I'm So Sad Because I Am 21 And No Guys Seem Interested In Me/seem To Like Me.

[hirax]

I am 21 and I have never had a bf, asked out, or dated. I just witnessed a girl right in front of me getting hit on and cold approached by men while I am never hit on by men. In fact, I've never had a guy come up to me and ask for my phone number but I have heard plenty of stories of girls who have had it happen to them out in public. Additionally I am never approached, cold or not. 

I am 5'6 and weigh 125 lbs and I don't understand why guys just aren't interested in me. I don't think I am ugly but sometimes I start doubting my attractiveness. I don't go to bars or clubs. Once in a blue moon, an older guy might call me beautiful or a guy will check me out that that's all that happens-nothing further ever happens and this rarely even happens to me. I have tried to put myself out there sometimes by going to some events but I still never seem to attract men. I am getting really sad because I want to find love and I would like to start dating. Any advice?

[Prabhaker]

1 hour ago, hirax said:

I have never had a bf

You are lucky. Freedom is a higher value than love. When you are happy alone, when you can live with yourself, there is no intrinsic necessity to be in relationship. Relationship is a kind of bondage. 

[Spiral]

On 25/03/2017 at 4:46 AM, Prabhaker said:

 Relationship is a kind of bondage. 

Some people like bondage , sorry but i think you should adjust your advice to the level of the individual rather then smack em with the technical truth.

@hirax , Guys are unlike most think, not only interested in looks, That being said there is such as thing as being too attractive. The problem might be with the way you are dressing or acting. It is possible that you seem really hard to get or unfriendly or sad in general or maybe you use to much makeup?

Got any male friends? if you really want to know i suppose you can ask them? (might REALLY hurt thought) 

Try online dating if you have not

That being said,people whom do cold approach or hit on you in bars/clubs are generally more interested in short term relationships. Every tried cold approach yourself? Guys are generally easier but do not pick the hottest guys just in case.

[Toby]

Be happy that you never get approached. This means you also don't get approached by men that you don't want to approach you. It's really hard to say anything without knowing how you look and what vibe you have because that is most important for getting approached. I would try online dating if I were you.

[ajasatya]

@hirax you're just waiting. waiting and doing nothing is the practice for those who want to let their egos dry out by letting go of their desires.

but you, miss, you have a desire and you want it to be fulfilled. so you have to be responsible for it.

first of all, change the way you look at men. you seem like a girl who either look at men with indifference or doesn't even look at them at all. and you have such a huge ego that you want them to come to you and knee before your feet. how about some extra dose of humility and sincerity? look at them in a way that's aligned with your intentions. look at them as if you desired them. because you do, so be honest.

[Shin]

Yesterday I was at the pet shelter, and there was this girl.
I would have talked to her, if she only smiled at least
FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND !

Not necessarily with an intention, because she was kind of average and she was smoking,
But at least I would have talked to her, if only for asking what kind of dog/cat she has.

So, as a girl, this is the secret,

SMILE !

Doesn't matter how much your boobs are gigantics and your ass is huge,
If you don't smile, we just won't be interested, and those who will, well,
They'll only be interested to get IN your ass.

SO SMILE !

Edited March 25, 2017 by Shin

[black]

I imagine that this situation is very difficult to be in - just being told to be happier isn't really going to fix the situation. I've been in this type of situation myself, and I know it can get really disheartening to feel like no one wants to date you or that you're not attractive. 

This isn't a problem that can be fixed really quickly, you'll need to spend some time developing yourself to get to a healthy place with this. 

Specifically, your self esteem is something that should be addressed here - NOT any external circumstances about how you look, how much make up you wear, etc. You are more than beautiful enough to achieve a loving relationship just the way you are.

Your self image and self efficacy are hurting you here primarily - basically how you see yourself and what you believe you can do.  You have to starting seeing yourself as beautiful and believe that you can have a relationship and be happy in order to really move forward. I would watch Leo's videos on Self-Acceptance and other self esteem related videos. Also, maybe pick up the book The Six Pillars of Self Esteem, which Leo recommends.

