Reoccurring long-term relationship paradox issue

[Tom T]

Hey @Leo Gura, I'm curious about a paradox I seem to be facing over and over again when it comes to long-term relationships. During dating, I act distant, limit affection, and play hard to get. But when she wants monogamy and I'm down, I become more loving and caring by telling her how much I love her and I actually start initiating hugs more, I respond to her texts promptly and I'm more available. However, girls seems to lose interest quickly by this because I'm no longer a challenge to her and became a pussy beta male in her eyes. In the monogynous relationship should I keep up all the same things I was doing when playing hard to get such as taking longer to respond then her, not telling her how much I love her, never send her lengthy replies, not give her any validation and only hug when she initiates it but mix it in with still being loving somehow? I remember you saying the best way to keep a women is love but it seems to not be the case or am I just  attracting the wrong women by using these tactics in the dating phase? Any insights or advice would be much appreciated and thank you for all your amazing content! 

Edited September 22, 2023 by Tom T

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEwQO3IIddI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPg9qYMjE3Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDb3Y0WOHFI

Edited September 21, 2023 by Raze

[Tom T]

thanks @Raze will give them a watch!!

Edited September 21, 2023 by Tom T

[NoSelfSelf]

Basically you are acting like a man in the beggining but then change yourself ,if you authentically a man you will have her at priority number 5, since you are looking to conquer your challenges and only then you give her time just because you relly busy..

When you really become a man you would not have a woman in your top 10 priority you have so much things to do for yourself its not something you fake...there will be a unsatisfied need to grab higher and higher hard to explain...

[Leo Gura]

I don't know. I've never had a problem retaining girls.

Maybe it's because you are being inauthentic. Maybe it's shallow or truamatized girls. Maybe it's because you don't offer much value, you don't have much success in your life and the girl doesn't see you as husband material. Maybe the sex isn't good.

I think the reason I never had problems retaining girls is because I'm very unique and valuable once she gets to know me. So I recommend working on developing a nice life. Something girls can get excited to be a part of. For example, invest in sprucing up your living space so it's cool and unique. Small things like that.

Edited September 22, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Spiral]

Imagine girls are cats and dangling yarn in front of them is playing hard. They lose interest the second you stop.

So in other words don’t play “hard to get” it doesn’t work.

[Tom T]

@Raze  thank you for the links!! really interesting videos that I will use to reshape my PUA approach to find more suitable partners. 

@NoSelfSelf Thank you for the reply! yes, I should create a life where she is number 3-5 on the priority list and it not just be an act 

 

@Leo Gura thank you for the reply!! my life dose suck in all fairness even though i have good front end game. So as long as I am financially successful (which I'm not) and have an exciting life she wants to be apart of (which I don't) I will not have to keep up all my games like not replying to texts fast, not initiating hugs, being hard to access and telling her how much i like her etc? To be honest, I think your right with the authenticity.  I am needy but I can switch it off in the dating phase when i'm playing all these games on purpose but in the monogamy part I think I just let my guard down unleash all the neediness that i've been bottling up for so long. 

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

36 minutes ago, Tom T said:

I will not have to keep up all my games like not replying to texts fast, not initiating hugs, being hard to access and telling her how much i like her etc? 

You are shooting yourself in the foot with all those games. You should aim to be more authentic and natural, so she is interacting with your true personality, not a facade. If you present a facade she cannot fall in love with the true you.

Girls are very sensitive and even when you believe you fooled her with all your tricks and games, she probably just feels that you're an unattractive weirdo. You may be fooling yourself with your games more than you're fooling her.

And work on financial success. A girl don't want to go long-term with a scrub. Make yourself into bf-material.

Edited September 22, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Yimpa]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

A girl don't want to go long-term with a scrub.

 

[Tom T]

@Leo Gura okay, I will throw all my games out the window and work on being more authentic within myself, even if it loses me potential girls at first and I will also shift my focus away from girls and dating and work on my finances and gym / making my life something my ideal girl would be excited to be apart of! thank you for the advice! I will use it to change my life over the next couple years!

Edited September 23, 2023 by Tom T

[Leo Gura]

5 hours ago, Tom T said:

work on being more authentic within myself,

That IS proper game.

You gotta learn to trust that girls will like you for how you are, so you don't need to work for their love. And those who don't can take a hike.

Edited September 23, 2023 by Leo Gura

[StarStruck]

Being social is 80% authenticity and 20% social persona games. If you are authentic all the time it is as bad as being a social chameleon. But authenticity should be your bedrock for sure.

Edited September 23, 2023 by StarStruck

[StarStruck]

6 minutes ago, Francis777 said:

good point to be fair, you'd be an outcast if you were 100% authentic

It is kind of weird everybody assumes mr T of not being authentic! The problem could be that he is too authentic!! Girls are very good at sensing and I bet they can feel the desperation and trauma energy. They don't want to be locked in by such a guy and they will consciously and unconsciously will try to escape that lock.

In that case the problem is that he is too authentic. He needs to fix the desperation and trauma energy of not being loved at the root + put of a persona of not wanting her too much.

If mr T typed up the content of this thread and texted it towards a girl, most girls would find it hard warming and show empathy towards him but they wouldn't fuck him. Girls want a guy who is successful and have sexual options. And being authentic about being a looser won't cause attraction.

Edited September 23, 2023 by StarStruck

[Yimpa]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

And those who don't can take a hike.

Lol, I was just on a hiking date recently 

[Tom T]

@Leo Gura and  @StarStruck thank you very much for your insights. This thread will change my life over the next 3-5 years.

My plan is to completely opt out of pickup/dating over the next 2 to 5 years as my front end game is already good but my back end is horrible so the plan is to:

1. Write a list of who I am and what I stand for and work on embodying it in every aspect of my life 

2. Becoming financially successful 

3. Heal my anxious avoidant attachment style 

4. See a relationship therapist to get to the root of my neediness 

5. Throw out all my stupid tactics and work on becoming a man of value who has a cool life that women would be excited to be a part of

If I have all these things in place then I should have no problem retaining girls on the back end.

 

Thank you once again, this will change my life!!!