Bossy girls

[zurew]

3 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Perhaps you should look into your defensiveness?

I know where my defensiveness comes from. It comes from reading confident and unsubstantiated claims (that are mostly ideologically driven for instance by redpill) without providing any evidence . There is literally nothing more triggering than reading about claims made by smug people who haven't done an ounce of research on the subject - they just claim they did. Maybe you did a good amount of research on this topic , so you can prove it right now.

11 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

There is definitely something fishy if you dig deep enough.

Feel free to provide a definitive evidence for your claim - or if you can't - then drop the claim or tell everyone that you are almost purely relying on your intuitions.

---------------

Btw an interesting observation: you have an interesting defense mechanism going for you: If someone disagrees with you about a subject, then your first and initial thought every time is about "it must be because they are affected about the subject" and there is not much room for you to be wrong. Also all of these things can be flipped back on you: "the reason why you so desperately want this to be related to trauma, because you are affected by it and you can't stomach the fact that someone could have such a kink without being related to trauma"

[StarStruck]

@zurew maybe it is not that black and white? Things in psychology are definitely not black and white as you are trying to portray. It is not either this or it is that. I asked you a question and you didn’t even take the time to answer it which is already a red flag for me.  This is not even a topic of any great interest of me. I’m interested in psychology in general. You going on a hissy fit is definitely something to look into. If you answered view of my questions we could go to the bottom of this. 

[zurew]

4 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

maybe it is not that black and white?

Thats wasn't your initial position or at the very least it wasnt the implication of your first claim (where you fished for evidence to confirm your original belief about the subject and seemingly excluded all other possibilities).

If your position is that it could be caused by trauma - thats different from saying it is definitely caused by trauma and also different from saying it is caused by trauma in most cases. - which one will you go with?

The reason why Im coming after you right now, is because you kind of made a character attack of @Ayham  (implying that there is something must be wrong with him) without knowing for sure whether your suspicion is true about him or not. - so there was literally no reason to psychoanalyze the dude and leading him into a 'gotcha'.

[StarStruck]

@zurew Do you have experience with Femdom?

[zurew]

@StarStruck Dude its so obvious the rhetoric game that you play here - You can't provide evidence for your initial claim and you feel a strong need to pivot to a different conversation by focusing on me.
 

First provide evidence for you claim or if you can't then tell everyone that you are relying on your intuition. After that I will answer your question, but I won't let you get sneakily out from the responsibility from actually owning a position and providing evidence.

Its a redflag that you avoid providing evidence. It might be because you have some repressed trauma that you are not aware of and thats what shaping your inutition and opinion on kinks. Or it might be the case that you yourself actually have a femdom kink and by talking down on @Ayham is your way to cope with it. - see its so easy to psychoanalyze from your armchair and to play these stupid 'red flag' and 'gotcha' games.

Edited September 14, 2023 by zurew

[StarStruck]

@zurew  What evidence you want me to give you dude? Wtf. Do you think there is a specialized study out there to investigate zurew's kinks? I already told you that things are not that black and white in psychology.

[zurew]

22 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

What evidence you want me to give you dude? Wtf.

"wtf, someone is holding me accountable for the gravity of my claims, oh no".

You told me that you have read about it, and used that to strengthen your original claim about the subject and now you want to make it look like im asking for too much. - don't make confident positive claims about something you haven't investigated and don't use books or research as a defense for your claim if you are not prepared to show the evidence. It kind of makes it look like you haven't done any research on the subject you just used that point to make it look like your position is more justified compared to others who haven't claimed they are educated on the subject.

22 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

Do you think there is a specialized study out there to investigate zurew's kinks?

Ohh so you are aware that you shouldn't have commented on the reasons why Ayham has the kink he has. Kind of a  bad move to psychoanalyze and then to judge people from your home with lack of knowledge about their life and with lack of training, huh?

