced individual, you need a compatible partner by your side.

10 hours ago, Chives99 said:

lol why do you need a woman to  validate you, no womans going to do that lol. You are perfect just as you are, no ifs no butts

This thread is not at all about seeking validation from women. Read more carefully.

[ivankiss]

Some of you guys here are just terrified of women and relationships. That's what it is.

You won't admit it of course, so you come up with all kinds of stupid delusional ideas to justify your ways. 

I'm not saying anything outrageous here. It's not rocket science. It's just nature. 

Men and women need each-other. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@ivankiss Someone who needs a woman will take the disrespect,look to be liked and loved by her,be terrified of losing her,shifting his identity based on how she feels about you.

Someone who wants a woman will cut her off when she disrespects,will love himself above everything and be in a position to give,wont lose himself,stay behind who he is no matter what she does...

Thats the bottom line here...

[ivankiss]

@NoSelfSelf Judging by some of the posts I've seen from you before, and this one, I would say that you are most certainly butthurting over something that happened to you and you have hardcore frustrations with the opposite sex. 

If I was a chick, I would avoid you by all means necessary. Not to be rude, just saying what I see. 

It's ok to bend a bit sometimes dude. To negotiate and compromise. Not to mention all the sacrifice and struggle that is inevitable if you are serious about your relationships.

No one wants to be with a stubborn dick who cannot be reasoned with. Trust me, I tend to be a stubborn dick too.

[NoSelfSelf]

@ivankiss Do tell me where did you see im butthurt about the opposite sex im all ears :)...

Well im not forcing anyone to like me if someone wants to avoid me please do...

Bent how i dont understand? It looks like you dont have a clear structure and communication to tell here how it is and how its going to be ,since you terrified of losing her...

There is no arguments when you are clear with your intentions,thats like going to a restaurant and telling them that you want pizza and they serve burgers, nah they wont compromise to sell you Pizza its clear that its a Burger place...

[ivankiss]

@NoSelfSelf You don't just tell women how it is and then walk away as soon as they're not willing to follow your instructions. That's not what having a partner is. More like a hostage. She's the one terrified of losing you in that dynamic, for whatever twisted reason, and you are exploiting that and loving the fuck out of it.

Which is also cool, if you're both into it I guess. But is that what a healthy, strong and balanced relationship is? Fuck no. 

Also, it's ok to have heated arguments and fight over shit for the sake of eventually reaching common ground. Or you know, figuring out that it's not working and it's not worth it. It's ok to argue bro. I see that's another thing you're terrified of. God forbid a woman raised her voice at you. The disrespect! The audacity!

[NoSelfSelf]

@ivankiss @ivankiss @ivankiss @ivankiss 

Thank you for making me realized even more that im blessed have a nice day ?

[ivankiss]

@NoSelfSelf Anytime brother  All the best.

[Applegarden8]

8 hours ago, ivankiss said:

@Applegarden8 You don't really know what you're missing if you never had it. Like me not knowing what it's like to have a dad lol. 

Again, nothing wrong with being alone. In fact, you should be alone for quite some time. But I would argue that in the long run, if you want to be a healthy and balanced individual, you need a compatible partner by your side.

Well, then I just don't care enough to care or know. I will just wait till my instincts die and do my practices. I have a very strong artistic desire and I don't want to compromise on that.

I don't value any statement by anybody on the fear on missing out. Never scales well with reality. Life has not shown it to me that this is worth it, I have discovered worth somewhere else I guess.

By the way I haven't seen a lot of balanced people including myself. We all have very obvious fears and flaws and are very predictable and fragile in many ways, just like any other animal in that sense.

8 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Some of you guys here are just terrified of women and relationships. That's what it is.

You won't admit it of course, so you come up with all kinds of stupid delusional ideas to justify your ways. 

I'm not saying anything outrageous here. It's not rocket science. It's just nature. 

Men and women need each-other. 

Even if I admit, I will not change a single thing about this aspect probably. I just don't care. Life has gotten to me. I just want to fulfill some of my artistic desires, renounce everything and just wait for death.

We are going to disagree about this endlessly. No point. I accept that I will not have it, period. Not because I feel unattractive or incapable. I guess it's my choice not to. I will embrace my loneliness if it comes and when it comes. It's OK, this form is very temporary.

[soos_mite_ah]

What about gay people lol? 

Also if I were to compare myself to when I was single to now since I've been in a relationship, I wouldn't say that I felt more like a woman since enterring the relationship. 

I do agree that hyper independence can be a problem and that it's natural to want to have human connection, platonic or otherwise. But I wouldn't say that being in a romantic relationship is somehow more gender affirming lol.