Ego Death

[Emre]

I watched few series of vides on YouTube about holographic universe and when I was done I started to experience an ego death. I know it sounds weird like 'I' experienced' etc. but there is no other way I can put it. Anyways it lasted about 3-4 days and they were the most depressive days of my life. I even concidered ending the all meaningles a lie-based life. I don't understand how people get good insights on these kind of experiences. It is a truth that there would be 'no one' to experience the bad stuff but it is also true that there would be 'no one' to experience any joy in life. I just don't understand

Edited March 24, 2017 by Emre

[Be Yourself]

Are you sure it was pure ego death? I experienced Ego death 2 days ago while on mushrooms and it was the most profound, shocking, beautiful, and undescribable  experience of my life. It lasted for about an hour (it's hard to say because i had no time awareness). For most of the time i was rolling in my bed and saying OMG OMG OMG. It was so beautiful and at the same time very simple. I was so big. I was everything. I released that I was never born and will never die.

Before the actual ego death I had to experience so much terror, fear, and anxiety. I littaly thought I was gonna die and wanted this trip to end so bad. But then, I somehow accepted it as it is and surrounded to the experience. This is when the dissolution happened.

Still processing it and trying to fit it into my life now. It's very very insightful. Thank you to mushrooms for showing me that I EXIST and that all that work that i'm doing with achieving enlightenment is not for nothing. 

[Extreme Z7]

@Emre  'Life is meaningless' is only a negative thing through the perspective an ego. 'Life is meaningless' is itself literally meaningless! Ego hates void because void reveals truth and you can probably already verify that for yourself to be true. And truth reveals that ego doesn't exist. So there's nothing it can do but continue to trick itself to avoiding truth which could be why you've ended up in such a bad state. It's ego getting a small taste of truth and then trying to run away in fear. Your job is to face it head-on, stop trying to run away from it.

[Arkandeus]

the path is very long, you still have many steps to take that will blow your mind at every way...life is meaningless. 

Not really, everything but you is completely meaningless yes. circumstances are empty.
But you are the one assigning meaning to these things. You are the creator. So life is not completely meaningless, it's just that you have to assign the meaning to it. It's a big responsibility, but once you get it it's very freeing.

[FirstglimpseOMG]

@Emre The whole Holographic Universe thing is astounding. It explains a lot though. I find that getting to an understanding of the science often crystalizes a spiritual or non-dual idea that was eluding me or seemed contradictive. 

I can possibly offer a tip that may help you recognize the beauty and majesty of no-self. Experiential, not intellectual, in this case.

As I've had more and more of the gentle, beautiful, loving, clear teachings of many modern masters go  into me, I have often managed to just quit being all human and egoic and stressed and bothered and anxious for long enough for my ego to just take a hike for a minute or two. I have directly experienced the welling up of pure, powerful, undeniable joy and love, from nowhere, for no reason other than I got out of it's way. For that few moments it's like someone broke the cap off of the love fire hydrant and out it poured. It's accumulatively transformative as you manage this more and more often, I imagine.

Now, it's happened a number of times recently and I've never felt anything that strong, and recognized what it was before, so it's sort of a lovely, overwhelming wall of joy-tears and heart-bursting REcognition of the luminous, loving, self-aware, non-dimensional creator that 'I AM'. If you manage to lighten off of the drama and contraction long enough, and just spark the flow of beauty and love that you are, the shining of Source is really an explosion of bliss. At just BEing.

BUT! As I managed a little more attention to the tears of joy and the heart welling up and the explosion of love and all the good, pure, pristine stuff, I also noticed something of a mourning, breath-hitching sadness.  Incredible! Amongst all that bursting of joy, my sense of self cried a little for it's massive and sudden diminishment. There is a bit of a lossy, lonely undertone to that love-bomb, and it seems just to be my ego saying 'Holy shit, I have been Kingggg for the longest time and now... WTF?"

Keep the faith man, you ARE all of life. I don't know what or who else you may have been studying or following, but you can try this Rupert Spira video and see how it resonates...

 

Edited March 25, 2017 by FirstglimpseOMG

[WaveInTheOcean]

Hey! Chill out mate.
What you had there sounds like a semi-ego-death experience. The illusion (the ego/'that which you ordinarily experience yourself to be') wasn't fully killed, only stabbed a little by a sharp knife. After that you had/still have an existential crisis. That is to say, your ego got bothered by a taste of truth. Why bothered? Because the truth is that there really is no ego to be found! The ego is a hoax! And the ego doen't like that, initially, because it still *FEELS* it's a real thing (and thus the actual, real you -- which is a no-thing -- also feels that, who/what else could feel it but you?  )

BUT! There is no "you" (ego) to be found anywhere! "You" don't exist as a separated individualized person - that's a hallucination fabricated by the mind/brain, which in turn is fabricated by 'the real you' (= consciousness/nothingness).

"It is a truth that there would be 'no one' to experience the bad stuff but it is also true that there would be 'no one' to experience any joy in life"

Of course there IS someone to experience all the bad and good stuff in life! And that's you! The 'no one' IS YOU! It is the fundamental nature of reality and it IS you! The real you! And you know this very well! Only you currently won't acknowledge it, but will seemingly rather choose to believe that you are an ego (=a person/soul) inside af a bag of skin (the body).

