Dealing With Social Anxety

[Olafur Thorsteinsson]

Here I have a good plan to get over social anxiety. I have been useing it and it has been working great for me.

1. Wright down all your limiting believes in social situation that you can find
2. Wright down all the believes that the ideal human being/"you" has in social situations
3. Make goals to to become that Ideal you

Example from me personally:

My limiting believes in social situation:

• What I have to say has to be perfect
• Every body needs to give me approval in order for me to feel happy
• For me it is really important to get approval (it feels like that)
• If some cool kid sees me talking to the weird kids than he will think that I am a weirdo
• I am not very funny
• I feel like I need to impress other people
• I am not that interesting because I do a lot of weird stuff that the other kids do not do. Things like meditation, yoga, learning personal development, pick up.

The believes of my ideal self:

• I am funny
• I am interesting
• I am here to give my opinion, not to impress others
• Trying to hard to fit in with the cool kids is a low conscious  behavior
• I can have fun with anyone 
• I don't judge people as cool or weird
• I say thins that I find fun. I say thins that I find interesting
• I am attractive
• If they like me, good. if they don't like me, good. heads, I win. tails, I win.
• I am here to have fun and talk about things that I find funny and interesting
• I love socializing

Goals to become my ideal self:

• watch the video on "how to be funny" from Leo and do the exercises. When I am socializing with people, I am always trying to find the funny things to say or do, and don't take yourself seriously. Important: "Find things that I find funny". (Trying to find funny things for other people to lough at is a form of people pleasing mentality)
• I only talk about things that I find interesting, even if I know that other people might think I am weird for doing it or will not except me. (I can do stair goals for this goal). 
• I am going to be open and tell the truth to everyone. watch the video "How you lie" and read the book "radical openhandedness" and do the exercises. (I can do stair goals for this goal). This is a good exercise to gain reference experiences to "it doesn't matter what other people think of me". 
• Tell your friends that have social anxiety too from that they can improve socially. I f they do not want to improve themselves, then spent less time with them and find friends that are doing personal development. (you tend to be the average of the 5 people that you hangout the most with). 
• Stop judging people of being cool or weird, and start talk to everyone and have fun with everyone. "You don't have to be on the cool table to have fun, you can be on what ever table that is there and have as much fun there as you would have with the cool kids" because you know you are funny interesting and cool. Whats the video "how to stop judging yourself" from Leo and do the exercises. 
• Gaining reference experiences of "it doesn't matter what other people think of me". Go to Club and do some weird shit there. (in general, people don't care what you do in club, because it is a fucking club and that's why it is the best place to practice this.
• Think about your death. You know that you life is short and do you really want to be living your life this way? do I really want to be living my life  in fear of what other people think of me when I got this short time to live? (what other people thought of me when I will be in my grave will not be important then because I will already be dead which means that what other people think of me now is not important) 

Now rank each goal on how important to you it is and wright it in the order of importance.

1. watch the video on "how to be funny" from Leo and do the exercises. When I am socializing with people, I am always trying to find the funny things to say or do, and don't take yourself seriously. Important: "Find things that I find funny". (Trying to find funny things for other people to lough at is a form of people pleasing mentality)
2. I am going to be open and tell the truth to everyone. watch the video "How you lie" and read the book "radical openhandedness" and do the exercises. (I can do stair goals for this goal). This is a good exercise to gain reference experiences to "it doesn't matter what other people think of me".
3. Gaining reference experiences of "it doesn't matter what other people think of me". Go to Club and do some weird shit there. (in general, people don't care what you do in club, because it is a fucking club and that's why it is the best place to practice this.
4. Tell your friends that have social anxiety too from that they can improve socially. I f they do not want to improve themselves, then spent less time with them and find friends that are doing personal development. (you tend to be the average of the 5 people that you hangout the most with). 
5. I only talk about things that I find interesting, even if I know that other people might think I am weird for doing it or will not except me. (I can do stair goals for this goal). 
6. Stop judging people of being cool or weird, and start talk to everyone and have fun with everyone. "You don't have to be on the cool table to have fun, you can be on what ever table that is there and have as much fun there as you would have with the cool kids" because you know you are funny interesting and cool. Whats the video "how to stop judging yourself" from Leo and do the exercises. 
7. Think about your death. You know that you life is short and do you really want to be living your life this way? do I really want to be living my life  in fear of what other people think of me when I got this short time to live? (what other people thought of me when I will be in my grave will not be important then because I will already be dead which means that what other people think of me now is not important) 

 

The golden rule: Telling other people from things that you find interesting, other people tend to get interest into it also. Telling other people something you find funny, than other people tend to lough at it too.

