I finally figured out the secret to 'how to be secure as a man'.

[mr_engineer]

It's actually very simple. No, it's not looks, money, status, game, getting laid, getting a girlfriend or even figuring out the right relationship. 

It's this - learn to deflect criticism. 

People talk shit about you. They say 'you're not good enough because of this, that and the other reason. You're too short, too fat, too ugly, too hunchbacked, too autistic, too creepy, too uncalibrated, socially awkward, bad game, your style sucks,.... basically, you suck'. And taking this shit seriously really weighs down on you. Cuz you're insecure that 'what if they're right?' 

Step 1 to getting here - figure out how things actually work. 

Step 2 - see that the critics are full of shit. Understand the mistake that they're making, so that you know how to help them if you get a chance. 

Step 3 - deflect their shit back onto them. 

This will drive away the haters. And this is how you stay secure. This is how you 'protect yourself'. 

The reality is that if you have actual problems in life, you're probably already doing something about it. You don't need other people to 'hold you accountable'. What you need, is for people to shut up and let you do your thing, cuz you know what you're doing. So, this is how you make that happen. 

Edited August 4, 2023 by mr_engineer

[TheCloud]

It's crazy how acceptable bad-faith criticism becomes in peoples' minds.  Stuff that essentially amounts to, "You suck, stop trying."  Even for myself, though I try never to treat others in that way, I find myself accepting it as normal reality that others might treat me in that way.  To be clear, if someone treats other people that way, they are abusive.  Accepting abuse becomes normalized, for people who know better than to abuse others.  It's really silly and tragic.

[Leo Gura]

I suggest that rather than deflecting or fighting criticism you develop an attitude of laughing at yourself and self-amusement. Taking such things seriously is the problem.

Edited August 5, 2023 by Leo Gura

[mr_engineer]

47 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I suggest that rather than deflecting or fighting criticism you develop an attitude of laughing at yourself and self-amusement. Taking such things seriously is the problem.

Wouldn't this enable their behavior? 

When I hear this advice, a part of me is like 'that's a little bitch-move, they insult you and berate you and you just take it'. 

[Leo Gura]

@mr_engineer Who insults and berates you? I've talked to thousands of girls and that's like almost never happened to me. And if it does then I would never take it seriously, I'd laugh it off like the girl is drunk or in a bad mood.

When I'm out talking to girls I'm not using their words to tell me who I am, to define me. None of them could know me. That whole line of thinking is just too serious for a night out. A night out is shit-talking, cracking jokes, having fun, and flirting. Not a discussion about my worth as a man.

If someone is talking shit about you, you can just tell them, "Why are you being so nasty?" And walk away to another girl. Don't play the game of trying to defend or prove yourself to anyone. If people are being disrespectful to you, just walk away.

The way to be secure as a man is to never let the words of others affect your worth. Your worth lies completely in how hard you work on yourself and how much you love yourself.

Edited August 5, 2023 by Leo Gura

[MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI]

18 hours ago, mr_engineer said:

It's actually very simple. No, it's not looks, money, status, game, getting laid, getting a girlfriend or even figuring out the right relationship. 

It's this - learn to deflect criticism. 

People talk shit about you. They say 'you're not good enough because of this, that and the other reason. You're too short, too fat, too ugly, too hunchbacked, too autistic, too creepy, too uncalibrated, socially awkward, bad game, your style sucks,.... basically, you suck'. And taking this shit seriously really weighs down on you. Cuz you're insecure that 'what if they're right?' 

Step 1 to getting here - figure out how things actually work. 

Step 2 - see that the critics are full of shit. Understand the mistake that they're making, so that you know how to help them if you get a chance. 

Step 3 - deflect their shit back onto them. 

This will drive away the haters. And this is how you stay secure. This is how you 'protect yourself'. 

The reality is that if you have actual problems in life, you're probably already doing something about it. You don't need other people to 'hold you accountable'. What you need, is for people to shut up and let you do your thing, cuz you know what you're doing. So, this is how you make that happen. 

Maybe, security is non-avoidance of the complex inferiority, sovereignty of mind. 

You must live In a small town, huh?  I myself have to move out of NY(upstate). It only hurts that some girl is the way she is due to location and abundance of people. 

Edited August 5, 2023 by MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI

[mr_engineer]

@Leo Gura You're talking about pick-up and cold-approach, which is a very specific circumstance. Yeah, you will have a lot of phonies smiling through their teeth at you, if you play their little social game and follow their stupid rules. 

Right now, we have a whole bunch of media that's spreading man-hate. Everyone who says anything about men has way too much negative shit to say about men and zero good things. And, all men need one point-blank solid answer as to 'how to feel secure as a man, how to protect yourself from all of this negativity'. It's too much negativity to ignore, you need explicit ways to shut people up about you. 

