Ego-death : what's your experience ?

[Loveeee]

I've experienced it 6 times on acid, right after the come up

To me it feels like my body is suddenly shutting down and it's terrifying

But I let it all wash over me and kinda feel it when the process is done, the whole thing lasts 15 to 30 sec

It also always coincides with God breaking character and interacting with me

I have less and less resistance to death and last time I almost enjoyed it

 

[Hojo]

first time it was the funniest thing thats ever happened to me

second time it felt like taking off a tshirt

Edited August 29, 2023 by Hojo

[Vincent S]

Realizing that your resistance is what’s causing your suffering. And suddenly letting go. Keyword: Acceptance ?

Edited August 29, 2023 by Vincent S

[Oppositionless]

I hit a dmt vape and within a few seconds I had no recollection of having done so. it felt like… like this new reality was just how it had always been.
it’s also happened on ketamine, much more gently I’d say.

[Breakingthewall]

ego death is the best, unfiltered life. unfortunately it is not easy because we have a very solid ego. Every time you get ego death, you understand a little more the subtle mechanisms with which you create the ego barrier. For me the main reason for psychedelic is ego death. 5meo works...sometimes. not always. LSD and mushrooms the same. a willingness to let go is necessary, even in an intense psychedelic trip. for my ego death it has to be zero conceptual mind, zero grip. let go completely. sometimes i get it with 30ug of lsd and a hit of weed, other times i can't get it by vaping 20mg of 5meo in one hit. I would like to get sober and achieve that state at will. I would say that spiritual work should have that as its goal.

Edited August 30, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[Soul Flight]

I think I had ego death on LSD. My eyes were closed and I was laying down. My mind was racing. I could not focus on any thought. My mind was like a rolodex just spinning. I suddenly thought to myself, "I've gone insane." I felt shame. I was thinking of family and friends all ashamed of me and visiting me in the psych ward. But suddenly I detached or became aware I was an observer observing my mind and these thoughts about shame. I was free. My ego was trying to control me by forcing me to feel shame and scaring me that I had gone insane. But I was actually the calm observer. I then had a wonderful trip of "no-mind" and just "being" and bliss and oceanic boundlessness. I was astral projecting and saw Krishna and Radha dancing in the cosmos.

[caspex]

It took me some time but I achieved it sober so it was a gradual process for me. I don't have access to psychedelics, if I did I'd probably have experienced it that way.

My experience has been very gradual as stated above. The first time I simply placed attention over my 'self', it only lasted a fraction of a second. It was hard to keep but I kept trying until I was able to sustain it. It was only half a minute of sustained attention but I felt something crack, as if glass breaking or cracks appearing in stone, right where the pineal gland sits. It was a very physical sensation and sound. This got me hooked and I started meditating frequently on 'I AM'. One night I decided to say fuck it all and sat down around 11 PM or 12 AM on my bed and started mediating. I told myself that I am not getting up until I deconstruct my ego. My experience at that point was that I had an idea that the self is layered, but not to what extent. It was around 5 AM when the kernal finally broke off. Everything I thought, the shock, the novelty of experience, all felt amazing, and it didn't feel like it was happening to a 'me'. It was just happening, like a rock sitting on grass. I almost panicked thinking I had finally lost it, the articles on the internet didn't help telling me I was disassociating.

This experience has only gotten deeper since and I have been able to understand many more breakthrough nuanced and degrees to that simple experience. At some point I went beyond the whole "I am a witness" phase. It doesn't look like it but the witness is also ego. Very sneaky. People get this false idea that just because they detached from their life, personality and behaviors, they have achieved ego death. If you still feel like you are observing it all, there's still a you.

It was in a similar fashion in one meditation where I broke through the witness and it was the most freeing. The best way to describe it is that it went from a cone of perception to a 360 Sphere of perception in which every point is the center.

There's also cool variations where you can experience headlessness, or whole bodylessness for that matter, but I don't really consider that ego death. But it is indeed disidentification with the body. It feels genuinely like you are floating. Not in air, but that you are air itself. Even while looking at your body, you wouldn't think it's yours.