Tip 1: We are always looking outside into our environment on other people and specially on the most assertive and the most dominant people, what they think, what they do, what they believe, and we tend to think, do, and believe the same things. When someone finds something really interesting, then we tend to be interested into it too. When someone find something really funny, than we tend to find it funny too because we are always looking outside into the environment.

This is way it is so important for you to handout with people that are doing personal development and not with you friends that have social fears and do not want to work on them.

Tip 2: Knowing this now, you can impact others in more powerful way then before. "It is about how you say it, not what you say". When you are telling someone from something funny thing that you find funny, then explain it to him in a funny way, but some energy into it, but your voice into it, and your body, and lough like it is the funniest think ever. The same think when you are telling something from a thing that you find interesting, like meditation. You tell him from it in a interesting way and you are putting your voice into it, your body, and he will tend to find it meditation interesting thing. If he does not find meditation interesting, than he will become weird to you in a way, and now you know that you won't be spending much time with him, because he is not interesting to you. 

If you guys have some other technique to get over social anxiety, than please let me know

 

Edited February 16, 2016 by Olafur Thorsteinsson

[Olafur Thorsteinsson]

Stair goals means that you have a big goal like "I am only going to talk about things that I find interesting"

What are the things that I find interesting that I think other people might find weird and I do not talk about to other people?

• Meditation
• Enlightenment
• Personal development
• Sex
• Pick up
• Yoga

Now I rank them and put them in the order of most easiest to the most hardest. 

1. Personal development
2. Yoga
3. Meditation
4. sex 
5. pick up
6. Enlightenment 

Now I will start with the easiest which is talking to other people about personal development. When I have finished that goal, I will go talk about yoga to everybody, then meditation, and so on.

[Guest]

Just a minute a go I have watched a video by chance and It was shot in my University with the girl that I liked a lot and met. Since 2 months I've been trying to get to know her and look for her eveyday in school to get a chance to talk to her. In the video 2 guys stop by a car and get the girl inside that car. They ask her questions about sex and stuff and make her show her breasts. They get the girl's phone number and invite her somewhere....

I tried really hard to choose a good girl for me to marry in future. And this girl looked perfect to me. She was behaving as if she liked me. I couldn't focus on my final exams, I though of her all the time.

And I just saw her video. I am really sad. I think I am stupid. I wasn't already trust anyone and this happened to me. F my life!

[vizual]

You have brought this on yourself. You are looking for a partner from a place of ego--and neediness--and not a place of genuine love. If you are trying to get with her for 2 months and you haven't even been out with her yet, forget it. Don't think things in your life would have changed, you would have been just as needy if she was your girlfriend. The relationship would have sucked. You made this image inside of your mind of you and your godlike princess living happily ever after in wonderland--an image of ego. You took the drug of illusion, and now you have to deal with the hangover from it.

Learn to love yourself and your life before you want to commit yourself to a relationship.

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, vizual said:

You have brought this on yourself. You are looking for a partner from a place of ego--and neediness--and not a place of genuine love. If you are trying to get with her for 2 months and you haven't even been out with her yet, forget it. Don't think things in your life would have changed, you would have been just as needy if she was your girlfriend. The relationship would have sucked. You made this image inside of your mind of you and your godlike princess living happily ever after in wonderland--an image of ego. You took the drug of illusion, and now you have to deal with the hangover from it.

Learn to love yourself and your life before you want to commit yourself to a relationship.

I am not needy, if I was needy I would invite her to my house in a week. I don't think things should be that easy. And I don't like the way you judge me. I can't go to a girl and play a game of love. When I like a girl, I try to know her and spend time with her. She is not in my class and it was 3 weeks holiday before that there were exams and classes. So don't judge like that. If you wanna learn something you can ask a question like "Why you waited for 2 months?". I am not your student or anything like that. Don't tell me to learn something. I am not here to talk to people like you.

