how to fix my state?

[at_anchor]

Hi, I am interested in ways we can improve our minds with diet and exercise or if we have schisophrenia or severe ADHD or some of us are just so stupid we can't sit down and put a puzzle together while others don't have that problem amd also have patience, which you cannot have if you suffer from some kind of an mental illness,or are well so traumatized and hurt deep inside that you lose your ability to read and even close your eyes while laying down and just relax (yes I lost my ability to relax so much that I can only close my eyes and sleep after enough tiredness sets in). Let's not even talk about meditation if the mind is so fucking screwed up it just cannot sit down and be still, the body as well. This was not thecase a couole of months ago. I was able to be still and relax a bit too. 

I know no one can help, but I am leaving stuff like books, money and resources I get here behind and it impacts other lives, helps others, so let's leave more amazing stuff behind. Maybe it pays off in another life, maybe not. I wish I left it to the right people though, but I left stuff in the wrong hands.

 

Also, not related to this topic, I fear men and am angry at them. Women do stuff to me too. What is my problem? I guess I still wish I could die, euthanasia is still my desire, just so you know.

Tomorrow I am going to deal with money, little money not worth anything I feel silly. Euthanasia, if people are so dysfunctional or as I would say it, obviously so fucking evil, they won't ever let me be happy on Earth, then yeah, what? I can't live and work and be happy.

 

Let's just say I have a junk food addiction stemming somewhere from the four Cs: Craving it, Loss of Control or frequency of use, Compulsion (pressure by others) and use despite Consequences...

Thank you for your time fellow readers, most of you. Some would be happy to be with me you know, as low as I am comoared to you, there are people having it even worse than me that need help on this planet. Good luck in finding them and saving a life.

[Salvijus]

26 minutes ago, at_anchor said:

, I am interested in ways we can improve our minds with diet and exercise

Brooooo, that's exacly why I reccomended online ayurveda consultation. 

Why not give it a try? You have nothing to lose anyways. You'd get proper treatment. 

https://liveayurprana.com/pages/offerings

 

Edited August 1, 2023 by Salvijus

[at_anchor]

19 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

Brooooo, that's exacly why I reccomended online ayurveda consultation. 

Why not give it a try? You have nothing to lose anyways. You'd get proper treatment. 

https://liveayurprana.com/pages/offerings

 

Sorry, I won't go do that. I have fears I can't just share my email with them and stuff.

[at_anchor]

@Salvijus Do you know a lot about Hinduism?

If yes, I want to ask questions about it like...

Why is the Cow sacred animal you cannot eat or you willget bad Karma? Does drinking cows milk get you more bad Karma than eating other animals?

Does heaven and hell exist in Hinduism? 

What is Hinduism about? 

How does one try to go about creating good Karma? 

Who do you pray to in Hinduism?

Does this prayer work?

 

I don't know what else to ask for now. 

[Raze]

get ifs therapy 

try unified mindfulness 

[Salvijus]

58 minutes ago, at_anchor said:

I have fears I can't just share my email with them and stuff.

? that's an odd reason lol. 

But it's okey, part of me knew you wouldn't do it anyways. I just sometimes like throwing the suggestion in people's face regardless ?

50 minutes ago, at_anchor said:

Do you know a lot about Hinduism?

Not really but I think I know an answer to some of the questions.

50 minutes ago, at_anchor said:

Why is the Cow sacred animal you cannot eat or you willget bad Karma?

Because eating a cow is like eating a dog. A cow is more sophisticated and evolved emotionally then a dog. A cow can even shed tears for you in the moment of sadness and grief. So usually they have close relationships with a cow like weaterners have a close relationship with a dog. You wouldn't take care of your dog every day and then decide to eat it right? So it's like that.

50 minutes ago, at_anchor said:

Does drinking cows milk get you more bad Karma than eating other animals?

As far as I know, drinking cows milk is perfectly okey in terms of karma.

50 minutes ago, at_anchor said:

Does heaven and hell exist in Hinduism? 

Yes, many layers of Heaven and hell 33layers or so. We are in the 5th layer right. There're 4 levels that could get worse, and 28 levels that could get better. Some levels have a physical body existence, some are in etherial astral body, and some are totally formless levels of existence.

