Psychosis and its relation to the Godhead (in my case)

[KatiesKarma]

8 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

@KatiesKarma Go see a psychiatrist, don't self-diagnose yourself. There is a reason why psychiatrists exist.

Do you mean Schizotypal Personality Disorder? This is more of a personality disorder that sticks with you since birth.

Schizoid is also a personality disorder in which you don't like socializing and that's it.

Those disorders don't cause dysfunction. 

You also may have depression with psychotic features. 

 

 

@LSD-Rumi I have a psychiatrist. All diagnosis ultimately cannot point to what I experienced. Nothing hits the nail on the head.

Could be depression with psychotic symptoms. Could be depression with depersonalization and derealisation. Could be an underdeveloped ego that has split into serveral aspects. Apparently on the web there are many different definitions of Schizoid Personality disorder. In a book I've read about this tendency also being able to result in total loss of reality etc etc 

My disorder was not my intention of the post. What I think happened is that I entered a mystical state and manifested total fucking garbage for a while until I could resolve it by smoking pot and realizing its meaningless nature. 

 

[jdc7733]

I've had temporary "I'm fixed" moments, after high doses of ketamine, but, I've found that you need to realise that almost everything you think is just a thought and not to take anything you think too seriously, since, there are an infinite number of things that you could think of could happen. I mean, I'm sure I'll have new things to deal with in the future, but, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Edited August 7, 2023 by jdc7733
I accidentally said total instead of I.

[Schizophonia]

@KatiesKarma Your profile picture does not show an absence of emotion.
Even if it's morbid, it shows that you have a libido, and therefore emotions.

[LSD-Rumi]

8 minutes ago, KatiesKarma said:

 I have a psychiatrist. All diagnosis ultimately cannot point to what I experienced. Nothing hits the nail on the head.

Yeah, Psychiatric diseases can be very unique and weird. I just wanted to make sure you are receiving the appropriate medical care.

 

 

[KatiesKarma]

1 minute ago, Schizophonia said:

@KatiesKarma Your profile picture does not show an absence of emotion.
Even if it's morbid, it shows that you have a libido, and therefore emotions.

I am a girl lmao Libido is just fleshly lust it means nothing

Emotion is joy sadness Depression Anger Connection Love and many more things

Lust is like hunger to me

[LSD-Rumi]

12 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

+ She's a woman, her profile picture is a woman, there's a woman's name in her nickname and there's the gender "woman" on her profile.

Anyone on the forum is a man until proven otherwise 

[KatiesKarma]

@LSD-Rumi of course I do. Ever since this condition hit me I have been to serveral clinics serveral therapists and other type of healers.

The only thing that brought SOME relief was realizing I am God. Satans bullying just stopped in that moment and I was able to see a bright white light. That's why I think the delusions were just a mystical state and the depersonalization is indeed the mental illness that plagues my life.

[KatiesKarma]

5 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Anyone on the forum is a man until proven otherwise 

Lmao the gender does not really matter anyway now does it 

[LSD-Rumi]

1 minute ago, KatiesKarma said:

of course I do. Ever since this condition hit me I have been to serveral clinics serveral therapists and other type of healers.

Oh, I see. Sorry I didn't read the part that you have been in 3 institutions when I read the post for the 1st time

2 minutes ago, KatiesKarma said:

The only thing that brought SOME relief was realizing I am God. Satans bullying just stopped in that moment and I was able to see a bright white light. That's why I think the delusions were just a mystical state and the depersonalization is indeed the mental illness that plagues my life.

Cool. How long have you been stable?

[KatiesKarma]

@LSD-Rumi the cannabis moment happened two or three weeks ago. Ever since, I am good. Still can't feel though.

[LSD-Rumi]

1 minute ago, KatiesKarma said:

@LSD-Rumi the cannabis moment happened two or three weeks ago. Ever since, I am good. Still can't feel though.

Second-generation (atypical) antipsychotics are good for apathy, Did you try any of them?

[KatiesKarma]

@LSD-Rumi I don't know the English term but I had Quietiapine here and there. It makes you fall asleep basically instantly. 

Didn't affect my emotions at all. Just made me feel really drunk and groggy the entire next day.

What I think would he a efficient psychotherapeutic Intervention would be a small dose of LSD, laying down and just talking to myself (the different parts within me, in an effort to merge them again)

or doing breathwork to completely alter my state of consciousness and maybe find metaphysical blockages.

