How can I get respect in my classes as a teacher?

[Jannes]

For 4 weeks now I work 5 hours a week at a middle school and teach students philosophy from grade 5 to 8. From my own experience I know that this is the toughest time to be a teacher. I never taught other classes before or was leading a camp or anything so this is cold water for me and I got some pretty though classes as well. The way many other teacher get their class under control is by extreme discipline. In most classes they can't even drink in class. For me this is absurd, I want to treat them like humans. I became louder and louder and felt like I was screaming and the other students still just asked me why I was so quiet and honestly told me that they dont understand that they should be more quit if I am not more strictly. 

I am usually a very appreciative and calm person and when I would become more strict I fear that I would loose these feats and become just another horror teacher. But on the other hand, if I am not more strict the class is bad for my students as well. The ones that want to do the work can't do it when its too loud, so its a  lot more loving on my end to be more strict. But it becomes very primal. I listened to two old female teacher in the classroom talking how when lion cubs misbehave they get bitten in the ear. And that you naturally integrate the strictness through your life support instincts. It's so weird. I went in there with a bit of a feeling that this is civilization, but it's more like a place where civilization takes place. 

 

[Scholar]

I think schools should be a source of discipline. Remember, children today don't have anything to allow them to integrate all the important aspects of stage blue. The only place where this can take place for most children is the school. If they don't learn these lessons there they could come out dysfunctional for the rest of their life's, lacking that type of integration.

The best teachers I had were strict, demanding respect. You can still be loose and loving in that context, but I strongly feel there needs to be a certain stability in you. The children have to respect you.

 

That will probably be a skill you will need to develop. You are far beyond stage blue most likely, so you don't need to worry about becoming overly strict. That happens when teachers are kind of stuck in that stage of development. You need to be able to use all these aspects fully conscious of what you are doing.

Edited September 26, 2023 by Scholar

[mr_engineer]

30 years ago, teachers in my country had literal canes and they were allowed to beat students with those canes. Sounds funny today, but it was real back then. 

When I was in school, it was normal for teachers to throw chalk-pieces at disruptive students. They would have good aim! 

You have to exercise some sort of power to discipline them. If not physical power, maybe admin power. Reward and punishment is the way to go. And you can be ruthless with this, as long as it's allowed. 

Edited September 27, 2023 by mr_engineer

[Nemra]

@mr_engineer Teachers do that in other parts of the world. Most of them aren't motivated to teach their subject and aren't very knowledgeable.

Edited September 27, 2023 by Understander

[Nemra]

@Jannes 

My mother is a teacher. What I know from my experience as a student and from my mother is that yelling and physically hurting students all the time for not behaving doesn't work. They make it worse. Children at that age are very emotional. They want the teacher to be their friend and understand them. The lack of it is one of the reasons that they become immature, uncompassionate, unintelligent assholes.

Edited September 27, 2023 by Understander

[Spiritual Warrior]

I was a substitute PE teacher at elementary school for 6 weeks and Ive been running a sports camp every summer for the past 6 years. 

When I was subbing, I ran into the same issues you are talking about, the respect wasn't there. Some of the kids knew that they could get away with things because I was too nice. I wasn't a bad teacher, I was very loving but the lack of respect that they had for me gave me a lack of control.

For my camp however, the respect is there. If I have to express my disappointment to the entire group in a stern way then I am going to do that because it is what needs to be done in order for the camp to run smoothly. I am still being loving, but it is a more masculine love. My sole focus is making sure that the camp runs smoothly, and this requires a stern leader that runs a tight ship. As I've gotten better at this, I've unfortunately started having less fun, it has been more difficult to develop relations with the kids and let loose, but the camp has never run more smoothly. This last summer, it literally felt like it was running itself, it was a very cool experience.

I am engaging in maturity right here, sacrificing instant gratification (having fun) for the greater good of the whole. Now that I've gotten the sternness integrated, maybe the next stage in my development is to swing the pendulum back and to have some more fun with the kids, I guess we'll have to see. 

You just need to give yourself some time and  grace. It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders and you are already a great teacher, just continue doing what you're doing and you'll find the perfect balance. 

Edited September 27, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Jannes]

On 26.9.2023 at 1:41 PM, Scholar said:

I think schools should be a source of discipline. Remember, children today don't have anything to allow them to integrate all the important aspects of stage blue. The only place where this can take place for most children is the school. If they don't learn these lessons there they could come out dysfunctional for the rest of their life's, lacking that type of integration.

The best teachers I had were strict, demanding respect. You can still be loose and loving in that context, but I strongly feel there needs to be a certain stability in you. The children have to respect you.

 

That will probably be a skill you will need to develop. You are far beyond stage blue most likely, so you don't need to worry about becoming overly strict. That happens when teachers are kind of stuck in that stage of development. You need to be able to use all these aspects fully conscious of what you are doing.

Thanks yeah that's what I was also thinking as well and that's what many teacher also talked about. It's just that I wish the education system were better. That demand of discipline should come with actually providing lots of value otherwise students will learn that they are kind of worthless. Why else would they be forced to learn things that aren't that important. I still look at this from student lenses. But my class is pretty important at least it's like 1 hour a week with all the stuff that should be tought in school so demanding discipline is justified.

[Jannes]

On 27.9.2023 at 10:32 AM, Understander said:

@Jannes 

My mother is a teacher. What I know from my experience as a student and from my mother is that yelling and physically hurting students all the time for not behaving doesn't work. They make it worse. Children at that age are very emotional. They want the teacher to be their friend and understand them. The lack of it is one of the reasons that they become immature, uncompassionate, unintelligent assholes.