50 minutes ago, at_anchor said:

How does one try to go about creating good Karma? 

I'll edit something here...

50 minutes ago, at_anchor said:

What is Hinduism about?

Exploration of human conciousness, human potential and mysteries of life and beyond would perhaps be an answer in a nutshell.

50 minutes ago, at_anchor said:

Who do you pray to in Hinduism?

Does this prayer work?

Mmm, I actually pray in the original Christed way. Of invoking devine Light of glory and joy and basking in it.

In Hinduism I think they have their own rituals, with specific mantras and offerings attached to them. Working and invoking different kind of energies is quite fun. It's definitely a real thing in my experience without a shadow of a doubt but... it takes a lot of time and development for this to become true for a normal person. Untill then it's just blind faith. But it still works.

Edited August 1, 2023 by Salvijus

[Salvijus]

52 minutes ago, at_anchor said:

How does one try to go about creating good Karma?

Life is a reflection of our inner environment. When we are messed up inside, usually the room we live in also becomes messed up, and people forget to take showers, and then all kind of bad habits begin to grow like weeds. And then these bad habits get us in trouble, health trouble, relationship trouble, mental health trouble etc. 

Same way, when our inner environment is clean, pure and harmonious. Then the people we hang out, the environment we live, the situations we attract to ourselves, everything begins to reflect that inner peace. 

So you change your life by changing inside first really. And for that you need some spiritual path. Some basic instructions how to do at least 5mins of meditation or prayer or something like that.

Edited August 1, 2023 by Salvijus

[Salvijus]

21 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

Yes, many layers of Heaven and hell 33layers or so. We are in the 5th layer right. There're 4 levels that could get worse, and 28 levels that could get better. Some levels have a physical body existence, some are in etherial astral body, and some are totally formless levels of existence.

It depends on your level of development in this life where you will go next. A dense, depressed, full of contractions and fears ego is a heavy ego so naturally it sinks low into the bottom of the ocean. The lighter the ego, the purier your mind is, the more you get rid of selfishness, anger, ill-will the lighter u get and the more you float up to the surface. Once ego is fully eradicated, you float above the ocean in total freedom. Methaphorically speaking. And literally.

So depending on your weight, you end up in a particular altitude.

Edited August 1, 2023 by Salvijus

[at_anchor]

@Salvijus Thank you for this...

So no eating of cows meat. 

How do you pray to Shiva and Brahma? Just some simple three ways.

Do they forgive or is Karma just like the law of gravity? I ate some cow meat after being really suicidal because you know, life didn't go as well as it should have for me. Marxism would be a better form of spirituality for me, but it is probably also wrong.

So if we are in the fifth realm and there are four more below us and 28 above, that makes me scared a bit and wanting to stay alive as long as I can to improve my ego. Is there a way to escape those hell realms fast? 

How can I be good if that is just to respect a fear based religion with a God that has layed down wisdom I should know and follow,but I don't know enough yet? 

Will asking questions create bad Karma if I can't give nothing in return?

5 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Exploration of human conciousness, human potential and mysteries of life and beyond would perhaps be an answer in a nutshell.

I'm interested in that, but my body is not fit for it unfortunately, neither is my mind. I just want to create a better Karma for another life if that is possible. How can a God that created all the bad stuff that got me where I am today say that I'm bad for whatever and then judge me and take me to hell for nothing?

5 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Some basic instructions how to do at least 5mins of meditation or prayer or something like that.

I just need to turn on an alarm, sit in nature where it is quiet and so forth and do it cross legged. Yes? 

For me the problem is that I can't stay still anymore and I feel so afraid and unhappy or something.

5 hours ago, Salvijus said:

As far as I know, drinking cows milk is perfectly okey in terms of karma.

Great. What are the commandments in Hinduism? Thous shalt not...? What? Eat pork? Eat chicken or fish? Lie? What? What if I know bad ppl who actually have it good around them?

5 hours ago, Salvijus said:

Because eating a cow is like eating a dog. A cow is more sophisticated and evolved emotionally then a dog. A cow can even shed tears for you in the moment of sadness and grief. So usually they have close relationships with a cow like weaterners have a close relationship with a dog

I like this explanation. What meat is okay to eat?

