Intolerance And Impatience With Chit Chat

[LRyan]

Has anyone experienced this at all?  I speak to my family each day and every day they repeat the same talk over and over and over.  A lot of times it is complaining because they are totally identified with ego and their story.  I've just noticed myself not wanting to engage in the same conversation because it never changes and it seems to serve no purpose.  I believe they are just addicted to being on the phone to narrate every aspect of their day, several times every day.

I'm taking Eckhart Tolle's quote to heart:               " Dealing with unconscious people is like spiritual practice ....remain conscious and stay present"

Does anyone experience any resistance to this?

[Ramu]

@LRyan Yes, I do experience resistance to this, but with me its having to deal with silly ass, unfocused coworkers.  Its annoying hearing the same joke over and over and other petty bullshit.  My cure for this is to keep to myself and keep quiet.  Meditation is also extremely helpful.  Its like protection from annoying petty people.  Its hard trying to be the spiritual superstar that no one is expecting you to be.

[Hero in progress]

@LRyan I have also experienced this type of thing, eckart is right with what he is saying. And that may suffice for the time being. Eventually as you deepen your spiritual life and marinate in being, these frustrations will fall away and love will fill its place. 

So stay with your being and honour it and these things will melt away, like chocolate in the sun.

I love you keep going.

[Falk]

4 hours ago, LRyan said:

Has anyone experienced this at all?  I speak to my family each day and every day they repeat the same talk over and over and over.  A lot of times it is complaining because they are totally identified with ego and their story.  I've just noticed myself not wanting to engage in the same conversation because it never changes and it seems to serve no purpose.  I believe they are just addicted to being on the phone to narrate every aspect of their day, several times every day.

I'm taking Eckhart Tolle's quote to heart:               " Dealing with unconscious people is like spiritual practice ....remain conscious and stay present"

Does anyone experience any resistance to this?

Lol i experienced this today,

i was annoyed with the (i thought) ignorant topics of some people (on a business-seminar) i was around today...topics like binge-drinking on weekends, complaining about co-workers, eating meat is a "must have" , "my boss is an idiot" and stuff like that ...

i wasn´t around "such" people for a long time and i remembered how bad it feels , you feel excluded and like a different species almost ..I remembered how i even used to question myself in these cases when i was younger (they all seem to enjoy those topics - is there something wrong with me? hopefully i learned -getting older- that it is ok having a completely differnt approach to life) 

Today i´m more like ...cool the world is big, they are not bad people , it is fine but i just wanna go somewhere else and talk to other people now please  i do understand they are not stupid , they are just embedded in a certain culture and have a certain way of coping with the issues of their life (and if they choose to binge on weekends and talk about how they envy their stupid boss who is driving a porsche etc - althou i am a bit shocked of how self-destructive without even knowing it their behaviour is ...i don´t really feel in the position to convince them to change) so i let them be.. at the same time i am not jesus-like enough to suffer because of them  so i try to get the fuck away asap...

...have you ever tried to convince a bunch of 30 y.o. industrial-workers who shout stories about how many beers they drank on the weekend without getting drunk, to consider starting a meditation habit instead  ...good luck!

 

[Saarah]

@LRyan Just try to let go of any expectations for conversations, settle into them and try to have a good sense of humour, laughter makes everything worthwhile 'cause it's pointless things that make us laugh anyway  

Where you can, surround yourself with like-minded people, gotta keep at least some faith and sanity lol 

[Ramu]

@Falk Man oh man Falk I wish we could be coworkers.  Everything you said resonates 100%.  At some points during the day, I just have to turn off and think about my spiritual practice, and do what a Master does and just bless everyone.  Its just unconscious behavior   Their unconscious behavior IS your spiritual practice.  Keep at it.  I'm keeping at it, although no one is asking me or you to be spiritual superstars.  Some days are easier than others.  To me now, I'm STUNNED by how unconscious people are.  I'm starting to avoid watching nightly news.  Instead they should call it Nightly Gossip and Senseless Violence.  I guess as long as you see the media and unconscious behavior for what it is, you develop your awareness and spiritual practice.

[Driven Woman]

I am having the same issues with my family and friends, all unconscious "sheople", but I still love them and have to find ways to cope and accept. It is really challenging but it also testing me and I believe, good growth will come of it. I am happy that Leo came out with the latest video on the Big Picture of Self Actualization. I was thinking of sending this to my family to watch, do you think this is a good idea??

[LRyan]

I don't know if this would be a good idea because although it means so much to you, if people are not open to the idea or ready to explore themselves, it may not be of any value to them.  Would they take offense to it?    I'm kind of falling into that mode, wanting to help my family and trying to share things that I've learned but when I do, I can tell that they really don't truly understand what I'm saying and I think they are living totally in their minds.  I sometimes feel like what I am saying if falling on deaf ears so I'm going to focus on myself right now. I guess it might be worth a try, I don't think it can hurt but I think unless they are ready, they probably won't get the true message...imho.

