How do you compliment a man (without hitting on him)?

[Princess Arabia]

@eos_nyxiaHi. From reading your post and comments I understand where this is coming from. At first I thought it was kind of trivial and an unnecessary burden on oneself trying to flirt with the opposite sex and not knowing how, especially being married. I sense in your tone a certain passion and willingness to try to make the world a better place and, since this issue was brought to your attention, where certain men feel they're not complimented enough, you think it might help to give them more confidence and a sense of worth in the dating compartment. What might seem trivial to some may be important to others.

Let me start here: Whenever you feel like giving a genuine compliment, whether to a male or female, just do it. Don't overthink it or have any particular expectations of what the result may bring. Just do it as long as it's genuine. As far as you complimenting males without seeming flirtatious, I would say just compliment, smile then move on. Don't strike up a conversation. If he says thank you and says nothing else, that's it. If he says thank you and starts to converse about things unrelated to the compliment that seems flirty, just give one or two word answers and find a nice way to exit the conversation. 

This is tricky because it all depends on the situation. Where you are, time of day, are people around and venue. Elevators with people around is ok. Nice shirt, nice shoes, nice cologne, nice watch etc. Just don't use the word LOVE. Like love your hair, just, nice hair. Move on. Don't compliment guys at night if you're the only two around. Just keep it moving. No special reason, just avoidance of unnecessary shit. If you're at a party, or amongst other people just give the compliment, smile and walk away if it's not awkward to do so. If it's not convenient to walk away, and you would like to give a compliment without seeming flirty, just say the compliment, smile without staring in his eyes, maybe stare at the thing you're complimenting and just focus on that without unnecessary conversation. Everything depends. Use your judgement and try to avoid compliments if the person was staring at you first if you would rather not hold a conversation. 

Make it short and sweet and never compliment a guy on a particular body part. That's just too personal and sounds inviting. Unless it's a tattoo or if his lips are huge. Just kidding about the lips. That's my bit of advice on this subject. Hope it helps.

[Princess Arabia]

@Buck EdwardsPlease stop projecting. You're the one turning her simple ass post into issues you're having with women. Not every guy sees a woman's compliments as bait and teasing. You're just turning things around and saying these things to her because of your experiences and beliefs. Learn to get out of your head and see things for what they are and not what you perceive them to be. She's just simply asking how to give honest compliments to the opposite sex without seeming flirtatious. It's an innocent question, nothing to do with all you're talking about. 

[Whitney Edwards]

5 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

@Buck EdwardsPlease stop projecting. You're the one turning her simple ass post into issues you're having with women. Not every guy sees a woman's compliments as bait and teasing. You're just turning things around and saying these things to her because of your experiences and beliefs. Learn to get out of your head and see things for what they are and not what you perceive them to be. She's just simply asking how to give honest compliments to the opposite sex without seeming flirtatious. It's an innocent question, nothing to do with all you're talking about. 

Explaining issues with the subject is not projecting. I'm explaining male mentality to someone who is completely ignorant of it and also why men are never friends with women.. You make the theory all the more plausible with your attitude here. Are you some kind of a preacher to men? I can't stand you lecturing men around the forum on how to be men. Maybe take your own advice. Men can be hurt too. Stop acting like they can't. 

I'm getting butt tired of your constant moral righteousness parade. It's not funny. 

It seems like you don't have a single clue on men's issues. 

 

Edited August 30, 2023 by Buck Edwards

[eos_nyxia]

@Buck Edwards  How did you manage to make a post where I was mostly interested in general answers, as personal as possible? (Though maybe I didn't make that clear originally IDK.) When I made this post, I wasn't particularly asking for a free critique and a bunch of assumptions about my personal life. I was more interested in... how do straight men want to receive compliments from women in general?

The only reasonable answer you gave to that is... "don't give any compliments to any men because you're married and they can't have you, and or only say the right things that aren't about their looks because that could be interpreted as flirting." with a nice heaping side of "and that's probably your fault, you attention whore you." (why are you such an attention whore, and such a woman?).

All the other stuff is a bunch of projections and a lack of interest in understanding. Which makes me wonder why you're wasting time talking to me.

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You're perhaps not good at it and that's why you repulsed those men and they walked out.

I did not ask for a dissection of my backstory, which you know nothing about. Details of individual situations and context are sometimes everything, ya know.

