impoverished, sick, and locked

[at_anchor]

There are so many years ahead of me. It is so daunting. I wake up at night and I can't sleep enough. My dignity is tarnished and gone. My brain is incapable to read and do intellectual work properly. There are no options for suicide except sailing onto the open sea and drowning in the deep, but that is not an option, rather a fantasy I have and wish I could fulfill.

My life is just gonna keep getting harder and harder because bad people, way worse than ISIS have bad intentions towards me. They had them for many years, and that is why my life has crumbled and gotten to where it is now.

In the past I had a bad sexual habit, mastrubating, but it is completely gone now. I wish I was smarter and wiser when I was younger, but I wasn't and there was no one there to actually prevent me from losing everything. 

Now I'm left with a very weak personality and brain and a very weak sleep, rest and relaxation routine. 

On top of that I am losing my freedom forever, freedom to travel and freedom from being a slave under other peoples control.

Other people poisoned me and have been doing that in the past as well. They will also make sure I don't fit into society and that I go nuts and turn into a fat slug.

 

What I am asking for the first time I think today on this forum is how to make money online as a YouTuber if that is possible? I know there are plenty of people out there that want the same thing, and I know that I am a weak personality, but I'm just wondering how to become successful online and make enough money to become free, sail away with someone and never return, hoping that people will not try to destroy my boat as well if I ever buy it. 

I'm in my mid twenties and life so long is ahead of me. Living a life that feels like torture is not what I can take, nor what I deserve. How do I become a YouTuber or nature photographer or just a photographer and become rich enough to be set free, to pay for help if that is possible, and then to buy a sailing boat and if possible, maybe not even commit suicide but regain my health in another country and sail the Atlantic, sail around the world. I wish I could get my health back to live a d I wish i could get better life conditions back that I had but did not know how to use in the past. 

[Princess Arabia]

The one denominator I see with the ones who makes these kinds of posts is what they say after the words, I AM. Go figure. God at it's genius. It cannot help it, because that's how it creates. It creates by BEING. Consciousness can become whatever it wants and you as consciousness has declared who are, so shall it be, so shall it be done, That's power. The power within you. Nothing will change unless you change your state of being. I AM what I say I AM. Then the mind and body follows. Good luck.

Edited August 27, 2023 by Princess Arabia

[Thought Art]

We will figure it out. Be patient.

[at_anchor]

23 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

The one denominator I see with the ones who makes these kinds of posts is what they say after the words, I AM. Go figure. God at it's genius. It cannot help it, because that's how it creates. It creates by BEING. Consciousness can become whatever it wants and you as consciousness has declared who are, so shall it be, so shall it be done, That's power. The power within you. Nothing will change unless you change your state of being. I AM what I say I AM. Then the mind and body follows. Good luck.

Sorry I don't understand, but thank you.

 

 

Anyway, my future is so fucking sad and scary, you have no idea. I want to call for help but no one can help. I think Jesus died in a more humane way than I ever will. They put him to death in a more humane way than me. I did not know that people could be so fucking evil. I used to have a kind of playful attitude towards everyone including the people attacking me. I wanted to appear fun and games sometimes, not knowing what I'm dealing with. I wish I had someone in life to protect me from bad people, but I don't.

In tears I like to come here. Everything will be lost except my breath so soon, all opportunities in life gone. All health also gone. Extreme pain and injustice is what's left ahead of me. I want to escape this people, I want to escape so badly.

[at_anchor]

I will lose my mind from a lack of sleep and so forth. I will be brought down so low again. Why did God create this destiny for me and can he please reverse it?

If I knew that I was in very dangerous waters, and if I was smart enough to know that my life is more important than anything else, except if I love someone very much, but that is hard to do without first loving yourself, I would have ran away to a better place in this world. I would have escaped torture of the most extreme kinds that is gonna be so long and I would have escaped losing my dignity and seeing injustice, children being brainwashed about me, and women and others. 

I wish I escaped. Now it's too late. How fucking sad I am that I did not know how to get myself out of here when I had a decent chance. I didn't know that I was gonna lose this war, I didn't know that it would come to this. 

Tell me how do I make 50 more years go by faster? So much time is left, so much time that goes by so slowly. 

[at_anchor]

On 8/27/2023 at 2:18 PM, Princess Arabia said:

The one denominator I see with the ones who makes these kinds of posts is what they say after the words, I AM. Go figure.

I am screwed in life. I am stupid, weak, sick, damaged. I am incapable of making high quality videos for YouTube and of making a living that way. I am not a good communicator. I am without resources and good conditions. I would rather live in Dhaka ana be poor than here and go through what I have to go through.

 

PS:  I am sorry for my victim mentality here @Thought Art , I will be patient as much as I can and I trust that there is a chance we will figure something out.