Rant against all dating advice

[thierry]

After listening to a lot of coaches and advices from everywhere on dating. I finally came to the conclusion that this is toxic. And this is toxic no matter the where it comes from.

Let me explain. The thing is everyone has a different philosophy on Life and on dating according to your values of Life. Advices from someone random may not suit you and it is true even if what they say is decent and relatively aligned with the Truth. 
Finally, I think that’s an area where you have to think by yourself and find your most authentic way. Of course, it takes practice and work but I think that’s a journey everyone should make personal in the end.

Taking advices from an external source will just make the path longer. Have the courage to go on this adventure Alone, think by yourself, fall in Love, feel the heartbreak, try to understand. Do it again.

[SeaMonster]

The problem isn't that everyone's philosophy of life is different.

The problem is that some people plainly hold false beliefs about what is likely to work for them in being successful as far as whatever their goals are (sex, relationships, marriage, etc.)

Your philosophy of life isn't some sancrosanct thing never to be questioned anyway -- it could be something completely at odds with reality and a likely source of much suffering for you.

So while you may be right that some advice is kinda superficial and tactical, if you trace the deeper meaning of a lot of it, it is merely reality, or what works.

[thierry]

(And of course « fall in Love. Feel the heartbreak, try to understand » is biased too, my mistakes  what I was really meaning is do you. Do you but do it seriously, adjust when you need to.

[SeaMonster]

2 minutes ago, thierry said:

(And of course « fall in Love. Feel the heartbreak, try to understand » is biased too, my mistakes  what I was really meaning is do you. Do you but do it seriously, adjust when you need to.

I agree in general, but the problem is, many people DON'T adjust, they just stay...schmucky.  Reality can be too painful and difficult to swallow for many.

[Jacob Morres]

A lot of advice is inapplicable for sure

You kind of need to mold your own path based off your own life and the advice that's out there. It's a very individual process

What's great for someone can actually be very horrible for someone else 

 

Edited September 23, 2023 by Jacob Morres

[Yimpa]

Raise your consciousness and you will be able to take in any kind of advice, dating included, much more effectively. 

The way you process information will also be enhanced.

Sorry if I sound vague, you just have to see for yourself.

[BlessedLion]

HERE IS THE BEST DATING ADVICE; Become God realized and your energy becomes so attractive that you have women fighting over you, it's all about the vibes and if you are realized you have great vibes

[Applegarden8]

I can resonate a bit. There have been women that I would like to have dated and they would like that I would have dated, but it was just not my priority.

Deep down I feel that I need to work on my life and work on my general ignorance about life as it was an issue since I remember myself. The instincts of the body are pretty strong though. As much as I like women, I think I will not date. I don't know why I am born, and it bothers me.

[strika]

On 25. 09. 2023. at 5:48 AM, BlessedLion said:

HERE IS THE BEST DATING ADVICE; Become God realized and your energy becomes so attractive that you have women fighting over you, it's all about the vibes and if you are realized you have great vibes

Exactly, this is it, everything else is just games and techniques, but THIS is what it really all boils down to, once you have this advice you don't need anything else.

[StareDog1]

I think one important thing too in this regard. Dating changes also with age, your personality structure and the people you engage with. Dating with a girl or woman of the socialworks is way different than a business women/single mother or teen. So I think the specifics change so much. And the easiest way is probably to form yourself into a family man and it will be pretty easy to find a woman compared to going to the club scene/events to find someone.

[Tenebroso]

@BlessedLion I'm sure the the murderers and abusers who have an abundance of women are god realized.

Edited October 4, 2023 by Tenebroso

[strika]

2 hours ago, Tenebroso said:

@BlessedLion I'm sure the the murderers and abusers who have an abundance of women are god realized.

He never said it was a necessity but that it's the best advice, and those women who like those guys are obviously immature, low vibrational women anyway, you don't want that in your life unless you're really unwise, you should want high vibrational women, assuming that you're a high vibrational man, there are less of those but they are of higher quality.

Edited October 4, 2023 by strika

[Tenebroso]

@strika These silly just fallacy myths, I can't stand. Life is way more nuanced and fluid than this. High vibrational women are not necessarily attracted to high vibrational men. It is a myth that only immature, low vibrational women are the only ones to date terrible men. Society does not want to face the true amorality of female desire. You can tell these comforting stories if you want to but the world would look very different if it was actually true.

[Pav]

@Tenebroso

Yeah truth is women are primarily attracted by looks, having experienced both sides (recently lost a fair bit of weight) I can tell you that women will make it very easy for handsome men to have sex. Personality factors, compatibility, ability to provide, ect. will come into play when it comes to relationships, but you'll still need to meet a certain looks threshold.

On 25/09/2023 at 1:18 PM, BlessedLion said:

HERE IS THE BEST DATING ADVICE; Become God realized and your energy becomes so attractive that you have women fighting over you, it's all about the vibes and if you are realized you have great vibes

How much experience do you have with women? Have you actually tested this advice and had results from it? Unfortunately, reality does not have to conform to our own ideas of it no matter how nice they sound and how much we want to believe in them. Sex is a very carnal thing.

@thierry

Much of the dating/pick up advice out there is bullshit and very misleading. Most of these coaches on YouTube are manipulating people in order to sell them their over priced garbage courses. There is some good, genuine advice out there but you've got to use a high degree of discernment and good judgement. Leo's How to Get Laid videos are a very good summary.

You also make a good point in that much of the advice that works for some people may not work for you. There are various archetypes that we can fit into as men, trying to emulate someone who's a different sort of guy as yourself may make you come off as very incongruent. Authenticity is important, the problem is you don't start out knowing who you authentically are by default. You've got to go through the process of self-discovery by test things out via trial and error and observing what works and what is most authentic to you.

