What is a 'party' in today's world?

[TheAlchemist]

I think for many it's about excitement, adventure or even a desire for transcendence. Trancending the mundane for a moment and also trancending social norms and internal blockages, which feels freeing. For many it is also a way of connecting with other people and just being part of something fun. We can see many problems in the world, but I don't think partying is one to be too worried about.

You can also have parties that are not centered around alcohol, but other substances such as cannabis or psychedelics, which all tend to create a very different kind of vibe. For many, a psytrance party for example can be a deep and meaningful spiritual experience. Also, you can have great "parties" without any substances, just using other methods to shift state like collective mantra chanting or breathwork etc.

 

 

Edited August 31, 2023 by TheAlchemist

[mr_engineer]

5 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

If you dont like It just dont go.

If you are playing the social game though, dont reject It. These are the rules of the Game. 

My issue isn't with the partying itself, it's with this false belief that it's the height of life. Because it makes it so everyone aspires to live it and we get the never-ending competitive rat-race. 

When a society believes that a party is the height of life, the danger of that is that the vices that come with partying will weaken and destroy it from within. There are pros and cons to partying and when we idealize it as the height of life, we don't look at the cons. 

[Sugarcoat]

10 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

I call BS on this argument that they would make. Because, if this really were who they are, why does it do nothing for their mental-health problems?! Mental-health in more developed parts of the world (I'm not going to name countries, it's happening in upscale areas of most countries) is tanking on the one hand and on the other hand, this is the social reality we're dealing with. 

The first indication of the fact that you're on the right path with authenticity is that your mind will be peaceful and emotionally you will be fulfilled. 

I see your point and that is the experience for me too regarding authenticity. 

this path of authenticity is a long sometimes grueling one with its ups and downs. Different minds are are attracted to different things and deal with themselves differently at different times. Temporarily boosting your mood by partying for example is one way and has its place. 

10 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

I mean, they know that they're going and being sexy in a low-inhibition environment, where drunk guys are going to be drooling over them and some guys with little to no morality are going to be trying to spike their drinks and shit. 

yes they know this.

But I see it as everyone is responsible for their own actions. A woman looking sexy doesnt make a man harass her, its all on him. 

I read this great quote from a radical feminist ive followed for a long time that connects to this. I dont remember exactly but pretty much:

"When a man gets drunk he is not responsible for his actions

When a woman gets drunk she is responsible for everyones actions"

She hit the nail on that one. 

10 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

I want to get on the same page with others about what a 'party' even is. The more of us understand the reality of parties, the more we will come up with new and innovative event-ideas to actually be able to connect with each other and resolve the internal issues instead of coping with them using instant-gratification partying.

as I said a certain type of mind is attracted to certain things and people do form connections at parties it might not just resonate with you with a different type of mind. You can come up with your ideas without needing to take something else away, altough it is interesting nonetheless to think about 

[Sugarcoat]

Nonetheless everyone remember , most important is to be your own party your own vibe okay ?? you can’t have fun if you are not fun . Be the life, be the fun. Alone or with people doesn’t matter ?

Edited August 31, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[mr_engineer]

14 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

yes they know this.

But I see it as everyone is responsible for their own actions. A woman looking sexy doesnt make a man harass her, its all on him. 

I read this great quote from a radical feminist ive followed for a long time that connects to this. I dont remember exactly but pretty much:

"When a man gets drunk he is not responsible for his actions

When a woman gets drunk she is responsible for everyones actions"

She hit the nail on that one. 

When a drunk man and a drunk woman have sex, who has more to lose? The woman, of course. So, the issue here is of women's safety. 

When this is the situation, you can complain all you want about the lack of sexual-discipline of drunk men (what an expectation to have from a drunk man lol), but nothing is going to get done about this if women don't take responsibility for their own safety and change something! It's one thing to say that 'In an ideal world, men would be perfect and men would be perfectly held accountable for all wrongdoings' and it's another thing to face the reality that that's not how the world works. Yes, women have more of a responsibility to stay sober so that they can protect themselves. Because women have more to lose in drunk sex. 

Also, if a feminist said it, take it with a grain of salt. 

11 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

Are there any instances of that happening in history? I genuinely don't know.

