Is it OK to lose in life?

[Whitney Edwards]

I feel like a failure.. Like my career never panned out. I came from a family of uncooperative people. I got lazy on occasions and never worked too hard. Managed to get by in life but my relationships were weak and fragile and practically useless. I'm in my late  20s and I was mostly immature throughout and I never achieved anything. My friends have come far and done better than me. 

I feel like my life will never be the one I wanted and I wasted my early 20s doing nothing but wasting time. 

Is it OK to be a loser and compromise with the fact that it never panned out to be how I wanted? 

 

 

[Nilsi]

Are you OK with never experiencing life as a winner?

[Whitney Edwards]

@Nilsi I guess my struggles socially and mentally have turned me against my own fate.. I don't know how to put that in words

 

But I don't want to think I'm a loser. But by social standards im a loser. 

Yet I want to have hope. 

[Ulax]

@Buck Edwards I'd accept and love the you that you perceive to have wasted time. Maybe reflect on why you acted how you did and what lessons you can take from it. For example, why do you think you acted in a lazy manner? Maybe you didn't know how to build habits or you had depression. So, working on those would be something you could do to change your results going forward.

Going forward I'd take responsibility for your results. In terms of seeing yourself as the creator of your life. Such that when you encounter obstacles you you think about possible solutions, rather than thinking of yourself as a victim.

But, if things don't go your way, I wouldn't blame or fault yourself. Instead, just see whatever results you do get, be them positive or negative, as feedback. Reflect on that feedback, take the lessons, and then move forward bearing in mind those lessons.

 

[Kksd74628]

@Buck Edwards

Now you have lots of lessons to reflect back on and integrate them to grow to awesome person with huge life experience. Winning is not an action, but mental decision and lifestyle. Others had a headstart, but you'll outrun them in long-term, trust me

-joNi-

[Nilsi]

30 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

@Nilsi I guess my struggles socially and mentally have turned me against my own fate.. I don't know how to put that in words

 

But I don't want to think I'm a loser. But by social standards im a loser. 

Yet I want to have hope. 

It's not about what you think.

You are either a winner or a loser and by default everyone is a loser.

Now the question is, are you OK wasting your life, or do you want to make something out of yourself?

[Phil King]

You must first define what winning means for you. Winning in life is different for everyone. What is your definition of winning in life and why? 

[Whitney Edwards]

Just now, Nilsi said:

It's not about what you think.

You are either a winner or a loser and by default everyone is a loser.

Now the question is, are you OK wasting your life, or do you want to make something out of yourself?

How is everyone a default loser? Aren't there people who are successful and easily get what they set out for and have their life together early on? 

Regarding the question — yes I have the desire and purpose to make something out of myself. But I suffer deep regret and guilt over having wasted time of my prime. 

[Whitney Edwards]

Just now, Phil King said:

You must first define what winning means for you. Winning in life is different for everyone. What is your definition of winning in life and why? 

Winning to me means - 

Having a stable career and source of income, an occupation or job. 

Having a healthy long term relationship 

Having a healthy productive social circle 

Having above average money or income and a middle class lifestyle 

Great health 

Total financial independence

 

[LSD-Rumi]

@Buck Edwards It is okay to fail, actually, you gonna fail a lot, but you keep standing up from every failure and continue pursuing what you want. This is how you become a better person, through failure! accept failing as a part of the process but don't accept losing. 

 Don't hate on yourself, be positive, encourage it every day, accept the bad traits in you, and have a vision of what you want to become. But of course, there is no easy way around it, change takes a lot of time and effort and this is exactly why you need to be gentle with yourself. Treat it like a child with understanding but as a guide for it too.

Edited August 6, 2023 by LSD-Rumi

[Nilsi]

14 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

How is everyone a default loser? Aren't there people who are successful and easily get what they set out for and have their life together early on? 

Because society doesnt pressure you into being successful — by most peoples standards you are „successful,“ if you have a shitty 9 to 5 job, an ugly girlfriend with no personality, equally ugly and uninteresting kids and a shitty house that comes with a lifelong debt. 

Now granted, you could do even worse, but being a soulless spineless cuck is bad enough.

True success is very rare and requires HUGE effort over years and decades.

Dont worry about having „wasted time“ - just focus on creating a positive vision for your life and doing something that gets you closer to that everyday.

Edited August 6, 2023 by Nilsi

[Schizophonia]

It's fantastic, you've been too lazy to shoot yourself in the foot while others spend their lives with "friends" who don't like them and are mean to them, others who spend their life with a partner who is with them because he hasn't found anything better and are constantly cuckolded and despised, others who spend their life in a job they don't really like for safety etc etc. You have more effective pellets.

