Women this men this bla bla bla bla bla bla

[Sugarcoat]

Ever since early childhood I’ve noticed this tendency in people to worry about outside situations and other people. Now I’m specifically referring to this tendency regarding the dynamic between men and women.

 

It might sound obvious. It’s not a new concept. It has been mentioned over and over and over again by various people and especially in these types of communities that are about focusing more on yourself.

 

But I find that even if people are familiar with this tendency on some level, they still engage in it. I see it all the time. 

 

It’s hilarious to me. This is literally a SELF actualization/spirituality forum and people are still doing it all the time I cannot….

 

Are you not aware of the tension in your system that is being maintained when you are engaging in those thoughts worrying about what women are doing or vice versa what men are doing, the dating scene or the world and other people in general for that matter? 

 

And how this tension and those thoughts are completely independent from the outside situation and other people so completely unnecessary and not beneficial to you. 

 

But I guess people can’t separate the two so they genuinely feel like they are dealing with something outside themselves. But as I said those are two different things. All I see people dealing with when they are engaging in this tendency is their own minds and emotions etc…. Aka aspects of yourself. 

 

And that is great news!! Because those things are directly here and now. Thoughts are now, tension is now. Fear and anger is now. Right here. Nothing needs to change about the outside for all of that to be dealt with. Actually not really needed to be dealt with at all in a way to be dissolved.

 

Now you might say I’m doing the same here. Actually no I am not. I have ZERO problem with this tendency people have. I can’t really say what I’m doing here ? but I can say that it is NOT coming from that place i am referring to here. Now feel free to keep maintaining tension in your system by arguing with me about this if you would please ?? 

 

 

And if nobody engages then that’s a good sign people are focusing on themselves??Or actually not I believe a lot of people are fooling themselves, they believe they are focused on themselves but aren’t really

Edited August 19, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[NoSelfSelf]

This is my favourite topic at the moment that im wrestling with, its like an art form of balancing,not trusting mind,connection with yourself all that good stuff...

I hate you for making it to trap me in here ?.

[Sugarcoat]

2 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

This is my favourite topic at the moment that im wrestling with, its like an art form of balancing,not trusting mind,connection with yourself all that good stuff...

I hate you for making it to trap me in here ?.

Funny because this post I wrote yesterday  it was waiting on my phone but these things going on for longer in my mind so relate?

This is me cleansing myself of this thing so maybe try it yourself ?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Sugarcoat Its not that easy for me,  if i hear someone saying women this women that, im getting allergic reaction to it and when i caught myself getting involved in it you can call me a doctor to bring me back to life ;)...

[Sugarcoat]

9 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Sugarcoat Its not that easy for me,  if i hear someone saying women this women that, im getting allergic reaction to it and when i caught myself getting involved in it you can call me a doctor to bring me back to life ;)...

trust me it’s not for me either?almost like we synchronized or something…

now I’m too busy checking myself so better ask someone else ?

[NoSelfSelf]

@Sugarcoat im getting a rash just by staying here take care ✋

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, NoSelfSelf said:

@Sugarcoat im getting a rash just by staying here take care ✋

It’s not easy to not check in here constantly ? u too

[Salvijus]

What? What did I just read ?

4 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I can’t really say what I’m doing here ?

Haha, exacly.

[Sugarcoat]

3 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

What? What did I just read ?

Haha, exacly.

I have like 100 different  replies playing out as potential in my mind to your response now do you understand what kind of brain I have? Can’t say what it’s trying to do. But if you don’t understand my post hmmmm I mean what is the confusion …but it’s funny nevertheless I’m having a little fun here you know.. just letting the words flow. The post makes perfect sense to me at least … but the purpose of it is the question mark. Perhaps cleansing perhaps something else… I can elaborate if you have question i believe 

[Salvijus]

20 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I have like 100 different  replies playing out as potential in my mind to your response now do you understand what kind of brain I have? Can’t say what it’s trying to do. But if you don’t understand my post hmmmm I mean what is the confusion …but it’s funny nevertheless I’m having a little fun here you know.. just letting the words flow. The post makes perfect sense to me at least … but the purpose of it is the question mark. Perhaps cleansing perhaps something else… I can elaborate if you have question i believe 

I'll just let it pass.. have no energy for anything now.

[Ajax]

5 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Ever since early childhood I’ve noticed this tendency in people to worry about outside situations and other people. Now I’m specifically referring to this tendency regarding the dynamic between men and women.