Ancient Rome. 

https://www.historyhit.com/the-fall-of-the-roman-empire/

[Sugarcoat]

2 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

When a drunk man and a drunk woman have sex, who has more to lose? The woman, of course. So, the issue here is of women's safety. 

When this is the situation, you can complain all you want about the lack of sexual-discipline of drunk men (what an expectation to have from a drunk man lol), but nothing is going to get done about this if women don't take responsibility for their own safety and change something! It's one thing to say that 'In an ideal world, men would be perfect and men would be perfectly held accountable for all wrongdoings' and it's another thing to face the reality that that's not how the world works. Yes, women have more of a responsibility to stay sober so that they can protect themselves. Because women have more to lose in drunk sex. 

Also, if a feminist said it, take it with a grain of salt.

Well i do agree in the way that everyone has a responsibility in what enviroment, situations they put themsleves in, and what people they hang around, basically how one navigates society. 

but at the same time i feel we are not really coming from the same place saying that so cant really say we have the same thinking here

There are drunk men that dont harass women lol. its not impossible

 

[something_else]

Out of curiosity, have you ever been to a party and if you have, what was your experience there like?

[mr_engineer]

19 minutes ago, something_else said:

Out of curiosity, have you ever been to a party and if you have, what was your experience there like?

Once, when I was talking about my mental-health issues/loneliness, my friends said 'let's go party!' and dragged me into a club. The music was really loud, pretty much everyone was inebriated and dancing to the loud music, in the zone. No scope to talk to anyone. 

One of my friends got drunk and passed out. She was puking a lot. The rest of us were left taking care of her. Some of us were being responsible with it, some not so responsible. She was disoriented and one guy was messing with her head on purpose, taking advantage of the fact that she was disoriented. It made me lose respect for him for the rest of my life. My opinion of him is 'he's the biggest scumbag I've ever met'. 

We were 'bar-hopping', so to speak. So, we went to another club. One of my friends had a wing with a lot of contacts in these places. He was one of the 'big and strong alpha-males' there. There were drugs going on in the next club. And, there were dealers there. Shady characters. Two guys got into a fight over drug-money. And, my friend's wing went in there to pacify the situation and resolve it. 

This happened in the US. 1 year into living there. And, I'd already observed that most of American society revolves around materialistic pleasure. And that partying was supposed to be the 'height of life' there. And, when I saw this, I was like 'Oh man. The West is in trouble, if this is what the people here are living for'. 

Edited August 31, 2023 by mr_engineer

[Nilsi]

4 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

How does it benefit us as a collective to have it be the most popular type of social environment?' 

Partying has always played a fundamental role in human societies throughout history. It serves as a way to break down societal boundaries and roles, and to experience the rapture of losing your sense of self and separation.

In ancient Greece, for example, their festivals were renowned for their unruliness. These celebrations encouraged participants to indulge in excessive drinking and revelry, allowing them to shed all their societal masks and roles. It was a cathartic experience, a massive, orgiastic celebration of life in its most primordial form. 

This same principle holds true today. Modern parties offer a similar function, providing individuals with the opportunity to temporarily let go of their societal roles and inhibitions. This experience is not only enjoyable but also therapeutic.

Incorporating such moments of boundary-breaking and uninhibited expression into one’s life should be an integral part of any holistic spirituality. 

[something_else]

4 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Once, when I was talking about my mental-health issues/loneliness, my friends said 'let's go party!' and dragged me into a club. The music was really loud, pretty much everyone was inebriated and dancing to the loud music, in the zone. No scope to talk to anyone. 

One of them got drunk and passed out. She was puking a lot. The rest of us were left taking care of her. Some of us were being responsible with it, some not so responsible. She was disoriented and one guy was messing with her head on purpose, taking advantage of the fact that she was disoriented. It made me lose respect for him for the rest of my life. 

We were 'bar-hopping', so to speak. So, we went to another club. One of my friends had a wing with a lot of contacts in these places. He was one of the 'big and strong alpha-males' there. There were drugs going on in the next club. And, there were dealers there. Shady characters. Two guys got into a fight over drug-money. And, my friend's wing went in there to pacify the situation and resolve it. 

