Negative thoughts crewing in

[Thought Art]

1 hour ago, Illusory Self said:

I found journaling, meditation, self-expression really helped me. Notice there is quite literally nothing to do at all. You don't have to do or become anything as you already the case. Consciousness which is already unconditional.

I do those things. They do help, but they don’t mean I don’t get full of resentment over financial loss. 
 

Consciosness maybe unconditional…. But frankly my happiness as a finite human is conditional. I wish it wasn’t, trust me.

[Thought Art]

I’m reading viktor Frankie’s man search for meaning

[Thought Art]

I think I lack emotional stability, maturity, character and an understanding of cause and effect. I also have a lot of fears, insecurities and limiting beliefs. I deal with a lot of negative emotions like: distrust, anger, resentment, etc. 

I struggle to relate with others. I also have an anxious avoidant attachment style and hyper vigilance at times. 
 

I can be petty and unkind. I can be short sighted and prone to wishful thinking. I spend a lot of time feeling extremely lonely and self pitying. 
 

I had a new thought yesterday about what the cost of all this negative neurotic thinking is. It’s costing me everything. 
 

My ability to think, contemplate and act base on truth and higher principles will be what allows me to go from relatively shitty living to something higher. It will take me about 3-5 years to get my finances and business stuff together. I’m sure there will be lots of challenges. I should stick it through and build… something. Maybe I won’t be an Osho, or a Leo Gura, or an Arcadefire or a Bon Iver. But I can be me.

I found God 
On the corner of First and Amistad 
Where the west 
Was all but won 
But all alone 
Smoking his last cigarette 
I said, "Where you been?" 
He said, "Ask anything"

"Where were you 
When everything was falling apart? 
Where all my days 
Were spent by a telephone 
That never rang 
And all I needed was a call 
That never came 
To the corner of First and Amistad?"

Lost and insecure 
You found me, you found me 
Lying on the floor 
Surrounded, surrounded 
Why'd you have to wait? 
Where were you, where were you? 
Just a little late 
You found me, you found me

Well, in the end 
Everyone ends up alone 
But losing her 
The only one who's ever known 
Who I am, who I'm not, and who I wanna be 
No way to know 
How long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure 
You found me, you found me 
Lying on the floor 
Surrounded, surrounded 
Why'd you have to wait? 
Where were you, where were you? 
Just a little late 
You found me, you found me

For early morning 
The city breaks 
But I've been calling 
For years and years and years and years 
And you never left me no messages 
You never sent me no letters 
You got some kind of nerve 
Taking all I want

Lost and insecure 
You found me, you found me 
Lying on the floor 
Where were you, where were you?

Lost and insecure 
You found me, you found me 
Lying on the floor 
Surrounded, surrounded 
Why'd you have to wait? 
Where were you, where were you? 
Just a little late 
You found me, you found me

Why'd you have to wait 
To find me, to find me?

Edited August 25, 2023 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

To balance out my previous post. I am also kind, respectful, considerate, conscientious in many contexts

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

To balance out my previous post. I am also kind, respectful, considerate, conscientious in many contexts

You can't help but be that. All other emotions are filters.

[Thought Art]

I’m so tired of being single

i want to love and be loved 

[Thought Art]

I don’t want to feel like my love, or attraction to women is a problem because I can’t handle it. I hate it. I just want love… I hate meeting women and then getting crushes on them. I hate it.

Edited August 26, 2023 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

I’m going to continue working through all my stuff. I have to believe I can heal, that I can course correct, that I can make something of this life.

[Thought Art]

I may start a journal. I find something about posting some of this different than just writing or contemplating

[Ulax]

@Thought Art Do you have a meditation practice bro? If so, what do you do?

[Thought Art]

@Ulax I do a few. It helps, it doesn’t fix everything 

[hyruga]

Your problem is mostly financial based. Your best solution is to find a job or ways to make money.

For example, I also had problems earning money and was overthinking a lot in the past. In the end, I work on a job and finally found some peace and the job paid my bills. 

My job is actually still horrible and everyday I still detest my job and hope to find another but it still pays my bills. 

Another thing you can do is look for your money reserves and know that you may still be okay. For example, I have money saved up in other accounts but I refused to use them and that's causing me a lot of anxiety in the past. I have to contemplate and find peace with money issues + many other issues as well.

I have a lot of anxieties involving investing and buying/selling investment or properties because of past traumas and bad experiences (due to past scams or unhappy experiences) but I also have to work through that. Meditation and journaling can give you clarity and makes you feel good for the moment but you still have to put in the work.

Edited August 27, 2023 by hyruga

[Thought Art]

I’m going to observe my self and situation as objectively as possible 

[Nilsi]

 I might sound like a broken record, but a sales job will force you to get your shit together and allow you to make unbelievable amounts of money in a very short time span. What makes this so cool is that you need no qualification or assets for such a job, you just need the balls to do it. If you work on a commission only basis, any call center in the world will let you sell their stuff.

Talking to 100s of strangers a day, trying to convince them to give you their money, is the best kind of therapy for a young dude trying to become a competent and respectable man.

You can of course just play the Buddhist game, keep planting trees and find fullfillment and mastery in the simple things, but it sounds like you're hungry for (some degree of) success and recognition, which is understandable. 

At the end of the day we're western men and there is a Faustian spirit in us (it's in our blood, our ancestry, our culture) that seeks adventure, knowledge, domination -- doesn't matter how spiritual and idealistic you are, if that part of you doesn't find some outlet for expression, you will start to resent yourself and the world.

Edited August 27, 2023 by Nilsi

[Thought Art]

@Nilsi Hey, what would a good search term be for me to start looking for these types of jobs?