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Contrary to popular belief that men aren't emotional or they are too stoic, men can actually sense the intent behind a woman's conversation as it is an important means of dating and survival. It's easy to see how an emotionally starved man can see your compliments as a disguise. Just don't do it. Don't lay your hook where you don't wanna fish. The nature of your underhanded commenting suggests that you probably enjoy baiting. Tons of women like that. 

Why are you going out of your way to project secret ill intent into my motives though? Or to find things wrong with me?

[Princess Arabia]

Just now, Buck Edwards said:

Explaining issues with the subject is not projecting. I'm explaining male mentality to someone who is completely ignorant of it and also why men are never friends with women.. You make the theory all the more plausible with your attitude here. Are you some kind of a preacher to men? I can't stand you lecturing men around the forum on how to be men. Maybe take your own advice. Men can be hurt too. Stop acting like they can't. 

I've been around men sexually, have you. Maybe I know more about men in that way more than you do, Ever thought about that. You may know more about women sexually than I do. Maybe I can learn a thing or two about women from you. I don't lecture anyone on how to be anything. You cannot stand it when one point out your weaknesses. I love it when people point out mine. Maybe I can learn a thing or two. Why are you talking about men being hurt. That's not what her post is about. That means you're projecting. I don't really care what you think of me, I will continue to be me. As long as I stay true to who I am, I don't worry about what others think. I'm not acting as if men can't get hurt, her post is not even about men getting hurt, why are you bringing that up. Did you read your responses to her, as if she doesn't have the right to compliment men if she doesn't want to risk it getting further. I will just stop here, but so you know when you accuse me of something please quote, so I can revise and check myself accordingly, if not keep it to yourself.

[eos_nyxia]

@Princess Arabia  Thank you for your response. It's all good food for thought.

TBH Surprised that people took this post... so personally? When this convo came up, it was very casual. Like a thought experiment that might or might not work in reality. Didn't expect this to turn into free psychoanalysis by strangers (especially so quickly lol).

[Whitney Edwards]

5 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

I've been around men sexually, have you. Maybe I know more about men in that way more than you do, Ever thought about that. You may know more about women sexually than I do. Maybe I can learn a thing or two about women from you. I don't lecture anyone on how to be anything. You cannot stand it when one point out your weaknesses. I love it when people point out mine. Maybe I can learn a thing or two. Why are you talking about men being hurt. That's not what her post is about. That means you're projecting. I don't really care what you think of me, I will continue to be me. As long as I stay true to who I am, I don't worry about what others think. I'm not acting as if men can't get hurt, her post is not even about men getting hurt, why are you bringing that up. Did you read your responses to her, as if she doesn't have the right to compliment men if she doesn't want to risk it getting further. I will just stop here, but so you know when you accuse me of something please quote, so I can revise and check myself accordingly, if not keep it to yourself.

You can't learn much about men with that attitude. Be open minded. Just a hint. 

[Princess Arabia]

35 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Explaining issues with the subject is not projecting. I'm explaining male mentality to someone who is completely ignorant of it and also why men are never friends with women.. You make the theory all the more plausible with your attitude here. Are you some kind of a preacher to men? I can't stand you lecturing men around the forum on how to be men. Maybe take your own advice. Men can be hurt too. Stop acting like they can't. 

I'm getting butt tired of your constant moral righteousness parade. It's not funny. 

It seems like you don't have a single clue on men's issues. 

 

Listen to the OP's response to you. I'm not making this shit up. You're probably right as I should just keep my mouth shut. I guess I like to introspect and don't mind constructive criticisms as I know I'm not always right and sometimes can get a bit irritated, that's why sometimes I bring things to people's attention, but I should realize not everyone is like me and can't take criticisms and would rather stay at the level they're at and don't need me to shed light on their ignorance, so I will be a bit more considerate of that in the future. But, as in this case, I see I need say no more as the OP is handling it very well.

Edited August 30, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

You can't learn much about men with that attitude. Be open minded. Just a hint. 

Men are not that complicated. I'm one of the most open-minded people around the block. If I open it too much more, I might sink to the bottom of the ocean, whatever that means. 

[Princess Arabia]

11 minutes ago, eos_nyxia said:

@Princess Arabia  Thank you for your response. It's all good food for thought.

TBH Surprised that people took this post... so personally? When this convo came up, it was very casual. Like a thought experiment that might or might not work in reality. Didn't expect this to turn into free psychoanalysis by strangers (especially so quickly lol).

