Blockage in the heart area

[LostSoul]

Today Im 24 yo,So when i was 18 I had a huge kundalini awakening out of the blue. I was in a blissful state (almost nirvana?) for 2 weeks or so. My ego dissolved pretty hardcore, and then the chaos came back to me. I felt the pain of vulnerability and rejection of my family and society for pure LOVE. My mind and my heart contracted that awakening super hardcore, and now im 24 years old and felt like never lived life like im supposed to (i've never had the courage to look back at my feelings). Im always with anxiety and pressure in my chest that incapacitates me to do nothing. Today i took a huge breath of Air and the pressure went away for 1 minute and i experienced Life without that pressure for that moment and It felt like i could be Happy and the only thing that preventa me for living the Life i want IS that pressure in the chest. Is like that is protecting me from Life, from pain, but It is also protecting me from happines and LOVE. Is like I subconsciously prefer living without LOVE rather than experiencing the pain that i have inside.

Btw, sorry for my english. Some thoughts on this?

[lizz_luna]

I recommend finding a practice for a healthy expression of suppressed negative emotions. Whether if its through sports, art, breathing techniques, find something that allows you to channel it and release it.

[LostSoul]

Thanks for the answers folks, il look into that

[Buck Edwards]

@LostSoul love is a beautiful essence that is all around you. It's already present, so you don't have to go looking for it. It's a vibration you need to tap into. Once you do that, you'll feel loved and be filled with euphoria. And then you will find peace. 

Open your third eye Chakra to feel it. 

 

[TheCloud]

11 hours ago, LostSoul said:

Today i took a huge breath of Air and the pressure went away for 1 minute and i experienced Life without that pressure for that moment and It felt like i could be Happy and the only thing that preventa me for living the Life i want IS that pressure in the chest. Is like that is protecting me from Life, from pain, but It is also protecting me from happines and LOVE. Is like I subconsciously prefer living without LOVE rather than experiencing the pain that i have inside.

Whenever there is a part of me that is intractable, I try to have a conversation with it, to find out what that part of me is feeling and thinking and ultimately to reunite that part into my whole.  It could go something like this;

 

You (y):  Hey, Chest Pressure, I wonder if it's possible that you could let us breath.

Chest Pressure (cp):  It's impossible, breathing is too dangerous.

y:  That's ridiculous.

cp:  Yeah, you're right.  I still don't want to do it.

y:  Why are you being stubborn?

cp:  Because I don't like you.

y:  What did I do?

cp:  Nothing.  You never did anything for me, just leaving me alone with this job to keep us all safe.

y:  It sounds like I made a mistake.

cp:  You sure did.

y:  Can I fix it or make up for it?  We both know that it's best for both of us if we resolve our differences.

cp:  I guess I'd like that.  I don't know how it's done, though.

 

It could also go quite differently from that, but I think I've illustrated the gist of it.  It's as simple as talking to yourself, except you're taking two different sides and trying to bring them into agreement.  It's an effective way of getting in touch with parts of yourself that have been sealed off.

[Buck Edwards]

@TheCloud that sounds similar to inner child work if I'm not wrong.. 

[TheCloud]

@Buck Edwards It could be.  It's a self-made technique, but I'm sure it formally exists somewhere with a name and a history.

[LostSoul]

Im just so lost, Life is brutal. I want to make something out of It but i run from my feelings like a child. At the same time im the most mature persona i know in my circle

[Buck Edwards]

19 minutes ago, LostSoul said:

Im just so lost, Life is brutal. I want to make something out of It but i run from my feelings like a child. At the same time im the most mature persona i know in my circle

Could it be that these feelings are temporary? 

[LostSoul]

Yes they are but i have been in this back and Ford since 2017-18. That awakening thing that was conection with everything turned into total aloneness (feeling alone?). I contracted so much into my head that now one of the things that perpetuate depresión and anxiety is not feeling conectes with the people of my age. I have no problem making friends but inside of me i dont trust anyone and crave intimacy and true friendship

[Buck Edwards]

@LostSoul then you're an introvert like me. I crave intimacy too.

Answer a few questions so I get a better picture of what's happening alright? 

 

*Have you suffered trauma in your childhood?

*Have you been bullied before?

*How is your diet-exercise-sleep regimen?

*Have you been diagnosed with any standard mental illnesses or disorders so far?

*Have you ever been to therapy or ever assigned for therapy?

*What sort of spiritual practices have you been engaged in? 

*on the degree of general productivity, how would you rate yourself? 