 

It might sound obvious. It’s not a new concept. It has been mentioned over and over and over again by various people and especially in these types of communities that are about focusing more on yourself.

 

But I find that even if people are familiar with this tendency on some level, they still engage in it. I see it all the time. 

 

It’s hilarious to me. This is literally a SELF actualization/spirituality forum and people are still doing it all the time I cannot….

 

Are you not aware of the tension in your system that is being maintained when you are engaging in those thoughts worrying about what women are doing or vice versa what men are doing, the dating scene or the world and other people in general for that matter? 

 

And how this tension and those thoughts are completely independent from the outside situation and other people so completely unnecessary and not beneficial to you. 

 

But I guess people can’t separate the two so they genuinely feel like they are dealing with something outside themselves. But as I said those are two different things. All I see people dealing with when they are engaging in this tendency is their own minds and emotions etc…. Aka aspects of yourself. 

 

And that is great news!! Because those things are directly here and now. Thoughts are now, tension is now. Fear and anger is now. Right here. Nothing needs to change about the outside for all of that to be dealt with. Actually not really needed to be dealt with at all in a way to be dissolved.

 

Now you might say I’m doing the same here. Actually no I am not. I have ZERO problem with this tendency people have. I can’t really say what I’m doing here ? but I can say that it is NOT coming from that place i am referring to here. Now feel free to keep maintaining tension in your system by arguing with me about this if you would please ?? 

 

 

And if nobody engages then that’s a good sign people are focusing on themselves??Or actually not I believe a lot of people are fooling themselves, they believe they are focused on themselves but aren’t really

I don't understand. What is the basic message? 

[Sugarcoat]

13 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

I'll just let it pass.. have no energy for anything now.

no problem !

[Sugarcoat]

1 hour ago, Ajax said:

I don't understand. What is the basic message? 

So I’m guessing the tension part is what sounds ambiguous. 
 

Im kinda just shining light on how your suffering is independent of outside so by focusing on yourself you’re dealing with it directly instead of looking for outside solutions . 

 

 I think you agree with me on some level, but I tend to write drawing from my direct experience, which is a wacky one to say the least so understandable it might not hit home 

Edited August 19, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Ajax]

@Sugarcoat Actually, I don't quite see your viewpoint. I would love to know more about it. I believe a person is as free as they are able to assume multiple viewpoints. 

Very interesting! Thank you for sharing.  Could you provide some examples? 

 

"how  suffering is independent of outside" Outside of what? the spirit? the mind? The body?  Your environment?   Your security? Your financial/social situation?  Your possessions?  Your past? The voices/energy/thoughts that are not in alignment with your intentions? Your ability to handle things? Your problems? And yes tensions is ambiguous... I don't get that either. 

"by focusing on yourself you’re dealing with it directly" Dealing with what? The focus on yourself, or the need to focus on yourself? Dealing with what?  What exactly are you dealing with or not dealing with.  Here is my understanding of focus on yourself means... "Focusing on yourself means prioritizing your own needs and desires rather than those of other people." This can and does often lead to selfishness and sexual frustration and reacting to those frustrations as that is not conducive to for healthy relationships as opposed to flexible considerations and viewpoints.   I don't understand. 

 "instead of looking for outside solutions . " What does this have to do with the male/female dynamic?  

Edited August 20, 2023 by Ajax

[NoSelfSelf]

@Ajax Im stealing here, but it has everything to do with man/women dynamic, you think you are leading a woman, no you are not you are leading yourself and she is the one that chooses to follow ,you think you are influencing outside first no, you influence yourself then outside follows or not ,you making it about outside world in ,instead inside then out doesnt matter(it matters to adjust a littlr but for simplicity sake lets keep it like this)...

Its like everything is happening on the inside but you kidding yourself that you have anything to do with the outside world, its all inside working out...this is not enlightment its game of everything and its you..

 

Edited August 20, 2023 by NoSelfSelf

[Ajax]

9 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@Ajax Im stealing here, but it has everything to do with man/women dynamic, you think you are leading a woman, no you are not you are leading yourself and she is the one that chooses to follow ,you think you are influencing outside first no, you influence yourself then outside follows or not ,you making it about outside world in ,instead inside then out doesnt matter(it matters to adjust a littlr but for simplicity sake lets keep it like this)...

Its like everything is happening on the inside but you kidding yourself that you have anything to do with the outside world, its all inside working out...this is not enlightment its game of everything and its you..

 

Ok, thank you. It is kind of weird for me, I think much differently.  Influence means inflow, so the environment (outside the body) changes you... I guess is what you are saying. Hmm... thank you for your response. 

[Sugarcoat]

 

17 hours ago, Ajax said:

@Sugarcoat Actually, I don't quite see your viewpoint. I would love to know more about it. I believe a person is as free as they are able to assume multiple viewpoints. 

Very interesting! Thank you for sharing.  Could you provide some examples? 

 

"how  suffering is independent of outside" Outside of what? the spirit? the mind? The body?  Your environment?   Your security? Your financial/social situation?  Your possessions?  Your past? The voices/energy/thoughts that are not in alignment with your intentions? Your ability to handle things? Your problems? And yes tensions is ambiguous... I don't get that either. 

"by focusing on yourself you’re dealing with it directly" Dealing with what? The focus on yourself, or the need to focus on yourself? Dealing with what?  What exactly are you dealing with or not dealing with.  Here is my understanding of focus on yourself means... "Focusing on yourself means prioritizing your own needs and desires rather than those of other people." This can and does often lead to selfishness and sexual frustration and reacting to those frustrations as that is not conducive to for healthy relationships as opposed to flexible considerations and viewpoints.   I don't understand. 

 "instead of looking for outside solutions . " What does this have to do with the male/female dynamic?  

 

@NoSelfSelf thanks that was nice summary ? so yea @Ajax basically what he said ? but I’ll add some things here. I’ll try to keep it short. Or not.

“how suffering is independent of outside “ “of what “ “by focusing on yourself you are dealing with it directly”
 

Yes so one aspect of self awareness/focusing on yourself, which is the more “spiritual” one which is one of the things I mentioned in the post: becoming directly aware of how your suffering: thoughts , mental projections, feelings, stress in the body, resentment etc (aspects of you) exist on their own, independently from anything outside of you. Yes they could be triggered by outside, and they can be about the outside, but ultimately they are not bound to outside circumstances. So by becoming directly aware of this allows for detachment from them, so this suffering can naturally dissolve by not being “fed” which is what I mean by dealing with it directly. Instead of experiencing/believing , aka “feeding the story”, that something outside yourself needs to change for this suffering to be resolved. So could be anything here, in this post I’m talking mostly about this men/women dynamic so men complaining about women or vice versa. And regarding tension, I basically mean suffering, even if it’s very subtle.

So this is more the spiritual aspect as I said but this self focus can permeate all your life just like he said above.

also another point about male female dynamic so one thing that decides who you end up with , which I guess is more applicable to women, is not only who you ~attract~ but also who you are ~attracted to~ .
So ones taste evolves naturally as one develops , heal and go deeper into oneself. This “sensing” ability grows, so you are sensitive to yourself you become sensitive to others. So instead of worrying about why are men trash ? no problem because you won’t even be attracted to such!! 

“Focusing on yourself means prioritizing your own needs and desires above that of other people” 

Yes one aspect.  You view people the same as yourself tho. So I’m taking responsibility for myself, others have responsibility for themselves too. I’m dealing w my own shit others deal with their own. You mentioned relationships. Well.. you’re focusing on yourself because you just naturally down to genetical level function that way, and want to, its the only thing that makes sense to you. It works for you. It’s a way of operating, naturally your attention goes to yourself and all that you are. It’s not about being compatible with someone. Someone will be drawn to you because you are as you are, and you will be drawn to them so they become a part of the fulfillment of your desires so become your priority one could say. 

“Leads to selfishness” well one could say everyone is selfish even those who don’t seem
The sexual frustration well focusing on yourself doesn’t mean automatically you do whatever your mind comes up with.  It’s more a general way, of you being foundation of your life , optimizing yourself first and foremost ok I’ll end it here ??

this clears something up phew ??✏️✏️✏️✏️
And thanks for your kind words 

 

 

 

Edited August 20, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[Ajax]

@Sugarcoat

Very cool! Awesome. Thanks for that detailed explanation.

[Sugarcoat]

Just now, Ajax said:

@Sugarcoat

Very cool! Awesome. Thanks for that detailed explanation.

No problem ?

[Twentyfirst]

Yeah it's not like mating is important or anything.....