Help with escaping being miserable

[bastih]

Hi, I need some solutions, I feel like I'm stuck in an endless loop, where I rotate between being totally lazy and then periods of working hard as much as I can till the burnout hits and then going back to the starting point. 

 

I have a job which I feel I should love (I work for a sports betting company), which fits perfectly my interests and my life, but I don't love working there, sometimes I hate it a lot. 

 

I have a girlfriend which does a lot for me, loves me and she's always there when I need her, yet I can't feel the same towards her. 

 

I'm miserable all the time, unhappy, lazy, lots of bad habits, getting addicted to things like weed or gaming very easily.

 

I'm trying to improve, fight against those bad habits, but I always fail, I always keep going back to them, I only have strength and motivation to keep going only for so long, it always exhausts me at some point and I need MONTHS to regenerate mentally to give it another try, even though I know it's not gonna work. 

 

I started therapy half a year ago, I'm learning more and more about myself but I can't find the way to break the cycle, I've been trying for years. I know I'm a very weak human being, but I can't help it. I hate myself for it, I always give in. 

[Raze]

Are you low vitamin D or low testosterone?

try ifs therapy 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGy2PdVzNMU

https://www.shinzen.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/art_urges.pdf

 

[itsadistraction]

Great post and definitely can relate. You are on the right path and just by being here and posting I can tell your success is inevitable. It's coming for you. There's nothing you can do to stop it....

It sounds like you are reaching the limits of stage orange and you are experiencing it's limitations first hand. You have a perfect material life but you aren't happy. A common mistake here is thinking you need a better girlfriend or job etc. I say if you have a girl who loves you hold on to that like gold. That's worth alot right there. I'm not saying for ever, but for now, see if you can appreciate this person fully. 

Best thing to do is work on yourself, move up the spiral, and work on APPRECIATING what you have. So many people would kill to have what you have. 

Edited September 15, 2023 by itsadistraction

[Yimpa]

3 hours ago, bastih said:

I have a girlfriend which does a lot for me, loves me and she's always there when I need her, yet I can't feel the same towards her. 

Your love ultimately has to derive from yourself. And I’m not referring to becoming single and living in a monastery or cave. 

[Noahsteelers34]

Hey I can definitely relate to your post for certain periods in my life. I went through a period of being super disciplined, feeling like my habits were perfect, and then still being miserable. Then falling into binge eating episodes. I have largely conquered this to a certain extent. 
 

I stopped doing things to get somewhere else and started focusing on finding the things that I love doing in and of themselves. 
 

The key word for me is balance. Finding a way to make the most of your situation, while focusing on finding exquisite balance. Not overstraining myself, but also not being too lazy. Creating alot of structure by having an abundance of activities to occupy me. Not just thing that strain me but also activities that allow me to unwind and relax even if that means just lying on the couch and staring at the wall. 

What are the things that make time disappear for you? What do you actually enjoy most about life. Seek the answers to these things. Find hobby’s, something to work on mastering, not for any reason but because you enjoy it. 

I would work out at the gym, mediate journal, read books, but it was all because it was all because someone told me that was what I was supposed to do. I now focus on doing the things I really enjoy, that are also win win. 
 

also focus on radical acceptance of things as they are. Seneca said “a man is only as unhappy as he has convinced himself he is”. Obviously you can’t just accept a terrible situation and be totally happy, but there is something to be said about just enduring suffering with no resistance, knowing all will pass at some point. 
 

 

Edited September 15, 2023 by Noahsteelers34

[hyruga]

Learn to be grateful for what you have. We always focus on what we could achieve like earn even more, have a great relationships etc. 

But if you inspect your life, you have already achieve some things like having decent income and having a person who loves you etc. You are someone's envy. 

[Soul Flight]

Sleep, drink water, take vitamins, eat healthy, explain your feelings to a medical doctor, exercise, see nature, see water, be in nature, get therapy, read self help books, dance, do group activities, take classes, visit friends and family, go to school, find a new job, avoid sugar, caffeine, and salt, go vegan, tell your girlfriend the truth, take a break from your girlfriend, etc.

Take psychedelics in a therapeutic way. Lay in bed, lights off, earbuds in, eyes closed, set your intention, integrate the experience, etc.

Follow your instinct and intuition. Follow your heart. Live in the now. Ignore your brain. Ignore the past and the future.

The universe will show you the truth. You need to die before your death. You gotta hit the bottom of the barrel. Step up to the ledge but do not jump.

[Spiritual Warrior]

Honestly, I would make a big life change if I were you. If you've been in this rut for years and things haven't gotten better, then I feel like there are some foundational issues that need to be worked on in your life. 

Maybe your not as happy in your career as you think? Maybe you're not as happy in your relationship as you think? Maybe you want a better social life or don't like the town that you live in? It's possible that you are convincing yourself that you are happy with these circumstances because it's more convenient. 

Just my two cents, best of luck to you. 

20 hours ago, bastih said:

 I know I'm a very weak human being, but I can't help it.

Also, this belief about yourself is very detrimental to your growth. Whatever you think of yourself is going to determine what actions that you take in life. Work on turning this belief into "I am a strong, capable human being, one that is able to tackle any challenges that life throws at me." You can help it. Start taking ownership of your crappy beliefs and work on turning them around.

Best of luck.

Edited September 15, 2023 by Spiritual Warrior

[Yimpa]

Money, girlfriend, career, age, etc… all of these things are not causing you to be a certain way in and of itself. It’s how you relate to all of that. And, boy, does the associations go deeper than you are currently aware of. 

I’d also ask yourself if your relationship with your therapist is actually helpful or not. I’ve personally had plenty of therapists that were simply not the right fit for my unique circumstances, yet it took a lot of deep work on my part to come to that realization.

If you suspect that may also be the case for you, I’d recommend talking about it with your current therapist and see what they say.

[SeaMonster]

It sounds on paper like you have a pretty good life, but are dissatisfied nevertheless.

So the question is what do you really want in your life? And yeah, it's possible there is some kind of physical insufficiency such as Vitamin or something like that, so getting that checked out would be helpful.

Sometimes we can have unrealistic expectations too, and that can make us miserable.  Unless you have realistic, achievable goals, that could be the case.

[hyruga]

1 hour ago, SeaMonster said:

It sounds on paper like you have a pretty good life, but are dissatisfied nevertheless.

Man will never be satisfied. Time to repent.

[Hojo]

if you want to do it dont feel bad you can do whatever you want. making yourself feel bad for being yourself will only make you miss the spot because you are doing what you want to but you are letting others make you feel miserable about doing it. stop letting them do that.

and if you dont like doing it and its making you miserable then go do something else why would you keep doing something thats making you miserable. thats like punching yourself in the face and asking us how we can stop you from punching yourself in the face.

demonizing a habit will give it substance in your mind there are no good or bad. if you demonize something that is part of your identity you are demonizing yourself. the ego will use this to keep you doing it. Nothing you do is bad.

get as high as you possibly can and game and dont let any guilt come into your mind do it for as long as you want.

a quote from sadhguru 'a human being need to live without fear guilt or greed.'

Edited September 17, 2023 by Hojo