You're welcome. A lot of men on this forum. They don't understand sometimes women's make-up and how we view certain things, saying this respectfully. We are not all the same and perspectives vary depending on age, experience and POV. You can always tell the ones who have been badly hurt and project their hurt unto other women. Everyone's been hurt at some point in time. The key is to let it go and move on. Some find that hard to do, and now it's reflecting in their comments. 

[Osaid]

6 hours ago, eos_nyxia said:

In our culture, if women can’t feasibly actually do much about this, then maybe men should offer other men more compliments more openly. No need to be like nO hOMo!

This is basically what needs to be focused on, IMO. Most guy friends in my limited experience are basically emotionally stunted. There's nothing further than like "Let's play some video games, bro", which I don't dislike at all, that's always fun and has its place. But it never gets super deep with them, but to be completely fair, there are "deeper" friends to be found. It's just scarce. And the culture could promote it more, is all I am really saying.

Toxic masculinity basically suppresses any of this type of empathy, and so you get the "no homo, bro!" phrase, lol.

6 hours ago, eos_nyxia said:

As a dude, what sort of compliments would you actually like to hear more of?

Really just anything you would say to a female as well. Our preference for compliments is the exact same as any other human, but we do perceive it differently depending on the gender, which is what your thread is about.

As for "how to compliment without hitting on him":

Just make it a genuine and natural observation. Not something that you have to go out of your way to say or put extra effort in, that will make the guy think "Oh, why is she putting energy into saying something so extra?" Just like, a genuine and seamless observation will work well, since it will just fit in perfectly with the interaction and won't seem extra. Not gonna lie, it's entirely possible, and it might be a common case, that the guy just misinterprets it as something else even though you've said the compliment perfectly, so not always your fault. This happens very easily, probably because just getting a compliment is normally such a rare thing, which is why I say that "guy friendships" need to be worked on rather than having women worry about this stuff (as you talk about in your third point). But, it is entirely possible to do, just make it a genuine expression and don't push it too far or make a big deal out of it. Even just having a normal enthusiastic conversation with them could be seen as a compliment or positive acknowledgment of their existence, and this might just be the simplest way to do it.

 

[Whitney Edwards]

10 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

You're welcome. A lot of men on this forum. They don't understand sometimes women's make-up and how we view certain things, saying this respectfully. We are not all the same and perspectives vary depending on age, experience and POV. You can always tell the ones who have been badly hurt and project their hurt unto other women. Everyone's been hurt at some point in time. The key is to let it go and move on. Some find that hard to do, and now it's reflecting in their comments. 

Maybe you're the one projecting your pain onto men. Talk about practice what you preach others. That day you publicly called a man a "0" on the forum. You think that that's not hurtful. Publicly insulting someone. How about reflect on your own energy? This is the same guy who defended you a couple of posts ago and you publicly insulted his self esteem without self reflection. It is women like you who men have issues with and then you call it projecting. Calling you out on your behavior is nothing unfair. You get reasonable amount of support on the forum yet you unnecessarily lunge at others. Bye the way, I don't have much to learn from women who sleep with men for money because isn't that predatory already enough? It's basically feeding on men's vulnerability for sex and intimacy and making money off of it. What can I learn from people who do that? That men are weak? That men need sex? Usually any kind of a deal which involves a transaction is a rip off and men usually more often than not get ripped off in the process, the whole toxic only fans thing. You might say this has nothing to do with the topic. But friendships for men with women  seem the same way. It's not a gain for men. Usually a loss-gain bargain where a woman profits from a man's attention, usually all she is most likely looking for. The man on the other hand only becomes an agent for her superficial needs. 

[Whitney Edwards]

42 minutes ago, eos_nyxia said:

TBH Surprised that people took this post... so personally? When this convo came up, it was very casual. Like a thought experiment that might or might not work in reality. Didn't expect this to turn into free psychoanalysis by strangers (especially so quickly lol).

Nobody is taking it personally. That's your assumption. Bye the way, people might likely profit from some psychoanalysis online, especially with strangers. They're only trying to stay safe. Nothing wrong with it. 

[Princess Arabia]

This is a typical example of how women are looked at in our society and sometimes misunderstood and/or treated. We are not supposed to have opinions. We have to tip toe around men so we don't hurt their feelings or come off as baiting, teasing and have to be schooled on how to give compliments without seeming flirtatious. We have to take into consideration how they are not complimented enough and feel unattractive, so we have to babysit them and be careful how we come across.