It gets really powerful if you combine it all together. You disappear and forget everything. Time doesn't exist, people don't exist. What's occurring is simply occurring. But it's not 'occurring', it's more like an 'occur' is that makes any sense. There's no sense of continuity.

I can produce these states at will but it depends on my mood and motivation how fast I can do it. Goes from a few seconds to a few minutes. Still hard to make it my baseline.

[Breakingthewall]

21 hours ago, Swarnim said:

I felt something crack, as if glass breaking or cracks appearing in stone,

@Swarnim I'd say that ego death is the break of the superficial layer of the mind. It is something difficult to achieve since this layer is the one whose purpose is control, and its base is fear. It is a way of being created over thousands of human generations, since human beings began to control the environment, so the existence. The human is a controlling being, and as he evolves, his control increases, and with it his fear.

This makes us live on the surface of the mind, in a completely neurotic way, terrified of death. The work we do is difficult: overcoming that fear, breaking the ice on the surface, being in depth. congratulations for achieving it without psychedelics, great work. 

Edited September 2, 2023 by Breakingthewall

[Princess Arabia]

@Swarnimnice..

[Incognito]

I've realized that my ego is nothing but all the voices internalized from all the people I've met. Nothing wrong with it, but there is a conflict that needs to be solved through synthesis.

[Loveeee]

 

On 8/30/2023 at 0:49 AM, Vincent S said:

Realizing that your resistance is what’s causing your suffering. And suddenly letting go. Keyword: Acceptance ?

Holy crap I tripped two days ago for the first time in a year and a half, I was avoiding it out of fear really, but this time I had no resistance whatsoever, I didn't even know that was possible ! So much so that I spent the first two hours waiting in confusion for that terrifying feeling but it never came, I just came out of my meditation and I was God. It really is the resistance that creates the suffering, I kinda knew it but not that much 

This changes everything

[VeganAwake]

Ironically when it does seem to occur, there's no one left having that experience or any experience for that matter.

Then ego seems to return and claims ownership over said experiences!

❤️ 

 

 

[Vincent S]

31 minutes ago, Loveeee said:

 

Holy crap I tripped two days ago for the first time in a year and a half, I was avoiding it out of fear really, but this time I had no resistance whatsoever, I didn't even know that was possible ! So much so that I spent the first two hours waiting in confusion for that terrifying feeling but it never came, I just came out of my meditation and I was God. It really is the resistance that creates the suffering, I kinda knew it but not that much 

This changes everything

[Loveeee]

1 hour ago, Loveeee said:

 

Holy crap I tripped two days ago for the first time in a year and a half, I was avoiding it out of fear really, but this time I had no resistance whatsoever, I didn't even know that was possible ! So much so that I spent the first two hours waiting in confusion for that terrifying feeling but it never came, I just came out of my meditation and I was God. It really is the resistance that creates the suffering, I kinda knew it but not that much 

This changes everything

I almost forgot the most important part : it felt so good !

I was shivering in ecstasy and moaning and twitching and stuff, some kind of cosmic orgasm like they say, that went on for like an hour 

[Vincent S]

You became your forum avatar. Love in its totality.

[Razard86]

On 9/1/2023 at 3:58 PM, Swarnim said:

It took me some time but I achieved it sober so it was a gradual process for me. I don't have access to psychedelics, if I did I'd probably have experienced it that way.

My experience has been very gradual as stated above. The first time I simply placed attention over my 'self', it only lasted a fraction of a second. It was hard to keep but I kept trying until I was able to sustain it. It was only half a minute of sustained attention but I felt something crack, as if glass breaking or cracks appearing in stone, right where the pineal gland sits. It was a very physical sensation and sound. This got me hooked and I started meditating frequently on 'I AM'. One night I decided to say fuck it all and sat down around 11 PM or 12 AM on my bed and started mediating. I told myself that I am not getting up until I deconstruct my ego. My experience at that point was that I had an idea that the self is layered, but not to what extent. It was around 5 AM when the kernal finally broke off. Everything I thought, the shock, the novelty of experience, all felt amazing, and it didn't feel like it was happening to a 'me'. It was just happening, like a rock sitting on grass. I almost panicked thinking I had finally lost it, the articles on the internet didn't help telling me I was disassociating.

