4g mushroom report - I'am Filth.

[inFlow]

Contemplating my life, what to do, where to direct my energy. I though why am I so ignorant/stupid. Why am I in so much pain. And I went deep into who am I specifically as an Ego. And down the rabbit hole I went. I understood that majority of my problems occured that I didn't have a father in my life (I grew up with my mom). And my body had this disfunctional type of energy to it, it seemed like something was way off. Like some kind of "energy-cord" is not attached to me. And I understood that this body was born out of un-happyness. That in some way in the process of making this body there was a lack of energies to make it functional. And I understood that I'am FILTH. This body is stamped with darkness in an energy way. And this body can only attract darkness (other people who are of the same filth energy background) and there is no way I can attract good energy people, it's just not possible. It's like you are a LEGO brick which can fit another, but I cant fit some, I even saw some kind of triangular shapes that matches some people and some dont, it was super amazing to actually kind of see that stuff with my minds eye. And then it hit me that God put me specifically in this body for my past-life karma. I saw my Soul was very dirty, just darkness, as "Evil", that I have done something really bad in the past. And this life of mine that I'am living through is actualy hell for my Soul, the stupidity, the filth that I attract in my life is all for my past-life karma. And in that moment I realized that I will have to life through a thousand more lives of suffering in order to "wash off" my Soul. I was on all four on the floor and cried like a bitch in the eyes of God, begging mercy for my Soul. But God was silent, observing me sort of "It is what it is". And the most painful thing to realize was that I will not finish it in this life-time. All of this knowledge, all of this undoing of my egoic shit will not get me I'am using this word vaguely - "Enlightened", because God will never accept such a Dark Soul. That was painful. And even I randomly contemplated that suicide was stupid too, it wouldn't get me anywhere LOL. I have this life and I must live through it, there is no short-cuts.

Actually this whole insight that all of the shit that I'am going through is my karma kinda made my life way easier.

I mean I earned this. And I'am taking it like a man. 

This experienced was core breaking for my Soul. It's like a mirror was shined to it to see what it actually is.

The paradox is I don't understand how could this body with this kind of "darkness/filth" stuck to it have so much light radiating out.

I can just speak of myself as this - "I'am Filthy Light"

[inFlow]

Now I understand why some people in my yoga class wont go anywhere near me. Even moving yoga matts to other parts of the room in order not to be near me (there are some people who are way way ahead of me spiritually that I meet them in class). And I mean in my core I'am a wonderful person, nothing evil about me, I'am very kind and helpful, but the shit I was stamped with at my birth I can't wash or change any of it. So people kind of misunderstand what kind of person I'am from first impression. Maybe they see my Soul as Darkness idk.

[Osaid]

Do states appear where you don't exist, where filth is not perceived? Are such states possible? Is entering such a state a contradiction to "God" or what "God" showed you? Why would God allow such states?

Do you have moments where you feel good? How can you feel good if filth exists? Is God contradicting itself in these moments? 

Maybe, the "thing" that wants to undo everything is separate from what needs to be undone? Where does this "thing" go when you are feeling good and peaceful? Do you think this "thing" truly exists in all states of consciousness? Where does the "ego which needs to be undone" go when the desire to "undo things" is abandoned or forgotten about?

Edited September 2, 2023 by Osaid

[Grateful Dead]

Good work. I think on a personal level there is great value in understanding your soul's journey. However, there are more perspectives. It's important not to get stuck in one.

[Breakingthewall]

you have to take a little more, until at one point the frequency changes. there is a "click" and the stories end. only reality flows without label, meaning, valuation, purpose, cause. you are that, you are free. It's the same your negative energy, your karma or whatever, you're out. ego death. Hallelujah! vacation from all the egoic bullshit.

The more times you access that state, the closer you are to it in a sober state. I get it (sometimes) with only 1.5 g of mushrooms and sober not far. 2 years ago it was impossible. this is psychedelic work. understanding things is fine and important, but it is only a means to reach an objective: liberation

Edited September 3, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[inFlow]

@acidgoofy of course there are numerous perspectives. This is just one that I grasped with some pain because it was very personal, hense why I said that I wanted to know what I was as an Ego, why am I in this particular body. You can sort of expand yourself to infinity and grasp that you are everything, but this time I wanted to target it right at my this being that Iam living in. So the more you know yourself the better your life flows. But wow what a life changing experience that was. I can't blame anyone for the way I'am, I always blamed someone for my problems, but the thing is I have to take resposability because God put "me" directly here to this filth/darkness of a body, this is my karma. And I have to live through it because I earned this. It made me much more humble of why am I the way I am as an Ego. And now my spiritual work is way more important for me because now I know the importance for it, it's no longer just a hobby.

[inFlow]

@Osaid Too many questions.

[Grateful Dead]

On 3.9.2023 at 11:05 PM, inFlow said:

@acidgoofy of course there are numerous perspectives. This is just one that I grasped with some pain because it was very personal, hense why I said that I wanted to know what I was as an Ego, why am I in this particular body. You can sort of expand yourself to infinity and grasp that you are everything, but this time I wanted to target it right at my this being that Iam living in. So the more you know yourself the better your life flows. But wow what a life changing experience that was. I can't blame anyone for the way I'am, I always blamed someone for my problems, but the thing is I have to take resposability because God put "me" directly here to this filth/darkness of a body, this is my karma. And I have to live through it because I earned this. It made me much more humble of why am I the way I am as an Ego. And now my spiritual work is way more important for me because now I know the importance for it, it's no longer just a hobby.

Yes, I understand

Edited September 7, 2023 by acidgoofy

[LSD-Rumi]

On 02/09/2023 at 10:08 PM, inFlow said:

And then it hit me that God put me specifically in this body for my past-life karma. I saw my Soul was very dirty, just darkness, as "Evil", that I have done something really bad in the past. And this life of mine that I'am living through is actualy hell for my Soul, the stupidity, the filth that I attract in my life is all for my past-life karma.

Not necessarily, Maybe God gave you this body because he sees something in you, a hard test that will change for the better if you pass it.

"Oh brother, don't be afraid of flames, For that if you went through the fire of the test,  you wouldn't burn, Instead, your face will shine like gold"

Rumi

 

Edited September 6, 2023 by LSD-Rumi

[inFlow]

@LSD-Rumi You got a point there.

1 hour ago, LSD-Rumi said:

"Oh brother, don't be afraid of flames, For that if you went through the fire of the test,  you wouldn't burn, Instead, your face will shine like gold"

 

Beautiful! ♥♥♥