How To Deal With Rejection?

[faith]

Hi friends

I would like your advice on how to deal with rejection. The reason I didn't put this in the dating category is because it is not just that type of rejection but all kinds. Sometimes I think people are rejecting me even though it's just all in my head, because they give off that vibe, and it can be something small like a cold look, or someone is being intense. 

Please help! 

Thank you

[egoeimai]

 

 

[Shin]

2 hours ago, ashashlov said:

Hi friends

I would like your advice on how to deal with rejection. The reason I didn't put this in the dating category is because it is not just that type of rejection but all kinds. Sometimes I think people are rejecting me even though it's just all in my head, because they give off that vibe, and it can be something small like a cold look, or someone is being intense. 

Please help! 

Thank you

Everything you think is in your head, and everything that is in your head, is a projection of reality, not reality itself.

Start to meditate 20 minutes per day, every day, take 2/3 months to focus only on that untill it becomes natural to do it.

There is no wrong meditation, just sit still the spine straight, close your eyes and focus on your breath (don't control it, just focus on it).

 

You also have to be mindful of all your thoughts, as much as you can throughout the day, just "look" at them.

This is a practice that you can do at every moment, each seconds, at some point you won't take your thoughts seriously, not even your emotions.

I'm not saying you should do this from time to time, do it all the time, this is how you gain consciousness quickly, there is nothing more satisfying than being conscious and to just be "the watcher".

 

 

Edited March 28, 2017 by Shin

[Spiral]

Science, in case you prefer that

 

[Arkandeus]

there is never rejection;  there's only suffering in it's thousand forms. 
everyone seeks love, everyone is love.
someone's who's not able to be their free natural loving self is suffering.

if someone rejects you, gives you a cold or intense look, it's not personal. do you think they would act towards you in that way if they were fully enlightened? 
They wouldn't right?
It's never about you, it's about their pain, don't take it personally. Strive to see the good in people, beyond their current pain. It's undeniable that every human being just wants to be happy and in that state of happiness share their love with everyone. 
be compassionate for people who suffer of ego issues. it's really never about you, people reject themselves first, then they reject others. 
I can assure you the cold look, the intense look, they give themselves looks that are way more colder and intenser then that. 
what you see , what you perceive is merely the surface of what's going on inside themselves.  don't take it personally. 

don't identify with the ego game of being validated by others, being rejected and rejected. the game never existed , and if you feel rejected it's a mirror for the fact that you probably reject yourself on some level. 

How would you look at the situation if you were completely enlightened? can you imagine that?how you perceive their reaction? would you take it personally?I'm sure you can imagine the mindset. 

that's why the thing about people being mirrors is absolutely true, every belief system you have, you'll recognize it in other people. 
the more you grow spiritually the more deeper you'll understand people 

[Bronsoval]

"You wouldn't care as much what people think of you if you realized how seldom they do"  Eleanor Roosevelt 

[Magic]

@Arkandeus, that's an uplifting response. Could you give some sources, please?

[Arkandeus]

3 hours ago, Magic said:

@Arkandeus, that's an uplifting response. Could you give some sources, please?

no source but my own my experiences, my own growth.
remember your inner self is your greatest teacher, your intuition is your sense of wisdom, your higher self, to trust yourself is to cultivate it 

love is also a great teacher, only from a perspective of love can understanding flourish, fear is misunderstanding

Edited March 29, 2017 by Arkandeus

[TJM1959]

13 hours ago, Arkandeus said:

people being mirrors is absolutely true, every belief system you have, you'll recognize it in other people

My 2 cents...this is a truth and spot-on! We are 100% responsible for everything in our lives, 100% of the time.

17 hours ago, ashashlov said:

people are rejecting me

If you can get your brain around this idea that you are 100% responsible for everything, it may ease some suffering and possibly clear up the idea that things are outside of you. Start with one thing, an idea like a "cold look" means something because IT DOESN'T MEAN A THING. You have put a meaning to it in the form of a judgement, assessment, given it weight/substance and you may have had experiences that validate what a "look" may represent. This "meaning" runs through many areas in our lives. I think the key here is to create new experiences that bust up the existing experiences that have us have what we have. 

[Magic]

40 minutes ago, Arkandeus said:

remember your inner self is your greatest teacher, your intuition is your sense of wisdom, your higher self, to trust yourself is to cultivate it 

Frankly, it sounds to me like some new-age bullshit, or it's too imprecise at least. Our inner selves are most of the time fucking lost in the woods and we have to constantly look for wisdom in external resources, and only then struggle to somehow use it in our lives. And that's what we do. Maybe some day, through personal development, one can reach a point where its inner self is the teacher, but this point is not even on the radar when you start. When you start, your inner self is the dogma, the close-mindedness, the preacher, the judge, the ego, and so on - you're asleep and you start only thanks to having a gravitational centre that is innate. The self is the source of suffering, so calling it the greatest teacher has to me a religious taint.

[Flare]

@ashashlov  I won't be posting more videos here, I think we already have some great ones. 

Consider 2 things. 

First: It is important to make a difference if you are rejected in person or for a practical reason. As an example Jack Ma got rejected by Havard many times. But it wasn't his fault at all, if you look back. If you get rejected by a girl or if you do sales, most likely you get rejected by yourself. This is critical for our second point. 

