2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back

[OhHiMark]

My Life at the moment isn't going great, I'm not sticking the routines and in some cases I'm sacrificing short term pleasure for long term pain (ok that one's a bit dramatic) but one thing I've noticed, for maybe the first time in my Life is there's a change.  I'm still getting frustrated at the same things, I'm still procrastinating when I should be learning and I'm still spending money I cannot afford to spend.

But there's a change, I feel more in control but not in a conscious way, I'm able to be mindful in stressful situations and see them for what they are. I'm able see the difference more clearly between feeling negative and positive and that I have a choice.

I've been telling myself "I have a choice" in every situation and it helps. No longer am I falling into a pit of anger and dispair, because I have the choice to feel like shit or to not feel like shit.

I was having a bad day at work today and wasn't able to sit in my preferred spot, for 10 seconds I was annoyed but then told myself "I have a choice" and it worked.

I always have a choice, 1 year ago I didn't have that choice and would latch onto any emotion I could and be taken along for the ride.

Something's different and it feels good, it feels like my Life isn't improving because something external has happened in my Life, it feels like all the reading, listening, meditating and wanting to grow have improved my Life by 1%, and I'm able to feel this 1%, it's not obvious but it's there and it's lingering, bad mood or good mood it's there and that's all the motivation I need.

Edited March 23, 2017 by OhHiMark

[Shin]

You got the most powerful ability that a human being can have,

Whatever happens, you'll be able to get through now

[alyra]

sometimes when you want to turn right you gotta turn left a few times instead. 

[Salaam]

@OhHiMark

Awesome man. I remember going through a similar thing, many years ago. Constantly touching on the fact that I have a choice, making sure with every action I exercised my volition that much more and connected  that much deeper.

It creates meaning and meaning is food for your soul.

There was a book I had with me during that period which was a great inspiration and companion to the feeling of "I always have a choice". I highly recommend it. It will help reinforce what you're trying to build for yourself and provide a contrast to your own struggles, with the horrors he had to endure.

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.

Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl's memoir has riveted generations of readers with its descriptions of life in Nazi death camps and its lessons for spiritual survival. Between 1942 and 1945 Frankl labored in four different camps, including Auschwitz, while his parents, brother, and pregnant wife perished. Based on his own experience and the experiences of others he treated later in his practice, Frankl argues that we cannot avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with renewed purpose. Frankl's theory-known as logotherapy, from the Greek word logos ("meaning")-holds that our primary drive in life is not pleasure, as Freud maintained, but the discovery and pursuit of what we personally find meaningful.

https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X

[OhHiMark]

On 24/03/2017 at 5:41 PM, Salaam said:

@OhHiMark

Awesome man. I remember going through a similar thing, many years ago. Constantly touching on the fact that I have a choice, making sure with every action I exercised my volition that much more and connected  that much deeper.

It creates meaning and meaning is food for your soul.

There was a book I had with me during that period which was a great inspiration and companion to the feeling of "I always have a choice". I highly recommend it. It will help reinforce what you're trying to build for yourself and provide a contrast to your own struggles, with the horrors he had to endure.

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.

Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl's memoir has riveted generations of readers with its descriptions of life in Nazi death camps and its lessons for spiritual survival. Between 1942 and 1945 Frankl labored in four different camps, including Auschwitz, while his parents, brother, and pregnant wife perished. Based on his own experience and the experiences of others he treated later in his practice, Frankl argues that we cannot avoid suffering but we can choose how to cope with it, find meaning in it, and move forward with renewed purpose. Frankl's theory-known as logotherapy, from the Greek word logos ("meaning")-holds that our primary drive in life is not pleasure, as Freud maintained, but the discovery and pursuit of what we personally find meaningful.

https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X

Great stuff, I was reading about Viktor Frankl funnily enough in "habits of highly successful people" (glad I wasn't put off by the title, not what I imagined it to be) And his story is a perfect example of "I have a choice" The more books I'm reading, the more there's a pattern and underlying message of "having a choice"

No longer do I have the ability to fall into a deep self suffering, "Having a choice" overrides it. A part of me is sad (the threatened ego) that I can no longer embrace feeling sorry for myself (it used to feel good) but there's no going back now.

 

Edited March 25, 2017 by OhHiMark

[ctro]

Get used to this, this is how it will always be. Personal development is inherently a messy endeavor. You will backslide on habits that used to be easy. You will try to take shortcuts and fail. You will cheat on your diet. You will skip the gym to sleep in. I think the challenge is in minimizing these 'backslides' but more importantly not beating yourself up over them.

[Salaam]

On 3/25/2017 at 5:34 PM, OhHiMark said:

Great stuff, I was reading about Viktor Frankl funnily enough in "habits of highly successful people" (glad I wasn't put off by the title, not what I imagined it to be) And his story is a perfect example of "I have a choice" The more books I'm reading, the more there's a pattern and underlying message of "having a choice"

No longer do I have the ability to fall into a deep self suffering, "Having a choice" overrides it. A part of me is sad (the threatened ego) that I can no longer embrace feeling sorry for myself (it used to feel good) but there's no going back now.

 

Yea, we have access to a lot of different feelings and different combinations of feelings, but just like food, some flavors aren't the healthiest choices to make over and over again. The comfort found in surrendering self-responsibility and going back to the status of a victim is one of those things. It may give short-term comfort but the long term effect after that initial burst isn't worth the indulgence.

I rarely ever feel sorry for myself or like a victim or even have trains of thought or bodily responses associated with such a choice, because I exercise my volition and choose and have done so for many years.  See... making a choice is an inherently self-empowering act no matter how small or how seemingly hopeless the choice. And Frankl showed how important and precious to staying alive, protecting that small ember of self-empowerment was in the worst of places. We can do the same, and after many years those actions reach down deep into our subconscious and take root as our default or automatic state.

Eventually, if successful, what happens is the two steps forward, one step back pattern changes or flip-flops from a negative thing to a mostly positive thing. What I mean by that, is eventually you'll cross the line into abundance and the pattern will for the majority be two steps forward into an amazing euphoric experience, and one step-backward afterwards as you "calm" down into happiness and meaning. So instead of feeling like your sliding back into hell or shit, you touch incredible or joyous, and then slide back into feeling normal, but pretty damn good for normal