Yeah thanks for mentioning that. It's very difficult to balance being the boss and showing affection when you have many difficult students. But that is very true. It takes a lot of growth to get there I think. 

[Jannes]

@Spiritual Warrior thanks for sharing your experience.

[Reignforest]

Your teaching an age stuck in stage red, so yeah blue is appropriate.  If you want to treat them like adults, teach adults. Also teach them something of genuine value. Something desperately lacking in all school systems. 

[Alexop]

If what you are teaching there is simple and interesting for them, and taught in a ferm and skillful way, they would naturally become more quiet and pay attention to the class. If they don't feel you are one of them, teach them interesting stuff and understand their position, no amount of threatenings, punishments and other stage blue solutions will work. Just look how quiet and focused they are when they play on the computer, there is none punishing them there.

My math teacher from highschool was using this typical stage blue approach of punishment, but beacuse her classes were super boring and completely useless, we were still loud or just ignoring the class altogether.  

Funny story: I was volunteering at a children's educational project in a village in Romania, there was a very undiciplined, problematic bully type child there, they wanted to kick him out. But I said let me try a different approach first. I befriended him, talked about his interrests in cars and stuff, tried to get in his camp. He said: "I hate these trainers here with their boring bullshit" I said: "I get you, I also got annoyed of many boring uninteresting classes at school too, we can do it another way" I spent most days around him explaining in a more simple manner what they said at trainings and till the end of the project he become more and more interested into the subjects and even built a solar powerd car, I helped him a bit. 

Edited October 20, 2023 by Alexop

[bensenbiz]

2 hours ago, Alexop said:

If what you are teaching there is simple and interesting for them, and taught in a ferm and skillful way, they would naturally become more quiet and pay attention to the class. If they don't feel you are one of them, teach them interesting stuff and understand their position, no amount of threatenings, punishments and other stage blue solutions will work. Just look how quiet and focused they are when they play on the computer, there is none punishing them there.

My math teacher from highschool was using this typical stage blue approach of punishment, but beacuse her classes were super boring and completely useless, we were still loud or just ignoring the class altogether.  

Funny story: I was volunteering at a children's camp in a village in Romania, there was a very undiciplined, problematic bully type child there, they wanted to kick him out. But I said let me try a different approach first. I befriended him, talked about his interrests in cars and stuff, tried to get in his camp. He said: "I hate these trainers here with their boring bullshit" I said: "I get you, I also got annoyed of many boring uninteresting classes at school too, we can do it another way" I spent most days around him explaining in a more simple manner what they said at trainings and till the end of the camp he become more and more interested into the subjects and even built a solar powerd car, I helped him a bit. 

beautiful to hear, that's some true love - most of the "problematic" children are just screaming for love. I guess in 1n1 session it's easier but when they are in bulk it can get difficult, I used to teach theatre for 1 month, before meeting the whole class I met everyone face to face in a 1n1 session and establish a respectful, loving relationship. That worked wonders

[Spence94]

@Jannes

Firstly, be kind to yourself. In my 6 years teaching, I found students aged 12-14 to be the most challenging without a doubt. It’s tough. You’re doing good. 

Secondly, it always starts with your Self. Observe how students trigger you, how they respond to you, how they react to you, how you react to them. The more grounded in your own energy you are, the less students will pull you of course or even attempt to do so. Silence  and presence speaks in the classroom. Teenagers have little egos but they are human beings and they intuit and feel strong awarenesss in the classroom from their teacher. 

Thirdly, PRACTICE the art of regaining the attention of the classroom. Planning and delivery of interesting and interactive lessons is a skill that’s never complete. Also, those moments where you really do have to “layeth the smack a down” and command control and demand silence of a class that is quickly getting out of hand is like stand up comedy, you’ll bomb sometimes before you get the timing right and more on point. Even veteran teachers slip up from time to time. 
 

Young people don’t tend to hold a grudge towards teachers so much. You can switch from  strict to friendly pretty quickly if you’re congruent. You can tell a student off one lesson and then the next class they are all ears and happy to see you. 
 

The biggest difference is your own energy, health, commitment and internal state. Meditation, exercise, visualization of classes going well and students being engaged and enthusiastic. You have to care as a teacher. Even 8 year olds can tell the difference between a teacher with passion and a teacher ‘at work’. But if you’re here asking this, you care.

Before I started, a veteran 35 year teacher told me;

” You might do everything in your heart and soul to make it work and it still won’t go down right. That is just how life goes sometimes. “
 

When it gets really tough and rough with certain classes and students, remind your self that, often it’s them and it’s not you. Focus on what you can control and don’t forget about all the hard working, respectful, attentive and polite students you have and have had before. 
 

Good luck and enjoy.
 

Teaching is a beautiful, deeply fulfilling and profound art form.
 

From a fellow teacher in the trenches! 

Edited October 26, 2023 by Spence94

[Jannes]

@Spence94 Thanks for sharing! I read your comment right when you wrote it. I just didn't respond yet for some reason. 

 

Edited November 7, 2023 by Jannes

[Jannes]

Things have improved a bit. When I am very social in my free time I become more confident in my teaching so that's great. I slipped up slightly yesterday. I became angry at a student and my anger almost broke out uncontrolled. My face became kind of solidified for a second and I needed to catch myself. The student didn't really notice it just two student across saw the situation and quietly died from laughter. I quietly laughed as well because I was so surprised by myself.