How to Build a Large Social Circle Without Alcohol/Partying?

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Francis777 said:

Have ever tried alcohol at all? It’s huge culture where I grew up so I have drank a lot from quite young

Yes

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura Leo recently I have been going out a lot and meeting a bunch of people through common groups and events etc. So heavily socializing and going out etc. However I have noticed that when I go out to just socialize and have fun and meet people I do not get the abundance of girls people claim. There is a big difference for me between going out and have fun and meet some people compared to actually doing pick up and hitting on 10 girls per night. What happens is that I meet maybe 7-8 girls and max 3-4 are is single and the whole vibe is just social and fun. Of course you can flirt if you want, follow them on instagram and meet up but it does not really lead to abundance. Obviously it is better than sitting at home but it lacks the volume pickup gives you. Usually you will not meet 10 girls EVERY time you go out unless you are explicitly hitting on them which is more of a pickup frame rather than a social frame. Because in social frame you also meet guys, some girls are in a couple etc.

With me when I did night game I would talk and properly hit on 10 girls per night and the evening was about that rather than just socializing and having fun.

How do I find the balance between "social fun mode" and "hitting on girls, flirting" mode. 

Hope my question is clear.

Edited August 24, 2023 by Karmadhi

[StarStruck]

If you don’t smoke or drink you have to overcompensate with vibe otherwise their subconscious register you as not one of them.  Socializing is mostly monkey see monkey do. It is very simple. 

Edited August 24, 2023 by StarStruck

[Jacob Morres]

On 8/21/2023 at 5:05 PM, Insightful27 said:

I just started my first year at Uni and I know nobody (I went out of state). I'm not sure how to go about building a large, fun social network that doesn't revolve around clubbing, partying, and alcohol. Finding a spiritual community would be great, but the vast majority of students aren't into serious spirituality. 

Any advice? 

If you go to a big school in usa ull find tons of small spiritual communities 

[Applegarden8]

Hobbies, social workshops, meetups, board game events, improv theater, become manager of a local band etc.

[EugeneTheSage]

Even in small town Zhytomyr(300 000 habitats), Ukraine I found quite high quality hippy community where there is a constant influx of new girls. Yes, some of them smoke weed, but still there are some "gems". Don't believe that you can't find the same in the 1st world country.

[JuliaEliza]

I never drank alcohol during my entire studies and made many friends. The main ways I made friends were:
- Living with housemates / community members (for instance I lived in a green/hippy-ish student community)
- Joining a choir, orchestra, jamsessions (you could replace this with any other hobby in an association)
- Other hobbies such as: circus arts, nature excursions / looking for plants, mushrooms, etc, joining lectures, volunteering in vegetarian/vegan community kitchens, boardgame evenings, yoga - many people that I met here weren't that interested in drinking
-Events like: authentic relating, non-violent communitcation, radical honesty, etc. also attract many people that are not interested in drinking.
- Making friends during lectures
- When I did go to parties, I just joined without smoking/drinking, I just drank water, and often had just as much fun (if not more, as I wasn't wasted the day after). But it was very easy to me, as I never liked alcohol. Many of the friends I made also didn't drink (a lot of) alcohol, I guess in slightly "hippy" circles, many people don't drink

[The Redeemer]

On 8/21/2023 at 6:05 PM, Insightful27 said:

I just started my first year at Uni and I know nobody (I went out of state). I'm not sure how to go about building a large, fun social network that doesn't revolve around clubbing, partying, and alcohol. Finding a spiritual community would be great, but the vast majority of students aren't into serious spirituality. 

Any advice? 

I swear everytime I go out a socialize. It always turns into some type of drug fest.

It seems almost unavoidable. Like a trade off. Lots of wild sex comes with lots of drugs and alcohol.

[Leo Gura]

On 8/24/2023 at 1:46 AM, Karmadhi said:

However I have noticed that when I go out to just socialize and have fun and meet people I do not get the abundance of girls people claim. There is a big difference for me between going out and have fun and meet some people compared to actually doing pick up and hitting on 10 girls per night. What happens is that I meet maybe 7-8 girls and max 3-4 are is single and the whole vibe is just social and fun.

Of course. Which is why pickup is a thing.

Getting laid frequently requires deliberate effort. Even appraoching 10 girls per night is way too low.

What you guys aren't getting is that getting laid frequently, consistently, with new girls is not natural nor normal. It doesn't happen organically. It only happens by design.

Mere socialization cannot get you laid every week. Humans naturally have sex with new people pretty rarely.

Edited September 2, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Spiral Wizard]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Of course. Which is why pickup is a thing.