Listen to this music to calm you down:
 

 

 

 

And here are some words of wisdom from Alan Watts cherry-picked for you:
 

Quote

To remain stable is to refrain from trying to separate yourself from a pain because you know that you cannot. Running away from fear is fear, fighting pain is pain, trying to be brave is being scared. If the mind is in pain, the mind is pain. The thinker has no other form than his thought. There is no escape. (Or that is to say: The only real escape is counter-intuitive; it is to face what you fear most head-on - to actually see what the heck it really is! (red.))

Quote

To put is still more plainly: the desire for security and the feeling of insecurity are the same thing. To hold your breath is to lose your breath. A society based on the quest for security is nothing but a breath-retention contest in which everyone is as taut as a drum and as purple as a beet.

 

Edited March 25, 2017 by WaveInTheOcean

[Bob84]

8 hours ago, Emre said:

I watched few series of vides on YouTube about holographic universe and when I was done I started to experience an ego death. I know it sounds weird like 'I' experienced' etc. but there is no other way I can put it. Anyways it lasted about 3-4 days and they were the most depressive days of my life. I even concidered ending the all meaningles a lie-based life. I don't understand how people get good insights on these kind of experiences. It is a truth that there would be 'no one' to experience the bad stuff but it is also true that there would be 'no one' to experience any joy in life. I just don't understand

A fight between egos. 

Ego makes life amazing. And you will always have it. Even after enlightenment. The diference is that you will be free from it. For example emotions become optional and not forced.

[Emre]

9 hours ago, Emre said:

I watched few series of vides on YouTube about holographic universe and when I was done I started to experience an ego death. I know it sounds weird like 'I' experienced' etc. but there is no other way I can put it. Anyways it lasted about 3-4 days and they were the most depressive days of my life. I even concidered ending the all meaningles a lie-based life. I don't understood stand how people get good insights on these kind of experiences. It is a truth that there would be 'no one' to experience the bad stuff but it is also true that there would be 'no one' to experience any joy in life. I just don't understand

Thank you all for your kind words and good media. I think I am pretty sure it was an ego death fully because you know. I mean like I knew I had no free will. Even the smallest things I thought I was doing were not being done. I was aware that my whole life I thought or felt that I was somehow in my skull somewhere, in the body at least. Somehow I thought that there was a thing behind the eyes that actually sees. For that 3-4 days I was fully aware that these were just fictions, they had no reality. Like I am surprised now how I lived my life that blind, when the illusion was right in front of my eyees I was not able to recognize it. But as I said it was pretty depressive at that time and I literally repeated every night that 'I exist. I am here. I can see' etc. I thought I was going insane, literally. That actually was really scary and when I was really focused and asked my self 'Who is it that's scared?' I knew that it was not real but still I kept saying 'These are all bullshit and nothing more than going insane' I don't know, that was the weirdest experience of my life. Experiencing there is nothing to have a life.

[Arkandeus]

2 hours ago, Emre said:

Thank you all for your kind words and good media. I think I am pretty sure it was an ego death fully because you know. I mean like I knew I had no free will. Even the smallest things I thought I was doing were not being done. I was aware that my whole life I thought or felt that I was somehow in my skull somewhere, in the body at least. Somehow I thought that there was a thing behind the eyes that actually sees. For that 3-4 days I was fully aware that these were just fictions, they had no reality. Like I am surprised now how I lived my life that blind, when the illusion was right in front of my eyees I was not able to recognize it. But as I said it was pretty depressive at that time and I literally repeated every night that 'I exist. I am here. I can see' etc. I thought I was going insane, literally. That actually was really scary and when I was really focused and asked my self 'Who is it that's scared?' I knew that it was not real but still I kept saying 'These are all bullshit and nothing more than going insane' I don't know, that was the weirdest experience of my life. Experiencing there is nothing to have a life.

and you're still here after all that. you have to give yourself props, you're very powerful and wise, it's time to stand up and be who you really are. 

[FirstglimpseOMG]

Once your monkey mind gets over itself a little, each time that it does, do you not begin to become more and more intensely curious? Don't be afraid. Be interested.

[pluto]

On 3/25/2017 at 9:35 AM, Valentin said:

Are you sure it was pure ego death? I experienced Ego death 2 days ago while on mushrooms and it was the most profound, shocking, beautiful, and undescribable  experience of my life. It lasted for about an hour (it's hard to say because i had no time awareness). For most of the time i was rolling in my bed and saying OMG OMG OMG. It was so beautiful and at the same time very simple. I was so big. I was everything. I released that I was never born and will never die.

Before the actual ego death I had to experience so much terror, fear, and anxiety. I littaly thought I was gonna die and wanted this trip to end so bad. But then, I somehow accepted it as it is and surrounded to the experience. This is when the dissolution happened.

Still processing it and trying to fit it into my life now. It's very very insightful. Thank you to mushrooms for showing me that I EXIST and that all that work that i'm doing with achieving enlightenment is not for nothing. 

It seems to happens every time to everyone that have not experienced it before. You must face darkness to reach the light.

Edited March 27, 2017 by pluto

[Be Yourself]

21 hours ago, pluto said:

It seems to happens every time to everyone that have not experienced it before. You must face darkness to reach the light.

Yes, it was very terrifying before the actual breakthrough. And I've done mushrooms before but in more recreational ways. This was the first serious trip on my own with the intention to see the truth. 

[pluto]

4 hours ago, Valentin said:

Yes, it was very terrifying before the actual breakthrough. And I've done mushrooms before but in more recreational ways. This was the first serious trip on my own with the intention to see the truth. 

Yes i agree. Intention is what really amplifies things especially when using psychedelics or other higher energy methods.