 

 

Anyway, I don't want to go to hell. How do I know where do I stand in terms of Karma? Does Karma forgive the ignorant and so forth or is it just unfair or something?

[at_anchor]

Severe ADHD doesn't let me lay down and close my eyes without disturbance. I don't know what made this, but two months ago I was able to lay down and close my eyes without any problem. Now I even have difficulty falling asleep and no one will believe that I didn't have a problem with this before, but okay...

Sorry for disturbing your peace here once again. I have patience problems and concentration and relaxation problems and diet and health and brain issues now so...

Shiva and Brahma sorry for eating some of that cow sausage! I hope I won't go to hell. If I am, Americans will too. It will be just me and them over there, lol. American hell.

[at_anchor]

@Salvijus Can you get euthanasia and then reincarnate stronger than ever to basically fight your enemies as a spirit or as a real human because they made sure you die and suffer so much out of selfishness and out of something related to ego?

I just wanted a nice small home with freedom to travel and stuff, but they made me bleed out so much I can't live happily ever after. I think revenge is motivating enough for me to get myself euthanized.

[at_anchor]

I just wish I never met some people in my life, but it appears it had to be.

[at_anchor]

I can't concentrate on a jigsaw puzzle and I get annoyed or quit real fast. It makes me feel stupid compared to this person who can do it. It makes me think I'm crazy and lost. I wonder would I have been able to solve it two three months ago. It wasn't there then.

[at_anchor]

Life can barely get worse than this. It is really bad. I'm kind of wishing I could escape the pain.

[at_anchor]

The day was not that bad at first. I realized that I can calm down in a group of people that is good, or at least pretend to be cakned down a bit. But I am so unhappy and trying to fill the void inside. The void or remove the pain of life. Sorry for abusing this thread like it is my emotional journal. I'm here, all alone, filled with junk food, feeling incredibly bad.

[at_anchor]

What is wrong with me? Sleep and food and exercise? What else is causing me trouble? 

Wtf. I will go insane i will be like a real crazy person. Life is so bad, many people proved to be selfish and egotistical.

[at_anchor]

Worst part is that I have no way to die in life. That portal to death is now closed to me for good. The sea is not available anymore.

[at_anchor]

Oh, but of course, she never loved me. It was just pretense. An act. She never cared about me. I was never important to her. Okay. Left me alone here so that she can abandon me in a nice way so I appear worse off and after reading all she read that I wrote and doing this to me, it is really bad.

[at_anchor]

It is this drug that i am taking that is making me unable to sleep and meditate and even listen to an audiobook old testament for an hour laying down and pacing up amd down the room. Nothing works anymore. I don't want to be forced to take these drugs and to lose the little freedom I have, cause it is really almost no freedom.

[at_anchor]

I just want to post my goals here and say that I will never be able to achieve this in my current life because it played out horrible. I am being treated like a sick and worthless bitch that should shut up and obey and eat shit they crap out for me. My masters are disgusting and I have no freedom and safety from them, I'll lose even more.

I feel sad that I will not live like this...

• Meditate for an hour a day.

• Hang out with a friend every week for the rest of your life.

• Eat healthy every day and not "junk food" for the rest of your life.

• Running and "Street Workout" every day for the rest of my life.

• Read 300 books and extract quotes in a notebook. Read an hour a day for the rest of your life.

• Travel

I also wanted to learn German and move there instead of Italy, but it is harder now I guess. I want to say to someone here reading that reminds me of me to not hesitate once you realize you need to move countries or homes. Do it before it is too late and you lose everything in poverty and you get stuck in some even worse place in life.

So many people moved, I should have too. Now it is too late. Pulling me down like rats in a bucket.

I really wish I could have a healthy diet, exercise, and do other self improvement stuff. But I just have to let it go. All of it. One cannot be without the other and it is hard to put it all in place at once.

I'm trapped here. I don't want to be tortured as well. 

It is just a matter of time before I stop posting here because I don't have access to the internet anymore.

Edited August 3, 2023 by at_anchor