Edited October 5, 2023 by Pav

[strika]

6 hours ago, Tenebroso said:

@strika These silly just fallacy myths, I can't stand. Life is way more nuanced and fluid than this. High vibrational women are not necessarily attracted to high vibrational men. It is a myth that only immature, low vibrational women are the only ones to date terrible men. Society does not want to face the true amorality of female desire. You can tell these comforting stories if you want to but the world would look very different if it was actually true.

High vibrational women are necessarily attracted to high vibrational men and vice versa, it's just that the high vibrational women you're thinking of i wouldn't consider high vibrational, those are good but still not good enough to meet this standard of high vibrational women that i'm talking about, there is less than a million of these women on the planet, those women that don't even care about physical side of relationships, no sex, cuddles, kissing, all that bullshit, intimacy happens only on the level of the soul, it's almost like a friendship but it's still a relationship, it's by far the most pleasurable type of relationship, it's massively rare but it exists, it's just that the world is not ready for something like this yet, it wouldn't be taken seriously from most people because of how animalistic the world still is, but that's fine, it's all a part of the process.

[sholomar]

I think people tend to be stuck in different polyvagal states of their nervous system ... Someone who has a strong ventral vagal response and is at peace, playful, and social, is going to behave different than people stuck on dorsal vagal mode (basically the freeze response), which I'm convinced a lot of people in this forum are. Far from being personally developed, many are depressed and defeated through really no fault of their own or others...life circumstances wired their brains this way.

Dating sites for people based on their emotional state would actually be handy.   What people call "god realized" is simply a playful ventral vagal state much of the population are already in that has been further enhanced through personal development.

https://themovementparadigm.com/how-to-map-your-own-nervous-sytem-the-polyvagal-theory/

It helps to be an interesting person too. I personally am not. At this point I'm boring and responsible, rather than impulsive and adventurous. Im working at it, but have a certain level of acceptance I don't vibe with this culture, because I still have a well developed dorsal vagal response but I'm gradually releasing it. Baby steps.  

 

Edited October 5, 2023 by sholomar

[strika]

7 minutes ago, sholomar said:

I think people tend to be stuck in different polyvagal states of their nervous system ... Someone who has a strong ventral vagal response and is at peace, playful, and social, is going to behave different than people stuck on dorsal vagal mode (basically the freeze response), which I'm convinced a lot of people in this forum are. Far from being personally developed, many are depressed and defeated through really no fault of their own or others...life circumstances wired their brains this way.

Dating sites for people based on their emotional state would actually be handy.   What people call "god realized" is simply a playful ventral vagal state much of the population are already in that has been further enhanced through personal development.

https://themovementparadigm.com/how-to-map-your-own-nervous-sytem-the-polyvagal-theory/

Im a super boring person to be around who is socially underdeveloped. I come off as creepy, and I've simply accepted that. If I change, I change, but I'm self aware, aware what drives female nature and our species in general, and accept I don't really have the tools to manage a relationship with most modern western women because of this desire for novelty, excitement, and adventure within the culture. I'm just not "interesting" and being "interesting" in my eyes is one of the most important traits.

 

 

Just do brahmacharya for 6-12 months and you'll be good, all that "boredom" and "creepinees" will go away, those things aren't natural unless a person doesn't do brahmacharya, which most people don't.

[sholomar]

7 minutes ago, strika said:

Just do brahmacharya for 6-12 months and you'll be good, all that "boredom" and "creepinees" will go away, those things aren't natural unless a person doesn't do brahmacharya, which most people don't.

You are correct on this one, and im actually working on "nofap" because I see that easy dopamine robs me of my zest for life, contributing to feeling "like a zombie." Thanks for the post!  I will add this term to my vocabulary and dig more into it.  Would you call this a dopamine reset?  I always have the intention to try this but always give in to the cravings yet. Still working on the sitting with the craving thing.   Its always helpful to hear someone else say it.

Edited October 5, 2023 by sholomar

[strika]

7 hours ago, sholomar said:

You are correct on this one, and im actually working on "nofap" because I see that easy dopamine robs me of my zest for life, contributing to feeling "like a zombie." Thanks for the post!  I will add this term to my vocabulary and dig more into it.  Would you call this a dopamine reset?  I always have the intention to try this but always give in to the cravings yet. Still working on the sitting with the craving thing.   Its always helpful to hear someone else say it.

That's great, yes this is the best dopamine reset there is cause usage of sexual energy wastes by far the most dopamine and energy out of any other action there is in life, sitting with a craving is a great approach. I recommend you to checkout this guy (https://www.youtube.com/@BeyondTheAlchemy) for videos about NoFap/Semen Retention/Brahmacharya, i've seen so many audiobooks, books, sources and YT channels over the last 3 years on semen retention and Brahmacharya and this guy is absolutely the best one, really chill, keeps it real, has experience cause he is like around 50 years old and has been doing it since his teens, explains things in such detail and depth and is conscious about it, check his content out, it will absolutely help you like it helped me, also he has another channel (https://www.youtube.com/@spiritualrenaissance) which is more about spirituality/nonduality, also quality so you can see it if you want. Also you can add basic dopamine detox into the mix, you know staying away from too much technology and social media, it's up there with brahmacharya imo, even tho brahmacharya is the best, i personally fell in love with it and i'm probably going for life, unless life leads me to another direction of creating a family etc., i won't mind of course, but i doubt that it will happen, life is too blissful on it, heaven 24/7.

Edited October 5, 2023 by strika

[Reignforest]

As a married man I can say that semen retention only makes the cravings worse and makes me way more likely to do stupid things just for sex. In fact I will regularly do the opposite just so that I'm not stuck doing a honey do list forever.