[Ramu]

@Driven Woman Hi!  What you're saying resonates 200% with me.  However, I think its a mistake to send the Leo video.  The reasons?  First, they won't be able to group all the spiritual teachings together to make any holistic sense of it.  You may have noticed that Leo's weekly episodes are put together in a way that builds upon each one.  Thus spiritual path is so esoteric they may just think its philosophy.  My sister, who I love dearly has a little bit of a altruistic holistic side, but she is at heart a scientist, and a rationalist, and her eyes kind of glaze over when I try to explain some of this stuff.  I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm somewhat delusional.  The bottom line is that the spiritual path chooses you, not the other way around.

[cetus]

@Driven Woman I agree with what @LRyan has said. If they are mostly ego/surface driven people than anything you present to them on a deeper level will be greeted only on that surface level and most likely rejected. Or worse they could be offended too. Usually what happens is they turn it around as if your somehow trying to be better than them. As the old saying "let sleeping dogs lie" fits here (not to be offensive in any way). They will awaken of their own doing when they are ready and not a moment before.

 

[Ramu]

@Driven Woman In addition, I have had the "oh my GOD!" moment.  I had a mind blowing epic moment when my ego dissolved and realized I was reality itself.  This was not a kundalini awakening, but it has been gradual over the decades with SIGNIFICANT glimpses that have been ego shattering and stunning.  I never chose the path, but even as a small child I've had spiritual experiences like "remembering myself".  I'm no longer a naive realist, and I've made it so far on this path, that it is impossible for me to ever go back asleep.  Impossible.  Namaste.

[alyra]

I have always had a hard time connecting with people especially with idle chat. it has changed certainly with my "enlightenment" so to speak but. it is still the same in the end - feeling at a loss with what to do, feeling uninterested despite caring about them. 

 

I have always just used the strategy of patience. in the end they are indeed doing something they are interested in - perhaps even love. it may seem less important to you but imagine the things you would say that would irritate them! it is a two way street! overall people like to talk and sometimes talking is difficult. we all try our best to connect and sometimes we have to connect to people even though it is hard. especially true this, with family and coworkers, but do not worry there is a reason you are connecting with them. so hold onto that reason in your mind if you need motivation to enjoy it. do not worry with practice you can find a way, if you make sure to keep in mind that it is possible and that it's what you want. 

 

I think yes it may be very important to look inward in our spiritual growth! it is important to press that becasue of how easy it is for people to not even do that at all! 

 

but we often forget when looking inward, that we are a community. we are all as one. they are as much a part of us as our hands are! they are just as important to connect to as looking inward to begin with never forget that! 

[Arkandeus]

every single detail in your life serves a purpose. 

I used to have the same feeling. Being bored by people's conversations. 
I used to even look down on people,thinking I was smarter then them. I'd take people for sheep, for idiots....

boy was I was wrong, it's gonna sting a bit,but if you find people uninteresting and stupid it's a mirror. 
there's no way around it, people are literally mirrors. 
I don't mean in it a bad way, I was stupid myself, to realize that you're doing that is a chance to open your heart to others and grow.   
to look down on someone is to look down on yourself, quite literally. 
people are only as interesting as you're able to comprehend. 
open your heart, start believing that people are interesting and intelligent and the wisdom to actually perceive that will flow down to you. 
 

 
Nowadays for me every conversation holds true meaning, whether it's a random encounter or a friend,I'm always learning. always being amazed by people of all kinds. 
And I see the huge intelligence in every single person.  I assure you, it's there, every single person is amazingly interesting and intelligent.
but you have to grow to see that. 

  it's transcending, it's humbling. 

when I was young I used to look down on fishing.
staying near a river all day long waiting for fish to bite?'' tsh how boring!'', I'd say. 
now I understand I was fooled by appearance, what does a fisherman see, what does he feel when he fishes? he could see and understand things beyond my imagination. 

you see as much complexity in things as your spiritual level allows you to.
 

[Ramu]

@Arkandeus Right on!  You are right on track!

[zazed]

@Arkandeus

Basically what he said.

I'm not the most social person. And never was good at listening to people, until i saw this video recently.
And i think its funny, that to love people, you have to stop caring what they think. It sounds contradictory, but its true for me at least.

I found this flaw in myself, overvaluing the opinion of others, but not really caring about their idea's or views. I just wanted to prove that i had "worth", I needed their acceptance and approval. So instead of listening, i was waiting for my opening, to prove i was "smart". The flaw with that, is i didn't really understand what the other person wanted or needed, so they didn't really listen to me in return. And my "smart" point was lost to them, they often did not accept it.

What i do now, is to truly be aware, to truly listen to people, then i can anticipate the best way to shape or change their ideas towards mine.
Ask yourself, why are they saying this, what causes it. When they talk about binge drinking, why are they making such statements. Most likely it is boasting and alpha-male behavior, but why do they do that? Most likely because they want to be included, because they want to be loved and accepted and think that is what society expects of them in that setting.

Truly try to grasp and understand it, becoming aware of the flaws in their behaviorism, understand their feelings and their needs giving cause to it. Understand their suffering. Then at least it becomes an interesting learning experience for us more awakened listeners. 

Remember, every being just wants to be happy, even serial killers or unenlightened people, they just go about it the wrong way. 
 

Part of becoming aware or enlightened, is not only being aware of easy beautiful things, such as forests or birds or art. But to be aware of everything, and this also means other people and their behavior, and things like death, disorder, decay, stink, distaste, distracting sounds, pain, etc...

Mentally identifying with "small" talk of others is not being aware yourself. When we desire to be away from smalltalk, this desire brings us suffering. 
Why do we want to escape it, why is it frustrating to us, also become aware of that. The small talk is happening now, it's what the ears are registering, there is no no-smalltalk happening. There is only the smalltalk, it is reality and being now. It just is what is, nothing more, nothing less, it's happening.

[Driven Woman]

@LRyan and @Ramu Thanks so much for your insightful comments. I'm really trying HARD to not let my ego come into all of this, which I know is the cause but I can't put my finger on the reason yet. I so want to awaken everybody, especially those that are suffering from egoist mindsets that would be completely dissolved through awareness. I feel as if the path of being a Spiritual Life Coach has chosen me and therefore, through my work, I will help many people. I am holding out hope that one day my family will be so curious, and perhaps after seeing the results through my clients, that they will ask for my help. If that never occurs I will have to reconcile my own feelings, which I am prepared to work on. Ramu, I know that most of them would not understand the nuanced esoteric teachings, they have not had the foundation of knowledge and study that I have had. I have to come to terms with living amoungst them when we get together and speaking to them in The Matrix using their language. Perhaps this is my  challenge alone and to find my way through it will bring illumination and more enlightenment.

[LRyan]

I totally get your feeling of wanting to help your family  to not suffer and to wake them up, and I have also been that enthusiastic about what I am learning that I just want to share share share!  One thing though regarding the stages of awareness in other people...I truly believe in the saying that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear so I wouldn't put any pressure on yourself in trying to help your family because if they are open to it and are curious, they will surely ask you!!   You are doing such a great thing and are obviously a kind and compassionate person!

[LRyan]

On 3/31/2017 at 11:23 AM, zazed said:

I'm not the most social person. And never was good at listening to people, until i saw this video recently.
And i think its funny, that to love people, you have to stop caring what they think. It sounds contradictory, but its true for me at least.

I found this flaw in myself, overvaluing the opinion of others, but not really caring about their idea's or views. I just wanted to prove that i had "worth", I needed their acceptance and approval. So instead of listening, i was waiting for my opening, to prove i was "smart". The flaw with that, is i didn't really understand what the other person wanted or needed, so they didn't really listen to me in return. And my "smart" point was lost to them, they often did not accept it.

What i do now, is to truly be aware, to truly listen to people, then i can anticipate the best way to shape or change their ideas towards mine.
Ask yourself, why are they saying this, what causes it. When they talk about binge drinking, why are they making such statements. Most likely it is boasting and alpha-male behavior, but why do they do that? Most likely because they want to be included, because they want to be loved and accepted and think that is what society expects of them in that setting.

Truly try to grasp and understand it, becoming aware of the flaws in their behaviorism, understand their feelings and their needs giving cause to it. Understand their suffering. Then at least it becomes an interesting learning experience for us more awakened listeners. 

Remember, every being just wants to be happy, even serial killers or unenlightened people, they just go about it the wrong way. 
 

Part of becoming aware or enlightened, is not only being aware of easy beautiful things, such as forests or birds or art. But to be aware of everything, and this also means other people and their behavior, and things like death, disorder, decay, stink, distaste, distracting sounds, pain, etc...

Mentally identifying with "small" talk of others is not being aware yourself. When we desire to be away from smalltalk, this desire brings us suffering. 
Why do we want to escape it, why is it frustrating to us, also become aware of that. The small talk is happening now, it's what the ears are registering, there is no no-smalltalk happening. There is only the smalltalk, it is reality and being now. It just is what is, nothing more, nothing less, it's happening.

I really loved this video Leo put out and it really helped me so much, just a great resource here....one of the many

I also think your message is spot on.  I especially agree with your comment on identifying with a person's small talk or getting frustrated by it is just rejecting the moment and what is.  Yes, this creates suffering.  Since posting this topic I have become more aware and compassionate listening to my family and the way they are taken over by their story and their suffering and I realize I can only listen with a caring and an understanding that this is their experience and not try to change it.  Agreed, it is what is happening, it will happen...I can't do anything different and they can't either, this is their reality and it is also mine.  It is insignificant when we know the big picture.  It just doesn't matter that much at all! No need to be upset.  Whatever is happening is meant to happen and there is no control to be had!   IMHO.

[Guest Annetta]

I would accept them and their stories.  Perhaps part of your story is in not accepting theirs, as each time they engage in conversation you find pointless your story tells you, "This is pointless.  They live in their minds."  That is also a repetitive way to look at them.

I live in a story, too.  It's very difficult to escape it let-alone see it for what it is, so I imagine in telling them, that it too will fall on deaf ears.  In one of Leo's videos he mentions that paradigm locks are difficult to escape because they distort reality to such a significant degree, and it is also an anxiety provoking situation to finally leave that bubble.

I am learning that part of dissolving the ego is to accept the ego, and my advice to you is that accepting their stories would be the most beneficial for them and you.  Even if they never change.  Good luck!