However, all of that is very long-term self development stuff. You really want to see some practical results in your life asap so that you can feel empowered and happy. 

Start creating an awesome life for yourself in general. Have lots of fun, do everything you want to do, make lots of friends, find your life purpose, etc. Basically work towards self actualization. 

Then, quick results in the relationship department would be online dating, meet-ups, dating through your social circle, etc. Be warned though, that your feelings that you aren't good enough (which aren't true) will creep into any relationship you find yourself in, so don't ignore this stuff. 

90% men don't cold approach, so it's not uncommon for many women to never experienced it. This of course doesn't mean that you are unattractive in anyway. 

Watch all your of Leo's videos about relationships, dating and sex, even if they don't seem related to your situation in the title. All them will provide you will really useful information about dating psychology and will help you on your journey. 

I really hope some of that was helpful. You're on this forum so that's proof that you're committed to developing yourself - which puts you ahead of 95+% of people out there. You're for sure going to find many beautiful relationships in your future, so there's no need to worry. Good luck! 

 

 

 

 

[JustinS]

@hirax Do you enjoy being with yourself? What do you like about yourself? What are some things you really like about yourself? 

Dear, you have this beautiful gift you want to share with someone else, but have you ever thought that because of you being sad like this no men want to be around you. If men knew that you wouldn't get upset regardless of a relationship or not that will put you in a more desirable place. 

Love your life as it is, and with that it will be contagious for other men. This can't be faked. 

[Guest username]

Are you in good shape? How popular are you? What's your social circle like?

 

 

[Martin123]

@hirax It is an energy thing. Chances are you give out a closed vibe :-). Warm girls are very easy to approach.
Its not that much about the looks. Low quality guy will say it is, but low quality guys hardly do cold approaches. It is the energy you give out. If I see a girl and I dont like her energy, I am literally repulsed by her. And she might be even HOT AF, but I just cant be even bothered to hold a conversation. 
So lets go, work on that. I have a guide called shadow-work/emoitonal healing (look it up on my profile), and use it!
Visualize yourself being warm, friendly, approachable and giving out positive vibes and follow up on that vibration. RAAISE YOUR VIBRATION! Eventhough this is accurate, I hate this sentence because it's been trashused by so many so called spiritual people who just despreately hammer on Law of attraction.

And do it on the inside and on the outside as well! :-)
Wear warm colours
Don't use too much make-up.
Preferably not a dark lipstick. It creates a dimm feeling about the girl.
And remember. You are lovely. Always and forever and infinitely more. You are loved, you are perfection, you are goodness defined in its peak form. Always and forever. Self-love is the first step as the last step. Always.
Love you tons <3.
 

[hirax]

38 minutes ago, username said:

Are you in good shape? How popular are you? What's your social circle like?

 

 

I am in good shape. I am 5'6 and weigh 125. Popular? I am about to graduate college soon. So not popular and I have a very small social circle. 

Edited March 25, 2017 by hirax

[Guest username]

@hirax It might partly have to do with your social circle.  If you're not meeting a large enough number of guys, that might contribute to your lack of options. Many guys just won't approach girls unless the social setting dictates. Also, you might be interested in flirting with guys more actively, even asking them out if need be. It won't be off-putting.

[Charl]

Learning to seduce the other sex is not an art form exclusively for the men. While it is true that cultivating physical appearance is really important when trying to attract guys, there is a lot more to that. I have to mention I am not an expert but I recommend the books 'The art of seduction' by Robert Greene (for both male and female, talks a lot about the sirens in history) and 'the new rules of attraction' by Arden Leigh. The second book does not really teach you how to communicate etc. but gives a step by step guide for becoming a better seductress, for example creating an alluring persona, personal branding (being who you are - times ten). 

Really recommend those two books I will also start implementing more of them soon! 

 

[Richard Alpert]

On ‎25‎.‎3‎.‎2017 at 3:26 AM, hirax said:

I am 21 and I have never had a bf, asked out, or dated. I just witnessed a girl right in front of me getting hit on and cold approached by men while I am never hit on by men. In fact, I've never had a guy come up to me and ask for my phone number but I have heard plenty of stories of girls who have had it happen to them out in public. Additionally I am never approached, cold or not. 

