I dont know how to dance

[sleep]

I've never rly been able to dance. Whenever I ask people how they do it it seems that it comes naturally to them, and they react as if you were asking them how to do a very obvious task which comes from simply "flowing with the music", but its not that way for me at all. I know social anxiety plays a part in my inability but I think a bigger part of it is simply not understanding how one is supposed to dance, and I dont know how to learn. To me it feels as if you were trying to learn how to levitate, an activity which no matter how much you practice you'll never be able to attain. This makes events like parties uncomfortable because I feel very out of place just standing there. Anyone with the same difficulties that has overcome this issue here? I would like some help because even though I've tried practicing I can't seem to grasp it and i don't know what to do about it.

[mr_engineer]

Take a dance-class. Just brute-force the solution to this problem. You will be a lot better than the suckers who are 'just flowing with the music' and more socially confident than them. 

A party is literally a competition for who's the coolest person there. And you do whatever it takes to win this competition. If a dance-class is what it takes, go for it. 

Edited August 31, 2023 by mr_engineer

[Osaid]

I'm not very good at it. But it happened naturally when I was drunk at a bar/club once. Kinda got the hang of it thereafter. You literally just subtly move your body to the beat, it's kind of hard not to do it when everyone else is doing it as well, so doing it in a group setting like that could help.

I don't see it as something super important tbh, but if you're into it and see some kind of potential in it, knock yourself out. 

You don't memorize any moves or anything really, you just improvise all of it. I remember it felt daunting previously cause I thought it was all memorized or something, or that I had to memorize something.

People who get good at it and memorize moves are just people who first improvised, then thought, damn how can I one up everyone who dances normally? Let me just memorize some stuff on top.

Anyways, thats my advice from some pretty limited experiences, but coming from someone who used to live in a similar sentiment.

If I had to guess, the practicing didn't work because it was just too logical. Dancing is not logical to begin with. There has to be that initial intuitive "spark" first, and then you bring the logic into it and memorize moves or whatever. And that first spark has no logic to it, it's just moving slightly to the rhythm. Just imagine how you would move listening to your own personal favorite song, that's all it is.

Edited August 31, 2023 by Osaid

[sleep]

@Osaid Yeah, I guess maybe im approaching it from a place thats too logical, but thats usually how i tend to interact with and understand things so I have issues thinking differently. Maybe I just need to get shitfaced and it'll come naturally too

@mr_engineer I was thinking about this possibility too. I have a friend who teaches dance so ill try to convince her to teach me.

[Sugarcoat]

 

you’re way overthinking this. 

you can start when you are alone 

you put on some music you like 

you feel that urge to move in your body . 

You just allow your body to do what it naturally feels like doing. Different people have different dance moves that comes naturally

This is foundation

 

Edited August 31, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[sleep]

@Sugarcoat This is what I was talking about in my post. Some people talk about it as if it's natural and intuitive when it's not that way for me. Just because something is a certain way for you doesn't mean it's the same for everybody.

[Leo Gura]

Your whole approach is wrong. Too logical.

You need to stop thinking, get drunk, and just have fun. That's how you learn to dance. Not by learning technical dance moves.

Club dancing is not a music video, it's just drunk people letting loose and having fun.

As I've said, you guys are so autistic you haven't even awoken to the notion of partying.

Edited August 31, 2023 by Leo Gura

[IronFoot]

I used to suck at dancing. I highly recommend ketamine and EDM music.  When I just started letting go and just moved body however I thought matched the music, I got a lot better. I might still look like a jackass, but I actually have a lot of fun with it now. Don’t think about it too much as that defeats the purpose. Stop caring about how other people will perceive you and just let go.

[Sugarcoat]

19 minutes ago, sleep said:

@Sugarcoat This is what I was talking about in my post. Some people talk about it as if it's natural and intuitive when it's not that way for me. Just because something is a certain way for you doesn't mean it's the same for everybody.

Yes I understand that . I meant it more in a way of dropping the ideas you have about dancing and simply following the urge to dance in the body , but if you don’t even experience that urge , that spark like the moderator above said, then there can be different reasons for that 
 

I have had significant social anxiety myself for years in the past so I know how it is to feel painfully awkward simply existing . I can sympathize with that.
But dancing always came natural . I find, the more deeply in touch with my body I get, the better I get at dancing interestingly enough 

Leo is right here. 

I can guess. You’re stuck in your head, disconnected from your body so now when you try to do something that is very natural for the body, you approach it in this overthinking way because youre just stuck in your head so you do everything from your head. This is the problem here. Practice and follow some instructions all you want but that’s like going to college without finishing high school . Backwards

using dancing to help with social anxiety at parties sure. But if you do it with some idea in your head of some specific dance moves and rules to it, you’re just feeding the very problem itself. And you seem to pity yourself , like oh poor me. I don’t mean to be rude here but that’s the vibe. It’s not helping you, just feeding this mental story about yourself even more
 

It truly is like that I would say. If you can’t feel the urge to dance in your body and simply follow it without instructions then there’s no point in doing anything else as that is like the basics

If the social anxiety is so strong stopping you from even relaxing in your body at all then forget the dancing and do some work on that id suggest and stop pitying yourself digging yourself into your own suffering even deeper

Edited August 31, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[mr_engineer]

20 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Your whole approach is wrong. Too logical.

