Insanity Or Enlightenment?

[Setty]

So I had something you could call enlightenment experience but honestly my rational mind is telling me that I will go insane if I stay on this path.

What hapend is that I was meditating and at the same time I was listening to one of the lectures of Alan Watts. I have been on the journey to enlightenment for about a year and I had many what I would call enlightenment experiences using psychedelics but all these experiences compared to what happend this time were close to nothing.

I always considered Alan Watts to be enlighntened being and I told myself that if only I could understand what he is actually saying like REALLY undrestand what he is saying I would know the truth and I mean the truth wih the capital T. So I think this is the believe that triggered this event.

So what happend? I was meditating and in the video he was talking to his audience as usually. My monkey mind was all over the place ignoring his speech but as the time went all the noises and images in my mind started slowly dissapearing and I was focused only and must emphasize the word ONLY on his voice. Then is started getting weird

He said something that I ignored and then he said "Does everyone in this room understand what I am saying?" and I thought "Is he tallking to his audience or me?". You would think that the answer is obvious but as I said at the time there was nothing in my mind but his voice so no thoughts of me watching a youtube video or that he is long dead so it would be impossible to communicate with him anyway none of that. So in my state of mind it was entirely possible that he is taliking to me so I believed it. There was no reason not to since no other thought was oppose to it you see.

I don't exactly remember what he was saying but as he was talking it was only more and more obvious that he is talking to me and only me! Everything else in the existence disappeared and there we were only two of us in the entire existence having a conversation. He was using words to communicate and I used thoughts and feelings. It is so bizzare but it happened because I believed it and only because of it.

So he started to teach me what it is. The truth about meditation and how to do it properly. How memories work, emotions, thoughts just everything. What is the future and the past and from where they come from and how to control them. And it was so obvious to me. So easy I was like a child just experiencing the whole thing just being. I stopped worrying and I was free.

After a few hours in this state I also realized that I am talking to myself. There is no Alan Watts talking to me there is only me and my imagination but the only way to communicate these insights with myself was through the believe that Alan Watts has the answer and the only way to know the truth is that I must listen to him but it was me the whole time I am just it! The big IT.

I think I was in this state like for like six hours? But it felt like a minute or so, it wasn't bound by time or space.

Anyway I went to sleep and the next morning it wasn't there anymore. I didn't felt like the big IT you know?

So the biggest insight I have from this is that you control the reality by believing something will happen and it just will happen. There are no wrong events or good ones it just happens how you want it to happen and it's perfect. The problem is when you try to translate it through words or thoughts it becomes a concept or a thought memory even. Something that isn't grounded in reality and is therefore not true and it stops being true. It's very tricky.

So what do you think? Am I going insane doing this or am I onto something? Do you have similar experiences you would share?

Also I have these thoughts that I should become a monk or something and get in touch with people with this kind of condition of being so we can figure out what we are. It is a strong desire to do this but I am full of doubts and I am not sure about anything anymore.

[Prabhaker]

35 minutes ago, Setty said:

I will go insane if I stay on this path.

All meditation is an approach towards divine madness. Stake all human sanity. It is better to be mad in a divine way than to be sane in a human way.

Madness has to be lived through, not avoided. If you avoid it it will remain a part of your unconscious. If you avoid it you will not be able to encounter your total being, a part will always be suppressed.

Madness has to be passed through and through. You have to move through it. Fear is there – the fear is not of madness, remember, the fear is of getting identified. Madness cannot do anything. If you remain unidentified, alert, you can enjoy it, it is a beautiful experience. It happens around you, it never happens to you. But if you get identified, then there is danger.

So before you get identified you have to learn awareness. Start with small things – eat, but eat with alertness. Walk, but walk with awareness. Talk to people, but talk with awareness. 

Just learn to be aware, and then the madness can be released. And you will enjoy it – nothing like it! It is a storm, but a great phenomenon.

When everything goes into chaos within you that means everything moves to the original source – manmade rules, regulations are lost. The games of the society disappear; all definitions are meaningless. You move into the undefined, with no map. It is a beautiful experience, an experience of the unknown. But dangerous! If you become lost you become mad. So, practice awareness first.

[Toby]

@Prabhaker Is that you that is writing these responses or is that Osho? Really, could be straight out of Osho books or talks.

Edited March 29, 2017 by Toby

[Prabhaker]

7 minutes ago, Toby said:

is that Osho?

It is always Osho !