Edited February 16, 2016 by Sarper

[vizual]

What did you expect? You post a personal situation on a public forum and I posted a reaction which i saw fit.

I can see in your story that you have certain beliefs which will keep you from having a rewarding relationship, the only way to fix this problem is inside of you. You can play the blame game all you like--if the beliefs are still there they will return, again and again. I am not judging you, all guys have been there in a way. You can take this experience as a learning experience and realize they YOU have to change. 

You can call me the bad guy if you want, but again, it won't help you.

[Cabot]

Every time we fall in love we project an image of that person. We glorify her. Our mind makes up all kinds of sweet little lies about how perfect she is. This tricks us into falling in love deeper, and deeper. This is not fair.  Not to her, not to you.  This is not real.

I've been there. We've all been there. From what I can understand you are depressed because a person you hardly knew didn't turn up to meet your expectations. This is your brain tricking you, snap out of it.

I know it hurts, but you got to recognize this and move on. The only way to be truly happy is to be yourself, watch yourself and grow yourself,  so you might get a chance to someday (maybe)  meet the person, that's as high quality as you.

If you stay sad and depressed like this, over nothing, you will just end up attracting an equally miserable person, it's a pitiful little circle. It's good it ended now, she is not for you, you are better then this friend. Stay strong.
 

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, vizual said:

What did you expect? You post a personal situation on a public forum and I posted a reaction which i saw fit.

I can see in your story that you have certain beliefs which will keep you from having a rewarding relationship, the only way to fix this problem is inside of you. You can play the blame game all you like--if the beliefs are still there they will return, again and again. I am not judging you, all guys have been there in a way. You can take this experience as a learning experience and realize they YOU have to change. 

You can call me the bad guy if you want, but again, it won't help you.

Of course I post a personal situation in public forum to get help for my emotional problem. Use your brain don't be stupid. Everyone posts his/her personal issues here. But you're here to be toxic as far as  I see. Stop commenting.

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Cabot said:

Every time we fall in love we project an image of that person. We glorify her. Our mind makes up all kinds of sweet little lies about how perfect she is. This tricks us into falling in love deeper, and deeper. This is not fair.  Not to her, not to you.  This is not real.

I've been there. We've all been there. From what I can understand you are depressed because a person you hardly knew didn't turn up to meet your expectations. This is your brain tricking you, snap out of it.

I know it hurts, but you got to recognize this and move on. The only way to be truly happy is to be yourself, watch yourself and grow yourself,  so you might get a chance to someday (maybe)  meet the person, that's as high quality as you.

If you stay sad and depressed like this, over nothing, you will just end up attracting an equally miserable person, it's a pitiful little circle. It's good it ended now, she is not for you, you are better then this friend. Stay strong.
 

Thank you so much for your help. I will try to forget this problem and see the positive sides. Do you have any suggestions how to behave when I see her? For example if she wants to talk to me or something like that?

[Cabot]

I'd suggest being your normal, kind self. After all she didn't wrong you. She is being herself. It is her choice and her freedom to do as she chooses.

It is very good you found out who she is now, before your relationship got a chance to develop. It's obvious it would have been even more destructive and painful if you found out after you married her, don't you agree?

The issue here is controlling your emotions when you run into her. They are still strong, still there. It's one of the things that makes us human. It's ok.
The trick is to start to learn how to master your emotions. This is a fundamental mechanism which dictates so much in our lives. Maybe all of it, if we are not aware it's there.

Watch some of Leos videos. He makes references to books in them, you can read further after you've watched the videos. It is an incredibly important aspect of your life, and something you will master more and more as time progresses.

I started this journey not long ago and it's a whole new level, you got to try it man.

Leo on emotions:
https://www.youtube.com/user/ActualizedOrg/search?query=emotion

Also, some advice on relationships: 
https://www.youtube.com/user/ActualizedOrg/search?query=relationship

Grab some food, drink you like, watch the videos. Reflect on yourself, not her. It is your mechanisms that are torturing you, not her. Master this and be better. Be the greatest version of yourself. 