Women have to deal with men's flirting and hawking all the time. We fear walking alone at night or even going out alone for fear of guys always hitting on us. We have to make sure we smile, laugh at their corny jokes and make them feel special or else we're called bitches, stuck-up or downright rude. If we have sex with multiple partners, we're hoes and sluts, but when men do it, they are worshipped and praised. 

We have to make sure our skirts aren't too short because they take that as an invitation and when we don't reciprocate, we're criticized and called baiters. We have to be on our pees and q's when we communicate for fear of coming on too strong and being mis- read, while they can just say whatever the hell they want to us and leaving their funky ass pick-up lines to our discretion to take it or leave it. Then they just move on to the next skirt that walks by. 

I can keep this going, but I'll just stop here so it doesn't seem like I'm venting. I'm just showing the down-side that women have to put up with in society in order to be classified as well.....i don't really know.

Edited August 30, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[Whitney Edwards]

3 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

This is a typical example of how women are looked at in our society and sometimes misunderstood and/or treated. We are not supposed to have opinions. We have to tip toe around men so we don't hurt their feelings or come off as baiting, teasing and have to be schooled on how to give compliments without seeming flirtatious. We gave to take into consideration how they are not complimented enough and feel unattractive, so we have to babysit them and be careful how we come across.

Women have to deal with men's flirting and hawking all the time. We fear walking alone at night or even going out alone for fear of guys always hitting on us. We have to make sure we smile, laugh at their corny jokes and make them feel special or else we're called bitches, stuck-up or downright rude. If we have sex with multiple partners, we're hoes and sluts, but when men do it, they are worshipped and praised. 

We have to make sure our skirts aren't too short because they take that as an invitation and when we don't reciprocate, we're criticized and called baiters. We have to be on our pees and q's when we communicate fir fear of coming on too strong and being mis- read, while they can just say whatever the hell they want to us and leaving their funky ass pick-up lines to our discretion to take it or leave it. Then they just move on to the next skirt that walks by. 

I can keep this going, but I'll just stop here so it doesn't seem like I'm venting. I'm just showing the down-side that women have to put up with in society in order to be classified as well.....i don't really know.

Calling a man a zero and making him feel less of a man is not the best way for a woman to express her opinion. Take responsibility sometimes. It's toxic. 

I'm gonna chill now. I have no time to go back and forth with you on this. Don't quote me again. 

 

Edited August 30, 2023 by Buck Edwards

[Princess Arabia]

9 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Maybe you're the one projecting your pain onto men. Talk about practice what you preach others. That day you publicly called a man a "0" on the forum. You think that that's not hurtful. Publicly insulting someone. How about reflect on your own energy? This is the same guy who defended you a couple of posts ago and you publicly insulted his self esteem without self reflection. It is women like you who men have issues with and then you call it projecting. Calling you out on your behavior is nothing unfair. You get reasonable amount of support on the forum yet you unnecessarily lunge at others. Bye the way, I don't have much to learn from women who sleep with men for money because isn't that predatory already enough? It's basically feeding on men's vulnerability for sex and intimacy and making money off of it. What can I learn from people who do that? That men are weak? That men need sex? Usually any kind of a deal which involves a transaction is a rip off and men usually more often than not get ripped off in the process, the whole toxic only fans thing. You might say this has nothing to do with the topic. But friendships for men with women  seem the same way. It's not a gain for men. Usually a loss-gain bargain where a woman profits from a man's attention, usually all she is most likely looking for. The man on the other hand only becomes an agent for her superficial needs. 

If you were intelligent enough to understand what that 0 meant you would have realized, like Ajax was intelligent enough to catch and understand, was that I meant he was perfect. 0/10 same difference. Go back and read his response. He understood what I meant. If I was going to be phased with what anyone thought about what I did, I wouldn't have put myself out there, so it doesn't matter what you say about that. I won't even address it. I'm always hearing the term Only fans on here. I don't even know how to apply and start the first video where that is concerned maybe you could give me some pointers as yours so familiar with it. You might as well save the bashing on those weak points you're going to make on what I do, because I can't relate. Maybe if you say something original, it might catch my ear. Yawn.