After you are clear what rejection you're really dealing with you can think about how to deal with it. I really appreciate some of the tipps that were given before but they might be a pyrrhus victory. As @Magic  mentioned most of the time it's not practical. Consider the following situation: Be yourself is a great tip if you are really well developed, if you are a great person but still lack some confidence in really being yourself. If you're an abusive cu** (extreme) pls stop being whatever you call yourself in the long term. Being yourself is a high conscious tipp, which you shouldn't use if you still live, to some degree, in your pain body. 

Second: How to deal with rejection?

a) If you walk up to a girl/man and approach, if you do make a call to sell something, if you invite someone (your buddies etc.) chances are high you are only rejecting yourself. As an example: you are really afraid of talking to that one person, some part of you rejects that person/the situation - other people can feel that. Be true to yourself here, do you really want to be in that situation/do you really wanna talk to that person? If not you got something to do most likely. You are still rejecting parts of yourself and you desires. Here you don't have to deal with rejection, it's only a symptom, but you have to work on yourself, how you perceive yourself and how much you love yourself. 

b) You are getting rejected, even though you are not doing it by yourself. First of all accept it. We are all not perfect, not every person has a good day - not every company has interest in your products, not everyone wants a good new employee. Do't take that too personally in the first place. In the second step I would consider thinking about what you honestly might done wrong. Pushing to hard etc. might be some causes. If you found something like that - great! you won't fall for the same trap again. So here you go a some ideas like accepting and learning about your external self, where in situations I mentioned in a) you are more likely to deal with your inner beliefs. 

In conclusion: Understand that rejection is never the cause of anything, not even your suffering you might seem to get from it. It's always the frame you put it in and it's always a symptom. Don't try to get rid of the symptom, try to get rid of the disease. So take it as it is: You can benefit and learn so much from rejection it's scary. Just be honest to yourself about the situations in which you got rejected. If you wanna have a practical example, you can watch Jack Mas video about rejection, he pretty much sums this up in a not theoretical sense. 

Wish you the best mate!

 

 

[faith]

7 hours ago, Magic said:

Frankly, it sounds to me like some new-age bullshit, or it's too imprecise at least. Our inner selves are most of the time fucking lost in the woods and we have to constantly look for wisdom in external resources, and only then struggle to somehow use it in our lives. And that's what we do. Maybe some day, through personal development, one can reach a point where its inner self is the teacher, but this point is not even on the radar when you start. When you start, your inner self is the dogma, the close-mindedness, the preacher, the judge, the ego, and so on - you're asleep and you start only thanks to having a gravitational centre that is innate. The self is the source of suffering, so calling it the greatest teacher has to me a religious taint.

Thank you everyone,

Your responses have given me something to munch on!!

I would also like to know from Magic if I shouldn't use my inner self for guidance, where should I look for guidance when I am feeling that pain of the world?

Please clarify, 

Thank you very much

[jse]

 

[Bronsoval]

8 hours ago, TJM1959 said:

My 2 cents...this is a truth and spot-on! We are 100% responsible for everything in our lives, 100% of the time.

If you can get your brain around this idea that you are 100% responsible for everything, it may ease some suffering and possibly clear up the idea that things are outside of you. Start with one thing, an idea like a "cold look" means something because IT DOESN'T MEAN A THING. You have put a meaning to it in the form of a judgement, assessment, given it weight/substance and you may have had experiences that validate what a "look" may represent. This "meaning" runs through many areas in our lives. I think the key here is to create new experiences that bust up the existing experiences that have us have what we have. 

I recently read about a lady who went 60 years without smiling or laughing to avoid face wrinkles

Some people just have RBF

[MIARIVEL]

@ashashlov Our perception can be deceiving sometimes, so can fear and insecurities can get the better of us, especially when we want so badly to fit in, be accepted, be noticed and have some importance in the world. 

One thing I have learnt the hard way, is take what everyone says and does as a grain of salt. I listen to all feedback and what people have to say and appreciate others people's views and opinions but I will never let it define me and who I choose to become. One of the greatest gifts we have been given is the power of choice and decisions, we freely can create our future and train our mind to think and be a certain way. This takes practice and time and yes things like meditation and working on self love helps us to manage these intense feelings sometimes. 

If you think you are being rejected just simply ask yourself, is this going to matter tomorrow, next week, next year? will this person be apart of my life for the long term? what does this person who is "rejecting me" mean to me? If none of these things matter, then you have nothing to worry yourself sick over. Focus more on you and the person you want to become without anyone else's validation. You are awesome and unique and if people don't accept you for the way you are, then bye bye to them =)

[Magic]

@ashashlov, as I said:

21 hours ago, Magic said:

(...) we have to constantly look for wisdom in external resources, and only then struggle to somehow use it in our lives.

By external resources I mean books, videos, etc. - that is wisdom that more experienced people share with us. Not everyone is Seneca.

11 hours ago, MIA.RIVEL said:

If you think you are being rejected just simply ask yourself, is this going to matter tomorrow, next week, next year? will this person be apart of my life for the long term? what does this person who is "rejecting me" mean to me? If none of these things matter, then you have nothing to worry yourself sick over.

@MIA.RIVEL, and what if these things matter and actually could have grown you more than the rejection? If one can grow from failure at all, as one might not be ready to do so. In my humble opinion this is very advanced skill.

Edited March 30, 2017 by Magic