 

[Jackthelad]

47 minutes ago, Cabot said:

I'd suggest being your normal, kind self. After all she didn't wrong you. She is being herself. It is her choice and her freedom to do as she chooses.

It is very good you found out who she is now, before your relationship got a chance to develop. It's obvious it would have been even more destructive and painful if you found out after you married her, don't you agree?

The issue here is controlling your emotions when you run into her. They are still strong, still there. It's one of the things that makes us human. It's ok.
The trick is to start to learn how to master your emotions. This is a fundamental mechanism which dictates so much in our lives. Maybe all of it, if we are not aware it's there.

Watch some of Leos videos. He makes references to books in them, you can read further after you've watched the videos. It is an incredibly important aspect of your life, and something you will master more and more as time progresses.

I started this journey not long ago and it's a whole new level, you got to try it man.

Leo on emotions:
https://www.youtube.com/user/ActualizedOrg/search?query=emotion

Also, some advice on relationships: 
https://www.youtube.com/user/ActualizedOrg/search?query=relationship

Grab some food, drink you like, watch the videos. Reflect on yourself, not her. It is your mechanisms that are torturing you, not her. Master this and be better. Be the greatest version of yourself. 

 

Excellent advice, and great links to videos.

Seen them both before; they are really important, mainly misunderstood topics.

[Fishy]

vizual is being spot on here, i would say some of the same things. Not toxic at all, just trying to help you see the truth.

[MaxBlank]

@Sarper So you decided she is bad based on this video you saw. Once you saw this video, you had information that you didn't have before. That is what happened.

I think a good question to ask is how invested in the emotion you want to be? Is it possible to look at what happened and just see it without getting wrapped up in the emotion?

By the way, good people do make mistakes, engage in risky behavior, and so on. More important than that, is knowing that people will do what they want, and they will just move in and out of your life. Realizing this an important part of realizing the nature of your own individuality. This brings me to a question for you: Did you watch Leo's video on making yourself attractive to women? I highly recommend you (re)view it. That is exactly how the woman that is right for you will come into your life.

[Olafur Thorsteinsson]

11 hours ago, Sarper said:

Just a minute a go I have watched a video by chance and It was shot in my University with the girl that I liked a lot and met. Since 2 months I've been trying to get to know her and look for her eveyday in school to get a chance to talk to her. In the video 2 guys stop by a car and get the girl inside that car. They ask her questions about sex and stuff and make her show her breasts. They get the girl's phone number and invite her somewhere....

I tried really hard to choose a good girl for me to marry in future. And this girl looked perfect to me. She was behaving as if she liked me. I couldn't focus on my final exams, I though of her all the time.

And I just saw her video. I am really sad. I think I am stupid. I wasn't already trust anyone and this happened to me. F my life!

Man, that is so fucking sad to hear. I have been depresst because a girl that I was dating on online became girlfriend with another guy. It was so fucking hard for me. I almost cryed and I didn't even see this girl with my own eyes, but in the end I was grown out of it and I had already forgot her. Then one day she came into my resturant, I saw a cut girl that I recogniced a littel in there with a big hot ass, but I could just not tell how she was. When I came home this day, she had alredy sended me a messege saying "did you noitice a girl in your restaurant that just could not keep her eyes of you". I sad no, I didn't. Than she had already brocked up with her boyfriend and we started talking sexualy on snapchat. Then one day when I was on my fb, I saw that she had a new boyfriend and her boyfriend look almost just like me. That mother fucker stole my pussy hahahaha.

The reason why we could never meet up, was because she lives on the opposide site of my country and she just sopt at my restaurant for a lunch when she was traveling the country with her familly. Actually I find this story to be funny now hahaha.

The key to make a girl fall in love with a man is to have sex with her as fast as possible. that means having sex with her on the first dait or the secont. Why is that? Well, when women have sex so fast with a guy, than they will outomaticlly think "I had sex with this guy so fast, it must be because I love him, it is just something about him", unless you suck at fucking pussy.

And why the fuck be daiting a girl for two months? you are just dating which means she can go and meet other guys that she might like and end up having sex with them with out you knowing it.

like I say, if you want a girlfriend, than you got to have amazing sex with her fast, both because she will love you for it and because that she probably won't go out to see other guys.