why do i find conflict sexually attractive?

[Julian gabriel]

conflict turns me on but compassion and love does not, i want to change this by first developing an understanding of why conflict turns me on.

by conflict i mean dominating the other sexually by choking and slapping and degrading, or having them do those things to me. 

i would like to be turned on by being WITH them not ABOVE or BELOW them. 

i started watching porn at a young age and slowly started watching more and more violent porn.

[Hojo]

The way I have been trying to deal with it is first I watched all the porno that I demonized and stopped demonizing it and I said it was good. Even the fucked up shit. Then I put on self love affirmations as I sleep. Then I stopped watching porno and use my imagination only. Now I am weening myself off masterbating. Not by force but just cause I am losing the want. 

Its a long process. But these abusive thoughts go deep especially being exposed to it so early.

Edited September 28, 2023 by Hojo

[Raze]

What is your attachment style 

[sholomar]

Probably simple genetics. Our species is wired toward a proclivity towards certain behaviors and men dominating the world around them is wired into dominant or "alpha" males, the type women do tend to submit too when for example their tribe gets invaded and all their men got slaughtered. It's also why women tend to be hypergamous and trade up when something better comes along. The loyal women who stood by their man or tribe would get killed off over the course of tens of thousands of years of evolution, leaving the surviving women the ones willing to manipulate men and remain loyal to the men who had the most power... the "sexually submitting to the invader" narrative. 

Most human behavior can be explain by past evolutionary conditions. We are bundles of computer software (DNA being the computer code), living in a sophisticated hardware simulation (with all it's various laws that make matter work perfectly to create life), created by an intelligence as of yet unimaginable to most.

The facial expression in your profile picture really says it all. I see dominant evolutionary traits written all over it. A sort of cocky dominance.   It's kind of a "Bonnie and Clyde" "partner in crime" sort of relationship you desire. You want to dominate her (or him, whatever way you float) but want her/him to be strong enough to be an equal. Many humans do want this. It's exciting and barks right up our evolutionary ladder.

Edited September 29, 2023 by sholomar