It's actually very simple. No, it's not looks, money, status, game, getting laid, getting a girlfriend or even figuring out the right relationship.  It's this - learn to deflect criticism.  People talk shit about you. They say 'you're not good enough because of this, that and the other reason. You're too short, too fat, too ugly, too hunchbacked, too autistic, too creepy, too uncalibrated, socially awkward, bad game, your style sucks,.... basically, you suck'. And taking this shit seriously really weighs down on you. Cuz you're insecure that 'what if they're right?'  Step 1 to getting here - figure out how things actually work.  Step 2 - see that the critics are full of shit. Understand the mistake that they're making, so that you know how to help them if you get a chance.  Step 3 - deflect their shit back onto them.  This will drive away the haters. And this is how you stay secure. This is how you 'protect yourself'.  The reality is that if you have actual problems in life, you're probably already doing something about it. You don't need other people to 'hold you accountable'. What you need, is for people to shut up and let you do your thing, cuz you know what you're doing. So, this is how you make that happen.