This happened in the US. 1 year into living there. And, I'd already observed that most of American society revolves around materialistic pleasure. And that partying was supposed to be the 'height of life' there. And, when I saw this, I was like 'Oh man. The West is in trouble, if this is what the people here are living for'. 

I can understand why you feel the way you do now. That's a pretty bad night.

But it is just one night. It also sounds like these were people who weren't really that great, who you didn't feel particularly comfortable around, which can create a bad experience.

If you're with good people in good clubs when you're feeling good in life, most of the issues you experienced there are quite rare.

It took me maybe 4 visits to a club before I really started to enjoy myself. If it's a foreign environment so your body panics the first few times and makes you feel quite uncomfortable. But pushing through that is where the growth comes from if you're not someone who naturally parties.

[Buck Edwards]

Side note - you seem to be a victim of your own biases. Is there something internally hurting you? You'll get a lot of answers if you switch off the forum and do inner contemplating, the nature of your post indicates too much rumination and closed mindedness and a certain need to control how society functions. 

You'll make an interesting case study. 

One look at your entire posting history and the general tone is somewhat like this - 

Women - bad. 

Drinking - bad bad bad. 

Feminists - bad. 

Partying - bad. 

Drugs - bad. 

If you extrapolate this line of thinking, gradually you'll reach a point where you'll begin to hate every aspect of social life. Can you see this? It has added a shit load of negativity to your worldview. You're separating yourself from the world. I'm not saying that you don't have valid points. Yet, you seem to be mired in some sort of a thought loop colored by your own biases that run like a broken record and you don't seem to ever glance outside of it. This is very counter productive, mostly to you. Society gives you plenty of options, if you don't like something, nobody forces you to do it, there's always a bunch of people out there who are like you, if you go look for them. But you seem to be more interested in trying to out-logic society out of things that have always been the norm and plenty of people have absolutely no trouble with these norms even if some of them might be downright toxic. 

I don't like partying myself, I'm naturally this way, somewhat withdrawn, autistic, and slightly anti-social. Yet I don't feel the need to degrade those who like partying. It's their way of enjoying life, more power to them. 

Society will not always be how you want it to be. Yet it's best time to live, none of World War two, technology that has been mostly beneficial. Plenty of things that were hard to find in old days. You can travel anywhere, talk to anyone online, go to fancy restaurants, go camping, practically do anything you want, there's a market for everything. What more could you have asked for? These options might have existed 2 centuries ago, at least some of them, but people weren't too vocal about having fun, societies were controlled by religious norms, there was no electricity, cinema was boring, there was hardly anything for entertainment. Parties were mostly for rich people. 

So you've to be grateful that we get to live in times where you can get drunk and not be judged, you can hang out with friends, and have casual sex. Things that were relatively impossible in another era unless you belonged to a particular strata of society and I mean the uber-rich. 

You're looking at partying from a very judgemental perspective. You could be having some ingrained biases and shadows that you might want to work on that makes you hate people who party. They're just normal folks, like you and me. 

I hate parties too, yet I'm cognizant that much of my hating or dislike is my own shadow and inability to mix with those crowds. I'm not social enough, it's kinda debilitating and makes other people look better than me, makes me feel like I am not as good as them. Yet this is my own flaw. And I shouldn't be superimposing my jealousy on folks who are simply having fun and moralize them for something I cannot do/have. It needs a certain maturity to see your own lack and not have the impulse to jump to judging something you can't comfortably fit into. So "it must be wrong because I don't like it." That's the simplest representation of personal bias. 

Regarding partying, you don't always have to do things the conventional way. I like being a rebel and I'm naturally good at it. I prefer partying in a mountain forest with a campfire, sharing wine, singing and playing guitar/ukulele, with a bunch of close friends, dancing and mellowing around a campfire, dowsing my worries in wine and food and laughter. This can be partying too, the main reason I avoid conventional club style partying is just the loud music (not good for my health, I'm particularly sensitive to sounds), I simply don't like having fun in a loud environment. Some partying can be toxic indeed. But if someone is comfortable with all the overt  sensory stimulation and they're okay with all the noise, smoke, puking, drinking, nudity and the heat of the crowds, good for them and I'm nobody to judge. 

