turned down a chance to awaken..again

[patricknotstar]

Thrice  in my life before this fourth time I've had the opportunity to "awaken" . Now I could be wrong and experiencing something else but it goes something like this. I'm laying awake in my car, another time in my bed and there is a sudden rush of clarity. As if all the air has been sucked from the room or someone with poor vision putting on new glasses and everything coming to focus. 

I then start heading towards a metaphorical gate, a threshold so to speak . The closer I get the more my identity disssolves. When I reach the edge of no return,  I know with absolute certainty if I "walk" through it that I will die. My body also begins to vibrate very fast as if I'm laying on 100 of those back massager things but there frequency is cranked 1000X.  It feels very real and physical, not some subjective feeling but that I'm literally vibrating

The closer I get the more my notion of reality as I understand it melts, notions such as "other humans around me are conscious" , "the space I'm in is located somewhere in a physical universe." This occurs under the influence of zero drugs, in fact I've never done psychedelics before and it occurs randomly. 

 

I don't know if what I'm experiencing is a glimpse at awakening or something else. Anyways then I get very scared and always back away and decide to go back to reality as I know it. My brain makes rationalizations like "I'd rather live knowing my family and gf is real and be happy than face having to know I am all alone" .

Has anyone else experienced something similiar?

[integral]

3 hours ago, patricknotstar said:

Has anyone else experienced something similiar?

I have, it happened 3-4 times in dreams across my life. Im looking at something mundane then i realize with 100% clarity that what im looking at is not what i thought it was, it and everything i know gets re-contextualized to something I cant understand and have no reference or ground to understand it, I loss all ability to understand or recognize anything. There is a huge panic and i run to the nearest person for help hoping they can save me (like a child running to there mother for help, OMG MAMA!). Then I wake up in bed. 

Ive also experience insane vibration states on LSD as you describe.

Non of these things do i understand lol.

---

The title is misleading, you are getting valuable insights about the nature of reality with these experiences. Maybe contemplate and integrate them.

Edited August 3, 2023 by integral

[Hojo]

@integral I've had the same type of dream there is a man and he said we are going to awaken now are you ready and im like ok. Then everything starts twirling i see spirals and zig zags like a loading screen and I'm like nope let's stop this. Another time I tried to re go back to the void the way I went in. I drink 17 beer and just sat on the kitchen floor taking bong hit after bong hit. Probably 6 in a row and i get this feeling like we are going there right now are you ready to surrender and i backed out again.

I have a fear of the void that I must overcome. 

Edited August 3, 2023 by Hojo

[integral]

14 minutes ago, Hojo said:

I have a fear of the void that I must overcome. 

I have that same fear but its getting easier the more i experiment with psychedelics. I think its a matter of consistence practice but as ive not overcome it yet I really have no idea, maybe someone else can give some insights into this. 

[Hojo]

@integral i think its a fear of losing all logic without it you disappear. and all logic is is a loop of nothing pointing to nothing very weird. A fear of losing nothing. How will you control yourself if you are nothing. How will you ever communicate if you are nothing. shit like that

Edited August 3, 2023 by Hojo

[Razard86]

11 hours ago, patricknotstar said:

Thrice  in my life before this fourth time I've had the opportunity to "awaken" . Now I could be wrong and experiencing something else but it goes something like this. I'm laying awake in my car, another time in my bed and there is a sudden rush of clarity. As if all the air has been sucked from the room or someone with poor vision putting on new glasses and everything coming to focus. 

I then start heading towards a metaphorical gate, a threshold so to speak . The closer I get the more my identity disssolves. When I reach the edge of no return,  I know with absolute certainty if I "walk" through it that I will die. My body also begins to vibrate very fast as if I'm laying on 100 of those back massager things but there frequency is cranked 1000X.  It feels very real and physical, not some subjective feeling but that I'm literally vibrating

The closer I get the more my notion of reality as I understand it melts, notions such as "other humans around me are conscious" , "the space I'm in is located somewhere in a physical universe." This occurs under the influence of zero drugs, in fact I've never done psychedelics before and it occurs randomly. 

