Self-Actualization Journal - Moving Towards Depth

[ValiantSalvatore]

I notice it is better to create my own way of self-help to some extend, it's clearly evident to me, that some stuff the way it is dramatized makes me toxic, and I can make an entire shadow work section out of this, as I find these people inefficient. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Trusting my authentic voice and stuff like, this I barely meet someone who implements self-help like I'd enjoy it besides Leo and I sometimes dislike this video format, even thought it's highly efficient, it would be cool if he would do episodes like this just with different scenary like at a beautiful place outside or so I dunno etc.

[ValiantSalvatore]

A lot of life advice is common sense, yet it lacks nuance, it's so black&white, there is no grey zone of context, this is most likely why I still consume Leo's content there is so much practical stuff and context, way better than some cheesy content creator abusing subtely all of this self-optimization stuff, I notice the subtle level of hatred etc. Also this is due shadow work optimization frenzy and hatred. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

The shadow work sessions for how long I've been doing them I neglect their effects, they are tremendous and immediate. What I have been doing wrong mostly is stopping the entire process of success, and turning into that crunch internally & externally. I've been focused to much on the external the last couple of years, yet now I can do both, even when I do cringe stuff etc. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I also notice the grind becomes very pleasent and accelerated when I meditate, especially for 1h, I neglected this how succesful mindfulness makes me. I just forget at times, that I lived a highly conscious lifestyle. 

When I do 30 minutes it's more practical, yet there is a level of depth missing that I get with 1h I have more eureka moments. I think I am through all of this now also. I was just massively afraid of some public stuff where I still do some shadow work occasionally, no coach needed, especially smokers and unhealthy assholes who hide their toxic habits. 

Edited September 10, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

Also with this new goal setting thing I have a better idea how to do certain stuff...

[ValiantSalvatore]

Hopefully I be more happy this way.

[ValiantSalvatore]

Also maybe having more 90 day themes

[ValiantSalvatore]

I think I also lost hope due to how mindfulness is treat, as a lifestyle and not for interest into pure consciouness when dating, also the constructive feedback and constructing, I often feel with people like Leo if you don't harras them it's similar to my friend Marcel who lived in Vegas, and you seriously threaten their ego, they don't reflect on their behaviour, mindfulness is so "out" of culture, especially in Europe everyone does Yoga & there is maybe a minor movement of this, I lost a lot of hope and strength him making fun of buddhist, I feel he also gaslights himself and empathic intutives at times, for them speaking about idealistic notions they know is not true, to inspire themselves, and to move towards that depth, fully knowing it's unnatainable, yet improveable, for example with suffering & happiness without conditions. I often feel there is a very subtle anti-inspiring drive behind this, and also for example due to me loosing a lot of friends, this was the only place and some people for example expolited me here already and they will deny the living shit out of this and are pushed by mods I would personally ban, due to knowing what type of bias they evoke they cause more problems by this eventually, because they life it out and are not empowering enough, they just act rational for their own defense. 

This is sort of my take on this Spiel I notice also, I was very very constructive with my own feedback and what I essential need, and I did well, I just gaslit myself due to knowing how hard improvement is and how risky it is to ruin friendships I just have to risk beign even more cringe. Leo still has the issue of beign for example like many white priviledged type of beauty progressives, they priviledge girls, not knowing and punish the black guy and rank heavily on beauty, for example in group work! I COULD be wrong, yet I generally contemplate a lot on people who I claimed friends with in my mind, yet it has become increasingly difficult when I see this asshole attitude and I don't know if this is my niceness and idealism at times that blocks this, I feel such a joy in guilty pleasures at times etc. 

So that is sort of my current take.... I notice i have to go full power again and just fuck others seriously and not care, that is sort of my asshole and my bitch is to make it better than others and then even ignore them etc. anyway...

[ValiantSalvatore]

I also will utterly not trust spiritual people who are not extremely open-minded, to beign wrong etc. and also PUA's claiming they are about non-techniques while they are using techniques and just flame and use subtle domination tactics, now that I have more status they are like cucks to me and it's TRUTH absolute TRUTH.

I think it's also better that way and to not engage with these people I don't think they realize what opportunities they had and can't quit, the main point I am also doing with deception is not beign me, how I was me. Truely me, that means telling fuckboy to be fuckboy. & claiming my power in integrity etc

Edited September 10, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I could simply be hardcore again  & leave the weak ppl out

[ValiantSalvatore]

The post about samskharas went lost, this is also the point most likely how I perceive sort of the scratchy humanness. I noticed this very early, when I meditate I loosen up sort of my rebirthing type karma, it's very odd, and I could dive more into this.

