Freezing up Before an Approach

[Oso]

I froze up before even attempting a cold approach today. What is the nature behind this freezing up?

I've encountered it my whole life with women.

So far, I can see that changing perspective and letting go of expectations can help, but realizing those things doesn't help the fact that when it's time, I can barely move a muscle. 

Can anyone give some advice? Better yet, actions one can take to break out of freezing up?

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJKiFisdi5g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68X1sqr9Prg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG8bA1BiCVA

[Yimpa]

It’s part of the learning process. Don’t look at it as failure. Start with this mindset.

More specifically, don’t look at yourself as a failure.

I’m talking to a woman and she has explicitly stated that she’s open to cuddling and touching, yet despite the clear signals I still have reservations and doubts about myself. 

This is why letting go of expectations is not merely enough for letting go of your own fears of rejection. And why chasing after the perfect opportunity is not going to solve your problem at the root. 

Edited September 21, 2023 by Yimpa

[Princess Arabia]

Consider it a hot approach. That'll do the trick. It's called Cognitive Dissonance.

[NoSelfSelf]

That mechanism also happens during altercations because your body/mind knows you will get hurt by doing it, so it stops you, basically you think you are weak and you gave an order to your mind stop me before it happens so i dont get hurt...

Same with fear same with any block...

[Leo Gura]

Anxiety is normal, you just have to stop thinking and do it anyway.

It really helps if you learn to completely shut off your mind during the approach. But this requires a lot of training. You won't be able to do it as a newbie.

During approach your greatest enemy is your own mind. So shutting it down is the key.

[Spiritedness]

How do you even shut it down? @Leo Gura Involuntary anxious thoughts are inevitable and cannot be controlled. Just don't react to them. How can we 'shut them down'?

[Princess Arabia]

8 minutes ago, Spiritedness said:

How do you even shut it down? @Leo Gura Involuntary anxious thoughts are inevitable and cannot be controlled. Just don't react to them. How can we 'shut them down'?

Thoughts follow a certain pattern. Previous thought will be followed by a similar thought etc, so train the mind to focus on where you want it to go and the thought patterns you want to thread and it will get used to following the pattern. Just like how this thread is about a particular topic and we focus on the topic, same thing with thoughts. Moderators will say stay on topic, don't drift off topic. Same thing. 

It takes practice so start in your daily life. For instance, if you're trying to approach. Notice the thought, if it says, she won't like me, I'm nervous, I'm ugly, my game sucks, consciously switch it to, so what, life goes on, not the end of the world, if she rejects, her loss. Just don't tell yourself stuff you don't believe yourself just yet because the mind will bully you back. Keep it simple and keep doing it over and over till you start to believe it and similar thought patterns will follow. 

If you get rejected, and you find thoughts come like, see I told you so, switch it to another thought consciously, speak out loud to yourself in a whisper. Say like, see, I'm still alive, nothing happened to me, she rejected because someone better is coming etcetc, use your imagination. Eventually, you will see the change in the pattern but you have to be aware, aware of your thoughts, drift it back to focus. It takes time but it will be worth it because now you're re-training the mind which takes practice.

 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Spiritedness said:

How do you even shut it down? @Leo Gura Involuntary anxious thoughts are inevitable and cannot be controlled. Just don't react to them. How can we 'shut them down'?

You can train yourself to be very relaxed and to not think as you approach.

Part of it involves building up your state.

Once you are very experienced at game you won't even think before talking to a girl.

Edited September 21, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Sleyker]

Sounds like approaching a woman is too much tension for you.

So I'd say start warming up by waving to strangers and saying hi as you walk down the street.

Maybe even only do that for a day, week or month. But the key is that you relax more and more as you do it.

Very importantly my man. Open your heart to the stranger you're saying hi to, let them in for a bit, appreciate something about them, see how beautiful they are. This is how you connect with people. 

Edited September 22, 2023 by Sleyker

[Yimpa]

@Sleyker your profile pic connects very well with your sentiments, aha!

[Sleyker]

@Yimpa Lol, why do you think so?

[Javfly33]

Fear, pain, Shame, dark energies, etc... That thing is the demon, it will ruin your life if you don't win it over.

Either get high to numb ir or surrender /open yourself to it completely you don't perceive it as a negative thing.

I recommend the second option.

But either way, the point is don't let it dominate you.

Edited September 22, 2023 by Javfly33

[Yimpa]

I froze up at one point during a date. You know what the solution is?:

LAUGH. Laugh so hard that it’s contagious & you loosen up so much to the point that you stop caring about what other people think about you.

Context is important, though. You don’t want to be doing this at a funeral.

Ah, screw it. Sometimes you can’t help but laugh at the wrong time.

Edited September 24, 2023 by Yimpa

[itsadistraction]

On 20/09/2023 at 6:22 PM, Oso said:

I froze up before even attempting a cold approach today. What is the nature behind this freezing up?

I've encountered it my whole life with women.

So far, I can see that changing perspective and letting go of expectations can help, but realizing those things doesn't help the fact that when it's time, I can barely move a muscle. 

Can anyone give some advice? Better yet, actions one can take to break out of freezing up?

It cause you want something from her and think she's hot. Would you freeze up if you had to approach someone you weren't attracted to or didn't want anything from? No!

Just picture them as 500 pounds and in a wheelchair or something. Then all your nerves will be gone. You ever notice how its so easy to talk to and inadvertently charm the women you aren't attracted to???

Good luck. You got this. 

Edited September 23, 2023 by itsadistraction

[Yimpa]

On 9/21/2023 at 11:27 PM, Sleyker said:

So I'd say start warming up by waving to strangers and saying hi as you walk

I waved hi gaily to a stranger today, and they gave me a very gay hi back.

Edited September 23, 2023 by Yimpa

[Princess Arabia]

3 hours ago, Yimpa said:

I waved hi gaily to a stranger today, and they gave me a very gay hi back.

You so silly..lol

[itsadistraction]

On 22/09/2023 at 0:27 AM, Sleyker said:

 

On 22/09/2023 at 0:27 AM, Sleyker said:

Sounds like approaching a woman is too much tension for you.

So I'd say start warming up by waving to strangers and saying hi as you walk down the street.

Maybe even only do that for a day, week or month. But the key is that you relax more and more as you do it.

Very importantly my man. Open your heart to the stranger you're saying hi to, let them in for a bit, appreciate something about them, see how beautiful they are. This is how you connect with people. 

Exactly, to attract women you need to start being better with people in general. Women love confident guys who can talk to anyone. 

[PurpleTree]

You know what‘s sad i don‘t only freeze before approaching

one time there was this woman, beautiful girl. And she was kind of into me, at least she didn‘t mind me. One of my friends tried approaching her one time and she just asked „where‘s pupletree?“ 

 

anyways so a few weeks later i saw her with her friends and she was smiling at me, and i just froze then and there, even if it wasn‘t the approaching phase. 
 

i couldn‘t even smile back ?

 

[Sugarcoat]

18 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

You know what‘s sad i don‘t only freeze before approaching

one time there was this woman, beautiful girl. And she was kind of into me, at least she didn‘t mind me. One of my friends tried approaching her one time and she just asked „where‘s pupletree?“ 

 

anyways so a few weeks later i saw her with her friends and she was smiling at me, and i just froze then and there, even if it wasn‘t the approaching phase. 
 

i couldn‘t even smile back ?

 

what’s the sad part?