Are men capable of actually loving a woman?

[Aaly]

Men say they want youth and good looks in a woman but ofcourse no woman is ever going to look beautiful and young forever.

But loving a woman for her looks is not actually loving her 

And from a woman's pov she needs her man to actually love her, and be with her.

So is it reasonable to want a man to love you am i completely delusional and men aren't capable of actually loving a woman?

Edited August 7, 2023 by Aaly

[NoSelfSelf]

Man can love a woman but never more than himself.

But you will fall in love with a man and he will make you feel amazing ,but chance for you to find a man in todays age is like searching for a bigfoot.

[Leo Gura]

There's A LOT of different kind of men, at various levels of maturity. So mistake #1 is over-generalizing men.

Obviously some men can, many men can't. What you're looking for is a more mature, more developed, more conscious sort of man. Also a man for whom looks are less of a priority. Some men are REALLY hung up on looks and youth while others much less so.

If you just look around, there are many men who are married, loyal, and happy. So obviously that's possible.

But remember, if you are looking for unconditional love, that's not really what relationships are. Most relationships are not unconditional. Both parties are trading stuff and looking for value. So you have to be somewhat realistic about how relationships work and don't treat them too idealistically. The reality is that most relationships don't work out. A few do.

Edited August 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Leo Gura]

@Karmadhi Let's not turn this thread into a gender debate.

[Karmadhi]

16 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Let's not turn this thread into a gender debate.

My bad, sorry. I will stop.

[Leo Gura]

1 minute ago, Karmadhi said:

My bad, sorry. I will stop.

Thanks

[Raze]

There are two kinds of love between partners, passionate love and companionate love. Passionate love is strong at the beginning and slowly declines and is more based on surface level things like looks. Companionate love grows slowly over time.

[Princess Arabia]

28 minutes ago, Raze said:

There are two kinds of love between partners, passionate love and companionate love. Passionate love is strong at the beginning and slowly declines and is more based on surface level things like looks. Companionate love grows slowly over time.

I don't believe "passionate love" is based on looks. Initial attraction, yes but not passionate. I think what it has more to do with is how you make a person feel. The stronger the emotion the more passion. Maybe you're speaking from a male's perspective or from your own personal experience but I'm just generalizing. Looks is the engine but feelings are the driving force. 

People will stay longer in relationships if they feel good about it regardless of how their partner looks and will have more passionate sex if their partner can invoke a certain feeling that's lodged in their memory that they long to re-live or made them feel something they have never felt before.

[Raze]

4 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

I don't believe "passionate love" is based on looks. Initial attraction, yes but not passionate. I think what it has more to do with is how you make a person feel. The stronger the emotion the more passion. Maybe you're speaking from a male's perspective or from your own personal experience but I'm just generalizing. Looks is the engine but feelings are the driving force. 

People will stay longer in relationships if they feel good about it regardless of how their partner looks and will have more passionate sex if their partner can invoke a certain feeling that's lodged in their memory that they long to re-live or made them feel something they have never felt before.

I agree, it isn’t just looks.

[Aaly]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

What you're looking for is a more mature, more developed, more conscious sort of man. Also a man for whom looks are less of a priority. Some men are REALLY hung up on looks and youth while others much less so.

If you just look around, there are many men who are married, loyal, and happy. So obviously that's possible.

Yes, most guys are not developed or conscious tho, especially people my age.

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

But remember, if you are looking for unconditional love, that's not really what relationships are. Most relationships are not unconditional. Both parties are trading stuff and looking for value. So you have to be somewhat realistic about how relationships work and don't treat them too idealistically. The reality is that most relationships don't work out. A few do.

Yeah, I think I've always been in love with the idea of love, but I think the love i really want probably doesn't exist in the real world. It's kinda sad.

Edited August 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Leo Gura]

12 minutes ago, Aaly said:

Yes, most guys are not developed or conscious tho, especially people my age.

The more guys you meet the better your chances of finding the right one.

Quote

Yeah, I think I've always been in love with the idea of love, but I think the love i really want probably doesn't exist in the real world. It's kinda sad.

Real Love is God.

Fill yourself with God's Love and then you won't need it so badly from men and you can enjoy men with less attachment. You're placing a lot of attachment and expectation on relationships, which isn't ideal. Try doing relationship without so much expectation and demands. Relationships will come and go. Occasionally you might find a really deep one.

- - - - -

Plenty of people on this planet are happily married. So it is possible. Don't just chalk it up to blind luck. If you want a great marriage you can create one. Go date 50 guys and find yourself the best one. This isn't rocket science. All you need to do is find one guy who's suitable for you. 1 out of 1000s.

Edited August 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Princess Arabia]

6 minutes ago, Aaly said:

Yes, most guys are not developed or conscious tho, especially people my age.

Yeah, I think I've always been in love with the idea of love, but I think the love i really want probably doesn't exist in the real world. It's kinda sad.

You're right about the "idea of love". Most people are attracted to the idea of love. This is why most relationships fail to last. When we are in the "business" of wanting to share our love, we will become more loving. Most are looking to gain something.  May I suggest you don't go around wanting love but to become the love you would like to experience. There are infinite ways to express love and we attract what we are. Remember, you're only seeking yourself, and God creates by BEING; so, energetically, we have to become what we want to experience. 

God is Infinite love, and the only thing sad is we are unaware of how to love not what to love. Become that and the Universe will have no other choice but to reflect that back to you, because Reality is a mirror, and we cannot experience anything outside our own state of Consciousness. 

[mr_engineer]

42 minutes ago, Aaly said:

Yes, most guys are not developed or conscious tho, especially people my age.

Go for older guys, then. 

[Aaly]

@Leo Gura the thing is I am an introvert and I've never went on a date or been in a relationship and I'm only 18 and i don't really think most guys around me are like relationship material. Studying rocket science sounds better lol.

[Aaly]

19 minutes ago, mr_engineer said:

Go for older guys, then. 

Umm...That's kinda creepy right and I don't think most older guys are going to be "developed and conscious" either it's probably going to be the same.

Edited August 7, 2023 by Aaly

[mr_engineer]

2 minutes ago, Aaly said:

Umm...That's kinda creepy right and I don't think most older guys are going to be "developed and conscious" either it's probably going to be the same.

Most guys who are relationship-material aren't ready until they cross 30, for a number of reasons that are beyond the scope of this discussion. If you're 18, it's legal (unless I'm getting my laws messed up). It's an option. Whether it's a good option or a bad option, you be the judge. 

[integral]

@Aaly The biggest limiting factor is most people are really bad at assessing the quality of a person someone is. So in your search to find that mature man youll go with wtv opportunities present themselves and it will likely be not ideal. 

People can only date as high as they can see. Immature attracts immature. 

[Aaly]

5 minutes ago, integral said:

@Aaly The biggest limiting factor is most people are really bad at assessing the quality of a person someone is. 

How to assess the quality of a person?

[Hello from Russia]

Looks are bullshit

[Princess Arabia]

18 minutes ago, Aaly said:

How to assess the quality of a person?

Depends on the role they're playing in your life. In this case - dating, be aware of how you feel around them, how they treat others and how they talk about others and especially other women. If they blame their exes a lot and if they show you respect. Also, how they treat themselves. All these pointers will vary on a scale, so don't try to be overly picky and judgemental about it. Do more observing and have fun in the process. Lighten up and go with the flow. People will reveal themselves to you, eventually. You're very young, so just enjoy dating around for the experience without getting too attached. Later on, you'll become more adept to making better choices as to who is more suitable for your personality type.