Third person unbiased perspective on my situation

[sda]

Hi all,

I hope you all are doing good.

I want to share here a personal incident that happened to me in my home and I want your guys third person unbiased opinion regarding this incident. I am a student and I am living in an apartment away from my parents with three people. Two of my roommates are nice to me and treat me with respect. However, the third person does not treat me with respect and always scolds me who I will call S in this post for the sake of context.

 

I mean that S always calls me bad words like ass-hole and dumb ass person. He gaslights me, interfere in my personal life, touches me uncomfortably on the face/neck, tells me bad things about myself, he is very manipulative, he takes my things without my permission and he tells me to bring his things for him such as a glass of water or mobile phone which he is lazy to bring. I got so frustrated and heart broken with his behavior so I complained to my parents regarding this who are back at home. I gave S phone number to my parents and my parents sent a voice message to S on WhatsApp.

In the voice message my parents basically told S that he should not talk with me and that I should not talk with him neither in good things or bad things. My parents threatened S that they will not spare S and they will come to S wherever he is living. My parents told to S that my parents should not hear any other complaints from me regarding S otherwise my dad will not spare S.

After the voice message, S called me to his room and told me that we both will not talk with each. S told me that he did not forward this voice message to his family and if he did forward it then the issue will be much bigger. S told me that my parents did not talk with manners and his family is much more well mannered than my parents.

At the current moment, my dad is asking me the principal number and my two other roommates number to talk with them regarding this incident. Can anyone give me advice or suggestions for what I should do regarding my situation.

Any response will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

Have a good day

 

Edited September 29, 2023 by sda

[Leo Gura]

You can try to talk to S and offer to strike a bargain with him where you two agree to stay out of each other's way and then you will tell your family you back off.

You and S should try to negotiate some rules of engagement and behavior. You should brainstorm what you want these rules to be before you talk to S.

Edited September 29, 2023 by Leo Gura

[sda]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

You can try to talk to S and offer to strike a bargain with him where you two agree to stay out of each other's way and then you will tell your family you back off.

You and S should try to negotiate some rules of engagement and behavior. You should brainstorm what you want these rules to be before you talk to S.

Thank you so much for your response!

[universe]

5 hours ago, sda said:

I mean that S always calls me bad words like ass-hole and dumb ass person. He gaslights me, interfere in my personal life, touches me uncomfortably on the face/neck, tells me bad things about myself, he is very manipulative, he takes my things without my permission and he tells me to bring his things for him such as a glass of water or mobile phone which he is lazy to bring. 

Are you a man or woman? I looked at your profile but it wasn't mentioned there, sorry if I missed it in your post.

In general you should not let things like this pass. It's part of growing up to set boundaries. Whatever you might thought of as o.k. or tolerable in your childhood, you should examine your beliefs and see if they still hold up to your standards now.

To set boundaries you state them calm and firmly. State the consequences if someone breaks them, then follow up with those consequences once they are broken. You do not need to be violent but don't be afraid of confrontation and tension either.

Is S like this to everyone? If not there is something in you that makes him think that it is ok to act that way. It could be valuable and eye opening for you to find out what, if that's the case.

If he is like this to everyone just throw him out with the help of the others.

[Reignforest]

This reminds me of the movie Nope.  In that it describes how to negotiate with a predator mentality.  It cannot be reasoned with but a bargain could be struck under its terms until you can figure out how to eliminate it from your environment 

[EdgeGod900]

@sda 

No info on your gender(but I think you're a girl). Also I can 90% guess that S is an international student who's from a 3rd world country(correct me if im wrong)

Option1:

If you can, try to find a studio apartment, and maybe sacrifice your food budget for the apartment's cost. (starve a little in exchange for more solitude and independence)

 

Option2:

Or try to find working professionals as roommates. My roommate is one and he brings such an air of groundedness into the household. So I'm not surrounded by the immaturity of people my age 24/7, which I already get on campus anyways. If I had to become roommates with people my age ever again, I will go apeshit and shoot myself.

 

 

Edited October 9, 2023 by EdgeGod900