This experience has only gotten deeper since and I have been able to understand many more breakthrough nuanced and degrees to that simple experience. At some point I went beyond the whole "I am a witness" phase. It doesn't look like it but the witness is also ego. Very sneaky. People get this false idea that just because they detached from their life, personality and behaviors, they have achieved ego death. If you still feel like you are observing it all, there's still a you.

It was in a similar fashion in one meditation where I broke through the witness and it was the most freeing. The best way to describe it is that it went from a cone of perception to a 360 Sphere of perception in which every point is the center.

There's also cool variations where you can experience headlessness, or whole bodylessness for that matter, but I don't really consider that ego death. But it is indeed disidentification with the body. It feels genuinely like you are floating. Not in air, but that you are air itself. Even while looking at your body, you wouldn't think it's yours.

It gets really powerful if you combine it all together. You disappear and forget everything. Time doesn't exist, people don't exist. What's occurring is simply occurring. But it's not 'occurring', it's more like an 'occur' is that makes any sense. There's no sense of continuity.

I can produce these states at will but it depends on my mood and motivation how fast I can do it. Goes from a few seconds to a few minutes. Still hard to make it my baseline.

If you can do it in minutes technically it's already your baseline. The only reason you have to do it...is because you live in a society. Now you go off to some cave or something....you won't have to keep all this construction up and you can live from that state...but do you actually want too? I say just visit it from time to time. 

[caspex]

1 hour ago, Razard86 said:

If you can do it in minutes technically it's already your baseline. The only reason you have to do it...is because you live in a society. Now you go off to some cave or something....you won't have to keep all this construction up and you can live from that state...but do you actually want too? I say just visit it from time to time. 

Never thought of it that way. The reason I don't call it my baseline is because I believe it's possible to keep up a higher degree of this understanding constantly, than I am already doing. For sure that the highest states impair movement even, but I want to make constant the highest state that can still function. I also intuit that if I practice enough, I'd be able to function even in the higher states.

[Naomi]

one time on 5g of mushrooms, I stared at myself naked in front of a mirror for like 3 hours dying of laughter. Felt like i was god laughing at my own creation and just the general absurdity and bizarreness of life. Definitely taped into something (infinite intelligence) much higher than myself as an ego which enabled me to let go of so much self-created pain and suffering from my past, once I saw that it was all me, me creating my own pain and torture as much as I was creating my own bliss and heaven. this gave me absolute freedom inside Because I realised that I was powerful enough to create my own misery so that means I'm also powerful enough to create my own bliss. It was the first time I felt whole again. I didn't even think it was possible to feel that whole, to feel that much love. I did breathing techniques too and literally was the most liberating experience of my life. I still think about it a lot. 

[OldManCorcoran]

Acid makes me feel similar to being drunk or dreaming, so I stop feeling fear etc, everything just feels un-real and hence I don't feel to be in danger. So ego death while on acid was always easy for me to handle. Subjectively it was sort of cartoon-world bizarity. Not anything which could be recalled well enough to describe, but sort of like screen tearing effect slices of fever dream delusions repeated in each slice. Like Cheryl from Riverdale with pineapples and a "sense" of Bugs Bunny and stuff. So yes, exactly as that sounds, it was basically falling into a literal insanity - though not in a usual sense of a crazy person, more of a Dr. Seuss or Looney Tunes vibe of crazy.

Actually, if I smoked DMT by itself, I would often have severe panic attacks. The sort of panic attack that you can't experience sober. Just sheer uncontrollable utter panic. But, if I smoked DMT while on acid the trip was much more intense but the panic attack didn't happen. Which meant the experience subjectively was quite different as my mind wasn't being distracted by terror.

I don't remember the experiences well enough anymore. I know there was zero sense of love, and I know that I came out of the strongest trip considering it to have been a religious experience of monism and was altered permanently for life. That experience began subjectively as a very fuzzy visual delusion as well as mental sense of shedding my body, like the Russian doll figures which sit inside each other, and you open them and take a smaller one out. It was like removing shells of dolls where I was the dolls.

Edited September 5, 2023 by OldManCorcoran