I want to help you find someone (or get laid)

[itsadistraction]

Men and women have the same problem: they want to hook up (date, get married, have kids etc) but initiating conversation without cringe, intimidation or awkwardness is seemingly difficult. 

Your #1 problem is you suck at talking to strangers. Your future wife (or fuck buddy or whatever you are looking for) is right now a stranger to you. 

The solution: PRACTICE TALKING TO STRANGERS YOU ARENT ATTRACTED TO THROUGHOUT YOUR DAY! 

Practice making people smile, and initiating conversations with random people in random palces.

Examples: Make the cashier smile (by telling them how much better than self check out they are), tell the old lady on the bus you love her hat. Ask people eating on a patio if the food is good and if they recommend the place. Just talk, talk, and talk,  smile and laugh (if you or they say something funny). Compliment people, love people, make people feel great. Sincerely tell people thank you.

Edited September 8, 2023 by itsadistraction

[PurpleTree]

i don't enjoy talking so much though

it's mostly boring, especially small talk

[itsadistraction]

@PurpleTree so practice making talking fun! Or learn to mime!

[itsadistraction]

@PurpleTree @PurpleTree

Seriously though you are severely limiting yourself. Humans relay on words to build connections. Don't you enjoy talking with your friends?

If you don't like small talk go straight for the deep stuff. They will appreciate the novelty of it. Or find people who don't like talking so much. 

Talking and enjoying it is a skill like any other. 

Edited September 7, 2023 by itsadistraction

[Someone here]

@itsadistraction yes . Practice makes perfect.  As Leo mentioned in his getting laid series that you should do triple digits number of  cold approaches in the last year to increase your chances .

If you approach 100 girls every month ..chances are you will get lucky at least once or twice .

But I have a question..you didn't address what I call "the introverted syndrome ". Most guys these days are emasculated. They are immature slob boys ..they play video games 24/7 and never leave the house and get their hands dirty or interact with the outer world ..so they are too shy to talk to anyone or begin the practice. 

[PurpleTree]

32 minutes ago, itsadistraction said:

@PurpleTree @PurpleTree

Seriously though you are severely limiting yourself. Humans relay on words to build connections. Don't you enjoy talking with your friends?

If you don't like small talk go straight for the deep stuff. They will appreciate the novelty of it. Or find people who don't like talking so much. 

Talking and enjoying it is a skill like any other. 

Sometimes. But only if i‘m really in the mood and find the converstation somewhat interesting. I know a guy who stopped talking altogether. Hasn’t said a word in years.

[itsadistraction]

38 minutes ago, Someone here said:

@itsadistraction@Someone here

But I have a question..you didn't address what I call "the introverted syndrome ". Most guys these days are emasculated. They are immature slob boys ..they play video games 24/7 and never leave the house and get their hands dirty or interact with the outer world ..so they are too shy to talk to anyone or begin the practice. 

Yes I did, in capital letters too: PRACTICE WITH PEOPLE YOU ARENT ATTACTED TO! like your friends, guys, the elderly, people on the train etc. 

[AdamR95]

For me, practicing on people i am not attracted to doesnt feel authentic to me. I would rather talk to someone which i am attracted to because there is genuine reason i wanna talk to them.

[Princess Arabia]

5 hours ago, itsadistraction said:

Men and women have the same problem: they want to hook up (date, get married, have kids etc) but initiating conversation without cringe, intimidation or awkwardness is seemingly difficult. 

Your #1 problem is you suck at talking to strangers. Your future wife (or fuck buddy or whatever you are looking for) is right now a stranger to you. 

The solution: PRACTICE TALKING TO STRANGERS YOU ARENT ATTRACTED TO THROUGHOUT YOUR DAY! 

Practice making people smile, and initiating conversations with random people in random palces.

Examples: Make the cashier smile (by telling them how much better than self check out they are), tell the old lady on the bus you love her hat. Ask people eating on a patio if the food is good and if they recommend the place. Just talk, talk, and talk,  smile and laugh if you or they say something funny. Compliment people, love people, make people feel great. Sincerely tell people thank you.

The solution part mostly sounds like me. Not all the time but most of the time.

Edited September 7, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[itsadistraction]

2 hours ago, AdamR95 said:

For me, practicing on people i am not attracted to doesnt feel authentic to me. I would rather talk to someone which i am attracted to because there is genuine reason i wanna talk to them

 

Happy people talk to everyone, happy people get laid. The trick is you want to talk to girls (initially) as you would talk with anyone. So practice on anyone first if hot girls freak you out.( which is who this post is trying to help. ) 

Edited September 7, 2023 by itsadistraction

[PurpleTree]

58 minutes ago, itsadistraction said:

 

Happy people talk to everyone

Maybe happy extroverts

[itsadistraction]

47 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

Maybe happy extroverts

Talking is how people build relationships, if you haven't figured talking to other people out, you aren't ready for sex or relationships. 

You are talking right now aren't you? You are enjoying it aren't you? It's the same in real life!

[nhoktinvt]

i only have relationship with my mom and dad ?

[PurpleTree]

31 minutes ago, itsadistraction said:

You are talking right now aren't you? You are enjoying it aren't you?

Not that much honestly

well you said happy people enjoy talking to everybody and i just said i don‘t believe introverts even if they‘re happy want to talk to everyone.

but it‘s all good, you‘re just trying to help people.

[itsadistraction]

28 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

Not that much honestly

well you said happy people enjoy talking to everybody and i just said i don‘t believe introverts even if they‘re happy want to talk to everyone.

but it‘s all good, you‘re just trying to help people.

If you don't enjoy talking/interacting with people you will not get laid. It's as simple as that. (news flash women are people). Unless you hire a prostitute.....

Edited September 7, 2023 by itsadistraction

[PurpleTree]

12 minutes ago, itsadistraction said:

If you don't enjoy talking/interacting with people you will not get laid. It's as simple as that. (news flash women are people). Unless you hire a prostitute.....

I mean i do get laid (once in a while when the stars align)

but i wouldn‘t mind much more

[itsadistraction]

9 hours ago, nhoktinvt said:

i only have relationship with my mom and dad ?

That's great, some people don't even have that. But you have to ask yourself why you only have a relationship with your parents. You obviously want more than that so what's stopping you?

Your parents were once strangers to each other and they built your family unit that you feel comfortable in. Why do you feel inadequate to do the same?

If you can't find the enthusiasm to build relationships outside of your small family unit then you have serious emotional blockages to starting your own life. The good news is these emotional blockages are very common and not that hard to overcome. Human biology wants people to hook up and reproduce (aka sex). Its what drives our societies and we have been doing it for millennia. 

[AdamR95]

@itsadistraction you dont have to talk to everyone to be social. You maybe want to talk to people who has similar interest as you, because some people enjoy talking to anybody and some dont. For example i am much more happier to talk to people at climbing gym than talking to people at party and if i would force myself to go to places where i cant resonate with people that would be recipe to feeling miserable for me. I know, i done that.

[r0ckyreed]

Thanks for the post man. I talked to strangers, and it helped with confidence.

[SeaMonster]

Practice helps a little, but it's not at the core of the problem (which is social anxiety.)

Social anxiety must be eradicated by achieving competence as a man in the areas of your life where you feel weak and vulnerable, and this is often not directly "how to socialize" but other aspects of your life.

There is no "one weird trick" -- sorry.

Edited September 10, 2023 by SeaMonster