22 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

I already told you that things are not that black and white in psychology

Cool you can have this position after you make a confession that your intitial claim was phrased in a way too black and white way.

Edited September 14, 2023 by zurew

[something_else]

3 hours ago, zurew said:

'Can be' is different from saying it must have been caused by trauma. - which was you initial implication.

Basically this. I was politely objecting to your overconfident black and white thinking on the topic.

Edited September 14, 2023 by something_else

[StarStruck]

@zurew @something_else

My interest is psychology in general. Not Femdom but obviously you two are experts in it and don’t want to ask any questions for some reason. ?

Edited September 14, 2023 by StarStruck

[something_else]

57 minutes ago, StarStruck said:

@zurew @something_else

My interest is psychology in general. Not Femdom but obviously you two are experts in it and don’t want to ask any questions for some reason. ?

When you said "Femdom is not healthy. It is trauma reliving" you took a judgemental and black and white point of view on a nuanced and complex issue; human sexuality.

That's all I care about here. If you have any comment to make on that, go for it.

 

Edited September 14, 2023 by something_else

[StarStruck]

3 hours ago, something_else said:

When you said "Femdom is not healthy. It is trauma reliving" you took a judgemental and black and white point of view on a nuanced and complex issue; human sexuality.

That's all I care about here. If you have any comment to make on that, go for it.

 

Dude. That is not even the topic of this thread. You want me to go on a side tangent and zurew makes even more bizarre claims from me while he doesn’t want to answer any of my questions that would make a discussion possible. 

[flowboy]

On 11/09/2023 at 11:28 PM, Sincerity said:

But I'll just say, this Elon Musk thing wouldn't bug You if You weren't attached to him in some way. I'd say a big part of this work is not needing to convince others and just letting people believe whatever they want, without feeling annoyed one bit. It's a sign for You that there's something there to process, no attachment is ever necessary.

That's nice in theory, but in practice, when you're dating you're selecting a person to get along with.

Would you still say this if in @StarStruck's example, the woman had strong opinions about Jews?

"No attachment is ever necessary"

Okay.

Are you in a relationship sir?

Are you saying you'd be just fine and non-attached if your partner held really misaligned beliefs?

Of course not.

In a relationship, you're trying to create something together that is more than 1+1. That only works if your values are compatible.

And dating is still shopping for a relationship, even if you're not intending for anything beyond a one-nighter. It's the same selection process.

Edited September 21, 2023 by flowboy

[Sincerity]

41 minutes ago, flowboy said:

Are you saying you'd be just fine and non-attached if your partner held really misaligned beliefs?

Depends on what You mean by "really misaligned". If let's say she was into conspirational thinking and hating jews (I assume that's what You mean by strong opinions about them), no I wouldn't be fine with it. That'd say a lot about her level of development to me, even though I don't give a damn about jews. But if for example she didn't like Leo specifically and held strong negative opinions about him, of course I wouldn't fucking care. Even though I really like Leo's teachings. 

I don't think it's fair to equate strong opinions about Jews and Musk lol.

Besides I told the guy that his attachment to Musk is something to work through and he agreed. Yes, no attachment towards some figure or bullshit like that is necessary. Burn it all to the ground.

No I'm not in a relationship but I am close to people that have very different beliefs than me. And my relationships are becoming more and more loving, the more work I am doing. I don't think same beliefs are that important. You simply don't have to talk about everything with a person, who cares. Stick to what You have in common.

Edited September 21, 2023 by Sincerity

[Schizophonia]

On 14/09/2023 at 1:55 PM, StarStruck said:

@zurew Do you have experience with Femdom?

Femdom is obviously a mental illness.

[Schizophonia]

28 minutes ago, Sincerity said:

Depends on what You mean by "really misaligned". If let's say she was into conspirational thinking and hating jews (I assume that's what You mean by strong opinions about them), no I wouldn't be fine with it. That'd say a lot about her level of development to me, even though I don't give a damn about jews. But if for example she didn't like Leo specifically and held strong negative opinions about him, of course I wouldn't fucking care. Even though I really like Leo's teachings. 