What is the potential earnings? 

Edited August 28, 2023 by Thought Art

[Nilsi]

3 hours ago, Thought Art said:

@Nilsi Hey, what would a good search term be for me to start looking for these types of jobs?

What is the potential earnings? 

Just enter „sales“ in the search bar of some online portals. Look for positions that do not require specific, tangible qualifications. They often just ask for vague qualities like „high motivation“ and „excellent communication skills.“

You should seek out companies that prioritize the sales process over maintaining a polished image. This means avoiding large organizations, start-ups and all „serious“ companies, where your role primarily involves making a few daily calls to existing clients or warm leads, or some bs like contacting prospects on LinkedIn or Email.

It’s absolutely necessary to join a company that encourages cold calling to completely unfamiliar prospects and imposes no restrictions on the number of such calls you can make each day. By engaging with strangers and facing the challenge of generating interest and trust from scratch, you’ll swiftly be forced to get your act together.

It's these positions that I would recommend applying for. Draft a compelling CV and then call up the prospective employers. They love this, because it shows you’re not reluctant to pick up the phone.

The initial phase will be brutal and you will be absolutely clueless, however, even in my first month in a commission-based sales position, I did earn a income of 7,5k (which is not that bad). Being paid solely based on your performance leaves you no choice, but to find a way to make this work.

As you gain experience and hone your skills, it’s entirely possible to make five-figures a month (even six-figures, if you’re really on your a-game). At this point, you can either opt for a more chill work schedule, reducing your working hours while enjoying the financial rewards, or you can commit to mastering the art of sales and further elevate your income potential.

Edited August 28, 2023 by Nilsi

[Nilsi]

57 minutes ago, Nilsi said:

Just enter „sales“ in the search bar of some online portals. Look for positions that do not require specific, tangible qualifications. They often just ask for vague qualities like „high motivation“ and „excellent communication skills.“

You should seek out companies that prioritize the sales process over maintaining a polished image. This means avoiding large organizations, start-ups and all „serious“ companies, where your role primarily involves making a few daily calls to existing clients or warm leads, or some bs like contacting prospects on LinkedIn or Email.

It’s absolutely necessary to join a company that encourages cold calling to completely unfamiliar prospects and imposes no restrictions on the number of such calls you can make each day. By engaging with strangers and facing the challenge of generating interest and trust from scratch, you’ll swiftly be forced to get your act together.

It's these positions that I would recommend applying for. Draft a compelling CV and then call up the prospective employers. They love this, because it shows you’re not reluctant to pick up the phone.

The initial phase will be brutal and you will be absolutely clueless, however, even in my first month in a commission-based sales position, I did earn a income of 7,5k (which is not that bad). Being paid solely based on your performance leaves you no choice, but to find a way to make this work.

As you gain experience and hone your skills, it’s entirely possible to make five-figures a month (even six-figures, if you’re really on your a-game). At this point, you can either opt for a more chill work schedule, reducing your working hours while enjoying the financial rewards, or you can commit to mastering the art of sales and further elevate your income potential.

It’s basically the path of becoming a master trickster.

You‘ll learn how to be completely fluid in your identity, make up cover stories on a fly (ever tried calling up a big company, asking to speak with their CEO?) and think on your feet — while also cultivating invaluable traits like clear communication, assertiveness, being relatable, work ethic, persistence, fearlessness… which will make a respectable man out of you.

It‘s very psychologically challenging, but also incredibly fun.

Edited August 28, 2023 by Nilsi

[PurpleTree]

Buddha said life is suffering. Maybe we’ll have to suffer a bit more. Suffering is the greatest teacher some say. 
Can you talk about the scam more?

[MarkKol]

Can you get into how exactly you got scammed by that course/website? 

Also, is 8k in debt really that much in Canada? Did you pay $8k for the course?

Edited August 29, 2023 by MarkKol

[Thought Art]

I’m more focused right now I’m seeing reality clearly. I am focused on creating an optimistic mindset despite this set back. 
 

I am focusing on rest when not at work, and meditating each day. This is helping. 
 

I am for sure also experiencing a deep longing for love, connection, intimacy but also not rushing into things so needy like I’ve done in the past. 
 

I’m experiencing a lot, and working to observe it objectively. Working on self love and self care.

Surely, there is a lot of work to be done to get my life where it needs to be. My life has many many many failures. But, also many small successes. 
 

I want to learn how to love more fully and without fear, pain, defensiveness, etc. I’d like to heal my anxious avoidant tendencies. It’s extremely painful and frustrating because I’d like to be in a stable long term relationship with a woman I love. I suspect it will be worth it but will take time, and many failures to realize. 
 

I’ll have to work some jobs I don’t like over the coming years to survive and pay down debts. I have free time at times which I will use to keep growing my Qigong knowledge, and all the systems I need in place in order to build my online business; email list, courses, workshops, membership site, etc 

I really don’t know what the future holds but I do suspect I can become wise, mature, and relatively successful in my relationships, finances and business. 
 

I will work to overcome learned helplessness, depression, anxiety, and etc 

I’ll learn to love.

I’ll spend more time around women, especially the beautiful ones with great personalities. The ones I want deep down. The ones who trigger my anxious avoidant tendencies. I need more experience to heal these scars. Tree planting, as I am right now, I met a girl who triggered my feels. I like her, and have strong feelings so, due to my attachment style I stopped looking at her and talking to her when possible. I’m fact I feel angry at her for my feelings toward her. This, is not a love I feel for her. But an infatuated anxiety of an immature mind. 

 

Edited August 30, 2023 by Thought Art