I’ve managed to quit cannabis(again) through edibles

[Rigel]

I’ve been a pretty regular cannabis user for years in the form of vapour mainly. Some months daily. Other months sober but I always got back into it. I’ve tried moderation. It doesn’t work for me. As soon as I get a taste of it I want the whole damn thing and it becomes neurotic. In the past few months I’ve managed to not inhale any cannabis by using edibles. 

At first my main concern was lung and voice health which I am happy to say I am doing much better on that front. But by uncovering this neurotic pattern of behaviour I’ve noticed that it’s not just lung and voice health that I want. I want emotional maturity and the courage to deal with my feelings consciously. No more crutches. So I dropped edibles as well a few days ago.

I am currently going through pretty gnarly withdrawals so any tips on that are welcome. Today I was teaching in the morning and in the afternoon I wanted to be productive and get my mind off of those withdrawals but instead I laid down on my couch and observed my breath for 4hrs straight. I obviously didn’t fall asleep cause I literally cannot right now. Hard as heck but hey that’s what I wanted right. 

In that time I uncovered another neurotic thought pattern. I guilt trip and beat myself up constantly for failing to be productive and do the shit I want to be doing to achieve my goals. But maybe laying down and fucking doing nothing was exactly what I needed.

I had moments of sobriety in the past but this one feels different. I feel like I am at a crossroad and I want to keep myself accountable.

[Rigel]

What I found helps a lot with the withdrawals include:

-Scorching hot baths

-Sun on my skin

-Physical activity & movement

-Journaling about them

-Breath work

-Crying

I am planning on tripping off 2g tomorrow & digging for the root cause of this addiction as well as making peace with the substance itself. Like if I am being honest I loved cannabis & it had a positive impact on my life until it didn't. I want to acknowledge everything it gave me and everything it took from me as non-judgmentally as possible.

[Staples]

Hi, may I please respectfully question why you are using cannabis as a tool to understand your cannabis addiction? 

That sounds like a bad strategy. Even if you found some success - you found it via cannabis, which only further strengthens your need for it.

I suggest you pick up some other daily activity as a cannabis replacement and compare your experience. Gym / swimming / meditation / hiking, whatever you like. 

It sounds like your real problem is that you are unsure if your relationship to cannabis is good or bad for you. You need to answer that question definitively and finally.

[Rigel]

6 hours ago, Staples said:

Hi, may I please respectfully question why you are using cannabis as a tool to understand your cannabis addiction? 

That sounds like a bad strategy. Even if you found some success - you found it via cannabis, which only further strengthens your need for it.

I suggest you pick up some other daily activity as a cannabis replacement and compare your experience. Gym / swimming / meditation / hiking, whatever you like. 

It sounds like your real problem is that you are unsure if your relationship to cannabis is good or bad for you. You need to answer that question definitively and finally.

Sorry that wasn’t clear I am talking about using mushrooms not cannabis. I never had any problems with mushrooms. I need to get my courage up to take them and it’s always been positive even on harder trips. I am done with cannabis.

[PurpleTree]

It will be nice when you start dreaming again at night 

[Davino]

3 hours ago, PurpleTree said:

It will be nice when you start dreaming again at night

True the first time I dreamt after quitting cannabis was like damn, dreams are so radical. How could I be dreaming so casually? This is much more insane than a trip. A whole reality is spawned out of myself every night, a new universe with it's own rules. Why isn't everybody talking about this??

 

[shree]

1. Stop giving it fancy names like "Canabis"

2. Go buy Leo's Life purpuse course. After doing it correctly you will probably stop waisting your life on weed.

3. Find out what kind of psychological garbage you carry inside yourself and work on it. Come in contact with your emotions when you feel the need to smoke.

 

Good luck.

[Rigel]

Well that was a trip if i’ve ever had one. The come-up was anxiety inducing as always but once I remembered to surrender and I followed my breath for a while it settle into this abstract mindfuck. I struggle to put words to it honestly.

As for my intentions of uncovering the root cause of my weed addiction, I didn’t resolve anything. I didn’t come to an understanding of why at all. What happened is that I just basked in the pain of withdrawals. Trying to make sens of it wasn’t working. My reslove to not use it again is still strong. I think I am coming to the realisation that the pain I am trying to get away from isn’t going away anytime soon and I need to accept that. There will be no moving foreward without making time and space for the pain to exist. Eventually, as with all things, it will exhaust itself & something new will come up.

I think it’s my inability to accept that life is just hard and that’s it. Trying to sneak away from it just doesn’t work. I have been doing that for far too long already. I expect my tendencies to avoid difficult emotions to manifest in some other form now that cannabis isn’t there to blanket me anymore. Probably the internet since I have a history of struggling with that as well.

It’s crazy how the insecurities I usually have regarding my art & my work are getting eclipsed by this pain. I think I was using cannabis as a way to deal with those. I expect them to come back once I am out of this.

I’ll go eat some pineapple now it looks declicious.

[Rigel]

4 hours ago, Davino said:

True the first time I dreamt after quitting cannabis was like damn, dreams are so radical. How could I be dreaming so casually? This is much more insane than a trip. A whole reality is spawned out of myself every night, a new universe with it's own rules. Why isn't everybody talking about this??

 

I am looking forward to it. I can't even remember what it's like.

[Rigel]

3 hours ago, shree said:

1. Stop giving it fancy names like "Canabis"

2. Go buy Leo's Life purpuse course. After doing it correctly you will probably stop waisting your life on weed.

3. Find out what kind of psychological garbage you carry inside yourself and work on it. Come in contact with your emotions when you feel the need to smoke.

 

Good luck.

1. Why?

2. Did that years ago.

3. Yeah I am in the process of doing that.

Thanks I guess.

[Rigel]

10 hours ago, Rigel said:

Sorry that wasn’t clear I am talking about using mushrooms not cannabis. I never had any problems with mushrooms. I need to get my courage up to take them and it’s always been positive even on harder trips. I am done with cannabis.

@Staples Aaah I get it. Don't mind my previous response. I just realized you've only read the title. That is understandable. 

[Oppositionless]

cannabis has been hugely detrimental for me.

going out and doing pickup has helped me stay sober at night.

[Ry4n]

CBD with lower dose THC in oil form is a good option you shouldn't have too many cravings and the overall negatives of weed are massively reduced. 

I personally don't see a reason to stop taking this specific form of the plant as it's just pure anti-anxiety, grounded, more functional and the body isn't in so much pain from my injuries. It also calms mental chatter rather than raising it, so good for meditators. No withdrawals from CBD either, hardly any negatives at all. It's amazing stuff. Life changing for me actually. I genuinely feel more sane in this traumatised and nutty world. 

[Ry4n]

Need to find a good source though. In Australia Krush Organics is a good option, not sure about everywhere else though. 

[Rigel]

@Ry4n I appreciate the advice and I don’t doubt that you get benefits from that but I am cutting all ties and not looking back.

[Rigel]

Day 9 update:

life has decided to give me the flu on top. I lost my voice for two days and had to cancel some lessons I was supposed to give. I also have canker sore over my wisdom teeth so it takes me 2hrs to finish a meal and I cry throughout from the pain.

My dreams are coming back. I don’t have the insane powerful dreams that people report from quitting. They are very mild. Last night I dreamt I was relapsing funny enough.

I am suffering a whole lot but there’s an acceptance of that.

Haven’t had this much struggle in while.

I don’t have strong cravings anymore. My decision is so final that anytime I think about it I go:” Ah! Mental crap. This belongs in the trash.” And I move on.