Sometimes I Still Feel Deeply Sad I’m Not a Musician

[Thought Art]

I always had a dream of being a musician. However, here I am at 27 and it seems that the realities of life are pulling me away from it. Or… they have. I feel as I am aging… though, I do enjoy the fruits of experience and the potential of being more wise and living life more wisely… 

I feel a deep sadness about not being a musician like Arcadefire, Bon Iver or whoever. I do enjoy the songs I’ve written and am grateful for my memories performing at festivals etc. I sense I’m not going to make the art that was in my heart. 
 

I don’t want to get too down in the dumps about it. I know life has a lot to offer outside of music. But, I had a dream. Sometimes I wonder if life is worth living if I can’t do this. My tinnitus I think really fucked me. Made me lose trust in God, music as a job. 
 

By the time I started pursuing music I was in my 20’s. Unfortunately I also had so much trauma and immaturity it often got in the way. I failed I think because of trauma and immaturity. So, becoming wise and mature seems to be the main focus. But, if im wise and mature but not being this artist I imagined.. I just find that hard to accept. I sometimes want to die simply because my direct experience is so far removed from this… fantasy.
 

I question gods love, I question gods creation in these moments. Why give me such a deep love for music but make the actualizing of that love impossible? It seems like an odd thing for a perfect God to do. 
 

I admit, I wish I was 17 or 20. The fate of being a human is that we get old, we move through phases and are not guaranteed success. 
 

I am enjoying working on my Qigong but it’s likely to take years before it can pay all my bills 

It seems I may easily end up being a wage slave my whole life. This seems like a strange hell to me. I don’t wanna love a strange hellish existence of mediocrity or worse. I want to be wealthy, artistic, creative, healthy, etc. 

But, I’m getting old! It sucks. I notice all these old balding men… I feel as if I am already 70.
 

I want to honour my life. Not that it matters in the end. I just… I just wanted to make music and do it professionally and really make something special. Oh well. Idk

what’s point in solipsism or being God, or any of this if it’s so worthless to the dream. What kind of sick God created this? I know from experience God is infinite love. But , why me?

 

 

 

Edited August 11, 2023 by Thought Art

[Phil King]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

I just… I just wanted to make music and do it professionally and really make something special. Oh well. Idk

What is your definition of being a professional musician? I would consider anyone who makes $1 in music a professional.

In this clip, macklemore talks about how he felt old af at the age of 26 and realizing that he never really gave music 100% of his dedication.

27 is still relatively young, youre just comparing yourself to the young kids that the record labels sign and spit out in a year. 

I bet if you dedicated a whole year to just creating the best album you can and then trying your best to market and self promote, you would surprise yourself with the results. Im really only familiar with how rappers made their rise to fame, but I bet there are some lessons you could take away. Look into how Russ finally made his breakthrough with his releasing one single a week strategy. Also read "How to Make it in the Music Industry" by Ari Herstand and "All you need to know about the music business" by Donald Passman. Also the movie Whiplash is great to watch for any creative people who need motivation

Remember that the only one who can kill the dream is yourself. 

https://makingmusichappen.com/musicians-who-started-late/

Edited August 11, 2023 by Phil King

[r0ckyreed]

I hear you. But you know what, I had a dream of being a tennis pro and trumpet pro. Of being the best tennis player and trumpet player ever. I even had a dream of being in a symphony orchestra as a trumpet player. I even had dreams of being a famous singer.

But I looked into my dreams and outgrew them. In my pursuit of my dreams to be a musician and tennis pro, I realized that it was not what I wanted to do in the end. I experienced anxiety/depression in my freshmen year of college when I was a music major in trumpet performance. I found psychology and philosophy during those times and fell in love with that.

Now, I am an Existential Therapist who specializes in Existential Therapy and Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I love what I am doing now. But I also know that I am nowhere near the end of my life purpose. I have only begun. I work in a clinic, but I have goals of having my own practice and business.

Keep your head up. This can be frustrating. It was difficult for me to cope with the reality that I will never meet my tennis goals of playing professionally. I don't know how I learned to accept it. I was talented at many other areas. I think just learning about life and doing your best is the gift you give to yourself.

I believe there is a bigger dream for you. I am actually in some ways very thankful that some of my dreams failed because they were quite shallow to begin with in retrospect. 

I encourage you to give yourself time. Music is something that you and I probably will never outgrow, but our relationship to it can change. I encourage you to focus on having fun with music. The reason why I dropped being a music major was because the curriculum was taking the love and playfulness out of music and was replacing it with demands and stress.

Music will be with you for the rest of your life. I have thought about music therapy at one point, but I think I prefer existential therapy better. 

Also, I wouldn't completely abandon this dream of yours. We all bloom at different times. Some people don't make it until later in life. A lot of it can do with elements that are out of our control. But in the meantime, take a deep breath and see if you can reconnect to the pure joy of your passion independently of money.

[r0ckyreed]

Really? No one else has got nothing to say?

[integral]

Lets GO, every Saturday and Sunday your going to go to a populated area, play some music while recording it and posting it to YouTube.

52 weeks out of the year in a row. 

Make the titles interesting follow trends to make them irresistible to the human clicking instinct. Polished production quality and funny.

Then your going to post shorts with again instinctive shameless click potential.

Groom, dress well, your not selling music your selling YOU.

You are the product. 

Post every week in the journal section, Lets see does results. 

Edited August 12, 2023 by integral

[Thought Art]

Some great thoughts here everyone. Thank you. I will return to this thread regularly.

 

[Nilsi]

I actually teared up a bit reading this, but I don’t really know what to say.

Not that long ago I was also an aspiring musician and put my heart and life into it from roughly age 17-22; I even broke up with my girlfriend back then (I really loved her; haven’t had a serious relationship since - that was 5 years ago…), because I wanted to get rid of everything that could distract me from realizing this dream.

I slowly outgrew this dream and have made my peace with it, but that’s taken a while - of course.

But that‘s life: everything you love and cherish you will have to let go at some point — but once you truly let go, a blissful sense of relief will set in and pretty soon the next chapter of your life will unfold and a new love will start to grow.

Maybe you are not ready to give this up, I don’t know, but that’s how I dealt with it.

Edited August 12, 2023 by Nilsi