Moving On From The Past And Past Mistakes

[OnceMore]

As per the title

I've been having trouble for a while with this. I just can't seem to move on, and I keep lamenting all the poor and shitty decisions I made when I was younger. 

The even worse thing is the fact that this has become a cycle: Me lamenting about my past is keeping me from improving my present and my future. 

I wake up, and for a brief moment it's like "Oh, I'm awake", and then the next moment is me feeling sad about how shit I am at life, and how I wish I could go back to my past and just stay there, because my past was SO much better than my present. I don't know how I can make my future as good as my past; it's difficult to fathom that that can even be done. 

My past was filled with so much; loads of amazing & close friends, loving family, extremely healthy, a great deal of personal potential waiting to be unleashed. 

And now: no friends, no real close family connections, unhealthy and some actual health issues that are impairing me from time to time, and I question my ability/aptitude to improve my life. Pretty much everything that was good, except for the fact that I'm still alive, is now gone. 

My present is now filled with a lot of pain I feel, but my past was just so sweet, and I wish to get back to that sort of place but do not know how. 

I use to believe in myself that I can just keep going, but I'm having trouble with this monkey on my back, so my belief in myself has faded. 

How can I get this monkey off my back? I need to try and forget my past, because it's so depressing that it can be rather unbearable at times. 

Any tips/suggestions?

Thanks 

 

Edited March 27, 2017 by OnceMore

[dorg]

I as a person could say much the same thing, but I know that essentially I am not a person, I am awareness (or the absence of the ego-I, the self-image). Knowing this, there is no need to get rid of the past as in essence I am not in time.

The full realisation of this appears to take time, but that is just the fading of the attachment to time.

With best wishes,

Edited March 27, 2017 by dorg

[Arkandeus]

it's important to understand the process of thinking. 
when you're lamenting the past you might think you have valid reasons to feel bad, and that these reasons make you feel bad. 
What actually happens is, you feel bad, then your thoughts make up reasons as to why you feel bad. 

bad beliefs,lead to bad feelings, lead to bad thoughts. 

you can make your future a hundred times as good as your past. which is why you need to let go of the past. 

all I can say trust your higher self. Your higher self is in control of your reality and it's trying to teach you something. 
but I can tell you right now what it's trying to teach you. 
get rid of bad beliefs. 
 

Quote

 

My past was filled with so much; loads of amazing & close friends, loving family, extremely healthy, a great deal of personal potential waiting to be unleashed. 

And now: no friends, no real close family connections, unhealthy and some actual health issues that are impairing me from time to time, and I question my ability/aptitude to improve my life. Pretty much everything that was good, except for the fact that I'm still alive, is now gone. 

 

isn't there any way you can phrase what's going on in your life but in a way that actually reassures you? 

Would you say this to a friend?
Would you tell someone their past was amazing and that now they have nothing to live for and they have no hope? Would you actually ever tell someone that? 
If the answer is no, then why tell that to yourself? 
We think we can get a free pass to beat on ourselves, to be emotionally violent about yourself, but that's just a big no, it's not how this works. 
Do this and you will not advance. 

You need to see how you treat other people you respect, and treat yourself in the same way.
It's a matter of practicing the basic decency that you shows towards others, also towards yourself. 

There's no way around it. Spirituality is exercising that positivity muscle. 
You don't want to do it. You're tired, you're in fear, but it's the only thing and it's the only thing that will make you move forward.
It's shitty to start believing in yourself when you don't, it hurts, but as you keep it up, push through the pain of disbelief, you'll reap results. 

Treat yourself as you would treat your own kid if you had one. 

Would you constantly remind your own kid about his mistakes and regrets, and how he's not doing anything worthwhile? It's insanity right? What kind of parent would do that? we'd all hate such a parent. 

that's what bad feelings are in a sense, they're the result of you hating how you act toward yourself.
good feelings are the result of you loving how you act towards yourself. 

 
Everything you say in your head is for reals. It's not a joke. we think we are good persons, but if you're in head beating yourself down ,telling yourself you'll fail, only pointing out your mistakes and regrets, you're an emotionally violent and toxic person towards yourself.
And the result is shitty feelings all the time. 

It's hard but you have to learn to take your own side. 
So what if it might not work out, so what if it might fail?
let the world try to prove you wrong, let the world try to point out your mistakes,let the world push you down, but never yourself. Always believe in your success,believe in standing up, believe in absolute victory, never back down.

You always have to take your own side.
be absolutely vicious in taking your own side, in believing in yourself, and the energy of life will flow straight into you. 
 

 

Edited March 27, 2017 by Arkandeus

[Bodhi123]

@OnceMore In my experience, the solution to your problem comes down to this: Forgiveness. Acceptance. Faith. Understanding. Action.

Forgiveness for yourself for the mistakes you have made.

Acceptance of the past and all it entails.

Faith in a brighter future.

Understanding of the fact that you have the power to change your life.

Action to bring about this change.

[RossE]

@OnceMore Meditation is probably your best friend here. It gives you great wisdom. It helps you to accept things as they are without needing them to be different. 

Do you meditate daily? 

[eskwire]

@OnceMore Pain happens in life.

Who are you to never have to taste it? ?

It will pass, if you let it. Let it flow through you and on its way.

It sounds like you don't feel well and you're lonely. This hurts. 

It also sounds like you are resisting it with memories, analysis, and self-punishment. 

So, my advice is to feel the pain. You don't have to pretend you're so wise that it doesn't hurt. Or that you're so horrible you deserve to hold onto it. Don't resist; let it flow through you.

And watch your thoughts with dispassion. They aren't true. They're just thoughts. For example, I get caught up in memories a lot and they drain me. Someone I miss, some injustice, etc. With meditatiom practice, I just see it happening and say to myself "memory" and that sober observation snaps me back to reality. 

Good luck. ❤

Edited March 28, 2017 by eskwire