 

I don't know if what I'm experiencing is a glimpse at awakening or something else. Anyways then I get very scared and always back away and decide to go back to reality as I know it. My brain makes rationalizations like "I'd rather live knowing my family and gf is real and be happy than face having to know I am all alone" .

Has anyone else experienced something similiar?

You experience being all alone already. If you go in your room you are alone. When you get into arguments with others and feel misunderstood you experience being alone. To be alone is to feel disconnected. This is why many have said I was in a crowd and felt alone. Or why many have said on long-term relationships they feel ALONE in the relationship.

So you are just brainwashing yourself into predicting what the experience is going to be like as a defense mechanism. It's fine you don't have to go through with it, just know your mind has an infinite capacity to predict what might happen, just know ....it is often motivated by fear. Fear is the greatest obstacle to you discovering the truth of what you are.

Is it worth it? Absolutely. Is the journey terrifying as all hell, ABSOLUTELY. So ask yourself...do you wanna find out now or at the end of your mortal body's existence. Because you will face yourself eventually. 

[OBEler]

@patricknotstar watch leo's Video about how awakening feels like. He describes the beginning with the exact same words as you (air gets sucked out of the room, everything is crystal clear).

 

[OBEler]

@Razard86 why is it worth recognizing that your girlfriend isnt real and you are all alone? 

Or are these insights derived of something much bigger which makes it absolutely worth? 

Edited August 3, 2023 by OBEler

[BlueOak]

Your probably just training yourself for the moment. Everyone gets another go before they incarnate again, your choice. No rush, that choice comes for everyone, and you might as well enjoy the time here for now.

I once heard someone say, being small, and being big were precursors. Being infinite is just another state. I had a few where it felt like there was more but the experience stopped before I reached it. When it happens you'll just be without any sense of time or space and that will be okay. Then you'll be here again, in this state of mind.

After that I don't know what my next one is, I had no resistance at all when I became big enough to be without form or sense of dimension. I just was. Maybe connecting infinite love to that state mentally, as i've only had both experiences separately. That could be it. Good luck to you anyway, many happy experiences.

[Rafael Thundercat]

Survival is strong

[Jowblob]

@patricknotstar @OBEler

 

On 300ug lsd, i had an experience of air getting sucked out. Then suddenly i could feel my heart beating and i close my eyes, my heart was fully under my consciousness control. I decided to stop it and i got sent into void.

Even though i had this experience i still feel it was under somebodies else control like my higher self. Like god is researching himself through me of smth like that.

[Carl-Richard]

On 3.8.2023 at 0:03 AM, patricknotstar said:

I don't know if what I'm experiencing is a glimpse at awakening or something else. Anyways then I get very scared and always back away and decide to go back to reality as I know it. My brain makes rationalizations like "I'd rather live knowing my family and gf is real and be happy than face having to know I am all alone" .

Has anyone else experienced something similiar?

Every day since March 10th, 2020.

 

Edited August 4, 2023 by Carl-Richard

[UnbornTao]

Smells to intellect. It likely is a change of state, perhaps precipitated by beliefs.

Consciousness is joyful and freeing.

Edited August 4, 2023 by UnbornTao

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, UnbornTao said:

Consciousness is joyful and freeing.

Consciousness is ruthless and unforgiving.

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, UnbornTao said:

Smells like a lot of intellect was involved. It likely is a change of state precipitated by beliefs.

It sounds like an awakening experience with the ego resisting it and retrospectively trying to make sense of it through his intellect.

[UnbornTao]

1 hour ago, Carl-Richard said:

Consciousness is ruthless and unforgiving.

No, it's always positive. If there's fear more consciousness is needed. Enlightenment has a freeing and joyful effect on the mind. I wouldn't apply "ruthless and unforgiving as characteristics of it.

1 hour ago, Carl-Richard said:

It sounds like an awakening experience with the ego resisting it and retrospectively trying to make sense of it through his intellect.

