Is it OK to lose in life?

[TheCloud]

I'm in a comparable situation to yours, except I'm older.

 

There's a difference between opportunity and obligation.  There's a big difference between having a chance to succeed, and being nothing if you don't succeed.  You need to toss out the obligation to see the opportunity.  Dogs aren't born with a purpose, and regret nothing if they die having accomplished little beyond eating and shitting.  Their life was worth living simply because they took pleasure in it.

 

Have you ever taken pleasure in your life?  If yes, then you can be considered to have lived well enough.  No dog can look down on you.  People who have money, success, or fame, how do they know that they're better than dogs?  They tell each other they're great and pat each other on the back, but they're not living in a world that every dog born hasn't.

 

Do you know what condescending on a life like yours or mine is?  It's abuse.  It's not something nice people do.  It's not something actualized people do.  It's something that we have learned to expect done to us, though.  And, goodness forbid, we've probably done it to others.

 

So is it ok to lose?  If it means I can't pat my own ass and condescend to others, then maybe it is.

[Twega]

What's done is done, I have a feeling you've actually done stuff, but you are too tough on yourself. Your biggest challenge/enemy now will be to break the life-long habits (of behaving and thinking) that have turned against you. You probably deal with a lot of resistance and pain, which causes you to avoid things and waste time in distractions to forget and ease the pain. I know because I deal with that too.

 

In my opinion, no, it's not okay. And deep down, you know it's not (for you). Don't let who you've been dictate who you could be. You are here now, and you are realizing this; a spark has been kindled inside your mind. Let it burn, don't try to extinguish it. This feeling is here to help you, to set a fire under your ass to push you forward. It's uncomfortable, having to face all the imperfections and stupid decisions we made. I know, but do it because it is necessary.

 

 

[Samy]

Hi everyone. I am new member. Glad to be here. This topic is very close to me. My life hasn't been going well lately. Maybe I will find support and advice here.

[Twega]

2 hours ago, Samy said:

Hi everyone. I am new member. Glad to be here. This topic is very close to me. My life hasn't been going well lately. Maybe I will find support and advice here.

Welcome hommie.

 

Honestly focus on Leo's vids/Life Purpose course that will help you the most. The forum is nice but its easy to waste time here.

 

[Thought Art]

Read the success principles by Jack Canfield

[Buck Edwards]

7 hours ago, Samy said:

Hi everyone. I am new member. Glad to be here. This topic is very close to me. My life hasn't been going well lately. Maybe I will find support and advice here.

I hope you find the help you want. 

[Buck Edwards]

4 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Read the success principles by Jack Canfield

Thank you. 

[Buck Edwards]

On 8/7/2023 at 4:25 AM, TheCloud said:

I'm in a comparable situation to yours, except I'm older.

 

There's a difference between opportunity and obligation.  There's a big difference between having a chance to succeed, and being nothing if you don't succeed.  You need to toss out the obligation to see the opportunity.  Dogs aren't born with a purpose, and regret nothing if they die having accomplished little beyond eating and shitting.  Their life was worth living simply because they took pleasure in it.

 

Have you ever taken pleasure in your life?  If yes, then you can be considered to have lived well enough.  No dog can look down on you.  People who have money, success, or fame, how do they know that they're better than dogs?  They tell each other they're great and pat each other on the back, but they're not living in a world that every dog born hasn't.

 

Do you know what condescending on a life like yours or mine is?  It's abuse.  It's not something nice people do.  It's not something actualized people do.  It's something that we have learned to expect done to us, though.  And, goodness forbid, we've probably done it to others.

 

So is it ok to lose?  If it means I can't pat my own ass and condescend to others, then maybe it is.

That's quite a constructive feedback. Yes I understand you're talking from a social conditioning point of view and how the idea of success is drilled into us by stage orange culture and when we don't conform to it, we are tagged as failures and losers. It's hard to beat that veneer sometimes and to think through objectively and not let the devil mind win against such intrusive thoughts. I have never mostly taken pleasure in my life. I have always been a bit harder on myself despite my struggles. I have very high expectations and standards for myself, I don't know if it's a security or a detriment. Sometimes I wonder if punishing myself with negativity will probably make me work harder and achieve things. But then again the other conflicting thoughts are if it's even worth it in the end. 

 

[Buck Edwards]

10 hours ago, Twega said:

What's done is done, I have a feeling you've actually done stuff, but you are too tough on yourself.

How are you able to read my mind word to word like that? You don't even know me in person yet you're perfectly mirroring my thoughts, like a psychic. Yes you're very close to the truth about my life. I've done stuff but failed multiple times. I have tried to get back on my feet and then gotten derailed. I am not sure if I'm tough on myself, people call me lazy and unmotivated and consider me worthless and unwilling. So I don't really know if I should believe them or be kind to myself. 