 

Please take your time and answer questions honestly and properly so I can reassess your problem once again. Shall we? 

 

[LostSoul]

Thanks for your time. Yes Im introverted, but I have some Sort of double personality where I can be somehow extroverted when Im on party mood, or for example I have many people i can consider my friends. But yes, i like to be alone and thats my main character.

*Have you suffered trauma in your childhood?

I have suffered growing in a family environment of yelling at each other, neglected emotions, bad relationship between my parents, father always yelling... Pretty bad environment growing up but they are good persons, toxic people but not bad people. All that trauma was realeased when i had the kundalini awakening, which lead to new trauma. My mind couldnt handle thinking Im the new Jesus when i was just 18 years old

*Have you been bullied before?

No

*How is your diet-exercise-sleep regimen?

Pretty bad right now as in Spain we are on summer and Im always out, been drinking for the past week and no exercise.

*Have you been diagnosed with any standard mental illnesses or disorders so far?

No, and I could think i havent any (any mainstream disorder)

*Have you ever been to therapy or ever assigned for therapy?

Yes but didnt work for me... Just few days and was to expensive

*What sort of spiritual practices have you been engaged in? 

I was in meditation when i had the awakening, then i havent done any consistent práctice in about 3-4 years. I went to low conciousness mode.

*on the degree of general productivity, how would you rate yourself? 

0, i only being productive in my 9-5 recent job. (Pretty nice job and, if i want to, It is for the rest of my Life. I mean i have no job problems aside from getting to one that i feel to be authentic to myself) Also i do not know anyone that can be considered productive in my circle. 

[Buck Edwards]

@LostSoul I forgot to ask one more question. 

*how would you describe your current and past love life or relationship life? Were there toxic romantic relationships? Were there no relationships at all? Did you crave a romantic relationship, so on and so forth. Please go ahead and describe it. 

[LostSoul]

I can say no relationships at all. I have felt love but just one night standard (so thats no love... But i been with some Girls that i could go deeper but I just run away)

But yes, no relationships or love Life ever

Edited August 11, 2023 by LostSoul

[Buck Edwards]

@LostSoul give me a couple of hours and I'll come back with a detailed assessment and conclusion. 

[LostSoul]

@Buck Edwards ok thanks mate

[martins name]

@LostSoul I'm going through something similar. I had a breakthrough insight this summer when I realized that trying to go straight for healing the heart was too big of a challenge for me. Instead, I decided I would rather start with opening the sacral chakra, focusing on connection and pleasure. The sacral and heart chakra are connected in a way where opening one also opens the other. Also cultivating this bliss musters up mental resources to tackle the heart blockage without being overwhelmed.

[Yimpa]

Love is never something you lose, as it is not something separate from you.

All the pain and suffering we go through is not a punishment. It is a reminder to properly process that pain, and to inevitably let go of it.

You are not letting go of yourself. You’re letting go of parts of yourself that no longer are serving you.

[Razard86]

You can reach a point where your feelings are like clothes you wear. They are an expression of yourself but they are not yourself. Feelings only matter when you are trying to accomplish something, protect something, and heal something. For fun I recently did a deep dive into some dark moments in my childhood and an extremely large hole of pain emerged. When I discovered it I felt like a surgeon operating on a patient who was surprised some damage was still there.

Look the emotional pains we feel are only as strong as the importance we give to the story. The whole point of awakening is being able to jump back and forth between personal and impersonal consciousness. I finally get what they mean by we fall asleep. Our true nature is impersonal, you really do forget this and fall into this deep personal belief about whatever and the pain and agony can really pull you in. 

But there is really a space there that unfortunately right now you think its nothing. But that nothing hilariously is what you actually are. You need to become aware of that space. How can you do it? Now this is not going to be something you like but it worked for me but it can be dangerous. I have done some emotional deep dives that has brought up repressed deep seeded emotions, and have become really good at sitting with them as they express themselves. 

It is truly amazing to realize you can have really painful emotions expressing and you can just watch them. You can start small, think of a small event that bothered you. Really focus on that until the pain of that event comes up, then sit with it. Allow it to express while sitting, feel if you can detect any space. The better you get at detecting that space, the less you can get pulled into that feeling. If you get really good at this, you will have broken your human identity. 

No longer can you get stuck in character, no longer can the voice in your head or other people tell you what you are. Hell even your feelings won't be able to tell you who you are because you realize...they are just a temporary expression that eventually fizzles out. Using music can help with this process also.