Getting laid frequently requires deliberate effort. Even appraoching 10 girls per night is way too low.

What you guys aren't getting is that getting laid frequently, consistently, with new girls is not natural nor normal. It doesn't happen organically. It only happens by design.

Mere socialization cannot get you laid every week. Humans naturally have sex with new people pretty rarely.

That is not necessary true. I thought this was the case until I started traveling. Environment & set up is the key. 

You can do pick up or social circle game all day every day and it‘ll be a grind if you‘re in the wrong place.

It‘s remarkable how much social & dating abundance is possible when you find the right environment or community. 

I was gifted with this abundance when I spent a couple months on a small island in Asia where there was a spiritual community. You don‘t even have to try when do many beautiful and open people are around. When you set your life up so that you can live where many people take vacation, you’ll not only have a community where everyone is in close proximity but also a big influx of new people that are high on life and more open than in their day to day. It’s quite incredible. 

Alternatively, you can look out for very progressive cities with loads of spiritual people, like Austin, Berlin, Lisbon, etc. there you can look out for communities, groups, workshops, events, seminars, play parties, temple nights, etc. this is actually what eventually lead me to that island in Asia because I met someone who introduced me to a community that regularly goes to Asia. Overall, dating in cities is not as easy as in communities in amazing places because it’s not as natural or easy to be around the same people frequently in amazing locations that bond you together but still much better than some random town, village or ‘unconscious’ city.  

Pro tip/insight: even though you might get everything you ever wanted if you’re lucky enough, you might notice that it won’t make you as happy as you might have thought it would. It’ll definitely be fun and maybe even healing but for me it also brought up all the trauma and suppressed emotions I was carrying around for years. Now I’ve been working with that and it’s very much shifting my approach to dating and socializing because I realize how almost everything beforehand was motivated by pain.

The untethered soul, by Michael Singer is a good book to start on that journey. 

Anyway, wish you all all the abundance and more! 

Namaste ?? 

[Karmadhi]

On 9/2/2023 at 11:04 PM, Leo Gura said:

Of course. Which is why pickup is a thing.

Getting laid frequently requires deliberate effort. Even appraoching 10 girls per night is way too low.

What you guys aren't getting is that getting laid frequently, consistently, with new girls is not natural nor normal. It doesn't happen organically. It only happens by design.

Mere socialization cannot get you laid every week. Humans naturally have sex with new people pretty rarely.

Thing is whenever someone here complains about not getting girls you say that "guys these days are not getting laid because they are not social". However spam approaching girls is not natural nor has ever been. If just being social would not get you laid then why do you promote it so much? 

Instead of promoting guys to socialize more you should promote them to approach and flirt with tons of new girls which is very different from socializing. Normally guys dont spam flirt with girls  

Also I was talking in terms of even dates. Dates not the same as having sex. You might need dates with 5 different girls to have sex with 1. I was talking in terms of dates abundance rather than sex abundance. 

Edited September 4, 2023 by Karmadhi

[teraflu]

On 02/09/2023 at 11:10 AM, JuliaEliza said:

with housemates / community members

where do you find these hippie communities? Still searching for this type of accomodation in Berlin or somewhere in Europe

[Noahsteelers34]

@Insightful27 I was in a pretty similar situation to you 2 years ago. I came to a university where I didn't know anyone. I was very inexperienced socially and with women. I am now a junior, and I have built a fairly large social circle, made some lifelong friends, thrown parties, had tons of crazy experiences, and gained a ton of experience with women and people in general. If you play your cards right, you will be a totally different person by the time you graduate. All of this while usually being the only sober one! 

My advice would be to not be afraid of making mistakes and making a fool of yourself. My freshman year was basically just me falling flat on my face over and over again. Take every opportunity to have new experiences. This means just saying yes to more things instead of sitting in your dorm room.  Just being more social with people in general will inevitably lead to new experiences, new friends, and cool stories. 

[Kid A]

On 4.9.2023 at 4:06 AM, Karmadhi said:

If just being social would not get you laid then why do you promote it so much? 

It probably gets most guys laid, but not that often. What he's saying is that guys who never get laid, like virgins, incels, etc. are like this mainly because they haven't been social enough in their lives. 

[Miguel1]

On 8/22/2023 at 5:43 AM, Leo Gura said:

I have done all my clubbing and partying without a drink of alcohol. It's exactly the same, the only difference is you never drink.

Second this. I have also gone out on and off for 10+ years, approached too many thousands of girls to count - all sober.

I remember like one occasion I bought a drink for me and my cousin.