A lot of description about what happened in the perceptive field, conclusions about what the experience might entail, and ambivalence about what consciousness was achieved. Again I hear some intellect there and little clarity. This type of things are always tricky to discern.

 

Sounds like it might have been a change in state, maybe an insight. I remember me having one about my self not being me. I thought t might have been an enlightenment but was likely an insight.

@patricknotstar what are you conscious of now that you weren't of before?

Edited August 4, 2023 by UnbornTao

[Carl-Richard]

50 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

No, it's always positive. If there's fear more consciousness is needed. Enlightenment has a freeing and joyful effect on the mind. I wouldn't apply "ruthless and unforgiving as characteristics of it.

Enlightenment definitely has a clear positive effect, but awakening experiences (and the general territory leading up to enlightenment) are riddled with egoic projections and distortions.

 

50 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

A lot of description about what happened in the perceptive field, conclusions about what the experience might entail, and ambivalence about what consciousness was achieved. Again I hear some intellect there and little clarity. This type of things are always tricky to discern.

Sounds like it might have been a change in state, maybe an insight. I remember me having one about my self not being me. I thought t might have been an enlightenment but was likely an insight.

Feeling like you're dying I wouldn't merely classify as a "change in state". It's the ego realizing it's coming to an end and singing its final death song before giving up its illusory existence.

Edited August 4, 2023 by Carl-Richard

[Yimpa]

9 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Feeling like you're dying I wouldn't merely classify as a "change in state". It's the ego realizing it's coming to an end and singing its final death song before giving up its illusory existence.

Sounds to me like a vivid dream out of an infinite amount of dreams that GOD can dream.

And I’ve had that dream several times before. Interestingly, it can be terrifying or beautiful, yet it’s the same experience. Strange, huh?

[UnbornTao]

16 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Enlightenment definitely has a clear positive effect, but awakening experiences (and the general territory leading up to enlightenment) are riddled with egoic projections and distortions.

Even after awakening experiences there's the possibility for confusion. Enlightenment isn't a result. What territory?

16 hours ago, Carl-Richard said:

Feeling like you're dying I wouldn't merely classify as a "change in state". It's the ego realizing it's coming to an end and singing its final death song before giving up its illusory existence.

You've just said it. It's a feeling. Feeling one with the universe is also a state albeit a positive one in this case. You're still holding this as a process, whereas such experience would entail direct consciousness. Again such things have negative connotations which makes me think it wasn't an enlightenment experience. 

The key is what is one conscious of, regardless of state, even if it's blissful?

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, UnbornTao said:

Even after awakening experiences there's the possibility for confusion. Enlightenment isn't a result. What territory?

The territory of the spiritual process looks something like this:

Discovering spirituality -> doing some practices -> seeing smaller changes -> more practice -> glimpses of the truth but returning to egoic identification ("awakening experiences") -> even more practice -> bigger glimpses of truth and shattering of preconceived notions of enlightenment -> alternative 1. letting go into the truth, alt. 2. run into a wall of resistance or fear, alt. 3. getting attached to the practices and creating an identification around that -> become enlightened, or get stuck in a "dark night of the soul" for a while, or get stuck in a spiritual ego -> more practice or shattering of preconceived notions, etc.

I think OP took the alternative 2. route like me and is stuck in the dark night of the soul territory.

 

1 hour ago, UnbornTao said:

You've just said it. It's a feeling. Feeling one with the universe is also a state albeit a positive one in this case. You're still holding this as a process, whereas such experience would entail direct consciousness. Again such things have negative connotations which makes me think it wasn't an enlightenment experience. 

The key is what is one conscious of, regardless of state, even if it's blissful?

There is the person doing things that is associated with spirituality (meditation and such) which has a certain progression to it, and that is what I refer to as a process. However, the realization of direct consciousness itself is not something that you can easily map as a process, as it's too individual and complex.

Edited August 5, 2023 by Carl-Richard