 

10 hours ago, Twega said:

Your biggest challenge/enemy now will be to break the life-long habits (of behaving and thinking) that have turned against you.

This is right too. I have had long term limiting beliefs around my ability, potential and autism had a huge impact on my poor choices and constant lack of proper management of my life. I engaged in addictions and substance abuse and threw away my life. 

10 hours ago, Twega said:

You probably deal with a lot of resistance and pain, which causes you to avoid things and waste time in distractions to forget and ease the pain. I know because I deal with that too.

Yes you are right again. I deal with a lot of pain that in turn causes me to engage in coping behaviors and it turns into a vicious cycle of hurt and coping but never liberation. 

10 hours ago, Twega said:

In my opinion, no, it's not okay. And deep down, you know it's not (for you). Don't let who you've been dictate who you could be.

I try to stay positive but the sense of being a total loser bugs me and haunts me. Then I look for comfort. 

10 hours ago, Twega said:

You are here now, and you are realizing this; a spark has been kindled inside your mind. Let it burn, don't try to extinguish it.

I'll see once again what to do to turn my life around. It's too tough given a host of my underlying mental health conditions. But I'm not looking for sympathy, I understand that victim mindset is not good. 

10 hours ago, Twega said:

This feeling is here to help you, to set a fire under your ass to push you forward. It's uncomfortable, having to face all the imperfections and stupid decisions we made. I know, but do it because it is necessary.

 

 

Thank you. 

[TheCloud]

2 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

I have very high expectations and standards for myself, I don't know if it's a security or a detriment. Sometimes I wonder if punishing myself with negativity will probably make me work harder and achieve things. But then again the other conflicting thoughts are if it's even worth it in the end. 

 

If I may presume, those high expectations and standards aren't yours.  Any goal where you can fail and be looked down on for it isn't yours;  it belongs to the haters and the name-callers.  Real greatness doesn't come from success, it comes from a higher consciousness, which is something haters know nothing about.

[Bobby_2021]

Life is a lot about mistakes, contradictions, and tradeoffs. 

It's impossible to satisfy your idealistic self. And that's kind of the problem with life, it's finiteness and thinking that you have missed out and feeling like you lost it.

I am only making peace with it myself. Having everything perfect would be too boring and you would seek out more hell and challenges. 

Plenty of people would qualify as the "loser", whatever your standards of it are. But that may not mean they have lost. After all it's mistakes and learning from them is what life is all about. 

[Twega]

8 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

How are you able to read my mind word to word like that? You don't even know me in person yet you're perfectly mirroring my thoughts, like a psychic. Yes you're very close to the truth about my life. I've done stuff but failed multiple times. I have tried to get back on my feet and then gotten derailed. I am not sure if I'm tough on myself, people call me lazy and unmotivated and consider me worthless and unwilling. So I don't really know if I should believe them or be kind to myself. 

The reason how I know is that you are literally facing the same issues as I am:

• Motivation issues (for me, it's because of ADHD)
• Time wasting behaviors
• The feeling of untapped potential and wondering if I have what it takes to tap into it.
• Feeling stuck in life.
• Feeling my life is "passing by."
• Addiction

I am still fighting this battle. But as I said, the biggest challenge is to break the habits of mind that make us this way. You'd be surprised how a week of doing work sets you right back on track. A week of hitting the gym, reading, working on my life, contemplating, taking long walks, and eating clean will make me feel like everything is okay..

 

There's a plethora of things you can take action on.

 

I was just reading a study on Sulfuraphane (Brocolli Sprouts) and Autism:

Sulforaphane treatment of autism spectrum disorder (ASD): https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25313065/

 

You can change how you feel in a matter of weeks with tweaks in your diet, lifestyle, and behavior. This creates a snowball compounding effect. In 6-12 months you can change a lot, man. Hope you do.

 

 

[enzyme]

You define what success is on your own terms, but even then, late 20's is still pretty young.  You get people in their mid 30s who only just started going to college and stuff.  I wouldn't compare yourself to other people and beat yourself up.  Things tend to fall into place with virtually no effort when everything aligns itself.

Edited August 8, 2023 by enzyme

[hyruga]

I have a colleague. He earned lots of money working very hard. He earned millions of dollars but his blood vessel burst and died young so is he a winner or loser?

Kobe Bryant died young through the helicopter accident. Most people would consider him a winner. So how would you consider his life?

Edited August 9, 2023 by hyruga