You need to stop thinking, get drunk, and just have fun. That's how you learn to dance. Not by learning technical dance moves.

Club dancing is not a music video, it's just drunk people letting loose and having fun.

As I've said, you guys are so autistic you haven't even awoken to the notion of partying.

The problem at hand is social confidence at a party. I mean, if it helps your social confidence, why not learn to dance? That's what people are doing there, right?! Why not just get good at it, be the coolest person there and reap the rewards of that?! 

It's fun when you know how to dance. And it's even more fun when you're better than the others around you! It gives you an advantage in 'coolness'. 

Edited August 31, 2023 by mr_engineer

[sleep]

@Leo Gura Its not inaccurate to call me autistic. I know what you're saying and I've thought about it before, but its very hard for me to let loose around other people, even if im very drunk.

@Sugarcoat Yeah, I'd agree that I tend to live in my head too much. I do sometimes get the urge to move my body, I just feel like i don't really know how. Maybe I just lack confidence.

[Sugarcoat]

8 minutes ago, sleep said:

Yeah, I'd agree that I tend to live in my head too much. I do sometimes get the urge to move my body, I just feel like i don't really know how. Maybe I just lack confidence.

Yes you do and that’s fine. As I said you can start when you’re alone and when that urge hits just follow it . Listening to music that’s danceable and that you like ofc . No rules whatsoever. Doesn’t matter how it looks. Because the thing is also dancing isn’t really fun when you don’t do it in a way that feels natural for you, It’ll  just feel forced.

Do you have sense of rhythm at least? I’m not sure but most people have and then maybe a small minority don’t for some reason 

Edited August 31, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, sleep said:

its very hard for me to let loose around other people

That's the whole problem here.

You are stuck in your head.

Edited August 31, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Salvijus]

Just jump up and down. That's 80% of the dancing.

[Salvijus]

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

Do you have sense of rhythm at least?

Also this

[Something Funny]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

As I've said, you guys are so autistic you haven't even awoken to the notion of partying.

That's because stage orange idea of partying sucks. It has become this low consciousness activity full of dumb drunk people.

My coworker leaves in a village and they have a very tight community there. So they all regularly come together and organise their own parties but in a more family like, friendly athmosphere. And it's also ourdoors.

There is nothing like that in the city. I am a bit jealous of her to be honest

[Starlight321]

I've had the problem for years ubtil I realized that most of the other dance as good as me and they literally didn't give a fuck about how I dance.

Maybe it is helpful to start dancing in a group. 

[StarStruck]

Get a connection to your inner feminine and you will know how to dance. Imagine you are a young girl who just got her period and goes out to dance.

[something_else]

2 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

The problem at hand is social confidence at a party. I mean, if it helps your social confidence, why not learn to dance? That's what people are doing there, right?! Why not just get good at it, be the coolest person there and reap the rewards of that?! 

It's fun when you know how to dance. And it's even more fun when you're better than the others around you! It gives you an advantage in 'coolness'. 

It's somewhat counterintuitive. If you are pumping out trained and rehearsed dance moves at a night club or party, you actually look more like a tryhard, it can be quite cringy. You don't look cool. Clubs and parties aren't about dancing skill as much as they are about letting lose and having fun.

If you're doing some rehearsed dancing on a club dance floor it better be eyewateringly impressive or you will just look like you're trying too hard to impress people.

That said, I would imagine many of those who have learnt to dance would be better at letting loose and moving with the music at a club than someone who hasn't, so I do agree with you that dancing classes could help. Just not by teaching you specific moves. 

To be honest, any kind of physical activity helps you. I notice doing martial arts helped me a lot, not because it taught be specific moves but because it taught me how to feel into my body better and to physically relax.

Edited August 31, 2023 by something_else

[something_else]

 

3 hours ago, sleep said:

I've never rly been able to dance. Whenever I ask people how they do it it seems that it comes naturally to them, and they react as if you were asking them how to do a very obvious task which comes from simply "flowing with the music", but its not that way for me at all. I know social anxiety plays a part in my inability but I think a bigger part of it is simply not understanding how one is supposed to dance, and I dont know how to learn. To me it feels as if you were trying to learn how to levitate, an activity which no matter how much you practice you'll never be able to attain. This makes events like parties uncomfortable because I feel very out of place just standing there. Anyone with the same difficulties that has overcome this issue here? I would like some help because even though I've tried practicing I can't seem to grasp it and i don't know what to do about it.

I also had quite bad anxiety about dancing. One thing I noticed helped me learn to relax and move with the music at clubs was to close my eyes and almost pretend I was the only one there. It also makes it easier to get deeply intune with the music which helps too.