How to trust Reality again?

[KatiesKarma]

I don't know if this belongs to emotional issues because the reason for this distrust is psychotic/mystical in nature. Or so...

I just noticed at night yesterday that I have this subtle expectation of something absolutely horrible happening when I am unprepared at all times I suspect. In fact I am always unprepared and cannot prepare. 

It's like I am afraid of existence itself. Sure there are good things,plenty of them, but do they alone justify the horror that comes with contrast needing to exist? 

This fear comes from some major trauma I have that deals with sudden radical life impairments and isolation for a prolonged period of time, total abandonment.

Nowdays I have friends, something to do, perspective etc yet my subconscious is not catching on

Sorry for kinda spamming the forum

Edited August 10, 2023 by KatiesKarma

[Florian]

Do you know the Sedona Method? I found it in Leos book list. It's about the structure of your emotions and how to release them. One part in the book is about fundamental wishes that humans have which are the basis for the different kinds of emotions we feel. The wishes are the wish for control, the wish for being liked, the wish for safety and the wish to be seperate. Then these wishes also include their opposite like the wish to be disliked, the wish to be controlled, the wish to die and the wish to be one. What you describe reminds me perfectly of the description about the wish for safety and especially the wish to die, so I think releasing that might help you.

I made a picture of the descriptions of this wish so if it resonates with you, the best thing would propably be to buy the book and try it yourself or look it up on YouTube how to release. Maybe just being aware of it, letting yourself feel it and then deciding to let it go might already do it for you, which is kinda what the Sedona Method is actually. @KatiesKarma

 

Edited August 10, 2023 by Florian
typo

[KatiesKarma]

31 minutes ago, Florian said:

Do you know the Sedona Method? I found it in Leos book list. It's about the structure of your emotions and how to release them. One part in the book is about fundamental wishes that humans have which are the basis for the different kinds of emotions we feel. The wishes are the wish for control, the wish for being liked, the wish for safety and the wish to be seperate. Then these wishes also include their opposite like the wish to be disliked, the wish to be controlled, the wish to die and the wish to be one. What you describe reminds me perfectly of the description about the wish for safety and especially the wish to die, so I think releasing that might help you.

I made a picture of the descriptions of this wish so if it resonates with you, the best thing would propably be to buy the book and try it yourself or look it up on YouTube how to release. Maybe just being aware of it, letting yourself feel it and then deciding to let it go might already do it for you, which is kinda what the Sedona Method is actually. @KatiesKarma

 

Ah you speak German too

Well the issue with this is that I have Depersonalization, the roots might be fear of existence and others. Depersonalization makes it physically impossible to feel emotions ..

Why do you think I have the wish to die?

Ah okay I am reading it right now

Edited August 10, 2023 by KatiesKarma

[Florian]

45 minutes ago, KatiesKarma said:

Ah you speak German too

 

ye I sent you a private message about 1D-LSD so I knew you are german lol, but i feel like it would be weird to just post in german

46 minutes ago, KatiesKarma said:

Well the issue with this is that I have Depersonalization, the roots might be fear of existence and others. Depersonalization makes it physically impossible to feel emotions ..

In the Sedona Model that would be rooted in the wish for being seperate, that wish is even deeper then the wish for safety and could be the base for the wish for safety

 

47 minutes ago, KatiesKarma said:

 

Why do you think I have the wish to die?

 

 that doesnt necesarrily mean you are suicidal and actually want to kill yourself. it can be subtle. It's like things are just too hard and you long for it to end. If this wish is very dominant throughout you it might manifest in actually being suicidal. 

[KatiesKarma]

49 minutes ago, Florian said:

ye I sent you a private message about 1D-LSD so I knew you are german lol, but i feel like it would be weird to just post in german

In the Sedona Model that would be rooted in the wish for being seperate, that wish is even deeper then the wish for safety and could be the base for the wish for safety

 

 that doesnt necesarrily mean you are suicidal and actually want to kill yourself. it can be subtle. It's like things are just too hard and you long for it to end. If this wish is very dominant throughout you it might manifest in actually being suicidal. 

That makes sense. I love to have clear cut explanations for everything. :') Do you have the text that explains the wish to remain separate? It seems to be a very very deep desire.

Ah yes Sorry that I kind of forgot you ^^;

Edited August 10, 2023 by KatiesKarma

[Florian]

4 hours ago, KatiesKarma said:

 Do you have the text that explains the wish to remain separate? It seems to be a very very deep desire.

 

I think it's best if you buy it yourself, sure though, but cant rn

[KatiesKarma]

35 minutes ago, Florian said:

I think it's best if you buy it yourself, sure though, but cant rn

alright I am tight on money right now so I'll have to look for a free version or so

[Nathan]

On 10/08/2023 at 0:49 PM, KatiesKarma said:

It's like I am afraid of existence itself. Sure there are good things,plenty of them, but do they alone justify the horror that comes with contrast needing to exist.

I have similar Trust issues and related to this post hard ?. I'm reading up on how to heal the associated trauma.

From my experience, everything seems to ultimately fit together pretty neatly. Trust that what you went through will be justified in retrospect.