I am losing confidence in my ability to attract girls

[Hardkill]

I've lately been rejected by a number of girls at school. For instance, there is this one attractive outgoing girl, who is single and whom I've been working in one of main class groups for weeks now. We've gotten a long really well since the beginning of the program and she was giving me mixed messages in term of her level of interest. The school program I am is a hybrid type of program whereby we meet virtually through zoom for most of the program and once every few months we meet in person for a 1 to 2 week long in-person lab immersion. So, a couple of weeks ago, she offered to pick me up from the airport after flying into another state to meet with all of our classmates for the one week in-person lab immersion. However, I respectfully declined by telling here how much I appreciated that, but that she didn't have to go out of her way to doing that. I then made a counteroffer by asking to just have some dinner with me after I fly in the city she's in. She seemed interested in that and said that she would let me know what time she would be available for it after meeting up with her brother. After flying in to the city and letting her know that I made it around early evening on that day, I asked her if she had ate dinner yet. She said "I did!" So, I was like "Oh okay, then we meetup tomorrow for dinner instead." However, I got no text message response to that. She never even responded to that the next day or even bring it up to me during the rest of the week of our lab immersion. 

People in my family have already said to me "don't take it personally. You don't know what she's got going on in her life" or "she's much younger than you are and so she probably doesn't know what she wants or know how to respond to you in a mature manner." Yet, I feel so disheartened. Meeting significant others in school is supposed one of the easiest ways of dating, but I am sucking at it. It seems like as the days go by the harder and harder dating keeps getting, especially for men when it comes to the initial stages of dating. 

Yes, there's "plenty of fish in the sea," I shouldn't let rejection get to me as a person, and if I work on my game then I might have a better chance at succeeding with women. However, I've been working hard at improving my social and seduction skills for several years now and I am still struggling to get the girls that I want or even past the novice level of game. Now, you might say "well, then you should hire a social or dating coach who can see in person what you're doing wrong in person." That all sounds good except the fact that there's NO WAY that I could ever affording any kind of in-person from a social or dating expert for even a few days. Besides, getting in-person coaching for a few days wouldn't be enough to give me any real results. I would probably have to get in-person coaching for at least 2 days a week every week every month for at least 1 to 2 years to really see any real improvements with skills. That of course is never gonna happen considering as I have little money of my own. Hell, I don't see that most guys can afford to do that unless they are rich.

I really thought that going through tons of rejections, trying all kinds of ways to meet and date women, learning to have realistic expectations with dating and sex, focusing more on my life purpose, improving my perspective on my self and life in general, getting countless advice on improving my game from others online and in real life, getting emotional support from family and a few close friends, getting some dates and lays with some girls, getting a long-term girlfriend, and what have you that I would finally be able to tolerate any kind of rejection that happens to me. I actually thought last year that I finally had the ability to easily deal with rejection. However, ever since tried asking out some girls at a community college several months ago, I've been having a hard time psychologically getting over the pain of rejection. I now just feel like this pain of rejection will never go away in the long run and I don't know how I can get any girlfriend or even get another girl to sleep with me without going through the agony of hundreds or thousands of more rejections. I sometimes actually think that it may be possible that I might end up having the worst luck ever that I may never even get another girl even if I approached and asked out thousands or even new million different new girls.

Edited August 19, 2023 by Hardkill

[vishnusavestheday]

It always seems like involuntarily celibates seem to struggle more with celibacy more than the voluntary ones. I wonder if voluntary celibates just walk down the sidewalk, endlessly propositioned by potential mates for free, detached, and shameless sex. It must be on those sidewalks you've never visited before. Got to just get out more, probably.

[integral]

1 hour ago, Hardkill said:

However, ever since tried asking out some girls at a community college several months ago, I've been having a hard time psychologically getting over the pain of rejection

Non of does girl where interested in you before you asked them out and you should of felt that. First you have to build interest and have the intuition to know they are interested.

Most woman i would never ask out because i know they are not interested, its 100% obvious. 

So you need to completly relearn how to show your value when interacting with women, because right now your not showing it at all. 

Dont be mistaken, you are valuable, but are terrible at showing it.

Edited August 19, 2023 by integral

[Hardkill]

2 minutes ago, integral said:

Non of does girl where interested in you before you asked them out and you should of felt that. First you have to build interest and have the intuition to know they are interested.

Most woman i would never ask out because i know they are not interested, its 100% obvious. 

So you need to completly relearn how to show your value when interacting with women, because right now your not showing it at all. 

Dont be mistaken, you are valuable, but are terrible at showing it. 

Yeah, but a lot of times I feel like I will never be able to learn how to present value successful on consistent basis no matter how much practice and help I get.

I wish didn't feel the pain of rejection anymore and I wish I had real core confidence in one day being able to succeed with women.

[integral]

24 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

I wish didn't feel the pain of rejection anymore and I wish I had real core confidence in one day being able to succeed with women.

If you never got any results from your attempts, then yes your going to feel like shit as you think there is no possible way it will work. But once you start getting even 1 result, then you can start to see a slimmer of light at the end of the tunnel and thats enough to keep you feeling good, as the possibilities are REAL, there is HOPE, I CAN DO IT, Its only a matter of time!

The pain is bad because you have no confidence in your ability to succeed as your not seeing anything working so far.

The solution is to increase the volume, the only way to do that is to keep trying over and over, its a numbers game, if you talk to 100 girls, at least 1 will go on a date with you, its basic probability. But you got to put the work in and go out there and talk to as many girls as you can everyday until you get a result. 

Edited August 19, 2023 by integral

[Hardkill]

33 minutes ago, integral said:

If you never got any results from your attempts, then yes your going to feel like shit as you think there is no possible way it will work. But once you start getting even 1 result, then you can start to see a slimmer of light at the end of the tunnel and thats enough to keep you feeling good, as the possibilities are REAL, there is HOPE, I CAN DO IT, Its only a matter of time!

The pain is bad because you have no confidence in your ability to succeed as your not seeing anything working so far.

The solution is to increase the volume, the only way to do that is to keep trying over and over, its a numbers game, if you talk to 100 girls, at least 1 will go on a date with you, its basic probability. But you got to put the work in and go out there and talk to as many girls as you can everyday until you get a result. 

What if I end having the worst luck ever that I no longer can get even another girl to date or have sex with me even if I approached a unlimited volume of new girls that I am attracted to even if I give it my very best effort with each approach and conversation I make? What if I will never be able to learn well from my mistakes no how much trial and error I put into it?

Edited August 19, 2023 by Hardkill

[integral]

8 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

What if I end having the worst luck ever that I no longer can get even another girl to date or have sex with me even if I approached a unlimited volume of new girls that I am attracted to even if I give it my very best effort with each approach and conversation I make? What if I will never be able to learn well from my mistakes no how much trial and error I put into it?

Thats literally impossible, you need to drop dead for that story to come true.

Woman are highly emotional, its the easiest game there is once you learn how they think. 

Edited August 19, 2023 by integral

[Hardkill]

46 minutes ago, integral said:

Thats literally impossible, you need to drop dead for that story to come true.

How do you know for sure?

 

46 minutes ago, integral said:

Woman are highly emotional, its the easiest game there is once you learn how they think. 

I don't see how that makes the game so easy. If anything because they are emotional it in many makes them too unpredictable like an erratic weather, which mean you really have very little to no control over the outcome. So, you largely have to rely on hope that she will be feeling for you at the moment or not. Otherwise, she won't be interested in getting with you or will leave you simply no for logical reason.

Besides, if this was such an easy then why am I still struggling at this even after trying way harder than most guys for many years and trying virtually every possible way?

Edited August 19, 2023 by Hardkill

[nhoktinvt]

as a man that also practice cold approach the best advice i can give you is find a good location to approach, be congruent, be detached if you can master these (which will be harder than you think) you'll make progress i promise.

 

Edited August 19, 2023 by nhoktinvt

[Princess Arabia]

You sound a bit insecure to me. Nothing wrong with that because most people are insecure about something. In this department, tho, if you're looking for a mate, you have to work on the securities you have around this issue. Some guys may still be insecure, shy or nervous but will still make the effort if they want it badly enough. You seem like that type but you don't take rejection very well and that to me shows there's something that happened in your past that you haven't come to terms with where you felt rejected and it's still carrying over to this day.

I don't know the situation there, only you know that. If that makes sense, and you can relate to what I'm saying, try to come to grips with that issue and leave it behind. If that's not the case, understand that you don't have to feel rejected if someone doesn't show up or if a girl seems disinterested. You can't date everyone, and everyone isn't for you. You also have to make space energetically for this to happen also. Meaning, don't compare past partners to your intentions. Start fresh, erase all memories of old relationships and treat each encounter as a brand-new experience. Get excited. Don't assume the worst and see yourself going out on dates and having a good time. You're expecting the worst and hoping for the best from the start and that will lead to you showing up already losing.

Females can read your energy from the start. Don't wait for clues of her showing interest. Go for it. If she isn't interested, then move on. If you only wait for clues from her and you become unsuccessful with the approach, that's just going to make you feel more rejected because you assumed she liked you. If you just approach without clues, then you won't feel so rejected because she didn't give you any signs and your mind will just process that differently. It's like if you ask someone if you can cook for them and they say yes and when you offer them the meal, they don't eat it VS. just offering someone a meal and they decline. The former makes you feel rejected and the latter just, oh well, maybe they're not hungry. Do both but don't rely on one over the other. Your chances will be greater. That's just my female's perspective. 

[SeaMonster]

3 hours ago, Hardkill said:

People in my family have already said to me "don't take it personally. You don't know what she's got going on in her life" or "she's much younger than you are and so she probably doesn't know what she wants or know how to respond to you in a mature manner."

OK.  First bit of advice is, your family is giving you bullshit cope advice.

Secondly (this was already touched on above by others), it doesn't appear as if you're running actual game.  

Asking a girl to dinner when no vibe has been established and she has not reciprocated interest does not work.  You're not getting her excited about you.  You're probably running "nice guy game" or something of that sort.

If you don't know how to get a girl excited about you, you are going to fail repeatedly and wonder why it's not working for you.

Forget about socially conventional crap like "dates."  (Inviting her to dinner was basically a sneaky date attempt.)  Figure out how to flirt and get girls excited about you.

 

Edited August 19, 2023 by SeaMonster

[Sugarcoat]

 you obviously misinterpreted her she was just charming and friendly and you thought she was into you 
 

then she rejects you and you feel bad . For what? You didn’t lose anything real, only a false impression you got of her interest which maybe gave you some confidence boost,  so basically you basing your confidence on how you believe she perceives you,  then when she rejects, this confidence goes away because it was dependent on her . 
 

distinguish very clearly between what you feel, your thoughts and reactions, from what happens on the outside. Those internal things are 100% on you to deal w. In my experience bringing your attention fully, directly onto the pain you feeling like a laser is crucial. For that nothing outside you is needed only you can do that.

[Schizophonia]

9 hours ago, integral said:

Non of does girl where interested in you before you asked them out and you should of felt that. First you have to build interest and have the intuition to know they are interested.

Most woman i would never ask out because i know they are not interested, its 100% obvious. 

So you need to completly relearn how to show your value when interacting with women, because right now your not showing it at all. 

Dont be mistaken, you are valuable, but are terrible at showing it.

Spot on

I can estimate my probability with a girl by interacting with her in a matter of minutes. 
The problem is to deny because of the ego.

Edited August 19, 2023 by Schizophonia

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IqVDvnDEJU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHfAMh6Edm4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0mCmD1L-AA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovS27WQU5-g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYmFAWvk0TU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hOwNudcVgI

 

Edited August 19, 2023 by Raze

[Hardkill]

14 hours ago, SeaMonster said:

OK.  First bit of advice is, your family is giving you bullshit cope advice.

Secondly (this was already touched on above by others), it doesn't appear as if you're running actual game.  

Asking a girl to dinner when no vibe has been established and she has not reciprocated interest does not work.  You're not getting her excited about you.  You're probably running "nice guy game" or something of that sort.

If you don't know how to get a girl excited about you, you are going to fail repeatedly and wonder why it's not working for you.

Forget about socially conventional crap like "dates."  (Inviting her to dinner was basically a sneaky date attempt.)  Figure out how to flirt and get girls excited about you.

 

This is not some random girl I met at a bar or club. She's like a colleague of mine in this program. So, I don't think that it would've been appropriate for me to go fast with her.

[Hardkill]

Look, what you guys are saying have idea that sound good, but I've already tried all of them myself for several years and they only got me so far. As far as I am concerned, it just seems like a numbers game. Even then, just because I've already some success before, doesn't mean that I am guaranteed improve my success with women.

[nhoktinvt]

dude how can you stay with the girl if you can't stay with the commitment !

[hoodrow trillson]

You can't win them all.

Also, women really appreciate when you aren't trying to get into their pants.  If you understand what I just said here, then you get it -- but if you read that and think "what?!  that's stupid, hold frame blah blah redpill PUA stuff" then you have a lot more to grow as an authentic sexual being in this life.

 

[Raze]

4 hours ago, Hardkill said:

Look, what you guys are saying have idea that sound good, but I've already tried all of them myself for several years and they only got me so far. As far as I am concerned, it just seems like a numbers game. Even then, just because I've already some success before, doesn't mean that I am guaranteed improve my success with women.

If you think it’s a numbers game and you are basing your self esteem on how women respond, you haven’t actually tried understanding yourself or doing game properly 

[nhoktinvt]

8 minutes ago, hoodrow trillson said:

Also, women really appreciate when you aren't trying to get into their pants.

what you saying is women appreciate when you dont talk to them ?