You can't fail because there's nowhere to go, of course we can declare that being unhappy/unfulfilled is a failure but you know very well that it is not in this semantics that we invoke the notion success/failure divide. You're just afraid of letting your libido swing into its "schizoid", rebellious position.

What you say in Newspeak is "Hey, I'm supposed to have a shitty life by the pressure of a nebula of injunctions registered in my subconscious, but you know what I don't/no longer have the energy because about my traumas and other stuff!
Tell me how to accept having "failed" and have the energy again to pursue a shitty life to cure my ego".

3 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

Winning to me means - 

Having a stable career and source of income, an occupation or job. 

Having a healthy long term relationship 

Having a healthy productive social circle 

Having above average money or income and a middle class lifestyle 

Great health 

Total financial independence

 

Note how impersonal it sounds, both in substance and in form.

 

Ps : I'm not trying to be conscending, it's just my way of expressing myself and loving, in case it's not clear. 
Not matter.

[Razard86]

4 hours ago, Buck Edwards said:

@Nilsi I guess my struggles socially and mentally have turned me against my own fate.. I don't know how to put that in words

 

But I don't want to think I'm a loser. But by social standards im a loser. 

Yet I want to have hope. 

Social Standards only matter if you want them to matter. Also consider this, in a world of competition not everyone who works hard wins by result. Winning is not about results, it never has and never will be. Winning, is effort, and consistent concentration. Winning is relinquishing comparison with others and only comparing yourself to individuated self. 

If you can wake up everyday with renewed strength to channel in a specific direction on a daily basis, then you are WINNING. THIS IS THE SECRET!!!

[Schizophonia]

3 hours ago, Nilsi said:

Because society doesnt pressure you into being successful — by most peoples standards you are „successful,“ if you have a shitty 9 to 5 job, an ugly girlfriend with no personality, equally ugly and uninteresting kids and a shitty house that comes with a lifelong debt. 

Now granted, you could do even worse, but being a soulless spineless cuck is bad enough.

True success is very rare and requires HUGE effort over years and decades.

Dont worry about having „wasted time“ - just focus on creating a positive vision for your life and doing something that gets you closer to that everyday.

My ultimate goal is to live in the forest in a caravan, go to town be the village fool who makes jokes and gives candy to children (without ending up in prison) 

Edited August 6, 2023 by Schizophonia

[Whitney Edwards]

@Schizophonia why isn't everyone like you? 

I swear if every person on planet earth was just like you, it would be an instant end to my miseries. 

You better start a self cloning factory. You're the dark prince who cures all ills. 

[Whitney Edwards]

Just now, Schizophonia said:

My ultimate goal is to live in the forest in a caravan

Yessssssssssssss

[Whitney Edwards]

1 minute ago, Razard86 said:

Social Standards only matter if you want them to matter. Also consider this, in a world of competition not everyone who works hard wins by result. Winning is not about results, it never has and never will be. Winning, is effort, and consistent concentration. Winning is relinquishing comparison with others and only comparing yourself to individuated self. 

If you can wake up everyday with renewed strength to channel in a specific direction on a daily basis, then you are WINNING. THIS IS THE SECRET!!!

Thank you so so so much. I had been feeling down today. The world needs you. 

 

[Schizophonia]

20 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

@Schizophonia why isn't everyone like you? 

I swear if every person on planet earth was just like you, it would be an instant end to my miseries. 

You better start a self cloning factory. You're the dark prince who cures all ills. 

Thank you very much, you are a nice person. 
I would like to be a little more emotional support but it's always my Achilles heel, so for now that will be it.
...
...
grab a benzodiazepine*

Edited August 6, 2023 by Schizophonia

[Schizophonia]

20 minutes ago, Buck Edwards said:

@Schizophonia why isn't everyone like you? 

I swear if every person on planet earth was just like you, it would be an instant end to my miseries. 

Unfortunately people are also in their own neurosis and being surrounded by people like that revives performance anxiety and therefore libidinal repression.
That's why I stopped going to certain forums or simply rubbing shoulders with certain groups of people, they make me want, in case of insecurity, to abandon my agenda and ruminate over and over like them, a form of infection.

[Whitney Edwards]

12 hours ago, Schizophonia said:

Unfortunately people are also in their own neurosis and being surrounded by people like that revives performance anxiety and therefore libidinal repression.
That's why I stopped going to certain forums or simply rubbing shoulders with certain groups of people, they make me want, in case of insecurity, to abandon my agenda and ruminate over and over like them, a form of infection.

Glad to know.