Dealing with emotions in the moment

[Federico del pueblo]

It's nice that we can use all kinds of techniques like shadow work, trauma releases and so on to work on our emotional responses, but I'd like to know how to handle it better in the moment when I get triggered out there in the real world, especially in social situations (like when you keep talking to someone).

I have a bunch of anxieties that can get triggered in social situations and it seems not possible to avoid this entirely by controlling my thoughts or whatever.

So what do you do once the emotion comes up in the body and changes physiology?

Is the only thing I can really do to stay mindful of the emotion and not get pulled into its story?

[Javfly33]

Ime what worked was not allowing it to be triggered in the first place.

Changing my state previously, either by exercising, meditation, or popping a pill.

Anything to be in a state beyond the trauma-weak-state.

 

 

[Federico del pueblo]

@Javfly33 which pills did you pop? 

Edited August 24, 2023 by Federico del pueblo

[RendHeaven]

You need a fundamental identity-level change.

Become a person who is at-ease. Anxiety is simply not in your lexicon.

This is possible by:

• fixing your physiology and hormones through proper nutrition
• building character by putting yourself in novel real-life situations and surviving them
• doing psychedelics to reconnect with infinity

[Javfly33]

3 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

@Javfly33 which pills did you pop? 

3 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

@Javfly33

Oxycodone 

[Vinni84aa]

I`ve been trying to control my more difficult emotions for a while now. I haven't mastered them yet, but I'm getting better at least.

What I did was to gain knowledge about why I feel that way. All of my issues are related to abandonment. My biggest triggers are self-worth, jealousy, scanning for issues that may not be there, and pleasing. I now see that they all trace back to when I was left as a child. I got help from a therapist to identify this.

Since then, I've been writing these issues in a journal every morning to make sure I remember these triggers and why they happen. 
 

When I get triggered now on a good day, I can identify the trigger and calm down since I know these old emotions are no longer valid. However, that's not always the case. If I have a bad day, low on energy or hung over, it can be hard to stay aware enough to recognize the trigger and not be dragged into the emotion.

i think awareness is key to overcome emotions which again requires dicipline.

Anyone else here that want to share they experience on controlling emotions?

Edited August 26, 2023 by Vinni84aa

[Raze]

Try “break through difficult emotions” by Shinzen Young and “Emotional Mastery” by David Tian

[Ajax]

13 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

If you find yourself triggered during a social interaction, consider confiding in someone you trust. Receiving validation for your emotions can be quite therapeutic.

If you're not comfortable sharing with anyone immediately, it's okay to gracefully exit the interaction. Find a quiet space, sit with your emotions, and let whatever arises wash over you until you regain a sense of calm.

This is my personal approach to handling triggers when I'm in social settings.

Awesome! How do you actually process such emotions? It's seems like a workable short-term solution, however... I am not sure how well it works at completely eliminating the charge. It seems like it could result in increasing the impact of the triggers, if such experiences happen frequently. What do you think? I would love to hear your thoughts. 

[flowboy]

On 8/24/2023 at 3:31 PM, Federico del pueblo said:

It's nice that we can use all kinds of techniques like shadow work, trauma releases and so on to work on our emotional responses, but I'd like to know how to handle it better in the moment when I get triggered out there in the real world, especially in social situations (like when you keep talking to someone).

I have a bunch of anxieties that can get triggered in social situations and it seems not possible to avoid this entirely by controlling my thoughts or whatever.

So what do you do once the emotion comes up in the body and changes physiology?

Is the only thing I can really do to stay mindful of the emotion and not get pulled into its story?

I got reeally triggered some weeks ago, let's use that as an example:

I felt it coming. In a social situation, with my girlfriend and a bunch of strangers around.

Some sense of unfairness, pain, anger growing, clearly trauma based.

It got so strong that I knew there was no stopping it. I wished I was in a therapy room but I wasn't.

