Self-Actualization Journal - Moving Towards Depth

[ValiantSalvatore]

Same goes for the company it's not that easy to generate the new strength with so much materialism and cravings for it. You think then you want it and end up empty instead of letting love & life flow a bit...

I hope she will finally be it I am a huge face guy and her face is so beautiful it legit is an artwork. I'll also give me best then to do the relationship course by Keith Witt there will not be more conscious stuff by experience. 

But yeah, for now... enough simply this was so good already & my knee pain is also gone and soon I can buy some stuff again... Lord...

Edited August 27, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

The book of secrets & spontaneous fullfilment of desire are also the best audiobooks and one of the few and only I can hear. 

All in all I'd say doing this and working & investing in the smaller ends. I tend to forget at times people who can stomach my problems seriously want to help me at times though the reality is so fking harsh, I dunno if J want this or if this is just the learning step. All in all. I'd say. This book keeps me sane as it normalizes not having perfect clarity & not going crazy then. 

Accept the hellp from people who want to help and get rid of the toxic energies I'd also need a plant against spiders there are to many here. Let's see... investing in new people costs so much energy... & then they are gone etc. It's a deep issue with intuition at times I can't isolate myself that much & I hate it that I am the type of person who answers his own damn questions himself without noticing it's painful at times. I really love it when it does not happen like this & recently I just get more good help etc. 

I had to start from fking 0 again. My science was so bad etc... There was also serious family issue at this time of not connecting anymore with my mother when I was 11 or so on took the science class with 5h per week about biology and cells etc. It was so myopic and tediohs I barely had any joy - my mother could then not bring up the joy and hence you land in business... Or maybe nowadays in c.s. I was passionate, yet not nutured in my passions.... 

Even with the lp course it does not have the effect it should have and I did everything. A lot of problems would also get solved if I just would get laid more frequently, yet it's a huge issue with modern culture & status if a new masculine frame won't work I dunno. Also newer clothing's and some style etc. Then continuing to nuture my social circle I could go out with my last date also.... It's generally better, yet yeah... Spiritually in a sense is also calling etc. 

She low-key invited me which is just good to have open-minded people as friends, yet it's also on a level a huge responsibility.

Also definitely HC girl in contrast to what you find half Italian & German again... Oh no quarter this time! Seems to work somehow. That is a synchronicity.

What ducks me up is not having the deep skill to clown the professors with psychedelics that'd for me personally be the dream. I love sort of conscious teasing it's so difficult also 

Edited August 27, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Sitting here in bed awake pretty early... also due to to much coffee. I notice also the effect not having dating apps has on me I am more there for my real life and not the digital life. 

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I wish I would have deleted these apps earlier *sigh*.... I badly also wish to have a bathtub again... still leaving one app in the background that gave me the most normal social contacts. 

I live way healthier the mental tax of dating apps and their effects, also other stuff of lazy fat & green decadence and softness culture is not good. Softness & arrogance don't mix well. Compassion is definitely harder than softness though... empathy and compassion is a killer combo & positivity, also self-care these topics somehow went missing. 

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Anyway I really crave stronger social bonds. I might have found one finally...

[ValiantSalvatore]

Also told the Russian guy what is currently up with me, this online-dating stuff costs me to much energy to hire new people and it takes more time to build this "personal brand" almost & so much fakeness of orange and personafied bias. I enjoy holism & minimalism of any kind when I see it & subtle decadence... Why I like the red wine girl at Green+ if it's not a regressive blue classfigther... I dunno I hope through these investments my academics also get better multiple signs for this are there also. Now it's about enduring hard times and making life easier... Drying machine!!! Yes, you'll exist now!!!

Also still saving money & caring about mental health & investing in quality things. Life is so fast nowadays & panic can be real.

Edited August 27, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Let's finally wake up & be human omfg. My phone!! My life without dating apps omfg. Going into the russian coal mines again to come out with a bigger babushka nose & 10 grades of rounded backs and 20 ruby crystals. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Let's see what happens briefly saw this... 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Why I dislike tech at times. Enslavement of people if done by people if not done out of freedom... etc.  Meritocracy overblown. Virtue forced onto you. 

Edited August 27, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I feel a strong resurge deleting all of these apps, it's heavy what tech consumer culture & to much animalistic offline living can do to oneself & others. Celebrating real relationships just feels good! So yeah, I will see what my inner workforce does when I meditate 1h I remember Leo quoting 1h of meditation is worth more of 100 books, I was so tired about reading etc. 

Balance is one of my weaknesses & I know when that edge is prevalent, deleting Tinder & OkC has also been the best so far the most quality matches I have from Bumble by far & I can still plan and do stuff, and journal eventually get my little stream also started etc. Today I will also create a schedule for the week. I'll limit my coffee intake to 3 cups a day also subtle cold showers etc. Let's do this! 