Edited September 10, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

This is the point also about my meditations I change a lot I don't know who I am at times, I feel like I am 100% back due to seeing how self-inflicted all of this is. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Also to sell myself that way, even if nobody even wants this, it's better to be authentic.

Nr.1 things to work on:

• Keeping my word due to history
• Keeping father boy issue type people away as I worked on this sicne I was 12 or so
• Keep doing shadow work
• 1h meditations
• Eat energetic food & accept and love the drudgery more... to get into deeper abundance...
• Use social media a lot more
• Work close to burn out 
• Be close to friends
• Don't drink more than 3-4 drinks maximally
• Create bigger social circles... look things up and create parties, even if I might not keep my word, people will be, more thankful, especially when I keep it then.

[ValiantSalvatore]

I planned my entire week again, and will life in this type of lifestyle it's highly structured fun & intense many don't enjoy this they life differently, yet I will also again be highly, highly analytical & critical of myself, I will also go to some extrems in dating & get more into OnlyFans & PornType of girls, to get better with the "really hardcore" as my sex drive is usually high, it's simple curbed a bit due to having old & young people to much around me, and I don't have proper shutters, more like some cheap amazon stuff, I'll also see if I can creat e more clarity and keep it as a value, I do have to see currently and replace leadership currently, as I don't feel like leading atm. 

Many male friends appreciate this quality about me, that I plan and care! About the detail, does not mean I am good at it, yet I can care about it. Will go to some extrems also, and hopefully then chill out properly and just plan everything out and be strict, also with fun and write a proper take care list.... I did some very dumb stuff etc. 

I should not let myself get sort of objected, as I am a huge pervert actually, it's just an issue when I have these dominante people around me who can't stand this and are insecure about this, as I am more switch, I find this to be more intelligent also, it's like most good politicians I bet they are switch sexually, and not dominante, we're not living in the times of Dchingis Khan. So yeah, feels good to plan this fast and effectively then act out on it etc. '

Creating budgets etc. Saving money doing proper automation & skill development & going after work opportunities properly, that inner swine is basically, the apathy of neglecting the joy of on the edge working, hardcore testing & limit testing myself intelligently etc. 

Biggest hurdle will be bitchy girls, who go only for hardcore dominante type of guys, it will be interesting what I will do, I had other plans etc. Most guys who teach dating are true fucking assholes born from the abdomn of of a lineage of assholes who lived unhealthy, unclean and abused each other. I feel with proper planning and proper intelligence, I will be able to enact all of these deep intutive drives and keep the gaslighting and boundary thing in check and again work on proper development after this 90 day thing, I will do the next 90 day thing which will simply be relationships, often times most things work out for me when I have 3 things in place. 

Conscious living -> Exercise -> Healthy Relationships, Healthy Relationships Beign Nr1. It's Kind Of Excessive How Much I think about others, yet it gives me a lot of joy to see improvement and especially higher emotional impact. So, yeah I have to set this all up, it's a bit rough & on the edge as I can't do serious game, yet it keeps my mind of these dating apps & I get plenty of insights etc. 

My biggest childish type of behaviour is not engaging in the healthy adult & the healthy child, sexually for example in a sense of doing what I enjoy sexually so I can do my work and it get's better work done, being logical with others, so I get more space & time etc. 

Edited September 10, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I also never noticed how thes time slots allocation work on my exellence drive.... I dunno it's the strongest drive in all areas of SD, I stopped properly analyzing it 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I think doing this will fix most stuff, I might ruined my whole life with this, yet I dunno how thick my skin has to grow in a sense, at times I truely hate humans... it all got better... it's best to simply forget my age also and stop looking at stuff that toxically effects myself etc. 

I do this this is the best kind of science insights I have and can have possibly. From what I've read.... it's important to let healthy normal people help me not people who need more help then me in some areas, I already lived a very high standards I don't think the normie conscious guy does comprehend what I was aiming for and what I did. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

This is sort of what  I did I was focused very hard on character till it was sort of  taken by the habits that I could not do anymore. I also read the book and practiced this. 

[ValiantSalvatore]

I grew at times more character then I thought the issue is pop-culture and fully exploring the hedonism of youth, was something severely limited, that is still going on, so I dunno how to do this. It takes for me an extrem level of maturity to go about this. 

There are not many mature girls, most of them are in relationships with guys from healthy families with a lot of healthy support. I don't have that benefit....it's all my social circle & friends that is that attracting factor.... 

[ValiantSalvatore]

Also healthy mornings etc..... the point is I was so "perfect" in the eyes of girls I could not believe it how they even thought I was fame due to my training etc. This happend once.... I dunno it still hurts tremendously, even to get advice from people who were not natural... etc... it's bothering at times....., especially if they are not logical.