I don't think it's fair to equate strong opinions about Jews and Musk lol.

Besides I told the guy that his attachment to Musk is something to work through and he agreed. Yes, no attachment towards some figure or bullshit like that is necessary. Burn it all to the ground.

No I'm not in a relationship but I am close to people that have very different beliefs than me. And my relationships are becoming more and more loving, the more work I am doing. I don't think same beliefs are that important. You simply don't have to talk about everything with a person, who cares. Stick to what You have in common.

You can have a girlfriend within the month easily if you want. 

 

[flowboy]

1 hour ago, Sincerity said:

I don't think it's fair to equate strong opinions about Jews and Musk lol.

No sure. I agree that having any negative opinion on a group of people is a strong red flag. Stronger than disliking a public figure.

So perhaps that's not the best example, but where do you draw the line then?

I've met someone who has strong negative opinions about Musk, and when pressed, it turns out she just makes the "he's rich so he must be bad" argument. She didn't know anything about him. To me that's quite unintelligent, to be judgmental of people without bothering to look into them.

I really try to not do that. Even if I've read a lot about some person, I still tell myself: "I haven't met them in person, so I don't know what he's like".

This willingness to be completely uninformed yet completely judgmental, that wouldn't bother you?

Nonjudgment is a value of mine so it does bother me. This girl would be incompatible with me.

[Sincerity]

5 hours ago, flowboy said:

So perhaps that's not the best example, but where do you draw the line then?

Dunno, I'd draw the line intuitively.

4 hours ago, flowboy said:

I've met someone who has strong negative opinions about Musk, and when pressed, it turns out she just makes the "he's rich so he must be bad" argument. She didn't know anything about him. To me that's quite unintelligent, to be judgmental of people without bothering to look into them.

Sure, that's just plain stupid if true.

4 hours ago, flowboy said:

This willingness to be completely uninformed yet completely judgmental, that wouldn't bother you?

It most likely would. If I noticed that, it'd be a red flag. But I don't know whether that was the case with the girl from OP's story.

It could also happen that a mind perceives someone as "completely uninformed yet judgmental" when that person doesn't share their perspective on some matter. You know, a defense mechanism. I'd be careful with making such assessments about others. And when You're triggered by judgementality, there's probably some in You...

4 hours ago, flowboy said:

Nonjudgment is a value of mine so it does bother me. This girl would be incompatible with me.

Fairs.

Overall I think we're mostly in agreement. ?‍♂️ No reason to split hairs. Or at least I don't want to anymore.

[Princess Arabia]

5 hours ago, flowboy said:

Nonjudgment is a value of mine so it does bother me. This girl would be incompatible with me

Respectfully speaking, as I do value your opinions, but isn't this also judgemental? You know how the saying goes, " believing not having any beliefs is the way to go, is still a belief. Aren't you judging her for having judgements? Explain this to me as it's coming from a place of genuine curiosity of the meaning behind this perspective. 

Edited September 21, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[flowboy]

16 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Respectfully speaking, as I do value your opinions, but isn't this also judgemental? You know how the saying goes, " believing not having any beliefs is the way to go, is still a belief. Aren't you judging her for having judgements? Explain this to me as it's coming from a place of genuine curiosity of the meaning behind this perspective. 

I don't really mean not judging at all, I mean that I value making judgments carefully and holding them loosely, appreciating nuance and complexity.

Things like playing devil's advocate and being open-minded are something many people can't do, especially when it comes to things they're too attached to.

People who judge a person instantly without knowing anything, well, I judge those people

But not instantly, I judge them because I've observed them be mentally lazy.

If I were free of shadow, I probably wouldn't judge them but still not prefer them in my inner cirle.

Edited September 22, 2023 by flowboy