Edited August 5, 2023 by mr_engineer

[NoSelfSelf]

@mr_engineer Someone who is not a man gets bothered by the world and women telling bad things about a man.

Man is his own world,structure he knows and loves himself, gets all his needs met for himself independent of the world..

[mr_engineer]

2 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@mr_engineer Someone who is not a man gets bothered by the world and women telling bad things about a man.

Man is his own world,structure he knows and loves himself, gets all his needs met for himself independent of the world..

Alright. It is time for me to demonstrate what I mean. 

In you come with 'being bothered by criticism means that you're not a real man, you're a little boy'. 

Here's my deflection : I disagree. I think that someone who is a 'man' is grounded enough to know that it hurts when you're criticized. And knows how to protect himself. 

Edited August 5, 2023 by mr_engineer

[NoSelfSelf]

@mr_engineer Okay why you need to protect yourself, tell me a specific situation when that will happen it could be we dont understand eachother?

[mr_engineer]

Just now, NoSelfSelf said:

@mr_engineer Okay why you need to protect yourself, tell me a specific situation when that will happen it could be we dont understand eachother?

You approach a girl, she says 'Ew, you creep!' You have to find a way to invalidate that criticism immediately, or else it will weigh on you for years. 

This is the real point of social calibration. It's so that you know and understand the 'norms' of how things 'should work' so that morons can't sway you. 

[NoSelfSelf]

@mr_engineer Thats my point if you are a man you wont be bothered by that,since she is a stranger , you know what you doing and who you are..

If you are not a man her rejection defines you who you are,she determines your worth as a man,thats why you bothered

Man wouldnt be bothered,he will either continue walking go talk to other girl,or say something like yes im creepy to girls but i love women and keep walking...

[mr_engineer]

3 minutes ago, NoSelfSelf said:

say something like yes im creepy to girls but i love women and keep walking...

What happens if the police stops you and tells you 'she said that you admitted to creeping on little girls'?! 

[NoSelfSelf]

@mr_engineer What if alien in that moment loses his self control and finally comes down to shake your hand?

Man does what he wants take risks, but if you think police will come to you because you were "creeping "on girls that means you either watched too many red pill, or you doing something messed up without realizing.

[mr_engineer]

@NoSelfSelf I mean, the chances of the police coming to you go up if you openly admit to being a 'creep' (whatever that means), right?! That is the mess-up, that you 'just own it'. Women have that luxury, of 'just owning the b-word' or something. Men don't. There are consequences for us. 

The only way to defend yourself is to deflect that criticism (maybe not out loud, but in your mind), thinking that 'she's really uptight, she's not in her feminine, I will not approach this type of girl in the future'. 

Edited August 5, 2023 by mr_engineer

[NoSelfSelf]

@mr_engineer I mean if that girl doesnt get the joke i made there,like you then she can call the cops ill be fine with that?

You do your thing like i said man does what he wants, if you want to deflect to save yourself fine, but i personally wont do that in that way, i spent too much time with a narcissist to do that...

If attacked defend ,but being bothered by her reactions and media people talking bad about men and getting bothered is a no go by every definition for a man..

 

[mr_engineer]

@NoSelfSelf My point is that when something like that happens, it becomes very tricky to prove yourself innocent. Mostly to others. 

The solution to that problem is to see whose fault it really is. Who is responsible for the police harassing you? Is it you or her? The answer is - it's her. Now that you know that, the solution becomes to see why she did that to you and to rectify the reason why you approached her to begin with. This you do by trauma-work or something along those lines. 

[mr_engineer]

And, there are too many pick-up rules that are just simp-rules, just catering to women's paranoia, just to protect yourself from this situation. Fine, maybe it is prudent to follow them. But, just understand who's really responsible for their existence. It's not your fault that you have to prove that 'you're safe' to a woman, that women are walking around paranoid all the time.

You are not a sex-offender. And when the world doesn't believe you, you have to deflect the shit that your enemies throw at you. 

[NoSelfSelf]

1 minute ago, mr_engineer said:

 not your fault that you have to prove that 'you're safe' to a woman, that women are walking around paranoid all the time.

 

Its fault of lack of men who wont be upfront with a woman from the start looking to manipulate her into a bedroom or what other real creepy things they do i dont want to know.

Name of the game is that she wont trust you in the beggining she has to protect herself if you cant understand it and deflect all your blame on her then ofcourse by that definition she wont feel safe around you.

[MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI]

@mr_engineer You were caught creeping on girls? Where is that coming from?

Edited August 5, 2023 by MAHAVATAR_-_BABAJI