Why am I so spoiled and ungrateful?

[Reignforest]

I have a pretty good life, I should be more grateful.  I have a beautiful wife who loves me, 4 healthy kids. I live on a farm I built with chickens, turkeys and sheep. 5 acres of forest. I've been in construction over 20 years so I make decent money wherever I go. But I  set my expectations so high that the amount of effort it takes to achieve something,  by the time I earn it it feels like I don't even want it anymore. I  know I'm spoiled.  But I work so hard for so long that all work feels like an unending trap. Anytime I'm not working on art or inventions, feels like a waste of time. I work so often that I can't even enjoy the things I have, but if I stop I will lose it all bc I won't be able to afford it anymore. If anyone has any words of wisdom I would appreciate it. 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JG8mbtiwcSo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwMkdwzlHu4

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_eating.pdf
 

[ryandesreu]

It is normal to be spoiled and ungrateful. That's just how much of society is. But if you work hard to get and maintain what you have, I wouldn't consider that to be spoiled. 

It sounds like you may be experiencing the hedonic treadmill. Try watching some videos on that.

I too have experienced lack of gratefulness. I practice daily gratitude exercises and they work for me. They're not hard. 

It sounds like there is a strong working part of you that can go too far sometimes. Finding balance can be hard. You should logically be able to cut back on work without losing everything. 

[ryandesreu]

@Raze Eckhart's calm attitude toward the expensive wedding getting ruined may look crazy to many people but if you think about it it's the more sane, valuable position. 

[Reignforest]

@Raze Thanks for responding. Your first point is to let go of control.  I forgot to mention that I'm the sole earner for the past decade. Also the only one who can run the farm or drive. So letting go of control feels irresponsible.  I  still have 4 daughters to take care of. 

Your second point is to be present and above the situation, not at its mercy.  I struggle with that bc construction no longer brings me any satisfaction,  but it pays too well to replace. I spend all my time building other people's dreams and don't have time for my own projects. When I'm not working I spend all my time running errands, groceries,  appointments etc. I do 100% of all driving. I'd rather be writing stories,  drawing,  working on the farm, or tinkering with inventions. And while anyone of those things could pay off in a decade, they won't pay the bills today.

Third love impatience to death. I do struggle with patience. But many of my aspirations have already been on hold for multiple decades. I also take on too many responsibilities bc I keep hoping one of them will buy me the time necessary to work on my dreams. Instead I get bogged down and overwhelmed. 

@ryandesreu Thank you for responding as well. According to Google the hedonic treadmill is maintaining a base level happiness regardless of external circumstances. That would be an admirable goal for me. Personally my happiness continues to drop, bc I keep trying to earn my freedom through work at the expense of anything interesting. Also I don't know how much I can change without a drastically changing the lifestyle of the entire household.  Even if my wife wanted to work, then I would have to watch the kids (which im more than comfortable doing) but she'd get paid far less and I'd still have to drive her to work unless she found something from home. She tries to help by making art but it barely breaks even. At this point not being expected to cook and do dishes everyday would be a win for me.

[Reignforest]

@Raze @ryandesreu Hey guys I just wanted to let you know, that after applying these techniques they have helped out considerably already. Also venting helped a little.  So thank you both.