All I knew to do was externalize it, so I told my girlfriend: "I'm getting triggered. I suddenly feel really angry at this and that person. I don't know how to stop it. I think I have to go." (this happened over the span of 30 minutes, as I felt it slowly growing and not backing down)

And I left, as the feeling grew worse and turned into wanting to disappear, wanting to die etc.

I stumbled to the smoking area to bum a cigarette (which I definitely should not have done, but I was not exactly overflowing with willpower)

Now I was with strangers, and I still knew: it's coming out, I have to externalize it, but these are strangers. I can't put it on them, all I can say is "I'm really triggered about some situation, sorry if I have a bad vibe".

Back in my room I fell flat on the bed and cried. A lot.

What did I do right?

• I communicated what was going on to people I was with. Had I not done that, I would have projected it onto them and been very unpleasant. Staying "on top" of it by watching it and mentioning it in conversation helped me to not turn into a complete immature mess.

What could I have done differently?

• I could have applied breathing techniques like box breathing or alternate nostril breathing. It may have allowed me to move on in the moment, but I still needed time alone to calm down, and I'm glad I took it. 
• I could have stayed away from nicotine, which diffuses and blocks 1st line pain so that it's harder to work with. And since I had to cry anyway, perhaps without the drug it would have been a more connected, insightful cry.

I recommend awareness and communicating about it in conversation. If you don't do that, and try to ignore it, in my experience it will just be projected like crazy and ruin interactions.

[flowboy]

On 8/26/2023 at 11:35 PM, Lila9 said:

If you find yourself triggered during a social interaction, consider confiding in someone you trust. Receiving validation for your emotions can be quite therapeutic.

If you're not comfortable sharing with anyone immediately, it's okay to gracefully exit the interaction. Find a quiet space, sit with your emotions, and let whatever arises wash over you until you regain a sense of calm.

This is my personal approach to handling triggers when I'm in social settings.

@Lila9 What a quality answer

Reminds me a lot of the Letting Go process... how did you develop your approach?

Do you tend to do any self-therapy on top of it?

Edited August 28, 2023 by flowboy

[flowboy]

6 minutes ago, Lila9 said:

It's a lot of trial and error combined with materials that I read online, in books and podcasts.

@Lila9 Same for me, I've got a book shelf full on it. Plus retreats and experiences I've had with some exceptional teachers and therapists helped a great deal as well.

If you'd be open to a PM conversation I'd like to have a chat with you on the self healing topic, compare experiences and ideas, without derailing this thread?

[Javfly33]

Nothing bad to release by crying occasionally. But if you are falling into crying every time you get triggered, then it is the mechanism of entangling yourself with the trauma-thoughts-energy...again.

How much you will need to process the trauma? 1 year? 5years? 10? A lifetime? No...that´s more entanglement. The tricks of the mind are sneaky. You need to finish it for good.

Edited August 29, 2023 by Javfly33

[Federico del pueblo]

@Lila9 @flowboy @Javfly33 thanks for your insights!

[universe]

On 24/08/2023 at 3:31 PM, Federico del pueblo said:

I have a bunch of anxieties that can get triggered in social situations and it seems not possible to avoid this entirely by controlling my thoughts or whatever.

Controlling doesn't work.

Just sit with the emotion and feel it. If you want to stay at a place you can even just go to the toilette and release the emotion by feeling it.

Be nice to your thoughts. It is ok to have whatever thoughts that might come up, even thoughts about being inadequate, worthless, angry or whatever.

And also in the moment, try to relax your body. Feel into your body and relax your hands, your arms, your stomach, your face, everything.

[caspex]

What works ime is changing who you are. Your emotions get triggered in social situations based on who you think you are. Developing habits and character that makes you gain trust and faith in yourself and your capabilities usually always helps with anxiety.

[Ajax]

16 hours ago, Lila9 said:

I process my emotions by crying, this is my most common reaction when I'm triggered. I also try to understand the reason for the trigger, why this triggering me so much? I do some sort of inquiry. Sometimes it's clear and sometimes it's not very clear and takes time to realize the internal reason for the trigger.

