Need advice on dating situation

[manuel bon]

Hello people!

I have a situation I have never been in before, and I need some advice, but first, you should know some background, so you can try to understand what is going on in my head.

I had one relationship that lasted more or less six years and after that fell deeply in love with another girl who didn't like me back as much, and it never worked out. I never really tried pick-up (I'm quite shy, and not confident - even tho in the last year I understood that I should not care about what people think of me, I still struggle with that a little bit), therefore I don't know how flirting works, I prefer serious talks and deep connection.

But how can serious talks work if I want to have some experience and not focus so much on serious relationships? 

Another thing you have to know about me: I am picky when it comes to how a girl looks. If I am not physically attracted I will not even think of something with her.

So here comes the situation: yesterday I started texting with a girl I matched with on Tinder (btw it's the first time I have an actual conversation on a dating app), and we have been texting quite a lot, IMO (of course no flirting, just normal conversations). In her profile pictures, it is not really possible to see her face; but now we exchanged phone numbers, and on her Whatsapp profile pic I see her, and I am not attracted to her. 

Now, I don't know what to do. I want to have some experience, but I don't want to force myself and do things with someone I am not attracted to; and most importantly, I REALLY don't want to use her (or any other girl) just to satisfy my needs.

Also, you guys have to understand that I am not deliberately picky, it comes from the inside, even though I know that I should never judge a book by its cover, and a person by how they look. But it is also true that I don't feel like kissing or having intimate contact with someone I don't like.

I know I overthink a lot, but I don't want to hurt anyone, I want to have experience, but still be respectful. It's just that the last time I had sex, or even only kissed someone, was two years ago, and now I would like to do something, you know.

Do you have any advice on the situation with this girl?

Thank you for reading my post, I sincerely appreciate it.

Send you love!

[Raze]

Just friendzone her 

[NoSelfSelf]

Leave her alone 

[integral]

On 8/1/2023 at 5:08 PM, manuel bon said:

So here comes the situation: yesterday I started texting with a girl I matched with on Tinder (btw it's the first time I have an actual conversation on a dating app), and we have been texting quite a lot, IMO (of course no flirting, just normal conversations). In her profile pictures, it is not really possible to see her face; but now we exchanged phone numbers, and on her Whatsapp profile pic I see her, and I am not attracted to her. 

Now, I don't know what to do. I want to have some experience, but I don't want to force myself and do things with someone I am not attracted to; and most importantly, I REALLY don't want to use her (or any other girl) just to satisfy my needs.

Are you guys compatible other then the physical attraction issue? 

[Roy]

If you genuinely enjoy talking to her, but don't find her attractive or want to sleep with her, just continue talking and confess you'd like to be friends if she asks why you haven't made a move.

Otherwise your only choice is to simply say, "I don't think we're a good match" and stop talking to her. But that gets harder to say the longer you drag it on and will hurt it more.

[manuel bon]

3 hours ago, integral said:

Are you guys compatible other then the physical attraction issue? 

We're just getting to know each other, but for now I enjoy talking to her, and I see that for some things we are similar. I believe that I will continue having contact with her as @Roy said. 

I will see if getting to know her can make me loosen up a bit, and not be so picky when it comes to girl's beauty.

[Roy]

1 minute ago, manuel bon said:

I will see if getting to know her can make me loosen up a bit, and not be so picky when it comes to girl's beauty.

I'm gonna put this bluntly because I don't like to waste peoples time. Look, she either makes your dick hard or she doesn't. Getting to know her more is only going to do so much. It would be a disservice to yourself and disrespectful to her to start a relationship when you're feeling, "you're not really that beautiful to me, but I'm going to fuck you anyways because I like your company."

Relationships should be reserved to those who check all the fundamental boxes. You shouldn't have to force things.

If relationships were cars, physical attraction would be like the transmission I guess. It's fundamental. Sure you could putter along for a while in lower gears, but it will always be a problem.

[manuel bon]

32 minutes ago, Roy said:

Relationships should be reserved those who check all the fundamental boxes. You shouldn't have to force things.

Of course, I agree; but I never said I want a relationship.

On 8/1/2023 at 11:08 PM, manuel bon said:

I want to have some experience, but I don't want to force myself and do things with someone I am not attracted to; and most importantly, I REALLY don't want to use her (or any other girl) just to satisfy my needs.

[Buck Edwards]

Long term these sort of semi relationships only lead to more harm and sorrow. Create something dependable and concrete. Hurting others is worse than leaving others.