[Schizophonia]

20 minutes ago, KatiesKarma said:

I am a girl lmao Libido is just fleshly lust it means nothing

Emotion is joy sadness Depression Anger Connection Love and many more things

Lust is like hunger to me

Because human is largely skewed to allow access to important peaks of enjoyment, of "small death of the ego" only in the event of reproduction.
But fundamentally the libido is independent of the sexual act and omnipresent at some basal level.
Eating, smoking, crying, laughing, playing sports, being jealous of someone, being melancholy, being sad, doing housework, reading etc etc, all of this is in one way or another the expression of libidinal tension and emotions are totally the translation.
I believe that if you were really unable to experience emotions you would not be on Actualized but rather died of suicide/anorexia, or in a psychiatric hospital.
Your profile picture shows someone sad and melancholic, which is not an expression of apathy at all.

 

Edited August 7, 2023 by Schizophonia

[SeaMonster]

@KatiesKarma It does sound an awful lot like Depersonalization Disorder.

The LAST THING you want to be doing with that is LIVING IN YOUR HEAD.

You want to do a lot of physical exercise, draw, play music, etc.  Activities where you need to be in the moment.

What keeps DP going is rumination.  You need to shitcan all the existential/cosmology bullshit that creates abstract concepts you dwell on.

Also, you need to spend a lot of time doing self-care.  Grooming, dressing well, looking and feeling good.

The IFS stuff is good, but all that will show in the end is not to neglect your needs or abuse yourself, and you already know what your bad habits are.

The bottom line is: delete bad habits/coping strategies, add good ones.

Edited August 7, 2023 by SeaMonster

[LSD-Rumi]

3 minutes ago, KatiesKarma said:

I don't know the English term but I had Quietiapine here and there. It makes you fall asleep basically instantly

Yeah, This one is atypical.

I used to be a very cold person, I didn't use to feel a lot of emotions. But now I am totally different. I trained myself to be more emotional. It feels like activating your heart. I feel extremely empathic to any living being now. So I think you need to do something like this, in some way or another.

Edited August 7, 2023 by LSD-Rumi

[Schizophonia]

21 minutes ago, KatiesKarma said:

 

Lust is like hunger to me

But hunger is an emotion 

22 minutes ago, LSD-Rumi said:

Anyone on the forum is a man until proven otherwise 

It still doesn't tell me how my nickname got into the DSM 

[KatiesKarma]

@Schizophonia I am still human so I still feel some emotion but in such a rare, superficial and broken manner that it is most definitely not in anyway shape or form normal. All of my memories feel like distant daydreams as well.

[KatiesKarma]

@Schizophonia Hunger is a feeling in the body signaling lack of energy supply

Emotion is purely relational 

[KatiesKarma]

8 minutes ago, SeaMonster said:

@KatiesKarma It does sound an awful lot like Depersonalization Disorder.

The LAST THING you want to be doing with that is LIVING IN YOUR HEAD.

You want to do a lot of physical exercise, draw, play music, etc.  Activities where you need to be in the moment.

What keeps DP going is rumination.  You need to shitcan all the existential/cosmology bullshit that creates abstract concepts you dwell on.

Also, you need to spend a lot of time doing self-care.  Grooming, dressing well, looking and feeling good.

The IFS stuff is good, but all that will show in the end is not to neglect your needs or abuse yourself, and you already know what your bad habits are.

The bottom line is: delete bad habits/coping strategies, add good ones.

Been there done that, doesn't help

Of course I researched Depersonalization in an OCD like manner and did the suggested things.

What I need is something that shakes me to the core and breaks that wall between me and the world. LSD and stuff like that...

[SeaMonster]

Just now, KatiesKarma said:

Been there done that, doesn't help

Of course I researched Depersonalization in an OCD like manner and did the suggested things.

What I need is something that shakes me to the core and breaks that wall between me and the world. LSD and stuff like that...

No.

All that will show you is exactly what I said.  Delete bad habits, add good habits.

If it didn't work (noticeable improvement) that means you didn't go far enough with it.

Ultimately, DP is rumination.  You need to constantly be doing things that keep you present and grounded.

If you don't believe me, go ahead and describe your day in detail and I will explain why it's not working.