Gratitude Journal:

I am grateful that I can do work more out of awareness & consciouness and for the new match I never believed I would find such a compatible girl
I am grateful for my friend dj beign real at times to me and giving me the most solid feedback in terms of authentic dating etc.
I am grateful for everyone who supports me and is positive, I do my best work under a surge of positivity & love, and the deepst in enthusiasm surges
I am grateful to journal again and take care of mental health that way and do shadow work to see real changes
I am grateful to see the sun and that we have a lot of rain this summer, I still love the feeling & sound of rain so much I could forget the summer at times!
I am grateful to have a fantastic career opportunity and finding stability by the virtue of stability not beign left or right.
I am grateful to have gone out of apps to go out of the beauty bias and subtelties that are currently happening and connect with other souls

Yeah this is it, for now without much success on these apps I don't use them there is no use, it's better to go out and eventually just have the courage to approach and be more social & invest energy that way, I did a couple of mistakes. 

3-2-1 shadow work (5min version)

It feels like there is a me that is hiding and making false promises to appear to an image and acts needy towards others
I feel like there is a me that can turn pain into gold especially with the right people
I feel like there is a deep conscious drive for conscious skill development & growth & vision with the right kind of practice and visualization

So, here we go shadow work on my meditation practice, bro why have you been skipping life? What is up with you? You know you're getting older, & somethings move slower, yes but you also notice how much younger you feel when you meditate and life healthy you notice the damaged body and feel like shit. 

Oh yeah, well what are you showing me? You know your friend DJ & why he is so especially good with girls and people approach him, this guy always has a deep positive energy and is just hyped for the weekend you know why? As he sees life as a deep experience and learning journey & you? You crumble at times at the smallest and tiniest hits & crave video games and can't moderate yourself to fun. Yeah... I know I can be weak at times, yet why is he so strong?? You do better academically, yet he has a bigger emotional range it's so weird. What did mindfulness do to you, the point is you have the capabiltiy also to manage that depth, as you see it recognize it and nuture it like a plant, your bro is like a plant you water, all relationships are like a plant you water & each has a different purpose and function. Welll what is the gift here? The gift here is you are neglecting your real relationships in favour of digital dreams that are not there man, work on themes and get into the depth of life accept that things are & take skill listen to the right books & teachers, also notice how you subtely and energetically abused the good-hearted nature of Leo, yet this is also an issue with this here. I don't know why this pull is there, yet it's weird. 

I am the one who does not nuture his real relationships enough and ask how they are etc.
I am the one who confuses digital relationships with real human relationships
I am the one who has a deeper control of depth due to mindfulness skills & intuition let it guide you again!

Make commitments to real friends. Verify things for you the biggest thing Leo is teaching me is the gift of life is me it's all me! Good hearted and well-spirited!! There is so much love see love everywhere set your intentions also!!

[ValiantSalvatore]

This is way better the normal shadow work get's me into depths where I would need a psychotherapist & I just learnt how to deal with the breath more & fear of breath due to using contraction techniques etc. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Act from love, beauty = hate are like opposites as well as love & fear. Focus on love fk these apps if they are not working. Upgrade your life etc. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I am a bit hyped about positive visualizations and worst comes to worst pepping my practice, if I have such an issue with boredom etc. & I don't live in a monastary etc. I can meditate also to trance music or whatever. It's better this way for me I don't enjoy long-draught out shit, it's so inefficient ... anyway that is a very different story. Some long stuff is very enjoyable, yet I have to be in the mood I am moody also. I am just human generally speaking so sorry. 

I'll report on my meditation Oh a shadow work sessions I love to do is people judging my actions omfg I hate this so much I forgot that I hate it. Like I lift my penis in my room, why do you care bro and judge me? 

Like for example I judge Leo for having two girlfriends? Subtley how hypocritical I don't know what still I did not like the boasting about it in writting in a video in contrast I would not care, I could legit procure more empathy generally speaking and be curious. Ask genuient questions, I lost this green strick when I meet sort of the rational ppl in academia...

Edited August 27, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Regardless to what happened, I clearly notice I am way more positive about my life and that matters to me more, I'll stream a bit... having a positive vision is way way more important, than anything else. Corona made people so subtely depressed and bitter at times, when you touch this space it's very odd.

I really have to install this level of lust into me about life and love, also psychdelics won't do me good, if I am not peaking in life as well as doing extremely well and consistency here. Doing it once per year or twice is fine when things are not going so well, otherwise it's hogwash for growth. Also psychdelics and health, especially exercise don't mix to well. It does not work. It's better to trip once every 2-3 months and do exercises. Or commit to a retreat. I'll really will visualize my heart out to get these thing into a place, and especially also be a very good lover, this was one of my deepest dreams and impacts. In that sense loving the world & risk loosing everything! In a sense, I don't mean it literally. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Had a very beautiful session of pure visualization of positive events and outcomes. This gave me so much vitality and strenght right now also with the new insights from the techniques it's grostque to not use this to absolutely reconfigure my human self. I had the realization, that in order to enjoy the new work & place I have to create a new internal state, I can't treat it similarly, stuff I say at times is due to the influence of modern culture, meditation kept my mind prestine & clean. The sounds also feel so purifying.

