If You Fuck Her, Forget About Having A Genuine Connection With Her

[Mesopotamian]

Relationships has two components, the connection and the sex, and often times, we choose to go to sex because it's easy, however I found out that no amount of sex can make the relationship stronger or get people closer to each other. It might give you the illusion that it's possible, however at the end of the day, your soul would want to connect with your lover's soul, and you want to get to know them better and have a genuine connection with them.

I would advice waiting for a certain period of time before having sex. Make sure that you and your lover are compatible, have to a certain degree same outlook to life, same goals and aspirations, otherwise, it is not worth it to try to force things just because there's some attraction

What are your experiences in this regard?

 

[Buck Edwards]

Sex can make a relationship very strong. It's the kind of sex. 

Sex can be passionate, intimate and create a lasting impact on the bond.

Don't underestimate the power of sex. 

[Leo Gura]

Not true, but it's a cute idea.

Edited September 27, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Hello from Russia]

Lol. quality sex is one of the best ways to connect with your partner

[Mesopotamian]

7 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Sex can make a relationship very strong. It's the kind of sex. 

 It can increase tolerance for the BS of your partner, and it can be damaging cuz that's going to set the bar too low for them. One day you wake up and ask yourself why you're putting up with so much BS from them? 

[Buck Edwards]

2 minutes ago, Mesopotamian said:

 It can increase tolerance for the BS of your partner, and it can be damaging cuz that's going to set the bar too low for them. One day you wake up and ask yourself why you're putting up with so much BS from them? 

Only if they're bullshitting. Have sex with the right person. If you find yourself having sex with the wrong person, then you are running into a moral conflict. Here you would need boundaries..Are they okay with your boundaries? Will they change their bullshit behavior for you? 

Actually it can be paradoxically a very rewarding experience when you hear your partner say that they will change themselves in order to stop you from leaving them. Just think. How much growth you can force in your partner if they are receptive to your instructions and confrontation. They will become a better person because of you. You helped them in this process. Maybe now you love them even more seeing how much they're doing to be better for you. 

C'mon now. Not everything has to be viewed negatively. 

Mutual growth is the key. If they are willing to change for you, that's very exciting. It also gives you a boost, a purpose to serve in the relationship. The fact that they are willing to change is also an indicator of their commitment to serving you as well. This does not look bad. This is their way of showing their love for you. 

In fact such polarized relationships have a lot of chemistry that makes them exciting. 

What's the point of a relationship that's too perfect perfect perfect. That will get boring too quickly. 

Have some drama in life. It adds some spice. 

 

[Hello from Russia]

33 minutes ago, Mesopotamian said:

 It can increase tolerance for the BS of your partner, and it can be damaging cuz that's going to set the bar too low for them. One day you wake up and ask yourself why you're putting up with so much BS from them? 

Just don't date stage blue-orange girls everyone is raving about in pua communities and this forum even and you'll probably have little issues with it

Edited September 27, 2023 by Hello from Russia

[Mesopotamian]

3 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Here you would need boundaries..Are they okay with your boundaries? Will they change their bullshit behavior for you? 

Actually it can be paradoxically a very rewarding experience when you hear your partner say that they will change themselves in order to stop you from leaving them.

I feel that needs to be figured out before sleeping together, and it could be difficult to abandon them later after you had a dose of feel-good hormones many times with them.

4 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

How much growth you can force in your partner if they are receptive to your instructions and confrontation. They will become a better person because of you.

Most often than not, they won't. You can't force change onto somebody this way or else, it becomes like transactional operation. "Try to change for me, or you lose me"

Also are you that desperate and can't try to meet another one of the  hundreds of million of people out there so that you want to force change onto the one you already met?

8 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Mutual growth is the key. If they are willing to change for you, that's very exciting. It also gives you a boost, a purpose to serve in the relationship. The fact that they are willing to change is also an indicator of their commitment to serving you as well. This does not look bad. This is their way of showing their love for you. 

In fact such polarized relationships have a lot of chemistry that makes them exciting. 

What's the point of a relationship that's too perfect perfect perfect. That will get boring too quickly. 

You won't ever likely to find a 'too perfect' connection with anybody in this world, so be assured, there's always going to be drama, however the trick is to find somebody with similar life path to you, they have more or less similar past, and are OK with certain points. 

Few years back, I got out of my family, and I wanted to be independent, however I fell in love with somebody who has strong attachment to family, she send them money all the time not only for survival, but also to do unnecessary renovations at family home, but I was like fuck that shit, fuck the whole family system I want to be independent!

I guess having the same views on big matters more or less or outlook is a must, unless you want your relationship to be all about drama!

[r0ckyreed]

Soul sex is the way to go!  

Edited September 27, 2023 by r0ckyreed

[Buck Edwards]

8 minutes ago, Mesopotamian said:

Also are you that desperate and can't try to meet another one of the  hundreds of million of people out there so that you want to force change onto the one you already met?

Well you can always find someone better. Options always exist. It's not the question of options. 

If you are truly and madly in love (for me falling in love is serious business and not just picking choosing random people to see who clicks ) then you would do everything to save a relationship until you can do no more to fix it, it's matter of personal preferences. 

I'm not the one who easily gives up on people. Meeting people that match my liking and passion is quite rare, not because of high standards, I simply don't get attracted to a lot of people and looks don't matter to me. I like the personality, a person with substance and character and the camaraderie and chemistry I create with them. I'm not an extrovert and I'm not very social. I have a simple lifestyle and I prefer someone extremely simple in their lifestyle. I don't like social media people, they turn me off with their attention seeking behavior, the kind of people who have tons of people chasing them. All this attention validation nonsense. 

It's hard for me to find people who like a quieter life. So If I find a desirable person I don't like to give up easily. 

My motto is make it work. Mutually of course. And if they don't listen then move on. 

 

[Hardkill]

48 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Not true, but it's a cute idea.

Then, why do some girls whom you had a one night stand don't respond to your texts or phone calls the next day, even if the sex was good, you wanted to see her again, and girls get attached to guys they have sex with?

[Mesopotamian]

13 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

My motto is make it work.

If you try too hard that can be off-putting for women. They want somebody to latch on to, not someone who seems desperate to have a relationship. 

 

15 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

If you are truly and madly in love (for me falling in love is serious business and not just picking choosing random people to see who clicks ) then you would do everything to save a relationship until you can do no more to fix it,

don't ask then why woman is leaving you, you kinda need to have some balance and invest a certain amount of time and effort, not all the way of course. 

Truth is that you might not destined to have a relationship in this life with anybody at all, I am sure that there are people who live and die and can't have any relationship, so try not to take it seriously.. your moto should be "if it happens, it does, if not then fuck it" 

 

 

[Buck Edwards]

17 minutes ago, Mesopotamian said:

Truth is that you might not destined to have a relationship in this life with anybody at all, I am sure that there are people who live and die and can't have any relationship, so try not to take it seriously.. your moto should be "if it happens, it does, if not then fuck it" 

I have emotional fragility issues. I can feel weak sometimes when I don't receive love. 

My emotional behavior might be fogging my brain. So you might be right.

Thanks for the perspective and support. 

 

[Javfly33]

For the girl is the opposite. Is when you have sex that she starts to want to connect. If you try to connect with her on a soul level before sex, you fucked up she won't feel desire or feel you you are a man.

The game is actually very macabre. As a person one of the most sweet feeling you can have is that feeling of connection and love, but choosing that perspective will make the girl NOT be attracted to you and see you as a friend and lose interest.

And if you play the game she actually wants you to play, in other words the masculine, leading, dominating her (assertively, not in an narcissistic way) she will be attracted and like you, but you won't get that feeling of connection and love, you will be in that macho survival aspect role, which at the end of the day, is much much more pleasurable and good feeling that being mr nice guy beta, but still crushes your soul because it doesn't feel quite right, you are just playing a role.

Overall I would conclude that you can not have connections with women and at the same time have sex, for her to become attracted to you you can not get into this high conscious perspective, because this high conscious perspective eliminates the possibility of her being attracted to you sexually/romantically.

Is a macabre game. In summary, don't try to seek love or connection with women, is not the place to get it. Offer what she wants and get what she can offer you.

[Mesopotamian]

@Javfly33 I feel people don't try to venture out of this "alpha" mindset. They're too afraid. You were a beta once probably, and it wasn't good feeling, and now you're alpha, and want to stay there.

But also, for the sake of experiment, you can consider things like you as a man can be of a value to a woman in a not romantic context. This woman or girl is also entitled to having a friend of hers that provide her value other than the physical survival aspect. This is precisely go against your point:

33 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

don't try to seek love or connection with women, is not the place to get it.

It's might not be only a case of 'Alpha, and Beta'. Couldn't be a mix? couldn't be a 'Gamma' for example? somebody who can be a friend, nice but assertive. Somebody with a balance, somebody who provides value other than survival needs.. 

[Javfly33]

37 minutes ago, Mesopotamian said:

@Javfly33 I feel people don't try to venture out of this "alpha" mindset. They're too afraid. You were a beta once probably, and it wasn't good feeling, and now you're alpha, and want to stay there.

But also, for the sake of experiment, you can consider things like you as a man can be of a value to a woman in a not romantic context. This woman or girl is also entitled to having a friend of hers that provide her value other than the physical survival aspect. This is precisely go against your point:

It's might not be only a case of 'Alpha, and Beta'. Couldn't be a mix? couldn't be a 'Gamma' for example? somebody who can be a friend, nice but assertive. Somebody with a balance, somebody who provides value other than survival needs.. 

I don't know if there is something outside of the dichotomy of 'beta-alpha'. I just know I had experienced tremendous, utter, brutal suffering being beta. A  extreme suffering that almost killed me. So I´m not going to roll the dice again trying to 'connect'. Another experience could kill me. I have to construct a solid barrier between me and the woman, and just use her for sex and play with her. Is that really conscious? NO. But she responds well when you do that. So why would I try to connect with her and trust her since that particular perspective was the one that made me lose her.

 I tried to connect several times in the past with women and the bet was fatal.

But I don't know actually what happens after sex. Maybe after sex you can connect. I only had sex with hookers so I wouldn't know what to say in this regard. 

Edited September 27, 2023 by Javfly33

[Raze]

Completely wrong, sex releases oxytocin which is the bonding chemical. Waiting for sex will just make her out you in the provider category where you don’t want to be, it’s much better to start as a lover then move towards commitment.

[Javfly33]

2 hours ago, Raze said:

Completely wrong, sex releases oxytocin which is the bonding chemical. Waiting for sex will just make her out you in the provider category where you don’t want to be, it’s much better to start as a lover then move towards commitment.

Exactly 

[Mesopotamian]

3 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I don't know if there is something outside of the dichotomy of 'beta-alpha'. I just know I had experienced tremendous, utter, brutal suffering being beta. A  extreme suffering that almost killed me. So I´m not going to roll the dice again trying to 'connect'. Another experience could kill me. I have to construct a solid barrier between me and the woman, and just use her for sex and play with her. Is that really conscious? NO. But she responds well when you do that. So why would I try to connect with her and trust her since that particular perspective was the one that made me lose her.

 I tried to connect several times in the past with women and the bet was fatal.

But I don't know actually what happens after sex. Maybe after sex you can connect. I only had sex with hookers so I wouldn't know what to say in this regard. 

it's a bit sad that you can't seem to get a genuine connection with a female, but I kinda understand where  you're coming from, it's never easy and it does take a lot of courage, and also you need a special kind of knowledge. One book that I read in the past is called "The Female Brain" and it was the start to my journey to unlock the knowledge of how a woman thinks. It gave examples of how men and women think differently. 

Sometimes women themselves have lost hope that a connection with a guy is possible, that's why they are holding to the survival aspect where they want a rich guy and "alpha-male" 

 

[Javfly33]

1 hour ago, Mesopotamian said:

 

Sometimes women themselves have lost hope that a connection with a guy is possible, that's why they are holding to the survival aspect where they want a rich guy and "alpha-male" 

 

And is getting worse. Comparing to how my fathers used to mate, nowdays dating game and man-woman relationship is a brutal jungle. 

Edited September 27, 2023 by Javfly33