[Whitney Edwards]

7 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

If you were intelligent enough to understand what that 0 meant you would have realized, like Ajax was intelligent enough to catch and understand, was that I meant he was perfect. 0/10 same difference. Go back and read his response. He understood what I meant. If I was going to be phased with what anyone thought about what I did, I wouldn't have put myself out there, so it doesn't matter what you say about that. I won't even address it. I'm always hearing the term Only fans on here. I don't even know how to apply and start the first video where that is concerned maybe you could give me some pointers as yours so familiar with it. You might as well save the bashing on those weak points you're going to make on what I do, because I can't relate. Maybe if you say something original, it might catch my ear. Yawn.

Passive aggression in one whole paragraph. 

 

(Yea cuz tik tok and only fans are two of the most toxic things women have done to men and so it should be no surprise it's brought up. Talk about suppressing male perspective). 

(I'll end it here cuz it's going too far and I meant none of it. Thanks). Chill. 

Edited August 30, 2023 by Buck Edwards

[eos_nyxia]

27 minutes ago, Osaid said:

This is basically what needs to be focused on, IMO. Most guy friends in my limited experience are basically emotionally stunted. There's nothing further than like "Let's play some video games, bro", which I don't dislike at all, that's always fun and has its place. But it never gets super deep with them, but to be completely fair, there are "deeper" friends to be found. It's just scarce. And the culture could promote it more, is all I am really saying.

I've heard this from both my husband and a few of my closer guy friends over the years. They've preferred to be close friends with women overall, even if they've had male friends they've known for ages, because they can actually talk about their emotions without it getting super weird. With my husband, he never cared for the element of mindless competitive fist-bumping that groups of younger guys especially often do; it's just not his thing.

I think it's made worse by the fact that he had a working-class upbringing, and he was still left with the concern about being "too sensitive" and "having too many feelings" even though he's always had some sharp edges and never took shit from people.

I get it because I'm a similar way in that I've never cared to compete with my female friends, and on some deep level, it always made me sad when it has happened, or when my intent was interpreted as competitive. However, I feel like a lot of girls either outgrew that habit in puberty (puberty is a confusing hellscape for lots of us!) or else it became much more subtle. As I've grown older, at least in the "real world", it's been a lot easier to gravitate towards people of like mind anyway.

IMO the purpose of friends is to find (or create!) a deep level of common interests and shared perspective, and I think it should also be to genuinely uplift each other and have enjoyable interactions. I feel like it's not a real friendship otherwise. I'm super duper basic/straightforward in this way, lol. 

Quote

As for "how to compliment without hitting on him":

Just make it a genuine and natural observation. Not something that you have to go out of your way to say or put extra effort in, that will make the guy think "Oh, why is she putting energy into saying something so extra?" Just like, a genuine and seamless observation will work well, since it will just fit in perfectly with the interaction and won't seem extra. Not gonna lie, it's entirely possible, and it might be a common case, that the guy just misinterprets it as something else even though you've said the compliment perfectly, so not always your fault. This happens very easily, probably because just getting a compliment is normally such a rare thing, which is why I say that "guy friendships" need to be worked on rather than having women worry about this stuff (as you talk about in your third point). But, it is entirely possible to do, just make it a genuine expression and don't push it too far or make a big deal out of it. Even just having a normal enthusiastic conversation with them could be seen as a compliment or positive acknowledgment of their existence, and this might just be the simplest way to do it.

Thank you for your very helpful perspective as well. I will keep it all in mind, especially the part about not trying too hard.

[eos_nyxia]

38 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

Nobody is taking it personally. That's your assumption. Bye the way, people might likely profit from some psychoanalysis online, especially with strangers. They're only trying to stay safe. Nothing wrong with it. 

...I'm not sure whether I should suggest you to let off some steam somewhere else, or to turn that psychoanalytic eye on yourself for once.

Why you harassing people? Haha. Do you always harass people who are trying to figure out how to do something nice in a genuinely no-strings-attached kind of way?

Edited August 30, 2023 by eos_nyxia

[Whitney Edwards]

9 minutes ago, eos_nyxia said:

...I'm not sure whether I should suggest you to let off some steam somewhere else, or to turn that psychoanalytic eye on yourself for once.

Why you harassing people? Haha. Do you always harass people who are trying to figure out how to do something nice in a genuinely no-strings-attached kind of way?

I'm not taking your bait. Have a good day!