If I know the reason for the trigger it helps me to heal it in a consious way, by consiously and gradually exposing myself to the things that are triggering me I heal myself.

This process is not a process of 1 day or two days, it takes time.

I prefer to withdraw and process my emotional in a quiet and safe place rather than ignore it, deny it, and cry in public or being toxic like hell to people around me.

 

Wow! Thank you so much for sharing. I often have trouble understanding emotions and the way you explained yourself is very nice. I really appreciate you giving me a piece of your mind! lol I hope it gets easier for you and I really admire your strength and emotional vulnerability. We need more people in the world like you!

LOVE

Edited August 30, 2023 by Ajax

[Salvijus]

On 2023-08-24 at 4:31 PM, Federico del pueblo said:

I have a bunch of anxieties that can get triggered in social situations and it seems not possible to avoid this entirely by controlling my thoughts or whatever.

So what do you do

There is a way of establishing balance and stability in the body-mind through yogic and energetic practices. To the point where everything inside is stable no matter what happens outside. Even if a "bomb" explodes, your mind and body is just stable and balanced by itself because of certain practices.

Another way is just being intensly aware. So that you clearly see all emotions and feelings just as a passing sensations and you remain seperate from it. This gives certain freedom aswell. And it dissolves the deep rooted patterns of fear and anxiety eventually.

And another way is to transform it through alchemical/tantric approach. This is one is a bit hard to explain. But the energy of the heart has the power to transform and transmute any negativity into a wholesome energy. Based on this principle you can become a healer or a lightbringer etc.

Edited August 30, 2023 by Salvijus

[hyruga]

To be calm, you must demand calmness from yourself. Yeah same goes for any other emotions which you like to have.

 

 

Edited August 30, 2023 by hyruga

[Federico del pueblo]

5 hours ago, Salvijus said:

There is a way of establishing balance and stability in the body-mind through yogic and energetic practices. To the point where everything inside is stable no matter what happens outside. Even if a "bomb" explodes, your mind and body is just stable and balanced by itself because of certain practices.

Which practices do you have in mind?

Is it Kriya Yoga, Kundalini Yoga or other Yoga or things like Tai Chi?

5 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Another way is just being intensly aware. So that you clearly see all emotions and feelings just as a passing sensations and you remain seperate from it. This gives certain freedom aswell. And it dissolves the deep rooted patterns of fear and anxiety eventually.

Yeah, this is my current approach. It takes some practice too, but obviously it's much better than trying to run away from the emotion.

 

5 hours ago, Salvijus said:

And another way is to transform it through alchemical/tantric approach. This is one is a bit hard to explain. But the energy of the heart has the power to transform and transmute any negativity into a wholesome energy. Based on this principle you can become a healer or a lightbringer etc.

That sounds super interesting. Who teaches something like this?

[Salvijus]

8 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Which practices do you have in mind?

Is it Kriya Yoga, Kundalini Yoga or other Yoga or things like Tai Chi?

I didn't have anything in particular in mind. Many schools of yoga/kriya/and even some qiqong offer practices to stabalize the system. It's a big and very important part of any authentic energy path.

8 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Yeah, this is my current approach. It takes some practice too, it's obviously much better than trying to run away from the emotion.

True. Very valid and good method indeed. Cultivating self-awareness is the most important part for any spiritual path and life in general.

8 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

That sounds super interesting. Who teaches something like this?

Oh gosh... if you wish to follow the path of transformation/alchemy. The most fundamental and important thing is learning to abide in the presence of the heart which is different from the usual presence of stillness. It has a different quality of glory and grandness and love as opposed to peace and silent zen presence. 

"A course in miracles" is a good place to start and learn about this presence of the heart which is fundamental to all tantric practices. Once you become familiar with the heart's energy of downward flowing grace and light and love, then I can introduce you to few teachers that I personally can vouch for who offer certain attunements, energetic empowerments and transmittions that open certain channels, energy gates, psychic centers to take things to another level.

Edited August 31, 2023 by Salvijus