Most folks who party aren't the best type of people, mostly trash, one of the other reasons why I avoid partying. You bring up the point of safety of women. I don't think anybody is safe, especially at low budget parties, celebrity parties are another ballgame, there's tight security there. If you're gonna hang out at local parties (the experience you mentioned), you'll (quite easily) run into very shady folks and get scammed, duped, injured or even murdered, a lot of untoward stuff can happen. You have to watch out for the quality of people you hang out with, nothing to worry if you went in with your own folks and stay with them the entire night. But with strangers you never know, anything can go wrong cuz some people are really trashy low quality people that are best avoided. Club brawls, drug deals gone bad, shady characters, gold diggers, unprotected sex, dangerous sex(STDs), the list of trouble is endless. You could end up in situations you might regret the morning after. So not the best deal. 

Yet you could look for safer places where you find better crowds, nothing too funky or weird, light fun of dance and music and with proper security. Most clubs don't even check if you're underage. Find something less risky. Usually this is in upscale neighborhoods. Obviously you have to pay more to enjoy at such places. 

Places in bad notorious neighborhoods that are ridiculously cheap will have very bad people, not trying to judge, just saying facts. 

Then again you can go to places where older folks hang out in mountain regions, rural spaces. You will have a peaceful time. The hot local parties in places that are overcrowded, massively advertised in inner cities are actually really bad and fulll of shady stuff. So avoid those. The geography is going to matter a lot here. 

Also one experience cannot be used to generalize everything about partying. If you're particularly talking about the USA, plenty of options and varieties from state to state, you won't have a duplicate experience everywhere. 

Some of your points are valid and some of it is just old school judgement and over-analyzing. 

[Davino]

I've had very mystical and flowing experiences in parties. Absolutely letting go and giving it all.

Celebration is life. Reality is a celebration!

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, Sidra khan said:

 

Now ya talkin'

[mr_engineer]

@Sidra khan @Princess Arabia Looks like I lost this 'status-game'. No worries. I've got other plans. 

[Princess Arabia]

31 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

@Sidra khan @Princess Arabia Looks like I lost this 'status-game'. No worries. I've got other plans. 

They were meant to be funny.

[mr_engineer]

9 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

They were meant to be funny.

 

[D2sage]

All you need is a great party to change your view. But yes, a lot of people are living for the weekends.

My most fun party memories are the private house parties. Often these types derails and all sort of crazy/fun stuff happens.

Try a Deep House festival or some sort of club. This music often attracts great people.

Party is also very good for personal development.

Edited August 31, 2023 by D2sage

[PurpleTree]

it‘s the same everywhere, not just at parties

the issue (or not) is not the party but the validation seeking, never having enough, comparing itself to others, trying to appear a certain way „ego“

 

[universe]

Take responsibility.

If you want to connect and meet with other people it is your job alone to get that stuff going for you.

It's not humanities fault for having shitty rituals and society with their bad habits, don't make it so easy (in the long run very hard) for you.

If one person on this planet made connections at a party then it should be possible for you, too.

Resourceful, abundant thinking vs. fearful and lacking.

[mr_engineer]

2 hours ago, universe said:

Take responsibility.

If you want to connect and meet with other people it is your job alone to get that stuff going for you.

It's not humanities fault for having shitty rituals and society with their bad habits, don't make it so easy (in the long run very hard) for you.

This thread is not about me or my 'issues with connecting with and meeting people'. I have other ways of doing that. 

2 hours ago, universe said:

If one person on this planet made connections at a party then it should be possible for you, too.

My point is that partying is by far the worst way to meet and connect with people. Fine, 'if one person on the planet made connections at a party, it should be possible for anyone'. But, it's one thing for it to be possible, and it's another thing for it to be probable. The probability is very low, because of the factors I listed in the OP. And, if that's the most popular type of social environment in upscale areas of the world. we're in trouble. Looking at this trend on a macro-level should scare you. 

2 hours ago, universe said:

Resourceful, abundant thinking vs. fearful and lacking.

If you're defending parties as a way to meet people, that comes across as 'fearful and lacking' to me, actually. There are much better ways, like going to art-classes, going to dance-classes, going to music-classes. People aren't numbing themselves with substances and they're exploring their creativity in these environments. 

Edited September 1, 2023 by mr_engineer