I am 5'6 and weigh 125 lbs and I don't understand why guys just aren't interested in me. I don't think I am ugly but sometimes I start doubting my attractiveness. I don't go to bars or clubs. Once in a blue moon, an older guy might call me beautiful or a guy will check me out that that's all that happens-nothing further ever happens and this rarely even happens to me. I have tried to put myself out there sometimes by going to some events but I still never seem to attract men. I am getting really sad because I want to find love and I would like to start dating. Any advice?

Dude, have you tried to approach a guy/ guys who do you find attractive?

Im sure you would do fine. We (guys) are pussies and afraid to approach random women. If you would go to bars/clubs im sure people would approach you. But they are likely drunken douchebags.

[Shin]

12 minutes ago, Richard Alpert said:

Dude, have you tried to approach a guy/ guys who do you find attractive?

Im sure you would do fine. We (guys) are pussies and afraid to approach random women. If you would go to bars/clubs im sure people would approach you. But they are likely drunken douchebags.

This is so true, among the most confident guys I ever known, there was like 1/2 who got the balls to approach complete stranger.

It is so easy to get us if you make the first step, but you got to be ready to be rejected, and some guys will see you as a slut for doing that,

Again, because their ego has been hurt for not having the balls to do it themselve.

Edited March 26, 2017 by Shin

[Richard Alpert]

29 minutes ago, Shin said:

This is so true, among the most confident guys I ever known, there was like 1/2 who got the balls to approach complete stranger.

It is so easy to get us if you make the first step, but you got to be ready to be rejected, and some guys will see you as a slut for doing that,

Again, because their ego has been hurt for not having the balls to do it themselve.

It is more than that. Society and whole culture is programmed so that you shouldnt be appraoching strangers. It all went into to us as child. What did everybody tried to do to you when you were first attracted to the opposite sex as a child? Shame on you.

[Charl]

Also indirect approach! Let your gaze defocus and look in the direction of your target. When you catch him looking at you (most people look at others from time to time) look him in the eyes and smile at him, as if you caught him. This will greatly diminish his fear of approaching you, but he still thinks it was his idea to do so.

Direct approach works of course too but the indirect approach takes a lot less courage.

 

[Shin]

1 hour ago, Charlotte said:

Also indirect approach! Let your gaze defocus and look in the direction of your target. When you catch him looking at you (most people look at others from time to time) look him in the eyes and smile at him, as if you caught him. This will greatly diminish his fear of approaching you, but he still thinks it was his idea to do so.

Direct approach works of course too but the indirect approach takes a lot less courage.

 

It's not so much that we think it's our idea, it's just that we have a clear indication that we can "enter the arena"

@Charlotte What are you doing in front of your computer in such a beautiful afternoon, go in a parc and train what you've learned

Edited March 26, 2017 by Shin

[Charl]

11 minutes ago, Shin said:

It's not so much that we think it's our idea, it's just that we have a clear indication that we can "enter the arena"

 

Enter the arena hahah that's perfect I love it

[FindingPeace]

On 25/03/2017 at 1:26 AM, hirax said:

I am 21 and I have never had a bf, asked out, or dated. I just witnessed a girl right in front of me getting hit on and cold approached by men while I am never hit on by men.

Firstly, it really doesn't matter if you haven't been on a date. You're only 21. You're bearly in the 'real' world yet.

Secondly, being approached by strangers is probably not the best way to find meaningful partners in life. It would be far healthier to get in to an environment whereby you can get to know guys on a more regular and progressive basis.

But also, attractiveness is not all about your physical body. You can have the most attractive body in the world and people may not want to approach or date you. Attitude, confidence, authenticity are all very important.

Another important thing is to consider what sort of people you are being around. Because not every type of person will connect with you, or you with them. If you are around the right kind of people for you, there will be a much higher chance of connecting with someone and for a relationship to develop.

Of course this all depends on your intentions. Are you seeking a meaningful relationship, or just some fun?