The visualize the states that I am working in is way smarter than only the processes, I focused so much and did not fully implement the new values with awareness as meditative practice. It's like I see wisdom and not knowledge anymore. I never came to the conclusions to produce different states besides love and pure enthuasiam & joy, yet more deep positivity & pride paired with love. That others are proud of me, when I can't admit I am proud of myself, yet I can make them prideful about me and that makes me feel good that is positive reinforcement. Also the pain of learning these things instead of seeing AHHH pure liss & joy. I see pure positivity, love & pride a certain purity prestine energy. No matter the color untouched & unfettered. 

Also a more beautiful vision with A.I more like the ancient picture above, instead of China sort of a harmony between technology & nature & humans! Also sending love to matches and reading the intentions.

20 min practice in total, tiny yet beautiful and powerful session. I feel the entire occipital lobe beign feed new information to act on I dunno. Also instead of seeing the beauty of mechanics love is way better. Love is simply the answer. Love black women, black girls, white women, white girls, let pure energy of love just be there. It's so good also to visualize workouts etc. I dunno where I was & what the psychdelics did, yet this is new in terms of feeling these different regions so purely of my brain. 

Also introducing intentions, when I had a more intutive practice these intentions are immense tools. Just love more love. I cried visualizing my matches dog, as I just love animals, I cried about my mother sending me love visualizing her support for me. I visualized having millions of dollars to help my friends and not me, this was me, this is me! I love to give and I loved to give people especially fun, it pains me to not do it, yet I've been doing it the wholetime & not noticing it. This is the first meditation session in 1 week or so. Just smiling and doing all of this. Just to go pure metaphysics & stuff I am not as strong I definitely need a group & some help, yet damn contraction & expansion with visualization & flow and intentions is one hell of a level of depth. Also having wisdom as a value thinking about what ralston said, installing it into my neurons & seeing the love of mechanics? I am perplexed, yet more love. Just having an empathic girl again dude I cry typing this love is so healing, especially innocent love the intention. Mature innocence & love. 

Like fine red wine....

Edited August 27, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Wilber is also just correct, the opposite of fear is love. How deeply I experience love is immense. 

I had such immense fear to make a tiny purchase, and it costed me 7€ I imagined 30 it's immense also having a huge buffer now. 

There will be a lot a lot of reconditioning. Like a lot. I ordered stuff more options give more love, especially if I have a gf. My bf is a guy who just makes all people laugh with depth it's incredible if I get 25% of this she will cringe to death that'd be so funny, yet I'll have to keep this up consciusly. It's like a cure. Meditation after reading & knwoeldge consumoption is a cure. Etc

It's not giving to be a show dog, also this bothered me also. I can even take food to uni now, that is so good & people will think I am wholesome this with 3-2-1 practice is true creator & gestalt thearpy. The breath stuff, is a bit to animalistic. It's still to intense at times. 

I never visualized working in love & sending love some subtle stuff certainly helped me. I'd like to see a beautiful vision and not technocracy & dysotopian hell. With this I might start to learn spanish or even italian, this is definitely a new recogintion of depth & love to nuture this even mechanically. etc. Also very wholesome for my personal history. I often put on this 3'rd face, I am usually more loving and  compassionate not that empathic, yet loving & compassionate & sincere most likely. Learning from the empathy people is execellent just having these interactions and evoking these states.

Also the subtle gratitude practice will give me the random happiness depth I am yearning, let's see when I rewrite my personal history how much of that changes. Psychologists could not help me and the skeptic logical people are like implanting a level of depression at times. 

To nuture yourself is so freaking intelligent, evoking also universal intelligence is so good.... how subtle self-deception is.... Like when I talked to the kebab guy, I definitely have to advance my personality more & character. 

Also using logic from love. Is interesting.... that is how I usually see INTP's till there is subtle envy  gosh... anyway.

I also have a two year momentum or 3 year with this mantras. I did not notice. Love to work is new to me. In China was the last time I felt this.... 

Edited August 27, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Also this new sci-fi game looks good, I definitely need upgraded tech... let love do it not fear.... I forgot love.... amazing.... to actively evoke love.... 

This carried me through my whole studies not knowing it, when I started I made also so many freaking new friends omfg. 
 

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

More love .... all I am going to say. I've been denying this & baited in this beauty & hate spectrum also. Andrew Cohen although is a toxic guy. 

Edited August 27, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I missed love, as a message entirely metaphysical love & shadow work. Let's come more from love daily.... & do the shadow work. I do have more focus on quality this way. Focused love in a sense and other things. I am naturally not good on focusing on one single thing. All of this resonated a lot & it goes higher. Also with the amount of feminine energy focusing on love, I also get more equanimity etc. Let's do this I've been missing this it was also not obvious, yet it was more obvious considering my personal history with my father. A huge depth & lack of love at the sametime. 

I do more good and nuture myself. Also to love material more, I never had love for it but joy etc. 

Edited August 27, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore