How to stop losing control?

[at_anchor]

@TheCloud It can and will have to get worse. Way worse. Worse than I can imagine right now! 

Having cake and internet from my neighbors can't replace the fact that I am in danger and wish I could be in a Dutch hospital till they figure out what is wrong with me, what has happened. But that is a fantasy, a castle in the sky, something I don't even expect to happen, ever. 

So yeah, it is actually very bad. I can't read and grow at a normal pace.

[TheCloud]

17 minutes ago, at_anchor said:

@TheCloud It can and will have to get worse. Way worse. Worse than I can imagine right now! 

Having cake and internet from my neighbors can't replace the fact that I am in danger and wish I could be in a Dutch hospital till they figure out what is wrong with me, what has happened. But that is a fantasy, a castle in the sky, something I don't even expect to happen, ever. 

So yeah, it is actually very bad. I can't read and grow at a normal pace.

What kinds of things are happening to you?

[at_anchor]

5 minutes ago, TheCloud said:

What kinds of things are happening to you?

Enough. Enough said. 

What kinds of things are there? The worst is coming.

Edited August 8, 2023 by at_anchor

[TheCloud]

7 hours ago, at_anchor said:

Enough. Enough said. 

What kinds of things are there? The worst is coming.

It's one thing to be having a hard time, but it must also be very lonely for you if you can't even talk about it.

[at_anchor]

@TheCloud yup, I am probably lonely. I can't talk about it here I think. Maybe I could, but I'm afraid.

[at_anchor]

12 hours ago, TheCloud said:

What kinds of things are happening to you?

People with power want to kill me and torture me and take everything away from me. I want to live, not be tortured and have everything I need to be happy. Unfair attacks that lead to me being wounded and attacking from that state and now I have to be punished hard. Death or torture and losing it all. 

Anyway, I love cats. 

[TheCloud]

16 hours ago, at_anchor said:

...I am in danger and wish I could be in a Dutch hospital till they figure out what is wrong with me, what has happened.

You mention a hospital.  Are you unwell?

 

3 hours ago, at_anchor said:

People with power want to kill me and torture me and take everything away from me. I want to live, not be tortured and have everything I need to be happy. Unfair attacks that lead to me being wounded and attacking from that state and now I have to be punished hard. Death or torture and losing it all. 

Anyway, I love cats. 

I like cats as well.

 

Can you name some of the crimes that have been or are being committed against you?  Have you been injured?

[at_anchor]

10 hours ago, TheCloud said:

You mention a hospital.  Are you unwell?

I think I am. Especially after exercise and when constipation sets in if I drink biperidol.

10 hours ago, TheCloud said:

Can you name some of the crimes that have been or are being committed against you?  Have you been injured?

I have no evidence of poisoning. Putting me in a state of duress to falsely confess which they lie I have said this and that. 

Online scammy theft, as well as malicious gossip. Taking my job and dignity. Preparing to take away everything from me, including my sanity and health, which I already experienced hard once. Putting me in physical pain and mental. Treating me wrongly. Scaring me and selling scammy products to scare me some more, to show power, replacing someething I picked with something similar but wrong. Scaring me more and more. Threatening me with torture and loss of freedom. Calling me names and spreading lies to make everyone hate me anywhere I go. Taking away friends and people. Making people close to me behave in evil ways towards me. Breaking into my phone and taking away evidence I recorded that I wanted to use in court. So much I can't even remember.

Preparing to frame me for being unwell and not fit for duty for life. Then poisoning me and torturing me with poison some more. What can I say? Stage orange way of torture, but I can imagine there will be stage red as well. Lies, lies, lies just to hide the fact they have been discriminating, not discriminating, but making others discriminate against me, wrongly, while allowing others to be. I don't know why me. Why am I so important to be their target? I guess the past. 

What else? It is hard. Corruption on top of it all. I can't even be punished by law that is crazily wrong, for sonething they made me do. No, they want to use it to make it even worse for me. Life long, as much as possible and with torture added in there, kick that shit.

Then I don't know anymore. I guess provocating me in a planned way when I was weak to show how I am bad and I yell or something and then they use it all against me, they add more and more.

Framing me in ways they want to and causing me to be that way.

Breaking into my home before, stalking me and hunting me in traps like I am a wild animal for hunting.

 

They did not kill me or hit me, but that hurts less than the other stuff. Everywhere I go, they go after me,not after me sometimes, but literally after I visit a place, they go to that place to do something. I saw it once. They don't let me live without taking recordings in my home as well so that is a breach of privacy. I suppose they hear me when I shit if I take the phone into the bathroom.

What do you want me to say? They are viciously crazy. They destroy peoples lives if their reputations are in perceived danger or because they just start gossip and don't have anything else to do, they need to keep the machine running and cut some weed as they would call me.

What else? There is way more, but here. I gave you a bit of what you asked for. I might add more later. Don't tell me that I don't know what is going to happen. I know better than you. It is not my mind coming up with tricks, it is them leaving implicit signs and I really cannot go into that. It is intuitive, it triggers emotions and it leaves flashes that can't be explained later on.

They want all power and control over my life and body, to destroy both with unbearable suffering. I get anxious from writing this. I lost all control. I can't fall into the hands of psychos and sociopaths in power! That would be not game over for me, but a torture game start. And people will never understand and know the truth. They will be deluded. That pains as well. Losing people and wealth and all basically. 

I don't know what to say. They aren't murderers probably, or they are when need be. Are they sadists? They probably are. Are they liars and people that set up stuff to destroy you unfairly? Fully and more than that. 

 

Do you have anything to say about this?

[at_anchor]

@TheCloud Oh gosh, today I overindulged in meat. I found that I might like it more than cake! But meat is more expensive and I might get busted for eating this much today. I also ate some peas and there was a bit of sugar in the tomato sauce so that is the problem that caused my overindulgence, maybe. Ah, I could eat so much meat. If life was different, I'd grow into a tall bodybuilder or who knows what. I definitely think that with more meat and with basketball I'd grow very tall, so I don't blame my genes for not being taller.:)

If people allowed me to kind of live, it would be great, but they won't. Torture with chemistry and so forth. 

But I feel better on meat, for now.

I don't want to ruin the thread with more posts, are we gonna finish it here?

Edited August 9, 2023 by at_anchor

[effortlesslumen]

@at_anchor Thats a good starting point.

Mindful eating. Meditation as a daily habit. No coffein. Or drugs like alcohol and nicotine. Reduce social media and mindless scrolling. Reduce multitasking. Deal with heavy metals.  Gather information on impulse controll and addiction.

You have to educate yourself, advice from this forum alone is not enough and cant grasp the whole aspects of the problem. And dont settle for shallow books or trendy advice. You also have to connect with your emotions and deeper rooted psychological issues. Behind some cravings often hides an unresloved emotional issue. Or maybe your throid is involved, hard to tell. You could also check for nurtiant deficiencies. 

Also glucose from complex carbohydrates (squash, sweet potatoe, potatoe, vegtables;..) and sugars from fruits are part of a healthy diet not the other way round. Also replacing chips with pork rinds does not do you any good. Maybe try carrots instead or something. And you could eat dates of fruits instead of some strange dessert. 

You could also check out Anthony Williams Books, which gave me a lot of info that helped me. 

Here is also a  excerpt of another book that came to my mind.  

However, food can also be directly addictive. For example, the amino acid tryptophan, which is found in abundance in chocolate, oats, and milk and meat products, is a precursor for the neurotransmitter serotonin, which improves mood. Normally tryptophan competes with other complex amino acids for entry into the brain, but an increase in blood sugar, which can be accomplished with sugar, white flour, and other "fast" carbohydrates, decreases the blood level of all amino acids except tryptophan, leaving it without competition for entry at the blood-brain barrier. This is an excellent recipe for addiction. Chocolate chip oatmeal cookies anyone?

Fisker, Jacob Lund. Early Retirement Extreme: A philosophical and practical guide to financial independence (S.158). Unknown. Kindle-Version. 

Also Leo has some helpful books on nutrition in his booklist.

There is alot of information but be careful there is alot of nonsense out there and losely interpreted studies.   But at the end you have to see for yourself whats works after all its your life.

I tried to give you an overview not a definitive awnser, because that would not be possible in one comment. I hope you find what you seek to move into a holistic direction.

Edited August 9, 2023 by effortlesslumen

[TheCloud]

20 hours ago, at_anchor said:

I think I am. Especially after exercise and when constipation sets in if I drink biperidol.

I have no evidence of poisoning. Putting me in a state of duress to falsely confess which they lie I have said this and that. 

Online scammy theft, as well as malicious gossip. Taking my job and dignity. Preparing to take away everything from me, including my sanity and health, which I already experienced hard once. Putting me in physical pain and mental. Treating me wrongly. Scaring me and selling scammy products to scare me some more, to show power, replacing someething I picked with something similar but wrong. Scaring me more and more. Threatening me with torture and loss of freedom. Calling me names and spreading lies to make everyone hate me anywhere I go. Taking away friends and people. Making people close to me behave in evil ways towards me. Breaking into my phone and taking away evidence I recorded that I wanted to use in court. So much I can't even remember.

Preparing to frame me for being unwell and not fit for duty for life. Then poisoning me and torturing me with poison some more. What can I say? Stage orange way of torture, but I can imagine there will be stage red as well. Lies, lies, lies just to hide the fact they have been discriminating, not discriminating, but making others discriminate against me, wrongly, while allowing others to be. I don't know why me. Why am I so important to be their target? I guess the past. 

What else? It is hard. Corruption on top of it all. I can't even be punished by law that is crazily wrong, for sonething they made me do. No, they want to use it to make it even worse for me. Life long, as much as possible and with torture added in there, kick that shit.

Then I don't know anymore. I guess provocating me in a planned way when I was weak to show how I am bad and I yell or something and then they use it all against me, they add more and more.

Framing me in ways they want to and causing me to be that way.

Breaking into my home before, stalking me and hunting me in traps like I am a wild animal for hunting.

 

They did not kill me or hit me, but that hurts less than the other stuff. Everywhere I go, they go after me,not after me sometimes, but literally after I visit a place, they go to that place to do something. I saw it once. They don't let me live without taking recordings in my home as well so that is a breach of privacy. I suppose they hear me when I shit if I take the phone into the bathroom.

What do you want me to say? They are viciously crazy. They destroy peoples lives if their reputations are in perceived danger or because they just start gossip and don't have anything else to do, they need to keep the machine running and cut some weed as they would call me.

What else? There is way more, but here. I gave you a bit of what you asked for. I might add more later. Don't tell me that I don't know what is going to happen. I know better than you. It is not my mind coming up with tricks, it is them leaving implicit signs and I really cannot go into that. It is intuitive, it triggers emotions and it leaves flashes that can't be explained later on.

They want all power and control over my life and body, to destroy both with unbearable suffering. I get anxious from writing this. I lost all control. I can't fall into the hands of psychos and sociopaths in power! That would be not game over for me, but a torture game start. And people will never understand and know the truth. They will be deluded. That pains as well. Losing people and wealth and all basically. 

I don't know what to say. They aren't murderers probably, or they are when need be. Are they sadists? They probably are. Are they liars and people that set up stuff to destroy you unfairly? Fully and more than that. 

 

Do you have anything to say about this?

Do you know who "they" are?

 

There's another thread recently posted, about a guy who was born with a deformity that required extensive and painful treatment, and who also lost a parent at a young age.  He didn't do anything to deserve this, and in fact, nobody had any intention to cause him suffering.  Nevertheless, he went through painful and traumatic experiences comparable to what you're describing.

 

This forum is on a site called actualized.org.  It's about how you can actualize yourself regardless of your circumstances.  I can't imagine the suffering you're going through, but I do think that even in the situation you describe, you still have the opportunity to continue raising the level of your consciousness.  Don't allow circumstances created by malice or misfortune to deprive you of that.  Even if you can't adhere to a perfect diet, and even if someone is listening to you while you shit, you can still self-actualize.  You can always do better in understanding others and yourself.  But, I can understand that it's hard.

[at_anchor]

4 hours ago, TheCloud said:

Do you know who "they" are?

For all I know you could be one of them.

Yes, I know a couple of people who work with them, but I don't know everyone, and some of the names I don't know.

"They" are very psychopatic and some are mislead and ignorant. I don't know who I am and who my family is, let alone them.

[at_anchor]

On 8/9/2023 at 9:11 PM, effortlesslumen said:

Deal with heavy metals. 

@effortlesslumen I can't. If I was able to, I would. I can't even say that I need to do this. My family does not want to even consider this and just wants to label me as sick in my brain / crazy.

On 8/9/2023 at 9:11 PM, effortlesslumen said:

You have to educate yourself, advice from this forum alone is not enough and cant grasp the whole aspects of the problem. And dont settle for shallow books or trendy advice.

It would be great if I could.

On 8/9/2023 at 9:11 PM, effortlesslumen said:

Also glucose from complex carbohydrates (squash, sweet potatoe, potatoe, vegtables;..) and sugars from fruits are part of a healthy diet not the other way round. Also replacing chips with pork rinds does not do you any good. Maybe try carrots instead or something. And you could eat dates of fruits instead of some strange dessert. 

You might be right here. I can't eat only meat and some salad. Can I? It is silly, but I might be diabetic or something and then when I take some sugar, I crave even more after that.

 

On 8/9/2023 at 9:11 PM, effortlesslumen said:

Gather information on impulse controll and addiction.

I can't. I am tired and depressed now and yes, that is that. I don't think I can do much from where I am at. People just want to take all they can, like realy selfishly and mercilessly from me and I get scared. I'm also just not able to gather much info anymore, it is hard. 

On 8/9/2023 at 9:11 PM, effortlesslumen said:

However, food can also be directly addictive.

Great! 

Edited August 11, 2023 by at_anchor